He holds me
But he's too weak
I'd hold myself
But I'm too beat

He grabs for me
But he lets go
I clung to him
I should have known

He loves me
But he doesn't know how
He likes to joke
But I need a saviour now

I can't just keep smiling
the way he wants me to
Because every time I smile
the tears flood alongside too
and I wish that I felt
crying was okay to do
But his fear of emotion
makes it so impossible to be blue

I love you
But I don't know how
to stay with you
Because I need to save myself somehow

How am I supposed to communicate a feeling
that not even I understand
How do I explain
that even I have lost myself
How can I tell you
that there are demons living in every crevice of my body
How do I say
that something is wrong...

How do I tell the only person who needs me alive
that I want *to die

"I'd rather ..."
No wonder you'd rather
Because I'm rather thick
While she's rather thin
I'm not as funny or witty or slick
I don't run around with footballs or hockey sticks
No I'm not very chill
I'm rather uptight
If "one of the boys" is what you want
I'm not what you like
And whether or not you meant it to be true
You'd rather be without me,

*and I don't blame you

Everyday he looks at me
his icy blue eyes stare deep inside of me
deeper than even I have ever looked.
He holds me
He holds me as if I was falling into an abyss
and little does he know I am
But he listens to me
and he listens so intensely
he grasps on to every word I breathe
as if it might be the last
and maybe it will be
And then he kisses me
and he whispers into my rosy hot cheeks
that he loves me -
- every last fibre of my being


*and I wish I could love me too

i cant breathe
i'm home and i've never been so lost
a million miles ago
a million miles away
everything was okay
and now i'm home
and that warmth my heart gave off
is gone again
and i'm cold
and alone
once more

Cold dark sea
my blood surrounds me
i can't hear her scream
because my bones have broken seams
Her lips are mouthing stop
but my blade whispers chop
Sirens are burning
Telling me this behaviour is concerning
My body is a slave but my soul is saying no
They cuff my wrists but my heart won't go
Carrying my body I lie stiff
Hoping they'll throw me off the cliff.