This time of year is so tiring.
Acting all the time.
I get tired thinking about it.
Talking about work and school,
Dreams I shouldn't be following,
Ambitions I can't achieve.
"Have you started dating yet?"
"When are you going to college?"
No, but soon, I swear.
I don't know what I want to study.
Merry Christmas!
Christ was born in August and this celebration is a Hallmark rendition
Of a Pagan sun festival
(But I don't want to go to any ****** where my parents might be present, anyway).
Maybe I'll figure out a major I won't feel is wasted on me
Next year.
But what four years won't be wasted on an untimely suicide?

A lifetime of wrongs
Wrought by insensitive hands.
Grasping like prongs
And, well, as it stands,
I'm ******* ******.
There's nothing left but this.
All the chances, you missed.
So give my fist a kiss.
You're gonna bleed, you're gonna die
I'll burn your past, I'll skin you live,
Before you open that mouth and ask "why",
I don't care, take a ******* dive.
I can't stand you breathing
You made me mad, and don't you see?
It all ends, in a ****** wreathing.
And you bet your *** you'd better be scared of me.

Remember when you were young and dumb
And the world was new and big and beautiful and terrifying?
Remember when
You weren't embarrassed of being excited for small things?
Remember when
The flashes of things that can't be and thing that aren't
Were fairy gifts and magic being?
Remember when
You were so small, so very small
And you compressed yourself into corners and boxes
Much like you try to now.
Remember when
It was safe to tell people the things you saw
Because your imagination was healthy?

Fire licks at my heels
Blood, thick, black and brackish
Spills over my lips
The eyes of one thousand lost souls crown my head
My wings
Black eyes from an inhuman face
Watching
My sword, drawn, drags
I am monstrous
I am deadly
I am immense
I am celestial
I am godly.

Apathy is the stones waves of emotion cast you against
Until your body smashes open
Fills with saltwater
Heavy-wet lungs
Sting
Cold as the ocean

Bodies bend, break, sink in the tide.
Everlasting tides that pull
Drag those like us under the water.
The cuttlefish watch
Bubbles surface, blue water, red water.
Light from the failing sun burns on the sea,
Clouds forming acrobat troupes
Burning
red, gold, orange.
The water is calm and quiet
Beats the stones into eventual sands.
Silent waves wrap
Twist snakes of currents around ankles
Pull
Pull
Until they fall
Join the sea.
Water in lungs, swinging low in the chest
Chests opened by stones cut by the floods.
Chumming the water
Drowning
Lost at sea and revived as sirens.
Blood on the water burns in the light.
The reflections make seeing hurt,
Almost as much as watching the sun die.

Hazy half-light mornings interspersed with giddy sleep
Silent showers and quick grooming
Breakfast maybe, chores and work and walking in my slippers.
Afternoons tense with labor and stress
Broken up by slow-falling meditative mind rain
And usually Fall Out Boy in my ears.
Quickdark evenings.
No light.
Demons aren't occupied with being scared of being burned.
Staying up until god only knows and then some
Laying in the dark and feeling panic
Ice bones, fire veins, a noose around my throat
And not even in a **** way.
Shaking, teeth chatter, eyes roll, spin, turn, off the bed.
Sit on the floor. Lay down. Room's spinning.
Stumble to the dresser.
Grab the cure.
Illegal cure, no one knows anymore.
Dulled by use, old when taken, press harder.
Crimson bubbles, drips, rolls and stains.
Demons lap it up, whisper thanks, leave.
Sun comes up, lay in the half light.
Fall asleep giddy with pain.