I tried to do it, to talk to you and not relive the past but... how does anyone do that? All I keep thinking about is the way we once were and how I want that back. The friend you once were to me. The person I always turned to and the lover I could never leave behind. Your smile is there in my mind right next to the beauty that we shared on that oddly chilly September night. I've never felt that with anyone else and it's a crying shame because I never will again. I'm not good enough for you now and I know that in my heart... But the best part is I know you still think about me and wish the same as me... it hurts to think that never again will we be.

Your eyes are like the ocean,
Vast, and pretty blue,
My eyes have one intention,
They’re only set on you,
I love you more than anything,
I know you feel the same,
The most beautiful girl in the world,
And she’s driving me insane,
I can’t even focus,
Can’t conjure up a phrase,
I could go on and on,
And talk of you for days,
Absolute perfection,
And every bit of my,
Love is summed up in four letters,
J-o-d-i

if the curves of my stomach offend
you
i suggest you get the
*******
   of
me
but when this rage comes you speak
so
sof
      t
ly
and wonder why i look at you
like you burned
me but
you don't understand how predecessors of your gender have treated me.
kind words have never been spoken to me
soberly or
without weight behind them
like bartering in a dark corner bed while everyone else sleeps
where i stop being a woman, an entity, and become an unfeeling orifice whose name has suddenly become
                                          baby
because a few kinds words were mumbled against the shell
of my ear
you don't understand
how hands have grabbed me in the dark
and how my own hands have grabbed
only out of desperation
to feel something
you don't understand how hard it is for you to touch me and
for me not to feel lightening hot repulsion
as i lay drunk, ready to sleep.
you don't understand how when people touch my hair
all i can feel are hands curling against my scalp
and the way cold-shaking hands curled around my dress
and the way fear has been etched into the lines of my brain like a map of the city i know so well
like that alley i can't walk down alone at night
or that part of lexington where men shout at me hungrily
or the way stranger's hands sometimes 'slip'
you will never understand the weight of my insecurity because no amount of sweetness you can pour onto me can replace the venom fed to me by the men before you
no matter how 'enough' i may be with you
you will never understand how 'enough' isn't tangible
how beautiful doesn't really feel like a compliment
and how much
i doubt you actually love me

My friends are always with me
in laughter and smiles
through tears and trials
over many, many miles.

My friends are always with me
even when we're apart.
Our times together join us at heart,
from beginning to end, back to the start.

My friends are always with me
despite harsh words and fights.
There is always darkness, but they remind me of light.
They alter my vision and broaden my sight.

My friends are always with me
even when new ones are made and old forgot,
they stay in passing memory and thought
like shadows of the days we once sought.

My friends are always with me
even if circumstance tears us away,
and we lose touch; our paths not allowing us to stay.
We remember the times from August to May.

My friends are always with me
long after I know them no more.
I remember them as they were and love them sure.
For no matter what, where, or when,
       my friends are my friends, now, and then.

I always end up in a state of self loathing,

but maybe it's worth it for those few minutes

of feeling like I could do anything I wished

We'll drive
Stare out the window
And sing
to each other
Eat terrible food
and laugh
with one another
Gallivant around antique shops
and dream
of life together.

We'll reach the final destination
throw our suitcases
on the bed of our
cheap motel
and kiss passionately
wherever.

Listen up, sweater.

   take good care of my love now

         when her joy is boundless, hop around like a fool and
         revel in the excitement of each crisp little sound

                and in the cold nights lay warm beside her, whether as
                pillow or cuddlee and be the soft whisper for hands to hold
                the mooring point for beautiful dreams

                       (you are hers while I'm away because
                             I am hers no matter where I go)

            and in that rustle of fabric, that cloth to smooth skin
            do speak my name
                                 and retain all our scents when we laughed in her
                                 arms so she'll smile and close her eyes and
                                 burrow into you

listen up, sweater.
               take good care of my love now

There are certain things I will take to my grave
Wishes, dreams and desires that noone will ever know
I would love to tell you them
You who makes me laugh and realize
Sometimes
I
Take
Life
Too Seriously
Maybe in another place or another time I would tell you
But in this lifetime, I'll keep them to myself