Take adderall and coffee until i am happy enough to forget
shakey hands
velvet crewnecks
i want to feel hollow.
addrerall, coffee broken dreams
i want to lay down and dissolve into everything,
taking more until i like me
i want everyone to like me.
i see you in the forgotten places,
and my hands shake more-
i miss you and i want to forget,
but now I’m just focused
i wonder how it’d be if you were here,
i want to know if my hands would shake less.
i want to run around the room until i find you,
your hands don’t shake and yr eyes are red
i like pills, they make you feel dead
you tell me to take xanax but my dealer says they’re overrated-
we’re getting
faded faded faded
your face blurs in with the motions.
but i still see you there.
you’re beautiful
even in between the ugly spaces
i reach out to touch you,
limbs shaking and i tell you i love you
eyes wide- drink more coffee, i don’t feel you anywhere
i still see you
i still see you.
but i can’t feel-
can’t feel-
can’t feel.
you make me number than i have ever felt.
more beautiful more poetic more-
and i miss you
and you’re suddenly fading in with everyone else and i can’t even see you anymore
but your voice is a whisper in my ear
i love you-
i ******* love you.
and your voice will forever haunt me.
you are the most beautiful girl in the world
and i am fleeting
i don’t want to touch anybody else
or shake for anybody else
or write poems about anybody else
faded into everything and blend in with the spaces…
i look for you everywhere.
and pills can’t fix it anymore.
i love you
i miss you
i shake for you.
i am toxic
i am cold
but when i think of you…
it fades.
i wonder if you see me when you trip,
am i dripping into your hands?
i am faded away from you too i think
all you see are the ugly parts of me
you’re too beautiful for me or anybody and i think you know it
too beautiful for me to even see or fathom anymore-
i still write love poems for you.
leave them in random spaces where i think i see a part of you
they tore down the old table i used to write you love poems on.
i love you
i love you
I’m sorry-
I’m sorry.

I'm wanna quit.!
    I'm going to quit everything that's bad for me.

I'm want to stop.
    I'm going to stop hurting.me

I'm about to let go.
    Let go of all those negative thoughts I put on myself

And someday Im gonna say good bye ,
Say goodbye to all my lies , I  tell to myself

And the day I no longer carry stress,and the burdens are of my chest

Is the day I become a better me.
I will have finally set myself free.

I implore you.

I will pick you apart into pieces so small they run past my fingers like spider silk but I will not make you speak.

I implore you.

I have stories and tales and thoughts and wonder balanced precariously on the tip of my tongue and if you were to merely speak...

I implore you.

I reach out with hands slathered in the most adhesive of glues and pray you won't notice how I bind myself to you but I hesitate because you will not speak.

I implore you.

I implore you.

Speak.

I'm mesmerized by you in the front seat of your car
And also the passenger side
Your fingers tapping on the steering wheel
Loving you in the left lane
But also in the right
At noon and midnight
In the quiet of a glance
Or in a crowded room
I can't comprehend your trance
I'm just worried it's too soon