Picture this:

You're at work
in your little
cubicle.
Doing nothing
too important.
Emailing this,
filling out that.
Talking to Bill,
George, Hank and Ken.
Laughing merrily
about some *****
that Hank ******
on Saturday.
When suddenly
BANG!

It hits you.

That feeling
deep in the pit
of your gut.
No, you're not
hungry.
Well not for food, anyway.
The feeling that slaps
you across
the face,
is the feeling
of emptiness.

It comes out of
nowhere
and stings like ****.
"What am I
doing?"
You ask yourself.
"Where am I
going,
what am I DOING?!"

Ok, maybe not that dramatic.
But it still hurts.
And it still stings.
And you don't know
what to do.
So you excuse yourself.
Head to bathroom
and look in the mirror.
You're sweating.
Your heart beats
at the rate it would
if you were doing
some heavy work.
Lifting a big pile
of clothes
and running down
a
long
flight
of
stairs.
And you don't know why.

But then you
do know why.
It's because you're
wasting your
******* time.
"You're dying, man."
Your brain tells you.
"You're
*******
dying
here."

Hitting the dirt
Again and he spins
Averts the impossible
Loses but then he wins
Taking the swings
With the pauses
And the misses with the hits
Always minds his causes
And takes the chunks with the bits

Out and about
He's a man for all people
They scream and they shout
But he's no feeble
Minded trickster with those
Lying sleeves and words
He's the one they chose
He's not just for the birds
No - he don't subscribe to the herd

When it's all said and done
And he unties his laces
He says he's had fun
Open and closing cases
Taking and stealing bases
Like it's just part of his day
Running and gone with no traces
It's not about the pay
No - no, just part of the day

They wanted him to go
To disappear in the woods
All alone

He wanted to leave
To live on a beach
All alone

But they just couldn't do it
They could never let him go
By himself

Because they knew he'd never
He'd never come back

So they tied him to the barn
They beat his limbs dead
They taped his mouth closed
Wrapped a bag around his head

He moaned and he bled
And they just laughed and pointed
"He's done for," they agreed
But they could never stick a man like him

When the sun went down
And the moon shined bright
He gained the strength
To stand and fight

He shook off the ropes
The bag and ties
He coughed up the last of the blood
And soon held his head high

He looked to the distance
At the house and all the animals
And smiled and smiled
Because he was done with them fools

People on this Earth
Don't seem to notice
When another walks by
Nobody chose this
This stretched rope we walk
Seems to thin out
With each and every step
There's no way out

Either you make a move
Or stay still
Both ways you end up dying
Even by way of pure power of will
That rope is always there
Staring you in the ******* face
Taunting you and telling you you're nothing
All you know is you've got to get out of this place

Get in the road
Rip the engine up
**** that twisted path
Even what's "right" is ****** up
You have to carve your own way
With every ounce of your being
Every drop of blood
Just stop bobbing and weaving
You've got to learn to take the hit
You've got to learn to stop giving a ****
You have to get up and move on, inch by inch, bit by bit

i was comin' 'round the bend
and i tripped and fell
on my face and then
i raised nothin' but hell.

i've got this affectation
that never goes away.
i need a ******' vacation
all i want is some play.

Watch her lips
The way the words float from her mouth
Through the air
They seem to flutter
And then dissipate
Just like that

Watch her legs
The way they bend at the knee
Like an animal
Ready to pounce
With each and every step
Without effort

And last but not least
Keep your eyes
On her eyes
Two flickering, batting
Mysterious doors of light
That slam shut
Just as you reach the doorstep

What a performance

Yeah, its done now
I saw your eyes
Glinting and shimmering
Before the sunrise
But now on my own
And you are too
The words you said
Weakened me like a flu

We came at dawn
Naked and cold
The wind blew strong
Suddenly felt so old
With limbs paralyzed
By the thought
Of the end of the line
But I fought

Now I'm stronger
I must admit
These things happen
And people don't give a ****
But from within you
You can sense
Your hearts aglow
And no longer so dense

Sunrise.

Another fretful and sudden surprise.
Caught me on my bruised black blindside.
Never thought I'd see the day or this kind
Of feeling falling on the horizon of my mind.

Sunset.

Down again and overwhelmed by upset.
Turned around, and before I knew it, I let
Myself lose. Forever on the **** end of a bad bet.
Lets just see how much worse this can get.

Walk the edge
Where the waves are black and white
Your feet pad the sand
As the water greets and says goodbye

Cyclic motions
To and fro
Come forth then go back
Just let it go

All of the light
And all of the dark
This polar place
Is where I felt a spark

Inside my head
Eased by the certainty
That everything is one
And nothing is left out

See through you
and all that you do.
Never trusted a girl
who sounded that sweet.
Seen my share of the world
and I've wept for weeks.
Earthly things no longer
take me by surprise.

It's what they all say:
"I love you".
Working, trying to play and
"I love you".
Nothing sounds so bland as
"I love you".

Saw you brushing yourself off
in uncut grass, under tall trees.
For things they tend to scoff at,
I take my leave.
Everything they all value
I see as dirt.
Deep down you know the truth
and it hurts.
Rise above and cut the root,
watch it burn.

There's something to say
Well, a lot to say
About the clarity
One feels
After you've moved on
From someone
Or something
What have you
However
Right now
I don't think I'm in the right mind space
To accurately describe the feelings
Going through
My head
My heart
My lungs and
My body
Right now

So
I'll just stop now

She said
Why don't you go to bed
With me?
It'll be
Like nothing
You've ever been
So I said back
You give me heart attacks
I just can't
Can't put myself through that

No, I won't subject myself
To you
I can't do it anymore

I tripped over
To her apartment
That night
Against my better judgment
Came through
Knocked on her door
What could I do?
I knew I shouldn't anymore
So when she said
That her nights been crazy
Her heads a mess
Barely balanced on her shoulders
I realized
That enough was enough
Told her
It would all be alright
It'll all be alright
Don't worry
I'm not in a hurry
As I walked out
It was all a lie
**I let slip happily through my teeth

been down and tarnished
insecurities have been brandished
neurocircuits outlandish
i've got the fists but i can't hit

stand down and hold your own
no celebrations in the end-zone
keep cool while you pick the bone
no one has to know that the lights shone

i walk around a dichotomy
sit beneath a blooming tree
die in the winter, revived a stinging bee
don't break the lock, i've got the key

I just want another go
I just want to let go
I just want to see
I just want to be

Things seem so cheap
Things make it so I can't sleep
Things never seem to look up
Things always make life ****

I told you why
I told you I'd fly
I told you it'd end
I told you I wouldn't bend

But it's all good
But I'm alright
Because in this neighborhood
Everyone loses sight

Who stole my loving?
Who removed my joy?
Surgical instruments
Sterilized silver knives
Who's winning the fight
When neither side is right?
Impending disaster areas
Coated in radioactive slime
I think it's time
I think it's time
This is the time

Bombs sail coolly overhead
Warm sunlight directs the flight
Circular motions around our head
Before everything goes white

With each strike of a key
As silly as it seems
Your eyes have been used to see
Exclusively
For too long

From each sunset to day break
My soul, my body seems to ache
Please, here is my whole being to take
Offered up as my hands and knees shake
It seems there are no suitable takers

Through the thick of the night
The fog over the river's so bright
With moon shining high exuding white light
In times like these we used to hold eachother so tight
But now we're nothing but my memory's dream

Now I am stuck and getting lost in the woods
Seems like it happens more often than it should
Like all the times I said I could
And every time I said I would
Without a second thought

But now I think twice

As the days pass
The nights drown in the sea
The wind always picks up
Just as you see me
I tend to have that effect
It's just a gift, I guess
But whenever I give up
You're never ready to let
To let it go

So as I sit here by the window
Thinking of you and your breath
And those times we sat side by side
In your, car going so fast
The wind picked up just as it always does
Your hair dancing in time with it
And your mouth humming
To the tunes on the radio

Why it has to be this way
Never has made so much sense
No it's never been clear
This year
Not really anything has
But it's a build up
Just a slow accumulation
To the ******
And the burst of the joys
Yet to come
I suppose

Everyone knows that rhyme pays
So I don't know why more people don't try
Everyone knows they can't stay
After they jumble their meanings in between lies

I don't think people get the gist of this thing
This thing called life in which were all our own king
These situations brought up just so we can get up and sing
And thinking of ways to slow down with more *******

People try to ******* you
But if my memory serves me well
I've gotten pretty good sorting **** from the true
And if you wrap your stink in perfume and try to sell it
To me I believe I will leave at the scent of the fever

Life blurs before your ****** eyes
Just as they slam shut
A wind pushes you across the line
You hear a whisper hit your drum
You feel your heart beat in your chest
In your warm crimson bath you wait
It makes me want to cry when you think you know what's best
When you've never been the hunter, but the hunter's bait

I don't wanna die
Without having said every word
And meant them all
Don't wanna have to explain myself
When all my cards are on the table
For everyone who wants to look to see
Don't wanna leave
Without saying my peace
Don't ever wanna see you again
If I'm gonna be deceased
Before my time
I think I deserve this rambling
Because when my mind runs
I can't catch up
No matter how hard I try
How rough I train
My brain always wins
And that's not a bad thing
I'm very rarely bored
But a night like this hasn't come and gone
In a very long time
As I lay in bed
Fighting the swift stabbing of these thoughts
I just broke a sweat
Its all true
My my blood pressures rising

swim deep
never creep
let them know
it's you
find it
take a little bit
you are only
good for what
you need

turn tables
switch sides
the Clark Gable
do it for the ride
eyes wide
mouth open
wind whipping
don't need a bullpen

Oh baby
How you confuse me
It's like everything
Can be nothing
I really like you
And now, I think you like me
But you wont bite me
Hard enough for me to tell

It's like you're in then you're out
You whine and pout
You don't know what I'm talking 'bout
When I ask you
When I ask you
When I ask you what you mean

Crying isn't something you learn
It is ingrained
Death isn't something to yearn
Until you're strained
Anxieties itching and scratching
Good learns to fly
Problems killing and aching
When the bad feels like stopping by

Before you give birth to a child
You should have probably grown yourself
When it's time to step out of the wild
You should have probably gotten some help
Don't ever be stupid enough to turn down someone else
In the end you'll figure it out
It's time you shed your skin and come out of your shell

Taking the pieces of words of others with good intentions
Use your head, use your thoughts, cut off your makers
I can't seem to remember that thing you mentioned?
The other day when you were on your knees
Punching the wall and pleading for attention
You little baby, you little animal, you ******* fetus
You should've thought twice before you left this lying around

Floating in a free-flowing mist
Thought I did, but I didn't get the gist
It seems things, through thick and thin
Remain the same through virtue and sin
Nothing changes in some high, hidden place
Once you get there, you leave no noticeable trace
For the people still stumbling through their own pain
Have to find their own way before they finally gain
What everyone is seeking, has sought and will seek
The best thing you can do is give them a peek
Spring them a leak, tell them you've saved them a seat
For when they're ready to be done being stuck on repeat

People never listen
to me.
Because they know
the truth.
That I've grown
to be
a naysayer and
truth bringer.
True honesty is
honestly
not something they're
used to.
So if you don't
want to
hear what I have
to say,
then please, please
never ask me
what I'd do.

Heart of gold
Soul of light
Vision of glory

It always comes
Comes in threes
One, two, three

Soldier and child
Boy and girl
Beauty and hideousness

Nothing like it
Nothing more to
It and nothing

And nothing will
Quite ever
Just the same

Today there's a smile on my face
For everything I've learned and everything I've yet to
Nothing can shake the feeling
Of being small but knowing, growing to be big

People talk and people walk
But in the end it's just you
What there is to learn
Is that comfort is something you give yourself

A gift from your heart to your mind
They may try to alter a thought, a situation
But you, and only you are the keeper
You are the holder of you and your own

I can fight
Words
Like they are
Wars

And

I can drop
Jaws
Like they are
On fire

And

I can ****
Hate
Because it is
Alive

And

I can hold back
Tears
Like they are
Death

And

I can fight
Fears
Like they are
Years
Of
Wasted
Time

And...

I can go
With
The flow
For only so
Long

She'll never know
how I truly feel.
Because I go
about my business
swiftly and silently.
My heart feels
locked up like
it's been sentenced
to 25 to life.
And there's nothing
I can do to end this strife.
It's like a burning Hell
inside of my head.
She rings my bell
and I feel dead.
But I'm not.
I'm still breathing.
Feeling kind of hot.
Bobbing and weaving
through the jungles
of my love.

In the early mornings
When the Sun comes through the blinds
You'd think that I'd be yearning
For my stress to unwind
But you'd be wrong, wrong, wrong
I'm doing just fine, yeah
And because of that I wrote this song

It's hard to remember what the Sun feels like
When it's cloudy and the wind burns your skin
But you've got to take a picture with your mind
You can never appreciate loss when you win all the time
So soak it it, soak in everything with all you've got
Let the though and emotion and words come to you
I don't get why everyone wants to be a robot
These days

Sit down, take off your shoes
Breathe in, you've got nothing to lose
It's in your head, you're in my bed
"I love you so much" is what I said
Breathe in

Just as I said before
I come in peace
I exist to do no harm
To protect you from your head to your feet

You don't believe me because
I've done some bad
Not every sinner becomes a saint
But I'll give everything I've ever had
Every saint was once a sinner
Remember that

I keep it in mind
I shuffle my feet
Around the white sidewalk
And down the black tar street
I can't help but hang my head though
And
Now it seems Heaven's too much a leap

feet don't fail me now
take me to the gates
that divide the sour and the sweet
where good is love and love is what I hate
I don't choose what I pick
it's just always been that way
forever makes me sick
please don't ask me to stay

don't get me wrong
I want all of you
your arms, your legs, your ***
baby, you know I'm always true
my words have never meant
anything more than I put on
nothing less than what I've sent

so please just take it for what it's worth
don't try to read into what's not there
dead words have never asked for rebirth
just do it for me, and I'd appreciate if you cut that stare
those glaring eyes never cease to sear holes
and they never quite, even when you're tired
they simmer hotter than ever when your hearts turned cold

Easing, gently down
To where origins lay flat
Rising up again

Pieces of you
Bits of me
Fragments of it
Slices of sky
Boiled, baked and dried

Wrinkles in time
Ripples in the bay
When we skipped rocks by the stop signs
Realizing it was all okay

Nothing else stepped to it
The stairs were nothing but sand and water
Left to dry and harden
No one thought to bother

But that theory of time and wounds
Never really made sense to me
For never is always the same as soon
To commit is to waiting to be

What I can say and what I choose to
Are entirely different animals
Evolving and transforming
As red meets the eye of the bull

Stopping is always an option
But not without much thinking
The arteries of my beating heart freeze over
In the frigid waters as our ship's sinking

For the sky and the ground
Don't know where I'm bound
Ground into the dirt, it hurts
Pound for pound, it lurks
In thin air, inconceivable
Behind the boulders, unbelievable

It won't leave me
Chronic electricity
And no one can see
The way it dries my leaves

Hangs me out to dry
On the gallows, strong rope
Strong-armed into a lie
Might as well just choke
On my fickle tongue, too young
To have a body feel so old

I'm over here
Watching you kiss her
I've never feared
Being alone, alone
But now time is passing
And more time has gone
Nothing is lasting
When it is the way it is, it's hard to have fun

I get those nagging brain twitches
When I'm alone at night and in my bed
They eat at me from the undermost part of me
I just can never seem to get this wrapped around my head
Things aren't turning out, no they never have
And now I'm stuck here trying to figure it out
Oh it's so hard for me to forget it and just laugh
But this is the way, yeah, I think this is the way it has to be

I never knew you to be so coy
You're making me feel just like a boy
Usually you're all out there and that
Attracted me because I'm not like that
But when you tense up and hold me close
I couldn't be more confident that it's you that I chose

How dare you think I'd be that way
Was it something I do or something I say?
I'm a slave to repetition, I don't know why
It's all a competition, I just want my piece of the pie

What happened to class?
And Frank Sinatra?
What happened to respect?
And being soft spoken?
What happened to being reserved?
And being quiet for just a second?

Get busy living
Or
Get busy dying

That's what they say

Prepare for birth
Or
Prepare for death

That's what they mean

But after your first birth
You must die
Before you are given a chance at rebirth

That's something that's implied

And if I have to die
AMillionTimesOver
Then let me die right now

Because a birth
Your birth
Is the most beautiful thing you will ever know

Playing with fire
Never hurt no one
Cutting the wires
Underneath the Sun
Playing the liar
And you're having fun
What have you done?

Running in the circles
Just to keep it square
Ear to the grapevine
But I keep it fair
I stay out of your hair

It's what they always told me
That it'd be like
Laser focus and miles of sight
Don't need your insight
Always took your advice
With more than a grain of salt
Like swarming lice
I won't give up the fight

i was just a kid when i saw the worst things
the worst that i've ever seen
so please excuse me if my voice cracks when i sing
because it's affected me

you don't owe me anything
so take your leave if i'm too much to bear
in my dreams i've seen things
but i've been awake for so long, i don't even care

i know i should be thankful
so i pretend to be
but right now i'm the opposite of grateful
and i'm pretending not to be

Trudging through life
Living hand to mouth
Too afraid to share
Why I always pout
I close the door to my room
Hold my head and begin to shout

No one sees what you see
No one knows what you know
They teach you of the birds and bees
But everything else, they neglect to show

My low whining tone
Never seems to make a dent
Their ears are closed
Like my signal never sent
My only hope
Is the line won't be bent

So now I sit and drown in a wall
Relentlessly looking through and tapping my finger
Rising anxiety, becoming wide and tall
Let my body rest, letting the thoughts linger
No sleep tonight, I just roam the halls
Of my mind and enjoy the sounds of Hell's best singer

Scream and yell
Kiss and tell
When I rung your bell
You promised you'd open your shell

Why do you feel this way?
Who did this to you?
Since when have you hated everything?
You're too young to hate the world
You're 21 and you think you know it all
Letting bad days seep into the night
And bad nights always ruin the next day
Not always
But almost always

Write me a nice letter
Tell me it'll get better
And staple it to my forehead
Before I sink into my bed
All play and no work
You'd think it couldn't hurt
All work and no play
Kills you slowly, day by day
The Yin and the Yang
The gun goes "bang, bang"
Through and through and through
You'll find the lies buried in the truth

Dreamless sleeps and dreamin' all day
Wondering where this stops
Leanin' on you, screamin' from the bottom of me
Thinkin' that's all I got

Knocked down again, but I was made for this
The lifting up gets easier with practice
Feels like I'm floating at this point
Noise drowned out with noise

such
high vibrations
call for celebrations
like graduations
or transitions
from the low
low depths
of the deprived
floors of the
atlantic or pacific.

many
nights spent floundering
and pounding
on locked doors
like i actually
wanted to know
what laid so
apathetically on the
other side.

but
now with horns
and the might i've shorned
be it from the gods
of the greeks
or romans
i prepare
for a fight
for in dubious
battle
i shake
and rattle
while
inside it is so quiet
like a pit
in the midst
of a war fought
by men stripped
of guns, grenades
and vocal chords.

My brain
My heart
My lungs
My stomach

All are strained when I think of it

My teeth chatter
And my hands shake
My whole being clammers
When it proves to be fake

I look around to see if anyone is watching
People's eyes turn
I get up and then I start walking
People never learn

i was flailing.
floating, barely.
my heart was tearing.
but i was landing.

i got better.
i impressed her.
like a lawyer
i convinced her.
i was the only one for her.

Run
Run
Run
Away
Jump
Jump
Jump
Out of your body
Let
Let
Let
It go
Don't
Don't
Don't
Think twice
Never
Never
Never
Regret
Just
Just
Just
Breathe

You talk about forever
Like it's a fleeting moment
In the grand scheme of things
I suppose that's just what it is
But, in the end
On the small scale
That is us
It's
Everything

Forget cosmic wonder
And all it is and everything else
Forget the stars and the Sun and the Moon
Because they don't belong to us
The stars owe us nothing
Not a thing
And we owe them it all