The silvered blush of the moon
Collects haunting fragrances
of memories.yet to be made.
In the star clustered night sky
Stardust falls like feathered down.
My heart is an open door
Waiting for you.
Only for you.
My love

Old Silver
By
Jude Kyrie

Sometimes, when the day is quiet
And the light from the evening sun
fades to a gentle golden hue.
It touches your greying hair
And my heart is full
with the wonder of you.

Perhaps you are reading a book
or arranging  an errant flower.
Always with such sweet style
You polish our life
like old silver

And when we return to the flesh.
Discarding the years with their
ravages of time.
With school girl charm
You loosen your hair
Upon lavender pillows

And I gaze in wonder
Into your beautiful eyes.
The eyes that have graced
me with the look of your love
for so very long.

And in that moment
Once again.
With all tarnish removed.
Our love shines brightly.
Like old silver.

There's a sound in the house
It's a strange noise
It creeps inside
through the cracks
in the windows.
It rises up through the gaps
in the floorboards.

Silently, quietly, almost imperceptible.
Until it reaches my ears
Then the crescendo of symbols
The screaming of dying things
Fill my head.

But it still silent
Until it touches my heart.
And then I hear the softness
Of your sweet voice
The sounds of christmases past
Of love and passion
Of children and laughter
Of the touch of your lips on my skin.

And the cacahpony of a lifetime
Deafens My spirit
The sound of silence returns
To torment again another day

And the loss of you
Cuts my heart like a razor.

It was the lilacs
Yes of course the lilacs
How can the spring of youth
resist them
I know we could not.

He was too young for me
Too handsome
His hair too long and blonde
His eyes too blue.

But the lilacs
Their fragrance as heavy
As dew.
My heart overpowered
At an age when love
has surely passed me by.
But he came into the lilacs fragrance.
Running down the country road all alone
I was answering my cell phone
a business call
Then the accident the noise on the car
The sight of him flying in the air
The silence.

All I had thought about
was money success
Spoiled getting all I wanted.
But he was lay there in the road.
I cradled him to my breast
he was so beautiful.

Are you an angel
he said am I in heaven.
From the road the wild lilacs
sang their sweet song
No not in heaven
you are here on earth.

Can I stay here forever
You are beautiful don't leave me
Let me breathe your lilacs
At the hospital he was treated
He is in bad shape the doctors said
he's pretty broken up
I doubt he will walk again.

Can he stay here I asked
not really he has no insurance,
He will be moved to county asap.
Don't do that I will pay she said.

He went into a coma
for seven weeks
I Sat with him every night
When he awoke
he looked at me with his
Beautiful piercing blue eyes.

You are my angel
he whispered.
You saved me
I belong to you now.

He learned how to walk again
I helped him regain his strength
Then he got well
And I realised
I was going to miss him
So very much.

I asked him what he wanted
I would buy it for him.
He said only you and the lilacs
I said you are too young for me.
You will not want me when I get older..
But he countered  
I want you now my angel

A year later
I just gave birth to our child
She is beautiful
Born in the late spring
When the Lilacs bloom.

The Grave is hard to find
so many of them all identical.
I sit down next to you for our chat.
Sis its mothers day
I was just thinking about you.
How you used to bring your kids
to visit their single uncle
.
Your old station wagon
Pulled to halt in my driveway.Sis.
Your five children fall out
of its rusted doors.
shouting and laughing.
Backfiring as you turn
off the noisy engine.

You slipped ghostlike
from the driver's seat
After five hours of driving
In a bedlam of children’s noise.
you looked so slight and frail
The very sight of you Sis,,
Melted my heart again.

You tell me your husbands left you.
And you have nowhere to live.
I enfold you in my arms
And whisper you always
have a place to live in my house
And in my heart honey

We have lost you now sis
The crab sign won that battle
Don't worry honey
The kids are fine with me.
They started calling me dad
Over a year ago.

They are great kids Sis.
You must be so proud
watching them from heaven

Angel is fifteen now
she looks just like you sis
I look at her sometime
And mouth out your name.

No I never did get Married Sis.
Don't pretend you never knew
I was gay .

I must go fix the kids dinner
Honey I will be back to see you soon.

I love you Sis
I always will

Within the night an angel calls
In darkest sleep the shadow falls
In breathes of slumber they appear
as though they always were so near.

Lost memories haunt in cracks of light
Finding the saddest tears in dark of night.
Your fingers tingle upon my skin
As again the memories begin.

Let me pass this darkest scene
whispering words you did not mean
Just kiss me deeply once again
And let me drown in cruelest pain.

Birthdays and forevers

Jude writes as a woman again

Its my birthday
40 *** no not that age.
I turn In the bed the lounge lizard I met at the bar
last night wants one more go at me.

I tell him I need to take a call my mom
she calls me first on my birthday its a ritual.
She says her friend is coming in from Columbus Ohio
She has her son with her
she wants me to join them for dinner tonight
give them  a California welcome.

I went,
mom gave me
the men don't marry easy women speech
and told me she could see my *******
through my blouse.
I was ready for the boring night
of platitudes from moms friend.
But it was then I met him.

He was so beautiful
why do the young
have  to  be  So ******* beautiful.
He noticed my *******
I think he was fascinated by me
to my shame I flirted with him.
We went outside
I lit a joint and we shared it.

How. Old are you I asked
Old enough
  he said and held my gaze.
I took him home and ****** him
it was beautiful
not like the bar trash I usually got.
I wanted to give him everything.

My mom was mad the next day.
She said leave him alone he's only 23
But I didn't
I wanted to undress for him again.
And I did.

He would not go back home east
with his mother?
In truth I wanted him to stay
I let him stay at my place.
I never do that

I have not found anyone in ten years
I wanted to spend even  a weekend with.
But he touched me, deeply,
So ******* innocent
I gave him everything.

He had no job or money.
I found him playing Nintendo
after work and drinking my beer and wine.
He was a bit intoxicated one night
and I got mad and threw him out.

He phoned me twenty times a day
So I let him back
I undressed  for him as always
and he took me to the Bed
He had no condoms
but I Had missed him so much
I just wanted him.

It was eight weeks later
I realized I was pregnant?
Young guys like him
are full of fast moving fishes.
I sent him away back to Columbus
He was crying
and told me he loved me.
But I could not trap him
to parenting a baby.

A year later he
He was outside my door
he said he loved me
and couldn't live without me.
I tried to stop him coming in
but his beautiful eyes got me again

I undressed for him
and we made love on the bed.
The baby awoke in the next room
And he went in to see her.
He looked up at me
and he knew ...he knew

He said nothing
and picked up our daughter
holding her close to his heart.
He kissed her head
and comforted her,
Its alright honey
daddy's here
he whispered to the child

A year later

Our  second child
was born two weeks ago
hes a beautiful boy.
He has his father's eyes.

As for me,
I found my soulmate
nobody ever said
he had to the same age.

The butterfly rest on my arm
Can its stubborn strength
save the world?
Is it touching
everyone and everything
With its butterfly effect.?

Or can it just save me?
From my desires.
From my needs and lust.
From my loneliness and despair.
Like the warmth
of a perfumed dreamed embrace
In the cold darkness of night.

Can it end the burning cauldron
Of intensity
inside my wounded chest?
This aching
This burning desire.
This smoldering fire.
This latent heat.
This lonely heart.

Memories and dreams
Fall down from the skies
Shapes of old lovers
That weep in my eyes.

Whispers of hello
Songs of goodbyes
Hymns  of old lovers
With passionate sighs

sounds from the cellar
Where they park all lost lies.
It's the ghost of old lovers
Wailing regrets and goodbyes.

The prison gates  are open
There's no cage or bars
Just thoughts made of memories
And the gravity of stars.

In the winter the night winds wail
Filled with fear and haunted glow
In stormy passages dreams now sail
With ghostly spirits inside their blow

Window frames creak and rattle
Death and livings eternal fight
Like some specter in a battle
Howling winds until morning's light.

The portrait.

1926 London

He was desperately poor.
who needed a starving artist in this cold cruel English winter..
Spending his last few shillings he bought a ticket to the play.
It was at the London hippodrome.
Staring Miss Abigail Kendrick.
He had read of her in a theatre magazine
in the little country hamlet
that he had spent his whole life.
but here he was in London
and she who had stolen his heart with a magazine picture.
Was here, he must see her.

In the theatre she shone like the star she was.
Even when the spotlights faded
All  he could see were the beautiful color of her turquoise eyes.
In the second act he was in love with her.
By the end of the play he was besotted.

He went back to his tiny room
By not eating he bought the paints and canvas.
Carefully mixing his colors
on the pallet.
he found the hue he sought.
The perfect turquoise of her eyes.
When it was completed
he thought it to be the pinnacle
of his work thus far in his life.

After the next show was over
he waited outside the theatre stage door.
Several Hours later
she appeared dressed beautifully

He stepped forward into the gaslight
from the flickering street lamp.
You are the most beautiful creature
in god's creation he uttered.

I am in love with you so much in love.
He passed the small painting to her.
And she took it from him.
It's ...it's.. so beautiful she whispered.
Not as beautiful as you milady

She kept the painting for her whole life.
Always in a predominant position
in her stage dressing room.
She heard the artist had died
a few weeks later after he gave her her picture.
So sad so very sad.

2018

The young woman entered
.the old building in London.
Her great great grandmother
had passed on
she was left all of her possessions
She was over 100 years old when she died
and the girl knew there
would not be much of earthly value.

But it was her duty to clear her apartment.
She saw the programs of the the plays
her great grandmother had been in.
Then she saw the painting
on her mantle shelf.

It was so beautiful
a portrait of her great great  grandmother
in her beautiful maytime.
The eyes were dancing in the light
even now so turquoise

She had been a great beauty.
She looked at the name of the artist in bottom corner.
With all my heart and love Roger Donovan
Her heart stood still for a moment.

She had to call her own artist man
who had stolen her heart forever.
She pressed his name in her contact list
Her cell phone sent the call.

The receptionist at the art gallery answered
Can I speak with James Donovan please.
He answered the phone excitedly
and said darling I have just completed
your portrait it is the best work
I have ever done.
I truly believe
I have the exact hue
of your beautiful turquoise eyes.

Neither one of them knew when the rivalry began.
It was certainly in their infancy.
Rachel Huntington was twenty
a star scholar at Oxford university.
Matthew fotheringham was the same age
also a star scholar  
They excelled in the study of English literature
having read all of the aincent and modern classics in high school.
It was known that saint Hilda's college at Oxford
regarded Rachel as  the most  gifted student
they had seen for years.
In his group the same was said for Matthew.

They shared the same advanced literature class
and the tension between then was palatable.
She would put forward a proposition
on Shakespeare repeated usage of
Iambic pentameter.
And Matthew would destroy her concept
with a detailed analysis of his works.

Have you been  cribbing with Cole's notes
he would add in disdain.
Rebecca hated him
calling him insufferably conceited and a total buffoon.

He once went to her dorm
to pick up an ancient script
she had borrowed from the library , the only copy.
He phoned from the hall
shall I come up to your room
And pick it up.
Rachel shouted No!
I will bring it down to you.
You are never to come up to my dorm.
It's not that I wouldn't allow a man up here
But if anyone were to see you leaving
and got the wrong idea.
I don't want them to think I have no taste
and low standards in boyfriends.
And that's how it went on.

Then the literature guilds competition had been announced
Scholars from all over Europe
were to present their essays of no less than 25 thousand words and the winner would receive 25 thousand guineas
but more importantly that opened the door
to the chairs of literature all through the continent.

The rivalry escalation was at fever pitch.
Matthew worked  75. Hour weeks on his essay
Rachelle kept up with him never wasting a single moment.
The class bookmaker has had narrow odds on the winner it one of these two.

They went to the presentation hall
and entered the book sized essays
sealed in manilla envelopes
Rachel quipped,you don't have a chance,
you couldn't copy mine.
Matthew said,
I hope they don't use the new plagiarism software
you have probably stole yours from the internet.
I already have made plans for my winnings he bragged.
What a good plated pocket protector
and  a girl friend you just add air too.
Matthew was hurt
Particularly at the insult
that he had a blow up plastic girlfriend.
He remembered humor was the best defence
it showed they could not hurt you.
I only bought her for driving
on the diamond lanes on the highway.
Anyhoo nothing happened between us
until that last night of term
When we drank too much wine.
Rachel walked off in disgust
As he yelled so all could here
She's better in bed than you will ever be .

It was two weeks to the announcement of the contest winners.
No use worrying about it Matthew said
He went for a long evening stroll by the river.
As he turned on the river bend he saw Rachel
She was crying say beneath a huge willow tree.

For once he did not have a smart quip or an insult.
He walked to her and sat down next to her.
Why are you weeping ? Rachel he asked gently.
She had never ever heard his voice so soft.
My father died last night. She sobbed.
It occurred to Matthew he knew nothing of her life.
I am so sorry what happened
He was the clergyman at Saint Monica's Anglican Church
He had cancer and never let me know.
It had taken all his savings to get me through Oxford.
And he did not want me to lose focus.
Then she wept freely
Matthew held her close to him she wept on his his shoulder
His fingers gently touched her reddish auburn hair.
It was soft she smelt of lavender soap it was nice.
I ...I have to go to Stow  on the wold, tomorrow for the funeral.
I shall take you there
Do you have a car she asked.
Yes I have a twenty year old MG convertible.
My dad bought me when I got into Oxford.
It was arranged he picked her up
and off to the funeral they went .

He never felt as comfortable
or comforting in all his life.
He was seeing her in a new light
after all the stupid years.
They arrived at the old vicarage
Mrs Evans the housekeeper hugged them both
It's about time you got your pretty nose
out of those old dusty books
And got yourself a boyfriend.
The weird part was neither one of them
corrected Mrs Evans.

The funeral took place
And they set back along the old country roads to the university.
They talked about literature art poets and writers.
Then the old engine conked out.
Miles from anywhere
You need to go get petrol she said.

But there's no station between here and Oxford said Michael.
The phone signal was not reaching them.
We have to sleep in the car for the night.
Rachel said as long as you don't get any ideas.
You are not my type.

He was going to tell her she was his type
but said nothing.
It was freezing in the night Rachel was shivering
He took off his coat and jacket
and put them over her in the back seat
As he shivered frozen in the front seat.

In the early morning they woke up
She stepped out of the car and stretched
Matthew was on one knee in front of her
What are doing she asked?
What does it look like I am doing ?
I am proposing that you become my wife.
Never! never! never !
After all the insults you have laid upon me.
Well I'm I'm sorry he whispered.
Not good enough she shouted.

Do you have the guts to make a bet with me Matthew asked.?
Her reddish hair answered the challenge
Just try me.
OK if I win the award you will become my wife.
If I win then you get lost and marry the blow up lady.she countered.
Well the challenge was a tough one
If she did not accept it it was saying he was smarter than her and she knew it.
If she accepted it was the opposite.
OK you have a deal.

A week later Matthew was working in the library
The prize winners are being posted on the notice board.
He felt a gasp in his chest
As he reached the crowd of students he saw Rachel
She even had a trace of makeup on she was now
Getting to look beautiful to him.
Good luck rachel he whispered I hope you win.
She knew he meant it but she remembered the wager.
She said softly I hope it's you that wins Mathew.
A young woman rushed out of the crowd
Rachelle you won you won.
Mathews heart sank
Congratulations Rachel I am so happy for you.
She felt a tear selling in her eye
Mathew where are you going she said.
You told me to go And marry my send away lady
that you just add air to.
If I lost the bet and you won Rachel.
And her heart sank in her chest.

Then the young woman saw him
Matthew congratulations you won.
She showed him a copy of the winners notice.
It had a note
In all the years of the competition we have never had two such magnificent essays
The adjudicator's were unable to mark one better than the other
We have shared the prize to two winners for the very first time.
Rachel held Mathew close and kissed him fully and hard.
Not caring who was watching.
He kissed her back
The crowd were astonished
their feud was legendary at Oxford.


Two years later.

Matthew strolled in the park with the twins
and his beloved wife Rachel.
She had married him
a week after the award ceremony at Oxford.
It was said in the coffee room that the university
had never had two professors
as much in love as them
they were now both  teaching in the English department
and we're already in competition for their tenure.
But they never spent a moment appart.

He picked up the twins
and shouted his love for Rachel
on the top of his voice.
The evening breeze picked up the perfume
of the fallen leaves.
Rachel smiled at him
and whispered softly
I love you too dearest.

She felt him slip into that private room in her heart
that she always saved for her soulmate
As he entered the room holding their two babies.
She locked the door behind him
with the only key that existed.
And then she threw it
into the dense woodlands of Oxfordshire
Never to found again.

She was sick that I knew
Being caught between boyhood and manhood
did not make me blind.
They cut my hair off tonight honey.
It's ok mom
you are still
the most beautiful woman in the world.
You are such a charmer honey
The girls are going to love you.
I only want you to love me mom
Only you.

Everyone noticed I could not sleep anymore
Want to talk about anything?
the school nurse said.
No maam I said.

Then the nightmares
The tree huge and everlasting tree
outside my bedroom window.
It walked when I fell asleep.
It's twigs  like fingers
pulled me from my bed
It lifted me to its roaring mouth.
Fires glowed within
I am not afraid I said.
But I just don't know
how much I was afraid.
You are going to share your deepest
fears it roared.
But still I kept silent
not showing him anything.
No fear.

.Mom I need to sleep with you
I take her the meds
Just for five minutes honey.
I feel so sick sweetie.
Your Ok mom
You will get better.
Your hair will.
Grow again.

Call your dad He's in L.A
I know with the sister I never met.
And the lady I dont want to know.
Shhhssssss it's OK.

Then he came again
made of roots and leaves and twigs.
He picked me up like a Bird in the nest.

Tell me your truth. he roared
I have none I wailed.
But I did.....I did......I did

Grandma called she was as cold as ice
Some things never change.
You need to come to my place she said
Got there it was full of China figurines
I am going to the hospital don't touch anything

But the tree monster came again
I was so angry smashed all of grandma's stuff.
When she arrived back home the place is wrecked
She does not give me the licking I deserved.
Instead I heard her weeping in her bed.

The monster came again that night
It's time for your pain tell me it said.
I don't have pain, I lied
Tell me or you will be crushed
by my limbs it threatened.
I....I.....I want to tell her to let go
But that's my fear
It would be my fault you see.
What do I do?
You tell the truth the monster said
Only the truth.

I got back to grandma's place.
I looked at her
She kind of looked like mom.....But older
I just got a call from the hospice she said
We have to hurry
We got to go there?
At the railroad tracks
we were stopped.
By a freight train

Grandma said
We are very different people you and me.
I said I know grandma
But we are going to have to get along
I said I know grandma.
She said of course you do.

We got to the hospital
The nurse was solunm
Go right in, its OK.

She was dying I knew it.
Mom held my hand
I felt the monster behind me.
It whispered in my ear
I am here with you.
What do I do?
I said.
Tell the truth of the ages since time began.
The one that comes
from the inside of your heart.

I squoze her hand tight
I said
It's OK mom.
It's OK to go.
I will be ok.
I promise.
A giant heavy weight fell from my heart
I was truthful finaly.

I remember the last movement
of my mother hand
It faded away softly
Unlike my memories of her love.

But when we got back to grandma's place.
I cried and grandma held me to her breast.
I said I am so sorry grandma
For breaking your stuff.

She pulled me closer
I know honey.
It doesn't matter.
Yo are all that matters now.
I love you honey.
I said softly I love you too grandma

Are you crying tonight
As darkness swallows the light
Are you sorry we drifted apart
Do you play our old tunes
Below mellow moons
Do you miss
When I called you sweetheart

Does my chair by the fireplace
Seem empty and bare
Do you look in the twilight
And picture me there

My hearts so filled with pain
Can I come home again
Let me make all wrongs be right
I’m so sad being  lonesome tonight

I am 16 and black.
I don't mean
Amber or brown or cast.
I mean black.

The kids at school hate me
this is a white neighborhood.
But mom works for the whites.
She scrapes a living
and takes care of me.

Its just you and me mom
Only us.
Always us.
I know Mom.

Dad is dead
That's the end
All there is
He was a a navy seal.
In Vietnam.
Say no more.

They captured
and tortured him,
He died.
I know you
didn't want to die
Dad.

There was a package
he sent home.
It had a weapon
in the parcel.
Mom did not care  
She just missed him.
and kept it behind
their wedding pictures

I got his baseball hat
Not much
but it was his.
It  had navy seal in the back.
And to be truthful  it was  
my  most
treasured  possession.

I was the **** victim
of the. Bullies  at high school
they  tormented me
and beat me up
Even as I
was kicked and beaten
I held onto that hat.

Revenge is sweet they say
But I was black and kind of quiet.
I  just took their beatings
But they never
got that hat.

One white girl liked me.
I don't know why
She held me to her breast
after the beatings.
And if I knew what love was
I would say I loved her.
I think.

I got into the fight
with the  bad bully.
He was big and unforgiving
But I tried
and I got in a lucky punch.
It floored him
I guess it contained
All the pent up
hate and abuse.
And made it one punch.

They came to our house that night
Mom threatened
to call  the police.
But they shot her twice.
I knew she was dying
She whispered
with the last breath

Don't. seek revenge
my son
seek forgiveness
I had heard that in the bible
class somewhere.
But the burn
scorched  my soul

I went to his house
The revolver from
dads final package.
Gave me strength.
And courage.

Then he came to door
And he saw me
I am sorry man
so ******* sorry
he wept

I tried to pull the trigger
But I couldn't
His father appeared
behind him
**** that ******* ******
he shouted

but his son grabbed
this firearm
From my frozen hand.
I couldn't  pull that.
Trigger anyway.

He shot his father
the gun remained
in his hand
as his father
died in front  of us.

Four years later

Its the christening  of
my beautiful  daughter.

The white girl and me
Decided
we belonged  together.
Despite the difference
In our skin tones.

I whispered to her
I am so happy darling.
I think
I will love  you forever

She kissed our child
On her forehead
then kissed me
On my lips.

Just a quick
I know honey kiss.

The bully
that used to be.
held my baby girl.
Over the font.

He kissed her
head softly.
.but what are godfathers
Supposed  to do.

And in the distance
I could hear my Mom
She said softly
As always.
Don't. seek revenge
my son
seek forgiveness

And as we hugged together
My former bully
and now friend
Held each other
free of the bigotry
And hate of our past.
Then somewhere
in a heaven
Yet unproven.

A nice lady
that happened
To be my mom.
Whispered
See I told you
it it would
All work out,

Tonight I walk the chambers
Of your sweet heart my love.
It is the safest place I know.

full of our moments
and memories of us.
Here is your first glance at me.
So fateful
was that a smile to welcome me.?
I never noticed that before.
Just the promise
and invitation it held.

In your arms
I live in my safe place
all through the long years.
The home that fate
has saved for me.
You hold the only key
to its door.
for I do not need one
since
I will never leave this place.

I feel your arms
around me so safe
Never ever let go
of me my love.

My heart is open for you
its locks undone.
It beckons you inside.
To live in our sunshine
To feel every beat
as my blood flows.
Reassuring
and always loved
Come in my love
to our safe place

On winters snowbound nights
We sit together by the fire
The Maple wood glowing red
As sleep drifts upon us
Like a billowing cloud

Dreams appear once more
Of long ago days of our youth
And we open the book of love
That we wrote together
Page by page
across the fleeting years

I see you splendid
in your beautiful Maytime
Your eyes as grey
as a foggy morning.
They are filled with memories
Of our passions.
Hiding the ravages of a lifetime.

I hold my hand to yours
And we still connect like two stars
Caught in each other gravity
for eternity.
]

1979
The motel was almost invisible
In the evening California fog.
I come here every year
I did their books.
They were my First customer.
I did not expect to met her.
The woman I should have met
Before fourteen years of marriage
And three children in the fold.
But my god it was a Collison
destined to happen
Decided by fate
Out of control.
A drink of wine
A fireplace glowing
to take the chill
of autumn from the cold air
And off my heart.
Sure we had ***
But thats not true
We had what
had been missing
from our lifes
Foe way too many years.
I knew and she knew
It was too strong of a bond
To put down to a passing fancy.
Just as much as our children knew
we would always be there
for them.
That we loved them.
And always would
do that what is right for them.
But twenty five years have gone bye
and I still do the books
for the old motel.
Every year at the same time.
And for a few days
she joins me.
And life is sweet
And the world's journey
is tested.by my needs.
And I feel the love
that I need
the warmth
that I crave.
And the woman
That  I love
And as she leaves me
The car engine of her vehicle
whines goodbye for now.
I whisper to myself
I love you honey.
See you.
same time next year
my love

The drunk tank was as bad as  I remembered  
from the last week.
The acrid smell of human waste
Permeated the dank air.

She was paying my bail
I could see her so clean and soft
So pretty
I thought if how she held me close
as we made love in our clean bed.
Before she threw me out
because of the drinking.

I felt ashamed at my look
I needed a shave and a shower.
But living on the city streets is hard.

She touched my hair softly
lifting it from my brow.
She said I always loved you
I still do you know.
I mumbled I loved her as well.

As we entered the bright sunlight outside
She said
I lost our son as well you know.
The tears filled my eyes
And my heart began to ache once more.
I turned and walked away
towards the signpost
for a town
named Oblivion.

Do you remember honey?
All the happy times we had
The plans that we made.
Retirement was to be our time.

Now I am so alone
Our little house reverberates
With your echoes.

I finally sent your dresses
To the goodwill.
I was storing them like a hoarder.

I still kept your favorite sweater
I sleep with it by my head.
When missing you
is just too hard for me bear
I bury my face in it to
capture the last fading scent
of your perfume.

I have left your open book
and your glasses
beside your chair.
As always

Its time for our nightly call.
I pick up our telephone..
And dial our own number.
You answer me as usual

The timbre of your voice
Reaches into my heart.
I know every
syllable and nuance
of your words.
But it's better than faded
photographs and letters.

You tell me
to leave a message.
I say softly
I miss you
so much my love.
So very much.

I know exactly
when I fell  in love with him.
It was at my sisters engagement party.
I was weeping.
I suppose I was jealous of my sister.
She had all that I did not.
No one was in sight
no one cares for me
well not beyond ******* me,
not for me, really

The fiancees best friend was a ****
he put the moves on me.
Another anonymous ****,
I thought.
I like your smell
are you wearing, my sin.
How ******* cheesy.

No, I hate perfume, I said,
I know you You Have a reputation
you would **** anything in a skirt.
I still like your smell he said.

And I wanted  to believe it
I guess I was lonely
Easy pickings.
I slept with him.
******* him,
it was sweet.

A couple of months later
I was pregnant, in the club
Up the spout,
Bun in the oven
Blasted into maternity
by a guided muscle.

But he just said, Oh ****
No worries love.
And He asked  to marry me.
I said are you crazy
He  said
yes i'm crazy about you.

At the wedding he sang
A beautiful love song
to me in Spanish
Right in front of everybody.
He learned ******* Spanish,
Just for me.
He had a horrible voice.
But it was the most beautiful thing
I have ever heard
so ******* beautiful.

When our daughter was born
he was the doting father.
He worshipped her
but he made me
feel like never before.
I loved him..
That womanizing *******
That treated me like gold.
He had stolen my heart.

Six years later
we have three kids now
I think he is probably
the best father
that ever was

But to me
He is the light,
that causes
my life to shine
Like diamonds.

Do you remember my darling
we were just children way back then.
we played in the summer rain.
Dancing in puddles.
Splashing in colored rubber boots.
Drenched with happiness
in the summer rain.
I think that's when
I first fell in love with you.
I knew even back then
we would marry one day.

Remember we always
loved walking in the rain.
The olive green days
of our life my love.
You, Me, the rain.
Then when the sickness came
you tried to hide it from me.
but I knew ...I knew.....I Knew……
It was too strong for the
rain to wash away.

I remember that last day
my love.
you asked me is it raining?
I said yes my love.
It's rained all day.
Take me outside you whispered.
Dance with me in the rain
just one last time.
I carried you out to the garden
we danced in the rain.

Now when I feel
lonely and sad.
and missing you is just
too hard for me to bear.
I stand in the pouring rain
and I can feel you close to me.
And the gentle pure rain
washes away my tears.

The night Silence is absolute
In the shadows of this moon
When crystal stars are twinkling
And all hearts sing a soulful tune

Oh moon! you look so lonesome
So bright and paper white
A canvas for lovers to paint on
Like my heart this summer night

Not all those  alone are lonely
Not all those  lonely are alone
Moon we have the world to see
Before my heart can find its home

As a little girl,
he sat next to me
at junior school.
I always liked him.
No much more than that.
Much much more....

Later at high school
we walked home together.
He would carry my books.
At graduation,
he was my date.
We even went
to college together.

That was when
we broke the chains
of friendship and
he became my lover.
My first and only love.

We married young
it was no surprise
to our parents.
They were expecting it.

Before I knew it
we had three kids.
Two girls and a boy.
Our son looks just like him.

September 10, 2001

It was just like any other day.
He came home from work
Cooked burgers
on the backyard barbeque.

We got the kids to bed
drank a glass of wine
went to bed at ten.
He wanted to make love
but I was exhausted
the kids had
been terror's all day.

September 11, 2001

The next day
he kissed me goodbye.
With a see you later honey.
I got a call from my friend
She said quickly
put on the TV.

I saw the towers fall
Turning to ashes
Like my life did
at that moment.

All I could think was
I wish I had made love
to him last night.

September 11, 2018

The children are all
grown up now.
He would be
so proud of them.

I look at my strong
handsome son.
He looks like him exactly.

We stand at ground zero
and say a prayer.
I whisper
it was always you honey
Only you.

As if by magic
he answered me
A giant beautiful rainbow.
Circled over New York City.
And I know it was for me.

The Christmas Train
1946 England just after the war.

Christmas is hard to take when you are alone.
Its about giving and loving and family.
The war had been hell
fighting in the war everyone is a suspect.
The bomb had been planted in the road
and exploded as the jeep passed over it.
it killed five soldiers but I survived.
Well part of me did
I get flashbacks loud noises cause me
to freeze and tremble
. And I just don't to seem to care anymore
about anything.
I was a teacher before the war
at a quiet country school.
I could not even go back to that now.

The train trundled slowly forward
and the ***** railroad buildings passed by
after an hour or two

My fiance had met someone else
when I was away for a tour of duty in France.
I have no family so I decided to spend Christmas
on the train going up from London  to Inverness
the slow sleeper train it would pass the time.

On Christmas eve the old train rumbled past
the villages and towns of old England.
It crossed the border to Scotland ahhh Scotland
so rugged and beautiful.
Pristine lochs  wild mountains
snow capped hills and valley's
For the first time since the war I felt at peace.
In an effort to take in the seasons spirit
I was reading a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.
Mr. scrooge was admonishing Bob Cratchet
for wanting Christmas day off from work.

When she stepped onto the train at Inverness.
I think she was the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen
I know my heart stopped beating.
She entered my carriage
Would it be alright if I joined you she smiled.
She took a package of ham sandwiches from her purse.
Would you care for one she asked
holding one out for me.
i was famished and accepted her offer.

She started the conversation
and seemed interested in what I had to say.
Even ignoring the stammer
that the wartime explosion had gifted to me.
We talked of family
and Christmas past
I told her of the Christmas times at greyfields school
for English boys
that I had taught at before the war.
Of the carol singing in the chapel
and the big party prior to the boys
going home for the holidays.

She seemed interested
and even smiled at my weak jokes.
I bought two weak after war british rail coffees
from the of char lady.

I told her the history of the town's
as we passed them
By York I was in love with her.

Somewhere in the adjacent carriage
a young boy with a soprano voice
sang o holy night
it was Christmas
and we were reaching our destination .

I supposed I would never see her again.
After all she was stunning
and I was  shell shocked wreck
of a boring old history teacher.

She sat next to me and kissed me full on the lips.
She whispered merry Christmas dear.
I was stunned and stammered merry Christmas dear lady.
She said I apologise
  for my forward behavior
I have never kissed a man uninvited before.
But you are so very shy.


Forty years later

I had returned to greyfields
and became the headmaster of that sainted school
we were now retired
in the house provided
for the headmaster emeritus and his wife.

I looked at her. For the last time
  from my bed it was my time at last my time.
I said do you remember
the Christmas train my darling.
She smiled lighting up her still beautiful eyes
I gave you half of my sandwich.
And you kissed me my love.
She smiled leaning forward.
Yes I kissed my life partner
that I had found at last.
Like this, her lips found mine
and she was the last thing of beauty
I saw in this world.

The old  train trundled
through the English countryside
we entered Scotland
It was Christmastime.
The old char lady pushed her tea trolley
past my carraige.
She said
Be patient
She will join you very soon dearie
at Inverness.

Something less than love
by
Jude Kyrie

I was only five when she left me
just a little boy.
That long ago summer
when the heat
burned upon the earth
and also on passions.
Of those who could feel them.

she left us with the handsome
man with the big car.
since then even after all
these passing years
I have looked
and searched for a place
to lose my sadness.
It was an improbable  search

sometimes in the stillness of sleep.
I would hear the songs she
sang as I fell asleep in her comfort.
or feel her lips softly on my cheek.
To feel my tears wiped dry by her lips

I dreamt of her often
hearing
her almost forgotten footsteps
coming into my room.
I painted her beautiful face
in my mind indelibly
until time faded it to a blur.

Now I am man no longer
The  little boy
with torn jeans and.
***** tee shirt.
And aching heart

people say to me
dumb things like.
She is still out there
and thinks of you everyday.
With a mother's love in her heart.
You can't lose that ever.

I nod in concert with their thoughts.
I whisper sure or maybe.
But
I know that  inside of her heart.
it's something less than love.
yes for sure.
Something much less than love

By
Jude kyrie

When I first saw him
I thought how ordinary he looked.
Not my type at all.
Certainly, he was no movie star.

But he waited outside my small flat.
Day after day
in the pouring seattle rain.
Soaked to the skin.
just to catch a glimpse of me.

After a week I gave in.
And went out with him.
More to get rid of him.
Than anything else.

He was so **** comfortable.
Like an old
Sunday morning sweater.
I have no idea
Six months later.
Why I said yes when
he asked me to marry him.

Perhaps because the night
sky was too blue and star-filled.
Or because he cried
when Bambi's mother died.
Or because he was so gentle.
And I knew he would never
Try to control or hurt me,

He always knew all my moods,
my sadness sometimes happy
or so often broken.
He knew just what to say to
clear away the pain.
He made me laugh so easily.
How did you always make me
feel so beautiful honey

When the sickness came
He tried to hide it from me.
But I knew…...I knew...I knew

I have lost him now
and the world is not as bright
as it once was.

There have been other imposters
I acted out the choreographed
movements of love with them.

But in the fading light of evening.
when darkness swallowed the twilight.
It was always you honey.
Only you.
Because only you
knew how to fix me.

There is mournful sound
in the November rain.
Haunting rain.

Tap, tap, tapping
on the darkened pane,
Window pane

Cold winds blowing
with an icy breath,
With a wailing voice
that whispers death.
What gives such sadness
to this rain?
November Rain.

Lovers wail
inside this rain
It cries like a soul
in human pain.
Souls in pain.

Its Frozen wetness
chills the flowers heads
Ice cold upon
their summer beauty
now lay dead.
such beauty fades in frozen vain
In the cruel November rain

Stirring  brown leaves
now blown and fled
Weeping on  gravestones
where more than
leaves lie dead.

Do they haunt
our memories once again
In the relentless wailing
November rain?
Haunting rain.

On winter nights the heart remembers
The warmth if love in glowing embers

When children home and family glowed
Along a distant time passed road

Eyes that gazed so wide and bright
Falling in love and wedding nights

When the world was filled with sacred vows
and the days were only made of now’s

Of a time so filled with life's perfection
Now lost inside a faint reflection.

But time slips bye slowly day by day
Until all is spent and you went away

Now winter nights are all that remain
With distant moments to ease the pain

Even from a distance
She knew it was him
She found him waiting outside her small flat
he was in the bloom of the old converted gaslight.
She noticed the grey flecks in his beautiful eyes.
That had caused her to undress
for him a thousand times.
Hi!
he whispered softly
like honey falling from a spoon.
She flashed her prettiest smile at him.
And tossed her hair back like she used to.
You look as beautiful as I remember.
She looked at him
for some small signal of remorse
but she could not see it.
He wanted her
that much was palpable.
She felt his need burning
even in the cold night air.
There’s a hole in my existence he said.
Where all the memories get in
They are all of you he half whispered?
His mouth almost smiling.
That smile that had
melted her heart so often.
Why me?
she asked him almost in a whisper.
I was never enough before
she retorted.petulantly.
Wanting to hurt him
as badly as he had hurt her.
I did not know I loved you
until you were not there he said.
A sadness glowed in his eyes.
And if you remember
it was you that left me.
Why did you leave? He asked
Because you never asked me to stay
she said quietly.
I am asking now he  answered.
She let him into her flat
She undressed for him
and they made love.
When she awoke she heard
the click of her door as he left her.
She knew her heart would ache
Just as it had before.
And she knew he would be back again.
And she would let him in once more.

I know I am just a working man
i think in honesty that's why you left me.
I know I was never enough to make you stay.
I struggle with words I suppose two years
As class clown in English class caused that.
But give me a sick engine and my tool box
I can make it sound like poetry.

I saw a therapists  to help me
with my depression after you left me.
I think it was a broken heart.
I know my toolbox
could not help me to fix it.
She said to write my feelings
On a paper to get them out in the open.
Where they could be dealt with.

So here it is
my first writing project.
since my c minus in 12th grade
This is not a love poem for you.
Please Don’t take this as a love poem.

I do not care to relive
our romantic moments in my poetry.
Like when I saw you for the first time.
And the songs of angels
sang in my bursting heart.

I will never write a love poem for you
Like when we sheltered from the spring rain
Below an old  maple tree
dripping in olive greens
And I noticed the colour of its leaves
Were the exact colour of your eyes.

I am finished with silly love poems
And will never mention again
How I stop and my heart skips a beat
when I hear a laugh thats
exactly like yours.
Or see a woman from behind
and her hair is burnished gold
Just like I remember yours.

I think I am better now almost cured.
Intruth I am quiet over you.
In fact I hardly ever think of you,,anymore.
Except perhaps in springtime.
But then again
I should never think of springtime.
For that would surely
break my heart in two

There are pebbles on the seashore
They have been here forever.
smoothed by the oceans sand.
Almost soft in the countless
washes of time.
Every blemmish honed away
until only their pureness
of being remains.

When my mortal days are done.
I shall place my soul
Alongside these stones
And let the waters of infinity
smooth it like the stones.
Until all that remains
is its pristine purity.
And then I shall place it
on the shores of forever.

She sees me in the fading light
Sat upon a park bench
An old man dreaming .
Harry
she says her eyes as bright
as the first time I saw her.
No to be honest
The first time I fell.
In love with her.

Nice to see you honey
sit with me for a while
Lets talk about the old days?

Do you remember love.
I had long hair
You called me
your wild man.
You were beautiful
I called you my baby girl.

They said we were too young
we were not ready for marriage
But we ran away and did it.
God I loved you honey.
I could not wait to get home
and dive into bed with you.
I couldn't get enough of you,

Where did it fall apart my love.
It was me, I am sure it was me.
I was never enough for you.
You were everything for me
More than enough.

But you were growing more
than I was.
You wanted more from life.
You know I never found anyone
who touched me like you did.
You were my first and I loved you.
There's never anyone else
that can be first like that.

Stay for a while with me
lets share a cigarette
and talk about the old days.
Of the moon and stars
And the gravity of regrets.
Just don't go,
No not just yet.

Here comes that dream again.
I am 17 not 58
My old  candy apple red 64 mustang convertible
Screams it throaty roar.
From its straight through muffler.
The Beatles are screaming
All my lovin.
From my favorite 8 track tape.

Next to me is Abby Foster
Only the hottest girl in my school.
She is laughing in joy
and slips her hand into mine.

I have been fantasizing
about her for weeks.
Maybe today's the day
She will.....
Never mind its my dream, right.
I love this dream

The alarm clock rings
and gives me a rude awakening.
The scene changes to the
Real world on a workday morning.
I turn to the middle aged lady
In the bed next to me.

Gently I awaken her.
And kiss her forehead.
I say softly.
Rise and shine
Abby my love.
It's 7am.

I am breaking the promise
that I made to myself, .
The one I made
to my heart and soul.
That I would not write love poetry
for you, ever again.

To lock my heart in a vault.
So those thoughts of you
Can not get back inside.
And haunt me in my dreams.

I am throwing away
the keys to my heart.
Into the deepest ocean.
Never to be found again.

I need to excise the ghost you left
haunting the ruins of my soul.
Walking about inside it
As if it was still your home.
even though
I was ever enough
to keep you here.

I promised I would let you go.
So I can continue
surviving and breathing
Even with the dagger
You left in my heart.

I promised myself
I did not need loving thoughts
of you to write
my poetry any more.

But here I am again.
Writing  more love poems for you.
Because you are still the muse
of every one of my creative thoughts.

And without you
There is no more
poetry left in me.
So because...
because...
.because of that.

This is better....
........This is better
.......................This is better.
Than nothing at all.

On this moonlit
Winter night.
A red gown
lay on top
of the open dumpster.
Catching starlight
on its red sequins.
The only splash of color
in the monochrome
back alley.

The red gown
No longer
Clinging to the curves
Of a beautiful lady.
Dressed for the party.
Or
Catching the cascading lights
From a glitter ball at the dance.
Or
Hanging in a special place
Inside her closet.
Just waiting
for the next time.
The red gown.
Left unwanted
And forgotten.
Frozen upon
the open dumpster

On a cold
snowy winters night.
Turning from red to white.
Absorbing all that once was.
A single snowflake
At a time

Being alone has become a lifetime for me now.
So many years since I lost you my love.
My heart is frozen like the ice of winter.

I think she noticed me first
I am not sure.
But the ice started to melt.
The winter snow had drifted from eternity
Perhaps it had hidden there forever.
But now it sparkled in the snowflakes
with the dancing  light
of old  street lamps.

Perhaps that would have been enough once.
But the dinner at the old hotel
Had candles of red and green
to celebrate the season of goodwil
and to bring  new beginnings to all.

The loss of  a Christmas past can
fall like the snowflakes..
Hardly noticeable at first.
Then a dusting falling onto the face
living as  frozen tears

Put away in the freezer of time.
The ice crystals cannot
live in the warmth of this joyous season
They are left  frozen upon  the
face  of old Christmas past.

Misty memories come alive again
Wounds open and blood flows.
The hurt returns.
They say  time is the healer
It patches the wounds.
But scars live forever.

And yet she is here now.
not to replace you my love.
or take away what was once us.
All she ask, is to take what is
left of me for the future.
And shine its tarnished
glow like old silver.

In the festive restaurant.
Her smile is a cure for my sadness.
Her hand a guiding light to tomorrow.
Her heart is glowing like
the yulelog in the fireplace.

Then from the candlelight,
the final cure of my sadness.
The one I waited for an eternity
The ghost of Christmas future
Was in the candlelight that danced
Inside her beautiful eyes.

I stand in my night garden
Drenched in the need of its moonglow
The cool autumn wind whispers
secrets of the seasons to come.
On a night,
when rustling floral leaves
Move slowly in the air
about my feet.
Like playful spirit's.
The last of the autumn sun
falls below the horizons abyss.
Leaving only darkness
as it steals the last of the light.
An everlasting moon
glows its welcome presence.
Spilling  its milktoast silvered light
In pools upon the pathway.
A chorus of stars awaken in unison.
And the night sings its song of peace
My heart weeps joyful tears
overwhelmed by this
autumnal nightglow.

In the orchard cherry blossoms bloom
As pure as the fallen snow
The fragrant air sings a springtime tune
A melody we both did know.

I sit below our cherry tree
And reach out for your hand
The aching heart no one can free
The sadness I cannot stand.

fragrant breezes touch my face
As softly as you touched my skin.
I feel you so close my heart does race
And another maytime will begin.

I look into her eyes
it's That old feeling that I get
We could have shared a lifetime
Me and my sweet Annette

Were both married to another
Stolen moments is all we get
I hold her close to me
I feel she is mine and yet
She will go back to him in a moment
I will lose my sweet Annette

She sees the tears welling in my eye
The saddened look as she said goodbye
She said Harry are you weeping?
Your eyes are red and wet

I smiled even with my heart aching
And brimming with regret.
No, I'm alright my sweet Annette
It's just the smoke that's rising
From my forgotten cigarette

On the rose, the petals fall
In quietness one by one
The winter snows in silence call
They know that you have gone

In empty rooms the silence roars
In a house, I once called home
Only echoes of a closing door
As I lay sleepless all alone

In my heart, the teardrops fall
In quietness one by one
In my dreams, the memories call
For they know that you have gone

This night the fragrance
of oranges and pomegranates
blooms sweetly in the air.
Kiss me softly my darling
with your petaled lips
Softer and sweeter than
any rose.
Embrace me in your arms.
For you are the fairest my love
With eyes that reach into my heart
Your mouth is the sweet red wine of summer.
The softness of your breast
are as the billowing clouds of a summer's day.

This night is full of timeless passions.
Hold me close to you my  love.
For I am intoxicated by the need of you in this Indigo night.

Let us harvest our passions
And plant the seeds of forever.
To ripen the vine and blossom the cherry trees.

Stay with me,
my love
Stay with me
All through this perfumed night
Until the night gives
birth to the new day.

Grandpa is lost in dementure
No longer remembering anyone.
With brief moments
of recognition.
He came into the house
from his beloved garden.
Holding a beautiful
bouquet of flowers.

He sees grandma.
Falls on one knee
You are so beautiful
Please marry me.

She touches his old  head
We are already married honey.
A huge smile
lights up his face.

Darkness  hangs from a desolate sky
you passed so quickly without a goodbye.
I Hold this moment forever
with tears in my eye.
For the rain falls like teardrop
And  never runs dry

In the heart there's a river
where all memories drown.
They float to the surface
and spin round and round
Nighttime is a prison
that holds no reprieve.
And regrets are a guest
that never will leave.

Living a life  between truth and  lies.
Look at my smile but not into my eyes.
Pity my longing my tears and my sighs
Never again to  speak
for I can't whisper goodbye

The old bijou cinema
has not changed.
Not for all the years
that I remember.

I sit here alone now
the old place almost empty.
Bogart and Bacall
are lighting up the silver screen.
I know this movie by heart
and find myself
whispering their lines.

I still  sit in our old seats ,my love.
The ones where you and I
fell in love
so very long ago.

We fell for each other here
alongside the golden
movie stars
of the old days.

I knew back even then
you were too beautiful for me
.beauty like yours is for the gods.
Not for such an ordinary man
as me,

I have never stopped
coming here my love.
Even though my heart
was broken into pieces
and still remains so.

You see,sometimes
when the stars kiss
and the romance
swirls in the air
like starlight
I can feel your hand

squeezing onto mine
just like it did
so long ago.

And for a moment,
just a tiny
brief moment,

it is as though
you are right here
with me once again.
And all in  the world
is right once more

In the night hours
the feelings glow.
So brightly, that sleep
is now, so far away.

I play chopin's nocturne
It is beautiful
the piano plays as softly
as your fingers
once touched my skin.

Outside the Silvered moonlight spills in milk toast pools on the pathways.
And the nightbird sings my grief
To the heavens that have taken you.

A loneliness that no company
can break
fills me with old memories.
Of you, my love,
only of you.

I reach for your picture on the night table.
I kiss you through the cold glass.
And hold you
close to my heart
.
And I know in that illuminated world that knows no pain or darkness.
You can feel my heart
still beating for you.

Love me for ever after
with your  shining
glitter ball eyes
love me through
children and laughter
With a million gentle
soft sighs.

Love me through
all Christmas mornings.
With your love
as my treasured prize
Love me through
Dark nights and dawnings
Let me drown in the pools
of your eyes.

When I'm old and my eyes
lose their bright shine.
And time quenches
my ardent flame.
Then love me
and love me again

Come to me my lover
With the fragrance of jasmine
and rose petals filling the air.
They call you to my room.
Without worry or care.

Breathe the perfumed flowers
that sing as they bloom..
For we are now one
As our vows have now said.
Come make me your wife
This night we are wed..