Let the pain rain down on me
Let it hurt like falling from the tree
that we would talk from while we hunted
You were my idol but now im scared
You were my father but now your gone
Your a faded image
A miserable mirage

You arent the man i was born too
All you ever do
is make me want to hurt
You call me failure
You call me mistake
You call me all the things i already know

I tried to be positive
I tried to set an example
I tried, I tried, I tried,
But I always come up short
I always made an error

I was once bound to thinking you perfect
But now I am Free

If you read my poetry my love
For they are conquering bereavement
To bring you back, my words are arranging a court of river
To sail you on the court my pens are breaking down and turning into a boat….
For you my love, I have learned dangers have no shadow
If a tragedy closes a door, it also opens a new door
For a memory is lost by another memory
Though you will live in my poetry century after century……

is seemed the only reasonable option.

i wanted to crawl out of my skin
                   crawl out of my mind
                  and even the solace of  
a sleeping unconscious
rigidly refuses my pleas
defies me
like everything and everyone else.

hot water
candlelight
the aroma and feel
of lavender and eucalyptus oil
only pull me deeper
into sorrow and despair.

i. can't. do. this.

what next?
i already tried white russians
   a sleeping pill
        allergy medication
              "the privilege of the sword"
  
                i tried thinking hard
and not thinking at all

                     i try to steel myself again life
                 become hard
            uncaring
            i try not to give a ****.

but it's all pathetic attempts
      to go against my nature.
                              my nature dictates i cry
                         that i thrash against this
         that i reach out again and again
that i make an utter fool of myself.

i opened the window...maybe the air will help
(it won't.)

i'll put on music to soothe me
(it will do the opposite.)

i will disrobe
slather lotion on myself
i'll climb into my bed
with my stupid purple hair
and cry into my blankets
while sad music plays.

eventually you will find me asleep
among twisted blankets and tears
likely clutching a pillow
for dear life.

i will awake to find
nothing has changed
and use all my strength
to get out of bed.

i'll force myself back
to my desperate searching.
i'll vow not to make a fool of myself this day
and fail.

i will push my pounding heart back
so that it is just a whisper
and just face that fact

that      life      b  l  o  w   s.

Last night I dreamed of fire,
it was cold and flickering softly.
In the moonlight by the shore,
stood a man that was Darkness,
Night was dripping from his shoulders.

But he would not tend the fire, his mistress.
No matter how hard she begged,
her flames lingering in the night.
Crying softly, haunting tunes.
Water crashing on the dunes.

Icy, chilly, burning lifeless.
There it shone into the night,
under Darkness' cruel sight.
Fading, crawling in despair,
and alone she died, no care.

Beep.
Beep.
Boop.

Beep.
Beep.
Boop.
Boop.

Beep.
Beep.
Bebop.
Bo­op.

Beep.
Beep.
Boop.

Burnt eyes like soles of ***** feet
Ravaged by the cold city streets
Amongst the people with frigid hearts, he
Dares to walk once more

the absence of your eyes
decline in me a fear
of wary smiles
and panicked glances
washing over me
where ought to be your lips
my tongue will now reside
for in my mouth i hold
each word i cannot tell
i, the with-holder
of kindly spoken words
of long possessed fear
the cause of hurting eyes
if only i had courage
filled beneath my breast
but alas
all i do possess
is the rapid beating heart
of a girl with no words
and all the truth to bear

My tongue glides up the side of your neck.
As it pulls off,
it catches a tear at the end.
I rub your thighs to dry your eyes,
a welcoming touch;
that does more then just welcomes.
it holds the fingers that excite you;
the ones that make your body jump,
towards the heavens when hour runs late.
Your skin like glass
but your touch much more soft
like the sheets wrapped around your fingers
comfort me after it all;
after the fall;
cause neither the bed nor I can handle this love
so it throws us to the floor for one last folly
my lips push harder and my hands grip tighter
For your body's like an angel;
A ****** so blissful