The pilgrim soul
The pilgrim soul.

In hues of garlands from all the flowers
In gilded moments that make all hours.
The night glow stars shine heavens grace
That pales in homage before your face.
Whilst others see your beauty with passions new
I alone see the pilgrim soul in you

Threre is a time for paris
It is not today with its updated tempo.
It is when life was new
Full of first
First freedoms
First kisses
First loves
There can never be another first love.

I sit here on this spring day
Just as i did so very many
Years ago.
The warm sunlight of the old city
Reflecta on the river seine
Just as it did back then
When I found her.

She saw me holding my easil
My pallette in my hand.
So young so innocent
Have you eaten she whispered
In he soft french accent.
As beautiful to my ears as the chiming of church bells

I suppose my thin build and gaunt face cried out starving artist.
No mam'selle i answered
Not for a while i must finish
My paintings to sell them.

She touched my hair way too long and overdue for a cut
She lifted it from my face
You are so beautiful she purred
As my heart fell into her hands

She took me back to her flat
A small place over a cafe in montmartre.
I ate bread and cheese and coffee.
And fell asleep
When i awoke she kissed me
Come to me she said I will take care of ypu.
I finished my first six paintings and in between painted her portrait .
I think it is the best work I had ever done
Before or since.
Americans came to buy my art and wanted to buy her portrait i refused to sell it.
It is part of me i explained
It contains the best of my heart.
At night she would sing at the cafe and collected tips from the patrons
But she would not sing la vie en rose until i came down to to rest from my artwork.

It is my gift to my lover she explained to the tourist who requested it of her.  .

Then she would touch my hair
And sing the old french ballad
I fell in love with her so hard
So very hard.
When our daughter was born
I think I was the happiest man alive.
Michelle meet your papa she sang.
It waa four years later the sickness came.
She smiled and said she would be just fine in a week or two.
But i knew…..i knew.

Forty years later
I sit as I do each year on this day in the springtime at the spot where we met.

My lovely daughter Michelle
Comes to pick me up with her daughter my grandaughter
Named Annie just like my love.
Dad she said come on home
Its chilly here by the river.

My grandaughter ask of me
For the thousandth time
Grandpere why did you never remarry even after all those years.
I tpuch her pretty face so full of first times to come.

I Smile and say
Because you only get one first love nothing else can compare ma petite.

Back at my flat over the old cafe her portrait hangs over the fireplace.
And down below among the tourist in the cafe
A beautiful voice is singing
La vie en rose
And I know it is for me.

THROUGH A DOGS EYES.

I am old and tired now and my duty on this planet is almost finished.
It seems only a fleeting moment again that I was a puppy.
I was so lucky that I met him.

It was a sunny summer day I was huddled in a ball of fur with six other puppies.
A sign outside the stoop said Golden's for sale no papers.
He drove up in his sports car and walked to the stoop where we were.
He had kind eyes and dogs have the ability  to see the soul through the eyes of others and it was a good soul.

Every dog knows they are living a karma that they must be the best they can be as a dog and one day they would be born as a human child.  This is common sense to a dog.

I fought my way to the front of the puppy heap. And he picked me up I could smell the kindness pouring out from his skin.
This one he said as I licked his face this one is the one I want.
He named me Niko after the famous scientists nikola Tesla.  My human soulmate was  a science teacher at the high school.

He took me everywhere I never was left at home but sat quietly  next to his desk as he instructed the children in his class.
At break time the children would play with me we ran and chased sticks and *****.  I was so happy.
At night I slept at the foot of his bed it was my duty to protect  him.

To say that we loved each other  was a gross understatement we sat together at night and watched television together that's where I learned all about human culture.  Animal planet was my favorite  program and I watched it every day.
It was perfect perhaps too perfect to last I was fully grown now a big golden retriever.
It changed that morning  we went to school as always.
I slept beside his desk and the sound of his voice was comforting and safe.
Then she came into the room she was young and pretty  in a human kind of way.
He smiled at her and they talked about teaching methods and school politics.  I could smell her perfume and pheromones pungent in the air.
I tried to get his attention to take me out but he was fixated on her.
The shop talk took a back seat and dinner dates took it's place.

After that she was always around she sat on the sofa on my spot and I tried to let her know she was not welcome here this was my seat and he was mine. She should know I would never share him. But she got to me patting my head kissing my crown.  Your so pretty Niko she purred.
But she took my place on the bed as well and they put me out of the room as they wrestled on the sleeping spot. I heard strange noises and laughter as I waited outside the door.
Later I was allowed  back in the room it was full of odors of humans but it was comforting..  We were a family together him her and me their dog friend.  Soon I loved her as much as him.
I could not wait for her to kiss my head and rub my tummy.

Then just as I was getting  settled  in to my new arrangement  it changed again.
I watched her rubbing her belly like she did with mine.  And there was a roundness to it. I could smell the aroma of another human being put together inside her.  And I knew it meant changes to our life.
Later as her belly became  rounder and she rested on the sofa I saw it Move the new human was stirring  inside her.
Oh Niko come here it's alright she  sang.
I wandered over put your head here sweetheart patting her belly.
I rested my big head on her tummy.
Then I felt the new human kick me I nearly fell off the sofa.  She felt my fear and smiled oh Niko it's just the baby letting us know it is alright.

In the middle of the night a few weeks later they rushed out of the door and car started and screeched its tires and they never took me with them.  
A day later they came home Carrying the new human in their arms.
I was curious  and later she called me Niko come and meet Angel
I entered the bedroom and she was holding the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I was afraid that I would love her if I looked too long
but it was too late I already  knew that I did.

The next few years were the best years of my life.we did everything as a family, my beautiful family my purpose in life to love and protect them all
Angel grew to ten and I was getting  old but we were inseparable I was hugged every time she left the house.  And I worshipped her.

Then her mom was unwell she was crying with headaches always swallowing things out of a little  bottle they never wrestled on the sleeping place or made their happy sounds.  I was worried.
A while later she was doing dishes and fainted on the floor I rushed to her and liked her face until she woke up.

Then I cursed the limitations of being a dog my big flappy tongue  that could  not let me Enunciate words like a human flapped in uselessness as only whines and barks came out.
I could smell the sickness in her head it had an odor or rotting vegetation faint and constantly there I knew it it was bad it was the sickness.
I stayed by her side all though the sickness even seen she lost her hair I poured my love to her.
I saw my owner crying holding angel telling her they were losing her.
They Needed me more than ever now and for sure I must stay here with them even though my time was near I had my duty to fulfill for my karma as a dog. It was my purpose for being.
It was springtime when she left us I was sat next to her bed as her hand was resting on my old head I felt it lighten and slip from me and I knew  ...i knew.
I barked quietly and they came up and wept.

A year later
I was losing  my sight my eyes were fuzzy and I did not see things very well.
The day I wandered into the road as a car hit me I knew it was my fault my time and I knew my duty in my dog karma had been completed faithfully  and I was ready for my next journey with my soul.
Angel rushed out and held my head I looked into her beautiful  face
Don't die stay with me she wept I gave her my last look with her memory  fixed in my soul ready to live forever as souls do and I would see her in my dreams in my next life.

Eight years later
My owner had moved to New England as principal to a.prestigious academy.
Angel had grown into a beautiful  young woman.
She was training as a caregiver and working for the winter break at the orphanage in the nearby blue collar town
The children were mostly  from poor families.
Her dad picked her up and dropped her off at work.
And as he waited in the yard of the institution he saw a little boy of about 8 years of age.
He had beautiful  long Sandy hair and deep dark eyes.
Angel came out ready to go Home and saw her father walking over to the boy.
They looked into each others eyes and saw deep into their souls a familiar place that he recognized
The nurse from the orphanage joined them and said he's been with us for four years since his parents were killed in a car accident. He has never spoken a word since being here.

Angel said what is your name honey he lifted his face and looked at the lovely young woman and said softly my name is Nicholas but you can call me Niko.

Five years later
Niko had been formally  adopted and was turning into a fine young man
All was well in their world's
And just like clouds that change shape
Their family changed shape once more and peace reigned in their lives.
Which as all dogs are born knowing is just  Karma so you can be born again one day into something  much much better.
The end

Silence is glowing in your spangled light
alone and forlorn
inside your soft night
Oh moon!
you look so lonesome
So gentle and paper white
like a canvas for hearts
to paint on
this sweet summer night

Not all  alone are lonely
Not all  lonely are alone
But this nights solitude
Brings tears to my eye.
Yet no one can see them
Except my trusted friend
the moon and I.

I need to write you a love poem
My love.
Not Maytime and roses or lilacs in bloom.
But raging with heated passions
and darkest desires.

so much so that as you read it.
It will slow down time
to a motionless crawl
dragging out the seconds
Until you can return to my bed.

Filling your thoughts
with fire and blood red lust.
As dangerous as the charging rapids
of the mountain streams
after the winter snow melts.
as hot as the erupting lava of volcano.

So intense it burns away all propriety
As we feast on its wild ancient flavors.
So encapsulating
upon reading its words.
You will unfasten your hair
upon your shoulders
as you drop everything else in life
and run to me.

And when we again meet
No words
No words
No words
Let's not waste our breath
on words

Longings and desire
Floating down from dark skies
Shapes of old lovers
That weep in my eyes.

Breathes of hello
Bring songs of goodbyes
Hymns  of old lovers
With Passionate sighs

sounds wail from the cellar
Where they park all lost lies.
It's the ghost of old lover's
Weeping regrets and goodbyes.

The prison gates  are open
There's no cage or bars
Just thoughts made of haunting
And the gravity of stars.

In tune with the falling rain
the sidewalk sings
Umbrellas black and webbed
Like bats unfurled wings.

Moving to travel the city streets
Where hearts are tired
Too tired to sleep.

Far above my laptop fades
As in the torrents I must wade.
But in a train ride short and sweet
I have a family to greet
With children waiting  by the door
A dog that dances on the floor
And at the back my patient Wife
Handling all our daily life.

With rising bills and tightened money
She kisses me with a love you Honey.
My heart relaxes burdens unfurled
And all's worthwhile in my tiny world

For you
The moon and stars
And all my heart

Cornflower Blue

The day that I first saw you
With your eyes of cornflower blue
Love filled my heart forever
With your lovely cornflower hue

Time passes as it travels
We got married as lovers do
I swam a life of bliss
In pools of cornflower blue

Now old and frail
We still sit together
Just as old folks do

But when the sunlight
streams upon you
I see jewelled eyes
that sparkle.
In beautiful
cornflower blue

Silent drifting snowflakes
Touch the face like a mother's kiss.
The nights silence is now a Harbinger
A few stubborn leaves cling tenaciously
To the almost skeleton Silhouette of the trees.
Snowfalls first dusting, frames the World with
Ghostlike outlines with winters artistic brush.
Moonlight drifts from a sad Moon
It's backdrop a sallow winter sky
Gloating for it's victory over
the Weak remnant of late autumn.
A chill wind cuts through the stillness
It's icy fingers grasping the soul.
And once again as Spaceship Earth
Moves along its preordained path.
The slow journey  to a far off springtime
Has just begun.

The chirping of a
lonesome invading cricket
The only sound
on this summer night
The Broken silence of the house
Amplifies the sadness.

Outside the spilled moonlight
Collects in silvered pools
A tangled clematis
Beautiful in its radiance.

Clouds of prayers
wisp upwards to the heavens
And the reflections
of a billion barren stars
Create constellations of ghost.

Peering into the depths
of unknown tommorows
Seeking the one
to cure all loneliness forever.

Hearts knowing she is there
Even if unfound and unseen.
Just as the stars are there
In the daylight
when they too are unseen.

His dream was returning
the one he loved.
Every time it came he felt at peace .
She walked out of the mist as always.
young and beautiful
as breathtaking as the first moment
He had laid eyes upon her sixty years ago.

She offered her outstretched hand to hm
As usual he left his tired old body
It was so old and frail
And he was young handsome man again.

Her hand holds his so gently.
He turns to her
her eyes like deep blue pools.
Her cherry lips smiling
Then the kiss
…..Oh god the kiss

The one he longed for
So often since she passed.
Soft music was playing
And the danced together
as the sof often did.

But he realized
this was where he always awoke
and returned again
back to the old man's body
sad and lonely.

But as he turned to return
the old man was lay as if sleeping.
She held him closer to her breast.
Its alright my love she purred.
You are here with me now.
He is gone.

He turned into the dream
and together they walked
across a  pathway
High in the clouds.
To a garden where
the sun always shines
And darkness never comes.

SEASONS WHIMSY

The morning mist is floating
Over the surface of the
deserted silvered lake.
A lonely heron skims over
the lakes silent still waters

late summer dew collects
upon the tired maple leaves.
Quietly awaiting
the winds of autumn.
To Initiate their annual
vermilion metamorphosis..

Gentle mist of fog
rise from the
warm lake waters.
drifting in spirals
slowly skywards.
Like souls in grace
returning to heaven.

All over the Woodlands
are autumns chilling signals
And my soul is mourning
the last breaths
of a dying summer

A Sunset On The Lake

Down beyond the woodlands
The majestic golden sun
On silent shining waters
its glowing reflection hung

Amber clouds spread like curtains
as they passed the fading sky
I could almost hear them closing
as the daylight bid goodbye

The gentle weeping breezes
in the pine trees by the shore
Sang a song of nature’s anthem
to  remember for evermore.

A holy reverent silence
That no creature dared to break
In each soul brushed a painting
Of that sunset on the lake.

In beauty so transcending
As the water lapped my feet
Spoke beauty in a language
That had no need to speak

Then under the cloak of evening
Played a softened lullaby
Sleepily splashing on the wavelets
under a dreamy darkened sky.

If I should live forever
This vision will awake.
Visions will leave me never.
Of that sunset on the lake

Time travels of an old man


It's simple to be young again
No longer old and frail like me.
But handsome and seventeen
I close my eyes and find
sleep descending
like a foggy mantle.

My buddies join me
We are sharing a doobie in Nam.
I can still  feel the love of these guys.
Soldiers get closer than wives.
The evening is dark tonight
Moonless.

Charlie mounts an attack.
The tracer bullets light up the clearing.
My young friends are cut down.
Crying for their mother.

Air power blows Charlie away.
Joe my best friend
lies dying in my arms.
He whispered  his last breath
I love you man.
I am weeping
Not as much as I love you man.

I was hit too but not dead.

My travels in time move on now
It's six months later in West Virginia

I walk to the trailer door
With the use of my cane.
A new lifelong appendage.

A beautiful  young woman  answers
She is holding a baby in her arms.

I pass the letter that we prepared
In case well just in case.
It has blood on the envelope
I tell her it was mine.

She wept as she read Joe's letter.
I hold her baby as she reads it.
Whispering to him
See buddy your just fine
Your not dead at all.
I love you man.

I wake from my time travels
It's the 21st century.
But the tears in my eyes
Are from so long ago.

First love is the original sin of lust.
When it's taste explodes in your senses.
All the church bells chimed sweet music.
You found me in an unsuspecting instant.
And I gripped you like a drowning man.

Youth hides the impossible chances of repetition
We were sharing the neutrinos that passed through us
The chains of childhood melted leaving us unfettered.
In innocence we found the bottomless pool
Of the purest lust.
Had the sky ever been so blue
Or the ocean so clear.

Take my heart my love
Never let it go
This place we have found
All the clarity we desire.
The world below us
Are all blind
Yet we can see.

The storms of youth
Exploded in our light
The snows of our
Shangri-la melted
And I missed you.

I searched the earth to find you
Walking in the hinterland of joy
Can you see me my love
Look into the clouds of smoke
Left from our fires.
This place is a wasteland
Come to me
Entwine our hearts
Become one with me
Fly away together
...  to our paradise lost

She sees the young people.
Exchanging daydreams
In beautiful  eyes
across the room

The woman with silvered hair
Sighs and sips the vinegar wine.
Her black ash mascara
awaiting her tears that are
Ready to trail her cheeks
with unwanted memories.

Time awaits for her
around the shadows wearing
A scythe and cloak in fearful dread.

A lifetime of assignations
lie in the graveyard .
A lone plot deep and dark
It's soil freshly dug
Bears her name.

she nods politely  at the young.
Her smile hiding the wreckage
Of her life.
But she knows the truth

That lies beneath her makeup
The dried lipstick on crystal glasses
That will not wash away.
Or the water Stains on her soul
Of a thousand stories
She has never written.

In Chinatown
the paper lantern's russell
The spring breeze sways all candlelight
She looks through the window
With trails of mascara tracing her tears.

In Chinatown
the paper lanterns sway
in synchronized unison in
choreographed dance.
Her heart beats the loud
Rhythm of its melody

In Chinatown
In depths of candlelight
She holds a paper lantern
It is red and heart shaped.
A pattern of a grieving Willow
Adorns the sides.

In Chinatown
She releases the pristine Calligraphed
words of love once shared.
Now free again
into the night breezes.

In Chinatown
She sees them fly away
They contained her deepest dreams
All of her life's aspirations.
They drift into the moonlit night
And join
a swarm of origami doves.

In Chinatown
A love is lost
A day now ends
And A heart is broken.

in my room the candles flame
Dances on the wall again
Far away the golden dawn
Close by me the Darkened  hall.

Sing me poems from the heart
Dulcet voices in this dark
Play your music from the soul
In Soothing lullaby make me whole

Take the mantle of the night
And cover me with heavens light
Bring the fires of your bliss
Heal this burning with your kiss.

the old gypsy restaurant
is still the same.
Hungarian waiters
serve the same food.

For just a moment
the warmth of the wine
Glows like sunshine
on my tired heart.

I pass a ten dollar bill to
The violinist.
His gypsy violin is playing
Our song
La vie en rose

.if I close my eyes.
and sip my wine
I can still feel you here
across the table from me.
Eyes as bright
as sunlight on the water.

I stop the flowers girl
And buy a red rose.
Laying it by your unused plate
The words I love you
Just whispered  loud enough
For her to hear.

Is your lady coming she asked.
No I whisper  to her.
She is already here.

This night's aromas are steeped in fragrance
Springtimes first blush touches my face
My heart overflows with the
heady perfumes of all things renewing.

The last touches of a winter sky
Fade in the warmth of the newness.
Above a silhouette of squawking geese
Fly in a perfect Vee formation
With the slightest of gaps
Between their outstretched wings

Springtime sends it coded signals
Rich from the memories of  eons past
to all living things to live be beautiful
Multiply and bear fruit it calls.

A night breeze stirs  my hair
Like a mother's touch.
And my spirit rejoices
At a winters death.

darkness  is a mantle
That billows from the clouds
It brings back all the pain
Hidden inside its ghostly  shrouds

Bring me the  light of morning
Hold fast those  bitter tales
Give me the tender light of dawning.
Quieten all your stormy gales

Bring softly the ghostly memories
That dance inside  my head
Take away the fear and longing
For all of those now dead

I found her atop a windswept hill.
So beautiful and serene.
The golden tresses of her hair
Flowing as a halo in the sunlight.

She told me  she was a fallen angel.
And her wings had been taken away.
And that she came here to be closer
To herGod and
To beg him to return  her wings.

She said one day
he would give them back to her.
and then she would
teach me how to fly.

It was a sad
yet beautiful untruth.
She held out her arms
and enfolded me in them.
Like she would in her wings.

The beautiful fallen angel
with the windblown sunlit hair
and eyes as blue
as a summer sky.
The only one
who can make
my lonely heart sing

Origami
Sometimes
when you stare at me.
I feel naked in front of you.
no more  
than a sheet of white paper.

your eyes cut me
like razor blades.
Your white teeth
chew my shapes.
you have all the powers
I am being folded
into the object that
you want  me to be
all that you desire.
A deer
a bird
a aeroplane.

your deft fingers fold
and crease  my shape.
can you not see.me
my flesh is soft and pliable.
my heart is beating
with passion for you.

my mind is clear and decisive
I crave only your love
Your acceptance.
And yes.
your tenderness

yet you fold me once again
I feel the pain of each crease.
Yet I know the truth.
in your eyes
I am but origami

Marriages as long as ours
Should be cast in stone.
When she left me
Anger filled my life.

I broke the things she loved.
Just to hurt her I suppose.
The wedding pictures
In the glass frames

Later in remorse
I put them in
the bedroom drawer

Now I just ache
to see her.
Just to hear her voice.
Not to persuade her to return
It's too late for that I know.

In despair  I retrieve
Her pictures from the drawer.
I try to smooth the creases
In the photographs.
As if it could
Smooth the creases
She has left in my life

There's a magic
about the springtime.
It pretends to be new
full of rebirth
.but it is not.

Even the Ancient maples
Bursting in Bud and syrups
Hangs fat with knowledge
Full to the brim  of memories.

The returning starlings
Knowing where they live.
Cry a crescendo of yesterday.

Sometimes as the moon glows
On forgotten pathways
in my garden.
I hear their secrets
I see their memories

And the ice grip of winter
Is melting in my heart.
And I see you
Once more visiting Springs song.
The light of  my heaven
Beneath a blossoming tree.

women… .go figure

She tripped me up in junior school
I grazed both my knees
Had to see the nurse.

At Halloween
she broke into my locker
And stole my candy stash.

She copied my math homework
And Got me an F.

Later she told my first date
At the prom I was gay.
Just trying to look straight.

I married  her last week
If that's all she wanted
Why on earth
Didn't she say so.

Spring  fever

in the first blush of a waking springtime
The warming rays of the long lost sunshine
Touch my face like a mother's kiss.
At my feet an army of  purple Crocuses
Defiant of winter standing. *****
with the pride of survival.

Squirrels frolicing in joyous enjoyment
Of a renewal of all loved things
including  their own species.

My wife joins me in
celebration of the springtime.
I touch her hair softly
Her smile as warm as the sunshine.
Our unspoken intimacy promises
A return to the flesh.

I imagine how good her hair it will feel
Flowing upon by bare chest.
We look at each other differently
Not as those labels
Like mother and father
Or husband  and wife
But as the people who could not
Get enough of each other
When we first met.

I see our  children playing
In the fresh air.
The youngest  as fresh
as the spring itself.

And I know that in some far off springtime
When I do not have work so hard
Just to make ends meet
and the children are grown up.

She will touch my hair gently
as she does.
And ask me
Were youhappy back then.
My love.
I will say to you
Yes my love
So happy
So very happy.

The knife wound of loss
Awakens me from the
tranquility of sleep
Outside my window
A sleeping world watched over
by the guardianship
Of a constant moon.

The only companion this night
The nocturnal whip poor will
Lavender wisps its faint remaining
Fragrance from your pillow.
Loneliness amplified by the night
Grips my heart like a vice.

The afterlife wears a secret shroud.
Please tell me it exist I pray.
Only the answer from
the whip poor will
Filling my ears
Never tell
Never tell
Never tell

This nights air is purified by silence
Autumns cold kiss touches my face
Hearts are filled with the pungent
Odors of all things ending.

A palid sad sky
Becoming the backdrop
Of the swarming starlings
Curving ever changing lissajous
Shapes in impossibly complex
Mathematical formulas.

The signals of winter
Are everywhere.
And my spirit is in mourning
For a summer scorned.

In silvered stillness inside this light
Stars cluster dreams this perfect night.
Haunting nightsong brings delight
Lovers sleeping in heavens sight.

The measured rhythm  of our sighs
Gossamer dreams behind closed eyes
In sleep we celebrate  our love
In peaceful tribute from above..

In fettered chains her heart  was kept
With saddned dreams it softly wept
On  feathered wings it's hopes  would  fly
Within purest air in an azure sky.

She gave it freely  to he that cared
With home and children that she shared
Once nights brought tender plays of love
Promises of joy rained from above

How cruel the gifts of love can be
When Love is lost in a stormy sea
This womans heart once touched the stars
Now frozen forever behind prison bars

The road ahead has not changed
Even after all those years
I know that the old clambar
Will be there just by the dunes.

The sand spilled pools
On the old road tell me
I am almost  there.
My annual pilgrimage to us
Is about to happen.

The brash 1950s Neon lights
Flickering  the clambars name
The B is still unlit as it always  was.
A relic of the distant past
Like I am now, I suppose.

My eyes are straining in the dim light
It is comforting to find it unchanged
I fish out a 10 cent coin
Feed the classic Wurlitzer jukebox.
Press B17 without looking at the dials.
Elvis weeps are you lonesome tonight.

Closing my eyes
I can see you sat with me
I knew you would wake
from your ghostly life.
And see me just for a little while.
For only a moment.

My ice cold beer
collects condensation.
My eyes close to feel you
Back with me.

We are slow dancing so close.
on the worn parquet square.
I am 17 again
You are beautiful.

I whisper
I love you so much, baby girl.
Your hand lifts up my long hair.
From my forehead.
You call me your wild man.

God, I miss you, baby
Why did have to go and die?

I sip my  beer.
this place is now full of ghost.
two of them are dancing close.
They are so in love forever
I think it is us

In the distance someone is playing
Bolero on a flute
It's melancholy melody is gripping me
To times I must not visit.

This night is heavy with sadness
Everything is filled
with the humidity of late summer
Moisture forms upon the glass of wine
In my hand
Water drips from the leaves of the parched trees
It forms in my heart.

In the sultry night air
someone is playing bolero on a flute
it is bringing her back to my vision.
I must not let her inside me.
And my heart is aching.

The breeze that carries the music
Is filled with water like unspilled tears.
My heart is releasing her as fresh as the day
That I fell in love with her.
In the distance  someone is playing bolero on a flute
And my soul is aching

Nature's wisdom created the four seasons
Each so different and yet stunningly beautiful
Each in its own way

She  is so wise
Teaching us of the seasons of our life
In living colour and annual repetition

The spring

A time of loving renewal and planting
A time to build our harvest
To create our families
And populate her earth with bounty.
Replacing that that dies in the long winter,

The summer

A time of bounty
Of salad days
Where the warmth of the heavens
Blesses her earth
And the heart is filled with colours
Like the flowers that spill
their sweetness into the night air.
To remind us of the
bounty of a life lived well

The Autumn

That colours the forest gold amber and yellow
In a defiance trees rage of ageing
Pushing their inevitable death
a further day away.
Yet the cool nights and
The promise of winter winds.
Kiss the living.
And the knowledge of the end
Of seasons becomes stronger.

The winter

Its cold snow and ice
Freezes the skeleton trees
In a desolate landscape of death.
Long cold days and nights
Forget the bounty of the past.

The Renewal

Then slowly with beads of melted snow
The spring is crying
I am new I am here
I am coming back
I will carry on

And your life
will be renewed by your children
Their flowers are you
Their heritage is yours
They are your immortality.

The mighty  sea
is our mother here on earth
She gave birth
to her  teeming  masses
We were borne of  her salted  depths
And that is where we must return.
She sends her seagulls
To cry of freedom in azure skies

I hear her sirens wail
Far away in the depths of my sleep
Come back to me, my son.
Swim in the freedoms of my worlds.
See my wonders
You are mine
And I am yours

Breathe your air out there
But remember
You belong here in the cooling waters
Of eternity
Come back to your mother.
And live with me forever
For you must
Return to me
You were born of  the sea
You belong to me.

brick by brick the past is demolished
All of the ghost that lived there
With me are made homeless.
As the old cinema turns into dust and ashes
Just like my dreams did so long ago
The wrecking ball ignores our screams.
.

We sat there so long ago my love
In the plush seats holding hands
Our favourite friends performed their parts
Bogart and Bacall kissing in monochrome.
I would look at you in the dimmed lighting
My heart filled  with happiness and  first love
The first is special it is swollen with innocence.
And for some the only one they get.

We kissed in living vibrant colours back then.
You were holding my hand as the movie played
Later we walked back to our small flat
And made tea and love


I knew even back then
in the cornucopia of passion
That beauty such as yours
was far beyond
such an ordinary man like me.

I knew you would one day leave me
broken and irreparable.
And that my heart
would be shattered into pieces.

Even now after all these years
it still dreams of you.
And I never replaced you in my life
It would not be fair to the other lady.
She could never be you.

Yet in my loneliness in the passing years
I would sit alone in this old movie  theatre
Both of us friends me and the worn seats.
Bogart still kissed Bacall

And sometimes just for the tiniest moment
I could feel your hand
Slipping into mine once more.
My heart would stop aching
And all things in my world
Would be at peace

There are memories in the rain
They fall like ghost and hide in the deluge
Sometimes she is a child
Dancing in the rain
Yellow sowester and rubber Boots
It is so real I can almost touch her
But she is made of raindrops and dreams.

We always  loved the rain
Even as children
Splashing in pools of water
I think it was then
that I fell in love with you.

Even after college
Where we melted
the chains of friendship
And became lovers.
The rain streamed down
Our window in my little  flat.
As we made love for the first time.

We were so happy as man and wife
Remember  my love we danced in the rain
The olive days of life.

When the sickness  came
It was too strong for the rain
To wash it away.

Then on that last day
You said is it raining my love.
I said yes it has rained  all day

Take me outside  and dance with me
In your arm one last time
In our rain.

When you left me later that night
I folded my heart into a love letter
And slipped it into your soul
Saying to you
For you to read my darling
On a rainy day.

Christmas  has many ghost
Some of them live in the snowflakes
That light up like fairy lights
In the glow of old street lamps.
others hide ubside the broken hearts
Of those left behind.

Too many Christmases
had come and gone
So long without  you my love.

But she had come into my life
I don't know how or why
she got inside me.
But here we are
Sharing dinner
in the old restaurant
.the crackling of Yule logs
glowing in the fireplace

The ice crystals in my heart
cannot live
in the warmth of this season
I feel them melting  like tears
Upon  the face
of old Christmas past.

.The loss of  a Christmas past can
fall like the snowflakes..
Hardly noticeable at first.
Then a dusting falling onto the face
living as  frozen tears
the wounds of losing you
Have turned into scars.
But scars will live forever.

she is here now.
not to replace you my love
or take away what we shared.
but to take to Christmas  future
All what is left of me
and shine it like old silver

in the festive restaurant.
Her smile Is a cure for my sadness.
Her hand a guiding light to tomorrow.
Her heart glowing as warm
as  the yule log in the fireplace

Then from the candlelight,
the cure I have waited  for
The one waited for
In an eternity of sadness.
The ghost of Christmas future.
Was in the candlelight that danced
Inside her beautiful eyes

There is music everywhere
It exist in the wind
The russling barley fields
The tapping of raindrops.
The creaking if a hinge
And inside my heart.

The notes of chopin's
Beautiful Nocturne
Melt in the nigh night  air
Though the open windows
Moonlight guides its journey
Under a candelabra of starlight.

This night is lost for Sleep
Only the dulcet melancholy
Of my fingers
whispering their delicate
Touch upon the keys of my piano
As softly
as they once touched
your skin my love.

A breeze lifts each note
Far beyond The Star spangled
night sky.
Milktoast puddles of moonlight
Reflect their leaving this world.

The gentle flow of Chopin
Weeps like my soul.
At the loss of you.
A loneliness that
no company  can repair.

The music I play is for you
My love
Only for you.

And I know
That in a distant world
That knows no darkness or pain
Your fingers are pressed
upon a window.
And my music
Is playing in your heart.

There is  a darkness
that never fades,away.
It hides in dusty basements
Locked up old cabinets.
full of secrets
In hides in broken hearts
like mine

Sometimes on a
sunny summer  afternoon
I feel it's sad shadows stretching
Across the sunlight.

It is then
I wished you had left me
On such a sunny  day
When the blossoms bloom
Or at a still warm night
With a nightbirds tune.

For losing would be easier
To bear On such a day
When the world  is still
On an afternoon
And peace rains down
And the flowers
bloom.
........And the flowers
bloom.

He was not my type at all
I thought how ordinary  he looked.
Not the prince charming
I had in my mind.

Yet he waited
under the old street lamp
In the endless  Seattle rain.
Day after day  
just to catch a glimpse of me.

Finally  I relented and said to bim
What will it take
to stop you waiting.
Just one date he said.

I don't know why on earth
I married him.
Perhaps,  because  he made me laugh.
Or, because
he would never try to control  me.
Or,
maybe because  he cried
when Bambi's mother died.

He always knew
how to shake me out
Of my frequent  dark moods.
Or bring a smile to my face.
Or tell me how beautiful I looked
Even when I had a cold.

He has gone now.
When the sickness came
I knew I knew I knew.
And my world is a darker place

I have as time rolled by
Danced the choreographed
movements of love
With other impostors.

But when the twilight
Faded into the blue of darkness.
It was always you honey.
Only you.

There's a place hidden  inside of  us all,
we keep it  to  ourselves so that no one  can see it.
You see It contains all  of the  secrets
that the  heart contains.
Whenever it is seen by another  person
we lose our control,we lose our Hearts.
It has happened to me just. Once.
Only  once.

She was a cop
well not really
a hostage negotiator
the term I think is first responder.
I was sat on the edge of a high rise.
Twenty-six storey high building  
the people below in the far away  street
looked like ants.
But I felt like one.
I wanted to end it all
and dive into  oblivion.

Sure I had a gun
but it was not to use  on someone else
it was for my last resort.
That's when she appeared
about  ten feet behind me.
She had a kind Consolation about  her.
Tell me it's not about  a woman  she said.
How  did she know that.

It's my wife she's leaving  me
taking the kids.
Why she asked.
Because  she has found someone  
she loves  more  than me.

She pulled  a beer out of  her purse.
Want to share my last beer she asked.
OK but you have  to sit on the Ledge With me .
She did
oh my god she was pretty for a cop.
Can I have you put the gun away she said.
It was my last resort but I gave it to her.
She joined me on the ledge

We cracked open her last beer.
She said its OK
my husband left  me he
said I was a workaholic
It's true I am

I looked at her eyes they were beautiful
He must of been crazy I said.
She smiled.
Come down with me
she purred back to ground zero.
Only if you will have a date with Me
She smiled
so if I date you you won't  **** yourself.
I I guess so.
OK we will do it
one date
Promise
Yes I promise.

I followed  her  downstairs
the cops grabbed me.
And I knew
she had played me like a stradivarius.

I got out out of jail six months  later
It was ok
Three hots and a cot.
A nice guy shared my cell.
No one tried to *** **** me.  
When I was outside  the gate
A car pulled  up.
It was my cop.
The one who  shared  her last beer.
I said what the **** do you want.
You just got me six months in the sneezer

She smiled  that beautiful  smile of hers.
Did you  learn anything in there.
Yes I learned not to trust Beautiful lady cops
She said I am here aren't I.
Yes, you are why?
You wanted a date
And I promised you one date right.

Yes you did.
Well take me on one.
We went for dinner
It was great she was so great.
She looked at me
Have you got over your wife leaving.
Yes I have
We shouldn't have  been together  really
It was for the kids.
OK do you want to see me again.
I whispered  yes I do you are lovely.

Two years  later.


Our second  child was born.
She will be as beautiful as her mother I hope.
My kids come to us half the time we got joint custody.
I got work as fireman.

I sit in my chair  some nights
and just look at her
She saved my life.
She shared her last beer with me.
And you know
what they say.
If you save Somebody's life.
They belong to you.

In storm filled clouds the darkness starts
with broken dreams and broken hearts
it flows the darkness like the rain
soaking parched earth with saddest pain

I cry with tears that join this rain
holding her in my dreams again
losing the the saddest of the light
Passing my heart through another night

give me her sweetness return her charms
bring me comfort within her arms
perhaps I am to never again to rest
my life is done
I have lost the best

In restless sleep the latches click
Now faded memories are all that Stick
A perfumed pillow to bury my face
An aching need of a last embrace.

The crumbs of you all fill my room
A scratched old record plays your tune
No stockings hang from shower rails
No tiny bottles to paint your nails

I cannot call you left no phone.
To let me plead to bring you home.
What if you never again return?
Is this the lesson I must learn?

Her faded picture from another place
repressed beauty weeping on her face
Sad eyes are longing to be free
A spirit broken in her eyes I see.
Truths unspoken on her lips.
Lovelights lost in a hearts eclipse.
A lady born in darkened times
Shadows of love, defy all rhyme.

A silvered moonlight sobs a longing sigh
The light sparkled teardrops flow my eye.
church bells chime the last of the blues
Goodbyes are coming like the morning news

Our ending waits to cease all cheer
Your lips are forming its almost here.
Two hearts are dancing loves last waltz
In mournful tones, they sway and halt

Longings are memories with ice-cold breath
Loves sad and broken awaiting its death
This moment falls lightly with tears in our eyes
So drown sorrow with music and say our goodbyes

For the heart is a room where old loves are parked
And the futures holds secrets in the darkest of dark.