I just want to hold on to today
Grasp it in my hands
Savor each moment as it passes
At least while I can

I look around my house
And think I won't be here
Come a year and I'll be gone
It makes me shed a tear

I love these walls
The memories they hold
The laughs and moments they have witnessed
That lies beneath crown mold

I want to live in now
Before it slips away
Because not too far from now
I'll be remembering today

I know that things
are tough right now,
you want to be a turtle
and hide in your shell,
make like a carpenter,
And build up your walls,
become a caterpillar,
and cocoon from the world,
in hopes you'll sleep,
a sleep like death
until you see a different tomorrow.

But what you dont understand
is on that day I said I love you
I made a commitment.

That i'd
knock
knock
knock
on the shell,
until you are aggrivated enough
to peek back out,
even if it means
you reply with a snap and bite.

because at least you will
show emotion again.

That i'd be like a storm,
and break down the walls,
to lead you out of the box,
and back to the sun light,
even if it means
you'll want to beat
my heart up with a hammer.

because at least then
your heart will be working again.

That i'd come across your cocoon and kiss you awake,
to show you the beauty
of life once more,
Even if it means you *****
me from your life.

Because at least then
you will be alive again.

On that day I said I love you,
I made a commitment,
to you and myself,
that even when things
got to their worst,
i wouldnt leave you alone,

even if you hate me,
even if you hate the world,
even if the world hates you.
I will always love you.

There is nothing between us anymore
Not even those three yards of cold linoleum
As we walked on opposite sides of the hall
The distance has dispersed and now our silence exists there alone
Not even mused by a dream of further endeavors
There is a dead end plopped betwixt us
I cannot raise my glare to meet yours because I know
Somewhere, deep in my heart
There is nothing there for me anymore

*How can a flame sparked in the damp
Ever survive without being tramped?

Just,             
                    Do
        Because      what
You             in               you  
        live         the               want
             with        end
                    your
                          own
                                    **Decisions

You my golden girl
The one I idolize
With golden hair abundant
And capturing indigo eyes

I run to you at any time of day
Even at three in the morning
You will sit up in bed and talk to me
While Dad sleeps next to you, snoring

You are the one that keeps Dan, Evan, and I
Like chicks in little lines
You nurture us and comfort us
And make sure we don't fall behind

You put your heart in everything
Whether it be us, driving bus, or fiber
You are just so pleasant to be around
And you don't complain at all either

I love you like I can't explain
It's just some bond we have
Like friends almost because we're close
Around you, I can relax

You are the most genuine person I have ever met
And, knowing you, you will always deny
How you became to be that mom, who, all along
Carried light in those indigo eyes

To the world, you are concrete
You are a face of stone because at one point you were soft
Vulnerable
And when you were vulnerable, you cracked
So you hardened

You are a slab of solid rock, yet replaceable in your own eyes
Someone could wander along one day and fill you over with someone new
Someone fresh and vibrant
But did you ever think of the marks that are left in the surface of concrete?

They distinguish that you were here, you were remarkable
You did something worth remembering
So, yes, concrete is easy to replace, but only if you let it become replaceable

I build up these walls around you
Securing my feelings and reasons
But once I see you, my true feelings show through
And I thought that I was in a new season

Brick by brick, I build up and up
My wall of avoidance is unbreakable
But your presence and voice give me no choice
To reveal my heart, unmistakable

When you address me at all, my sturdy, strong wall
Obliterates into crumble and ashes
My hearts skips its beats, I look at my feet
And time seems like it never passes

Why the **** do I love you? It crazy; absurd.
Is it the way you are so out of my reach?
I stumble and tumble around you in fumbles
Without you seeming to know the secrets I keep

You can't see me treading these waters
With a shark just looming below
I swam and I swum, but when I got done
I realized that you'll never know

I'd want you to save me from this hell
I'm sure that after I'd be just fine
But when I look around, I've finally found
The blame for this hell is mine