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Jun 2015 · 532
i dont hate
kate mckay Jun 2015
I don't really hate you
but im not
necessarily   happy
that you even exist
in my world
May 2015 · 519
i tried to escape
kate mckay May 2015
It wasn't a suicide attempt,it was an escape from everything awful.When we cut,we're in control.We make our pain, and we can stop it whenever we want.Physical pain relieves mental anguish.For a brief moment,the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind,and when that stops and the other pain comes back, its weaker.Drugs do that too,and ***,But not like cutting.Nothing is like cutting
I don't own this
May 2015 · 432
lonliness
kate mckay May 2015
this loneliness is starting to
eat away at me again
May 2015 · 418
nightmare
kate mckay May 2015
each day i wake the same
feeling violated
i have to scrub myself toget ride of you touch


why does this nightmare always feel the same

i feel your fist pounding into me
i can hear your words
as the tear me apart
put me down ,
tear apart what i have tried to put back together

these nightmare break me all-over again
break what is good in me
shatter what was hole
May 2015 · 1.0k
self harm
kate mckay May 2015
as the tears role down my face
I hold that little knife so tight
scared of what will unfold
ignoring all the warning signals
I know this wont end well
but im just so mad I cant get it
pushing the knife down
feeling the sting
feeling the blood flow
one line after the other
this pain
wont go away
wont leave me alone
theses voices a screaming louder than ever
why cant I just be normal
Apr 2015 · 799
please dont take me home
kate mckay Apr 2015
mum
I beg you please
don't take me back to this war ground
im forced to see as home
please I beg you
don't make me spend another moment feeling not good enough
don't make me go home to the yelling and screaming

                                       they call me names
                                           they put me down
                                      why am I not good enough

im trying my best to up hold my promise to you
im trying not to fight with her
im trying to be good enough
im trying to be a good loving big sister*
                     * I know I let what going on in my head take control
                      im trying to stay hopeful that these tablets will
                                                FIX WHAT HOLDES ME CAPTIVE

please I beg you don't take me home
were I don't belong
were I don't fit in
and were im alone
Mar 2015 · 390
i feel
kate mckay Mar 2015
I feel like I give so much
to gain be just like the others
I give so much to be happy
but all I do is feel so much smaller


I feel like I give so much
to be loved by my family
but never get
anyone's reassurance, love ,protection
I just don't know why my family don't show hey love me , im over feeling like im so small and unimportant to this stupid world
Mar 2015 · 399
disaster
kate mckay Mar 2015
'Cause the walls burned up and our love fell down,
And it turned into whatever, now we're saying never.
Feel the fire 'cause it's all around,
And it's burning for forever and always.
You gotta let it go and be on our way
And live for another day,
'cause it ain't the same, my baby.
Watch it all fall into the ground
No happy ever after, just disaster.

I didn't want it this way,
I only wanted to say I loved you right.
But now you're walking away,
And leaving me here to stay,
So foolish of me to wait for you to realize
All the things I gave you, made you,
Changed you, your dreams came true
When I met you, now forget you,
Don't want anymore
jojo disaster all credit goes to her
Mar 2015 · 880
i surrender
kate mckay Mar 2015
I surrender to the fear
I surrender to your anger
surrender to the demons holding  me here
surrender to all the hate
to the air that I calling me away from
all the surrendering
im surrenedering to all the wrong this
I cant be stuffed fighting

I surrender to you
your hurtful words
my worthlessness
my uselessness
ugliness

but I surrender to your eyes and words
that lead me as I ended up in your bed
playing this same hurtfull
mistake in my head over and over again
kate mckay Feb 2015
by kate McKay* & *The Creep Who Lovs You
their is something guiding me home
to my lover , my happiness
my heartbeats for it
stronger the closer I get
the fiercer so no one can destroy it.

Its a melody, a rhythm
That shakes through my bones,
Skipping around, never the same,
But I listen,
And follow the beats to wear
The heart lays.


it takes me to your arms
were our heart beat the same
the melody's of our love some
are the same and complete the other
we close our eyes
let our heart do the talking
for once


When our careful waltz
Is interrupted by
falls, fumbles, fights
Everything will rearrange itself,
The music we heard,
It still plays.
Just a little bit softer this time...


*the more we move the harder it is to hear
looking into our heart see nothing
our memories is my happiness
my lover .. I hope I can still call you mine


But mine is nothing but a word,
I hold our memories
Clutched in my hand,
Heart in my palm.
The song stuck on repeat
In my head...
You will always be mine,
But I might not always be yours.


**This song drives me crazy
as I try to reach you
from down on my knees
were I'm begging you o never let go
because I wont be able to let you go
not now
and not ever
I had so much fun doing this. The creep who loves you is amazing at this kind of stuff. thankyou Hope everyone like this it was my first cobalt
Feb 2015 · 288
my happy
kate mckay Feb 2015
my smile feels real
my eyes are bright
all because my happy is back
Feb 2015 · 385
that just the way
kate mckay Feb 2015
my family hate me
but I hate them to
we fight
we yell
we cry
and
we never fogive and forget
but that just the way of our life  
I cut
they hate  it
but its my hurt being taken out on myself
that they created
they make me feel so small
and I cant make myself big no more
I crumble and lie down at  nigh in a ball and just cry
they dot see it ,
they don't pay attention to it
i'm snaphappy
just so they will see that i'm still here
fighting to try prove them wrong
** this is our stupid, hurtful , demented , way of life
Jan 2015 · 322
drive me crazy
kate mckay Jan 2015
the things we did drive me crazy
a moment of lust
has got my emotions wrecked
got my head thinking that hurt
people tell me the thing I don't wont to hear
but I know there true
you do hate me
but I hate me to
you think im easy
funny how I was a ****** and it took you nearly 2 year to get anywhere
you use me all the time
and I just let you

I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING YOU DO THIS TO ME YET A ******* AGAIN
Jan 2015 · 482
im free
kate mckay Jan 2015
you held me back with thoses think , nasty ,hurtful chains
I conserved my strength
I brock the chain you held me by
im free of you
Jan 2015 · 396
i know
kate mckay Jan 2015
I make mistakes
do stupid thing
let him walk all over me
let him use me
and hurt me

but I think I hurt him to
I think I may say mean things
be to harsh with my words
give into easy
let my wall down to low

but some how we both come running back to each other
I drift to him when others hurt me
I drift into him bed and let him hold me tight
he holds me till I don't cry or hurt anymore
he drifts to me with arms wide open*

I THINK IM INLOVE AND THIS YOUNGE AGE DONT TELL ME ITS PUPPY LOVE BECOUSE I KNOW ALL KIND OF LOVE AND THIS

         *IT FEELS RIGHT
Jan 2015 · 397
last peice of inocence gone
kate mckay Jan 2015
i let you take it
becouse of love
i dont regret it at all
you showed me every bit
of love
we curled up into a ball
and i let you take
     my
last
      piece
of
        inocence
and now you have everything of me
my heart
my love
and everything else
Please no hate it was my decision
Jan 2015 · 454
i wanna
kate mckay Jan 2015
I wanna show them that  their words didn't
breack me
hurt me
make me loss hope
make me loss sight of what I will be
make me fragile*

I wanna show them their words did
hit a soft spot
made me stronger
made me reach out for my happiness more
fixed me
made me an better me




but I will have a fight till win all on my own
Jan 2015 · 324
brocken promisses
kate mckay Jan 2015
I don't believe nothing every promises that has ever been mad to me
                      EVERY
LAST      
                   ONE
GETS
                              BROCKEN
Jan 2015 · 317
am i wronge (12w)
kate mckay Jan 2015
am i wrong to feel as if i don't need to live
Jan 2015 · 292
Untitled
kate mckay Jan 2015
I took me 365 days to finally think im going some were
and know im back to the start trying to find my way back to you all over again
I will come back I promises
I will forgive you every time
I will date other guys wishing they were you
but I will tell everyone I hate you so they don't realise im still in love with you
kate mckay Jan 2015
even is they scream  for me to stay
even as the beg me to breath and say alive
this world will never change
it is still selfish, full of hatred
even if someone loves me
even if I love someone
this world will never change
it is still selfish, full of hatred
if I should Spread my wings and finally  take flight
even this wont make the world right
Jan 2015 · 314
goodbye 2014
kate mckay Jan 2015
last year went so fast with
so many fights
tears shead
days full of hate.

"I was way to brocken it lasted years "
"way to many people went to help me up"
"but every last one pushed me down further than before"

goodbye last years heartbreack
goodbye last years tears **

GOODBYE 2014
new year and mabey a new happy me
Nov 2014 · 436
i didnt wont to believe it
kate mckay Nov 2014
I didn't wont to believe I let you use me,
I don't wont to admit my dads not around ,
I don't wont to believe that I would run off with you,
I don't wont to believe in this life no more its all hurtful.
one guy used me
my dad doesn't think I exist
I would run away for another
Nov 2014 · 323
im alone
kate mckay Nov 2014
im alone at night
Im alone as I sit
curled into a big ball
The voices are my only friends ,
even they leave me alone some times.
Im alone when anxiety takes control,
im reminded something insides me
controls me even as I fight .
Im alone in this all
it doesn't mean a thing to anyone else
just me
so alone I stay
Oct 2014 · 562
moonlight
kate mckay Oct 2014
as the moon light hits your
deep blue eyes
I see deep into your soul
in a flash I am scarred
I feel cold
the moonlight has gone from a beautiful sight
to a nightmare on the run
Oct 2014 · 285
Untitled
kate mckay Oct 2014
Im a bad  girl
but id be good for you and only you
im a devil
but id be your angle
im lost
but I found myself because of you
I love this guy and I don't know what id do without him
Oct 2014 · 619
we the kings sad song
kate mckay Oct 2014
Without you, I feel broken.
Like I'm half of a whole.
Without you, I've got no hand to hold.
Without you, I feel torn.
Like a sail In a storm.
Without you, I'm just a sad song.
I'm just a sad song.
Oct 2014 · 332
love
kate mckay Oct 2014
crazy love with you
its wild and free
filled with passion
no need for anyone else
when I got you
I got you
and you perfect hair
smile
and amazing love
I love you Brodie
Oct 2014 · 376
i dont fogive you
kate mckay Oct 2014
you used me
I let it happen I couldn't fight it no more
you played me
I gave into please you

           * I don't forgive you*
leave me alone
I cant look into those eyes
I will fall all over again
            I DONT  FOGIVE YOU
Oct 2014 · 371
prove you wronge
kate mckay Oct 2014
I wanna be skinny just
to show you what you missed out on
and dame it im gunna do it
your going to miss me
you will feel stupid for letting me go
but ........ no I will not
come running back
or fall for you ever again
im going to get what I deserve
Oct 2014 · 415
heartbreak boy
kate mckay Oct 2014
I had a dream boy
he had what I needed
to fix what other had broken
turns out
he was a heartbreaker boy
that I feel for
I feel hard DANGEROUS
so now im just a heart Brocken girl with no hope
chance
or
love left to give
Oct 2014 · 286
Untitled
kate mckay Oct 2014
i miss you like the drought needs the rain
i need you like the air i breath
i love you and i cant not hide it
but were are you ?
your of with her
your kissing her like you never kissed me
she is giving you what you need
but me i cant be without you
i need you today and for a long time
to bad he will never see or understand
Oct 2014 · 519
Untitled
kate mckay Oct 2014
I feel sick the kinda sick
when I don't hate you
the kind were the butterfly's start to flutter
my eyes start to water
I don't wanna have butterfly's
I don't wanna cry another tear
im gunna drink it away drown my sorrows
smoke forget for another second
I don't wanna care no more
im not drinking or smoking
Oct 2014 · 283
im haunted
kate mckay Oct 2014
im haunted
             someone take this away
                                 its never going to be okay
                                                                ­        im haunted
Sep 2014 · 623
i wanna talk
kate mckay Sep 2014
I wanna let out my cry's of help
to bad no one will listen
I wanna tell someone im actually not okay
its Kind of  sad  im drowning im all my hurt
people ask what happened to the girl
who's smile made the saddest of people happy
who wasn't afraid of everything
she was confident in her own skin
loved to play sport
got along with nearly everyone
in a way we all miss her
I miss her  
thanks dad for killing her
I cant find her ,she is no were to be found
what replaces her is a troubled girl   
who is a mess the cant be  fixed
Sep 2014 · 3.7k
just friends .... right ?
kate mckay Sep 2014
were just friends right ?
I will pretend I don't see the way you look at me
your eyes full of hope and love
I will act like your just my guy friend
lets  ignore how you try to touch my hand
I will try to not to flirt
were just really close friends
our friend try to get us together
I will always be their
but lets just stay friends
we cant take no more heartbreak
I cant give you what u want
and you cant fix all my issues
you make them worse
and I don't help your  insecurities either
its just not right......
kate mckay Sep 2014
IN THE CORE OF YOUR MIND YOU FEEL SO CONSIGNED TO WEAKNESS THAT YOU BLEED FROM THE CUTS DEEP INSIDE
SO HARD TO ***** THE SHIP THAT WAS WRECKED YOU GAMBLED ALL THE CARDS AND LOST THE WHOLE DECK!
IN THE WHOLE SCHEME OF THINGS THE ONLY TRUTH THAT RINGS I DON'T WANNA LIVE NO MORE I JUST
I DON'T WANNA CRY NO MORE
Sep 2014 · 612
give up (84)
kate mckay Sep 2014
I don't wanna cry no more
I wanna let it all go
act like it never happened
I was never born
my family got a better daughter or granddaughter
im not such a stuff up
I don't feel this hurt
I see a girl who just wont  let me  give up
what's the point  any more
so one please just shot me
let me die
Sep 2014 · 1.0k
brocken (70w)
kate mckay Sep 2014
neglecting leads to Brocken adults
Brocken child hood a troubled teen
I don't wont no more counselling sessions
I wont a new life one were
I didn't get dads fists  in my face and ribs or stomach
I don't get bullied
were I never started self harm to cope
I don't have a fear of guys who look a little like him
were im not so broken
or so hurt
abuse is casting a shadow the length of a life time
Sep 2014 · 397
bittersweet (40w)
kate mckay Sep 2014
I used to tell myself im fine without you
were  just be friends
just like you told all your crew
I would give you my heart and you would give me yours to lend
it was bittersweet at the end
I still love you
kate mckay Aug 2014
Sometimes what you want the most -- you're better off without

I've let go, finally over you This drama that you put me through I'm better all alone

The beat drops, you're so low It's last call and it's gotten old Now look who's all alone

sometimes you just have to walk away & accept that things happen for a reason. Even if that reason hurts so bad.

you can close your eyes to things you don't want so see, but you cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel

& the award for the best lie goes to you...

i've finally realized that you were the biggest waste of my time

people need to grow up & realize who they're hurting before they lose them for good.

seeing you makes me realize how much i don't miss your drama. grow up & find someone who cares.

I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don't deserve me. They're right, you don't deserve me, but I deserve you.

You can't ever let go of all the feelings, But you need to let go of him

I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. For that is the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets.

Friends, lovers, or nothing There can only be one Friends, lovers, or nothing We'll never be the inbetween So give it up

Go ahead and talk about me, But here’s a word of advice. Click your heels together & say “I need a life.

When I was little I had this idea that life could be perfect. That if you were careful enough, you’d never make a mistake, never be lonely, never be misunderstood, never be frightened, but it doesn’t work that way. Life is big and messy, and you just have to climb in it with your boots on and hope for the best.

If he misses you, he’ll call. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth this.

Sometimes you have to forget what you want,and remember what you deserve

Life is too short to wake up in the mornings with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life, then let it. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

swallow your tears, hide your frown, never let life bring you down

Smile. It's good for you. Put all your worries behind. They weren't worth it. Love your life. It's all you got.

There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. In fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most.

never thought id hate you like I do, too bad we could a been cool, but its too late for tears and sorrow, cause look out side, there's a better tomorrow
every word you say every look my way breaks my hear a little more but love is pain and I don't need this pain so im sorry im going to forget about you.
Aug 2014 · 616
im dieing
kate mckay Aug 2014
im alone
all alone
my razor it becomes my friend
crying  perfect lines
before I realise
its to late
no one will now
no one will care
no one loves me
im lost
a waist of space
from suicide attempts  
why couldn't they have killed me
the perfect 7 year old
beating they don't matter I deserved it
right...
one cut two
some one please
ask if im
okay
do I need a friend
im really falling and got no one to
call my friend
no one wont to talk to the
sad
lost
misunderstood
emo girl
Aug 2014 · 392
hurt
kate mckay Aug 2014
I used to think you loved me
in my head I was   scared
I continued to think you at least cared right ...

were did you go
I cant find what we had its gone
gone
I've looked every were

with you I lost all sense of right from wrong
stoles kissed
stolen right from my lips

why sleep when it will only show me you
you cant just forget
I nearly had *** with you

I fear the touch of men
but some how I
I let you without any fear

know I hate myself
don't wont anyone to touch me
please
someone try to start conversations
I  need to tell someone
don't look at me like that
I cant take the judgmental people  will give

Im a mess
lost
scared

I need a person to fight through my walls
make me love the way some guys touch
not really sure is this is any good just needed to get it of my chest

— The End —