you are my lighthouse
guiding me home with your beam
i scurry towards its luminance like a mouse
and run my finger down your body, down your seam

i sit by the window watching the sun
go down into the horizon, tasting his tongue
on my breath, sweet and sickening like
fruit pastilles or a persimmon, homelike

it reminds me of my future with him
it reminds me of my past without him
all those years wasted not knowing
my love would meet me in that

dead end old school, where hate is bred
and stupidity is taught in what students read
they don’t know anything about life
about love, religion, repentance, longing

for his eyes, his speckled face glistening
in the late-afternoon sunlight listening
to my ramblings about this or that
sometimes his finger pit-pats

on the desk where i first found myself
a sea of endless pain and anguish rescued
by my foolish love, another pointless beckoning
quenched by lack of reckoning

i sit by my window
waiting for him

my record spins around the spindle
it’s rose-shaded hue seen through the dustcover
it plays a symphony of birdcalls and beatles songs
i try to give it away a dozen times but
no one takes it

why does everyone claim to want a record
then they don’t take mine, one in perfect condition
only if you don’t look at the scratches

my little black notebook
listens to my ***** and childish secrets
like a confidant
the constant in a turbulent life
my raft in a storm

it holds my fears, my desires
my love -
my heart

i don’t know what i did wrong
but knowing me, it’s bound to be something
big, something that gives you a right to
cut me off

do you hate me for what i did?
that nameless, insignificant crime of such
significance

i still imagine what my life would be like
if you were still my friend
but now im burning in purgatory
the coolness biting me

i guess i’m a hopeless romantic.
want to buy petty little things
to see a crack in his pretty smile

want to pick buttercups for him
so i can see the glow on his face
yellow, radiant, much like him

on a summers night drinking
cheap beer and kissing him
knowing his taste over *****

in his bed listening to his
billy joel and nirvana cds
not noticing them playing but

his green eyes piercing my soul
as he side eyes me and smirks
laying in my arms warm embrace

just let the goings go
and the time flow out

like fine wine
drinking it with you

on the beach of my making
but who knows?

anything could happen