i remember all the nights you wanted to die and was almost unlucky enough to pull it off.

I remember on June 30th when I was in the passenger seat of the car and I couldn't hear anything but ringing my ears

It took two or three drives around to find out where you were, I remember seeing you from distance and I couldn't believe my eyes

You looked so beautiful, like the first time I looked at a photo of you on my phone screen but times a million, god you looked so beautiful.

I don't want to watch you step on the plane after we lock our lips for the last time for a long time

For the past week I've fallen sleep at 6 or 7 am and I would give anything to go to bed at a decent time

Last night I fell to the kitchen floor getting a drink and started twitching and shaking

It felt like fear had stabbed his dagger through my chest

I went to my room, laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for 5 minutes wishing I could be ****** into space and not deal with the fear anymore

even though i'm happy in my current relationship even though we argue a lot, i think about killing myself every day. but, not because of her of course. mostly because of the stress of school and thinking every day that she's going to dump me and i don't think i'll be able to deal with heartbreak again. i don't want anyone else but her.

I was cleaning my room and i found a small box with a poorly carved heart

in it were polaroids we took and a note you left me the night you left a year ago

and i began to wonder why did i keep the note

why did i keep the only reminder i have of the night i lost everything

"its not you its me" how ******* cliche

when i finished reading i felt as if i had been punched in the gut

there was just a deafening silence  

3 months later i walk into the coffee shop downtown and im in the sitting area writing stupid poems and i hear a sweet and soothing voice and i glance over and the girl in the apron behind the counter has completely blown me away

i look for like 6 seconds and she looks so i look away in an instant

i come back the next day and maybe this day ill have the courage to ask her out

or just buy a coffee and not have the guts to have a conversation with her

im in the sitting area once more and i walk to the counter and ask for a frappe and you make it for me i thank you and i walk away, there goes all my courage

the cartoon devil and angel on my shoulder climb into my brain fighting over what i should do

eventually the angel won

luckily youre on break

i walk up to you and tell you my name and you tell me yours and after 10 minutes of getting to know one another i ask you out on a date and as anxiety wraps his hand around my throat you say yes and he loosens it

we plan a date for saturday night

i drive to your house and on the way on the highway a car flipped over with ambulances on the scene i hope the driver is okay

i pull into your driveway and i go to your door and you open it as im about to knock and ******* you look so beautiful

we go to a restaurant of your choosing that ive never been to before and we talk about our childhood, and our current lives and i pay for the check and we head out

we still have time to spare so i ask if you wanna go stargazing and you happily agree

we drive up and luckily no one else is around i turn on the radio and we lay on the hood of the car and this turns into a daily thing for after our dates

a month later we're happily together as a couple and  your family loves me and my family loves you and i stop by the coffee shop everyday to say hi and grab a cup of coffee

but forward to 7 months later as things went downhill

we were living together

you barely looked at me anymore

you never wanted to go on dates or stargazing

you were never in the shop when i came in as if you were hiding from me

i walked into my room and there was a note from you

you were leaving me

a year later I was cleaning my room and i found a small box with a poorly carved heart

in it were polaroids we took and a note you left me the night i found your note a year ago

and i began to wonder why did i keep the note

why did i keep the only reminder i have of the night i lost everything

"its not you its me" how ******* cliche