It's ironic really,
How you like me because I don't want anything from you,
Yet all you do is take from me.

This life has taught me a lot about goodbyes
They either come now
Or later
In every I love you I'm silently letting go
So that when goodbye comes maybe it won't hurt as much as the first time I lost someone.
I can only try my best to live as unattached as I can
Because this numbness feels better
Than the pain I refuse to remember.

I said goodbye to happiness a long time ago in hopes
It would come back to me
But I've learnt
once you say goodbye to something
even if it comes back
It's never the same.

I thought I knew myself in the city but everything I knew turned out to be everything I hated
Now I'm just alone and a shell of who I used to be
Staring at the streetlights
Hoping they will guide me home

I replay that night more times than I'd like
I kiss you in my mind more times than I care to count
And all I'm left with at the end of the day
Is this pit in my stomach missing you
And the feeling I can't do anything about it
You're out of my control
And that is the most frustrating thing I've had to accept
That we could work out in an alternate world
The one where you would want to try
The one where you would love me
The one that isn't this one
The one that I'd rather

I'm in a race with myself and I'm not winning.

I really thought I was something more to you
That's all I'm ever chasing
More
I never seem to be enough.
I never seem to have the answers.
What is love?
Will I ever find it?