You always use the back button
on your phone,
never the home button.
You’re scared of exiting something completely.
You’re scared of leaving things behind.
You’re scared that home will take you far away.
But home was never meant to be something
to run away from.
It isn’t the park down the street
where you played as a kid,
or the hardwood floor you collapse onto
when hours past midnight become
too much to handle.
It’s not the splintered wood and bent nails
that keep the four walls around you standing.
Home doesn’t have an address.
Home never had an address.
Home was always right here with you.
It’s always right here with you.
So when things become too much
and you feel too weak to push forward,
you will learn to push the home button,
and you will find me.
I will be home for you.
I will always be home for you.

I guess I'm just obsessed with listening to
sad music late at night.
Helps the tears come down.
Helps the thoughts to take over.
Helps me feel worse about myself.
-te

You waited until I was at my most vulnerable
And then just shut the door
And closed me out.

You waited, you *******
Until I had exposed myself in every possible way, to you,
Despite terror, despite doubts,
Despite insecurity, anxiety and guilt,
Despite resisting and denying and holding you at bay.
You waited until THAT MOMENT
And withdrew.

You could have chosen
A thousand and one better moments
I would have been fine.
I would have agreed, and even felt relief
But no,
You had to pick the pivotal painful point
Of you and me
And you had to choose SILENCE
You had to just STOP
Inviting paranoia
Self doubt, and all these tears.
These **** tears
I am sick of these tears.

It was the wrong moment.
Perhaps that's the whole point,
The wrong moment was the right moment,
Because this way, it really is the end.

The breeze greeted my face,
Though I rather it be him,
With a gentle touch.

He left me alone
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

A memory played
In my aching shattered heart
This memory played:

“I mustn’t do this”
But his body replied “Yes”
And we shared a kiss.

My hands on his face
And his on mine. We lost track
Of time as we kissed.

“I mustn’t do this”
But his heart and soul
Replied differently.

His shirt laid on the
Floor. Mine came right after his.
On the bed we kissed.

My fingers traveled,
His fingers traveled also.
Locking together.

Night fell upon us,
And we danced the night away.
Tangling the sheets.

Many days we spent
Holding onto each other.
During the summer.

Many nights we spent,
Finding places that sent chills
Throughout our bodies.

“I love you” He said
On that starry summer night.
“I love you” but then

He left me alone.
Without a proper good bye
Left me all alone.

Why? Was he afraid?
Afraid of what this could mean?
Afraid of this love?

His whispered words still
Linger inside my scarred soul.
Words that hurt my heart.

A blaze burning up
Any oxygen in me,
Taking it from me

Sadness replaces
All that was inside of me
Replaces him

Every memory
Every thought of him
Was fed to fire

I am left shattered,
With nothing besides what was
And what could have been.

He left me, left me
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

And the prettiest I've ever felt
was when you had me on the floor
begging for your hand to scold me
Your punishment was something I adored.
You tied me up in ribbons,
and marked my skin with shades of blue
and they reminded me of my shadow
because I'd imagined it to be that color, too.
I'd traded in flowers
for ropes and chains
and I'd submit myself to daily beatings
just to feel pain.
I knew, if I was good this time-
I'd get a kiss or two.
You call me princess when you're done with me
and send me to my room.
I often stare out of the window,
and wonder
why I do what I do
but love is a funny thing,
and you haven't a clue
You don't know how to love me
because you believe
no one has loved you
but oh,
I do.

*I do.

It's cold outside even though it's summer,
That's why I can put my ear to the ground and hear you humming,
You only hum when you're staring down,
Because that's the only time I can look at you without sweating,
Or shaking,
Seismic me,
And your quiet dynamite

if i wanted to have a sweet face
i would paint one
on.

but i want a face like a wolf.

so i slant my eyes with coal
and redden my lips
with blood.

I finally learned to love again
Because that's what I had to do

I may love many people throughout my life
But none as much as I loved you