your smoke lingers on my clothes longer than you linger in my life,
and I cannot rinse, wash, and repeat the cleaning process
to rid the stain of you from my mind as I can the stench of your cigarettes.

the first time I met you I mixed the harsh colour of you
with my white dedicates -and now I wear a cloudy grey.
my eyes have been washed out so many times
they're a new shade of brown I've never seen before.

I can't tumble dry the stained marble of my eyes
and I can't fold my sanity as neatly as I can my shirt;
and I can't put you at the back of my closest until I forget you exist.

(NJ2014) (All Rights Reserved)

Her face is puffy and red, while painful tears stream down her sad face.
She cries out loudly, hoping someone will hear her silent screams.
So many voices going through her head,
telling her how better she would feel if she were dead.
She places her shaking hands over her ears, trying not to listen.
She yells out once again for help, yet no one comes to her rescue.
She then remains sitting there on her cold bathroom floor, while the clock ticks by.
Her body begins to shake uncontrollably, unable to stop it all.
Starting to realize that no one cares, feeling so alone and helpless.
She finally comes to the decision that there is only one thing left to do.
She brings her shaking hands together, closes her eyes and prays.
She speaks to god one last time and tells him this:

"Lord, I'm so tired and the pain inside doesn't want to go away.
I can no longer shed anymore tears, for my eyes hurt me really bad.
The voices in my head don't want to go away.
My heart aches so bad that it's become too unbearable for me.
No one loves me, no one cares, no one wants me, and no one can help me now.
I tried being the good girl everyone wanted, but it wasn't good enough.
All I wanted was for someone to love me God.
Was I asking too much?
I'm so sorry God but I have to end my suffering the only way I know how.
Please forgive me God for what I'm about to do."

She opens her eyes for the last time, and quickly grabs for the razor blade.
She forces the sharp blade against her wrist.
She starts slitting her veins, deeper and deeper into her flesh.
The dark blood pours out more and more onto the floor all over.
Feeling weaker and weaker, becoming more and more unconscious by the seconds,
the blade drops from her hand onto that cold floor, her final resting place.
Her cold body now collapses to the floor and she slowly begins to feel the pain fade away along with her soul, finally falling into an endless sleep.
She lays there dead, yet free of pain.
It is now quiet, no screams, no tears, no suffering, just utter silence.

When did I
Start preferring your lips
Over the air I breathe?

I escape.
A new world, a new name, a forgotten past,
Kissed by the wind and her fingers on my back,
I travel to solitude.
Whispers of the storm, cloud my mind,
and swirl my thoughts, and leave me blind, until
I am still.
I capture stars in my eyes as they dance in their abyss.
I know they are bound beauties that tease my heart with twinkling eyelashes,
I stare at the abyss in regret and it cries,
I could almost fall in her gaze.
“The Last”, I decide,
The time for bottles and lamps and the creatures that live within them is past,
My future is not with stars,
My tears form,
I feel the loving embrace of the wind
She knows my heart, yet is silent.
“Thank you”, escapes the tongue..

A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."

I take a glance,
at the scars on my wrists
they tell me,
it doesn't have to be like this
I want to talk,
to let it out
but nobody is there to listen,
even when I shout
depression is dark
so speak up
before it takes you away
and covers your mouth

She likes fashion and interviews. I like getting lost.
Sometimes she grabs my bulge,
as she drinks from an aluminum flask.
She told me to rhyme something with 'flask'.
I said, "Fine. In your life, you've been wearing a mask.
But I can see. And you can see. They can't see.
That you are a detached, blond doll
and your back is against the wall,
as I kiss your neck until you're dead."
She said to rhyme something with 'dead'.
I said, "Fine. You ******* in my head.
And it's quarrelsome
that they don't see that you're numb.
I'd pull on your lip, with my teeth.
Dig my hand between your legs.
Just to make you feel. Just to make you feel.
And I study your hairbrush
to see that there are too much
strands of memories from melodies
that lay dormant in ballrooms
and scented kisses
that drip of the misses
in your life and mine."
She said **** me with your words.
I refused because I'd rather watch her bloom
in my dreams than the seams of
a fiber noose that rings loose
the bell in your neck
that sounds until birds fly
and we die-
You look at me,
"Home."