As I slip into a deep sleep,
Memories of him creep into me.
I shake in my bed grabbing at the place he used to lay.
I want to open my eyes to look for him,
But I know the outcome,
I do not want to see.
I miss the way I would fall asleep to the sound of his heavy breathing;
I miss when I could turn over at 2am and kiss his neck and his back.
He is gone,
I am here alone, walking the paths meant for two.
Every smile I see I think of you.
As I sit in the cafe he had shown me months before,
A single tear rolls down my dry skin.
His mind is now a fairground ride-I wonder if he thinks of me.
I grab the sweater he gave to me,
And slip back into a state of euphoria.
I miss him.

As I toss and turn in my cool crisp sheets,
I gasp for air, I grab at nothing, I scream at you.
You hold me down, kiss my cheek, and move your lips over me.
As I scramble my legs and flail my arms I realize I am trapped.
My body is physical, able and ready to flea,
But you have manipulated my mind, it is weak, blind, unable to see.
As I spiral down towards the reality that I am lost,
You lock your hands in with mine, you pull me close, and whisper sweet nothing.
I am drawn in by the sparkle of your eyes, chapped lips and wet marks left on your face from my tears.
As I search my body for any will to run away,
I feel nothing.
I am gone, lost, all surrendered to your will.
I am petrified.