If you want to live
Then you have to die
And if you want to smile
Then you have to cry
Just listen to the ground
And kiss the roots of trees
For your head used to pound
Until you allowed yourself to see

Everybody knows that
Lovely sound
When the bell rings
And you're homeward bound
Freedom calls your name
At long last

Skippin' down the hallway
No time to play
Gettin' the hell out
After another long day
You couldn't pay me to stay

the pit in my heart
perforates your halo
floating, broken apart
is it wrong to love you?
i cant help but love you

the hole in my head
has nothing to say
the valley in my bed
judging me smugly
just like everyone else

Today there's a smile on my face
For everything I've learned and everything I've yet to
Nothing can shake the feeling
Of being small but knowing, growing to be big

People talk and people walk
But in the end it's just you
What there is to learn
Is that comfort is something you give yourself

A gift from your heart to your mind
They may try to alter a thought, a situation
But you, and only you are the keeper
You are the holder of you and your own

Easing, gently down
To where origins lay flat
Rising up again

Just as I said before
I come in peace
I exist to do no harm
To protect you from your head to your feet

You don't believe me because
I've done some bad
Not every sinner becomes a saint
But I'll give everything I've ever had
Every saint was once a sinner
Remember that

I keep it in mind
I shuffle my feet
Around the white sidewalk
And down the black tar street
I can't help but hang my head though
And
Now it seems Heaven's too much a leap

Get busy living
Or
Get busy dying

That's what they say

Prepare for birth
Or
Prepare for death

That's what they mean

But after your first birth
You must die
Before you are given a chance at rebirth

That's something that's implied

And if I have to die
AMillionTimesOver
Then let me die right now

Because a birth
Your birth
Is the most beautiful thing you will ever know

With tears
And sorrow
A house
Becomes
A funeral home

A soul lost makes a good man
Perpetual motion breeds success
Tossing & turning into a handstand
***** to **** but at least I **** less

Never claimed to be your superman
But old Clark has nothing on me
I write for you and my back bends
I've got the touch, I can make you see

You never thought I could
And I never blamed you
The coulds & shoulds & woulds
Blinded you to the truth

So put your faith in my light
As I flick my Bic over a puddle of gasoline
Try & try & try as I might
Off your thoughts, I can't wean you

With the new me and the old you
We can do things we have never before
So hold my hand now, embracing all that's true
And by the end, you'll be asking for more
And more
And more

I promise
To do no harm to you
To never stray between the lines
Even when my light goes from white to blue
My foggy mirror will always show the truth

With that, I think
Through appreciation or disdain
What my brain tells my body to do
Should never cause any pain
Because what I commit myself to
Will no doubt take me for a fool

Pieces of you
Bits of me
Fragments of it
Slices of sky
Boiled, baked and dried

Wrinkles in time
Ripples in the bay
When we skipped rocks by the stop signs
Realizing it was all okay

Nothing else stepped to it
The stairs were nothing but sand and water
Left to dry and harden
No one thought to bother

But that theory of time and wounds
Never really made sense to me
For never is always the same as soon
To commit is to waiting to be

What I can say and what I choose to
Are entirely different animals
Evolving and transforming
As red meets the eye of the bull

Stopping is always an option
But not without much thinking
The arteries of my beating heart freeze over
In the frigid waters as our ship's sinking

Run
Run
Run
Away
Jump
Jump
Jump
Out of your body
Let
Let
Let
It go
Don't
Don't
Don't
Think twice
Never
Never
Never
Regret
Just
Just
Just
Breathe

I never knew
how to speak to you.
Running from the truth
until my lips turn blue.

Your eyes are scared
to see what's right there.
So you close yourself off
by taking your clothes off.
Open yourself up when
someone seems to care.
But in the end
it's all for naught.

i know, i know
it doesn't seem so
but your judgement's clouded
just like mine
it's about time
we take inventory
of the things we hold dear
and year after year
they change, transform
learning to move with the waves
instead of hiding in the caves
it's hard but necessary
it allows transcendence
it's about bending

my heads a cluttered mess
i can't see, can't get dressed
i can't think, i'm just stressed
and i'm digging myself deeper everyday

i saw her and she smiled
disappointed her for miles
and i thought i was out of this hole
i wanna die before i get old

It's cheaper
To die
In the first bed
They put you in
Than to
Heal you of the Earthly
Maladies bestowed upon
Our fragile, rickety bodies
The second they decide
That it's time for you to emerge
Flesh from the flesh of your mother's

Abortion is a travesty
A selfish act committed
By selfish women
Or so they say
It's really funny actually
How they cherish
Your unborn heart
And brain
But once you're removed
From the dark womb
Into that dark room
They say
"Let 'em die."
Because your poor mother
Didn't have enough
Change swirling around
Her shallow pocketbook

What happened to class?
And Frank Sinatra?
What happened to respect?
And being soft spoken?
What happened to being reserved?
And being quiet for just a second?

the backs of your legs
are white as the clouds
the little curl at the corner of your mouth begs
the words you say are soft, yet loud
and now i'm cracking like an egg

My brain
My heart
My lungs
My stomach

All are strained when I think of it

My teeth chatter
And my hands shake
My whole being clammers
When it proves to be fake

I look around to see if anyone is watching
People's eyes turn
I get up and then I start walking
People never learn

All these years have passed me by.
You smiled at me as you cried.
It never struck me like it has now,
that I'd been searching for your love
for so long.

Looking high and low.
From the sky to the ground.
The affection that you showed
flew by my heart at high speed.
But now the time has come,
when things aren't so muddled.
Don't know where you came from
but now I realize.

Like the lookout on the tower,
I check my watch hour by hour.
Peering out over the bridges
and patching up my old stitches.
It's just now that I've found
what I thought could never be.
With both feet on solid ground,
now I've measured pound for pound.
What you've got for me
isn't just a love story.

that day i slipped on a beautiful banana peel
and fell, fuzzy head over worn out heels,
in crazy carnival ride love with you.

i was never as happily confused as the night we met.
i couldn't think through the pounding deja vu in my head.
in my bones, i knew, it was as real as it could get

in the pitch black dark on that old park bench.

Things
Change
And
Moods
Slide
And
Shift

When you're
Up
And when you're
Down
Things
Just
Don't
Stop
Changing

The nature of
You
And the ways of
I
The morals
Of
They
And the code
Of
Them
Collide
And when they do
Things
Change

Turn it
Off
Just make it
Stop
Take the time out to
Halt
The madness
The
Frenzy
And
Be
Still
Stay
Detached
And
Subjective
And
­Everything
Will be
Fine

For when the moment
Strikes
And the emotions
Rush in
Everything returns
Comes back
To claim it's
Rightful place
Again

Trudging through life
Living hand to mouth
Too afraid to share
Why I always pout
I close the door to my room
Hold my head and begin to shout

No one sees what you see
No one knows what you know
They teach you of the birds and bees
But everything else, they neglect to show

My low whining tone
Never seems to make a dent
Their ears are closed
Like my signal never sent
My only hope
Is the line won't be bent

So now I sit and drown in a wall
Relentlessly looking through and tapping my finger
Rising anxiety, becoming wide and tall
Let my body rest, letting the thoughts linger
No sleep tonight, I just roam the halls
Of my mind and enjoy the sounds of Hell's best singer

Scream and yell
Kiss and tell
When I rung your bell
You promised you'd open your shell

This is just to
express
How I lose all my
******* bearings
Around you, I can't rest
When I have this
bridge to cross
Because I've got
my own cross
To bear in this blaring heat
And the blistering cold
and it means nothing
When at the ends
of the deserts
And at the final field filled
up with snow
The wind and
the heat and
the cold and
my weary feet
Don't count
for anything
No they
don't

Oh little girl
You're so
naive
My stomach
turns
In time
with the eve
Of the day
I'll be with you

after work, every night
when i get high
i feel like the bottom of the barrel
every night, try as i might
when i get high
i feel like the only one

i don't get enough sleep
break the promises i said i'd keep
i broke out and i ran away
ended up in the same place
can't seem to keep this head on straight
too much work and too much play

so when i go crazy will you hold me?
by the looks of it, i'll be there soon
wonder why it was that you chose me
what you say at midnight doesn't match with noon
but the way your dark hair looks under the moon
it'll keep me coming, i'll be back soon

She told me
To come over
And on her
Never saw her
Like that before
Changed before my
Eyes sinking high
Looking for the sky
All I saw
Was darkness fading
In and out
As I went
Forth and back
Near had a
******* heart attack
When the door
Opened a little more
But it was
Only her dog

You talk about forever
Like it's a fleeting moment
In the grand scheme of things
I suppose that's just what it is
But, in the end
On the small scale
That is us
It's
Everything

Forget cosmic wonder
And all it is and everything else
Forget the stars and the Sun and the Moon
Because they don't belong to us
The stars owe us nothing
Not a thing
And we owe them it all

in your darkest hour. on the doorstep of your despair
i will come for you with open arms. i'll always be there.
your touch had me realizing. your love, i was analyzing.
baby, you're so tantalizing. you've got me breezily rhyming.

now, i've gotten ahead of myself before.
so now i'm wary.
those eyes have reached my core.
it's almost scary.

i've never had someone even come close to understanding.
i never knew that could happen, but now here you are.
you know who you are, you wreak havoc like hurricane sandy.
but now it's not my house, it's my beating heart.

I'm going to
Keep this
Short, sweet

Who are you?

Pacifists don't get anywhere
but neither do the War Pigs.
Eternal peace breeds eternal
love.
Eternal war breeds eternal
hate.

Looking a gun in the face,
just a finger away from the great beyond
and doing nothing about it
and accepting that your soul will go on
won't do you any good.

Your family weeps and your future bleeds
out on the hard concrete in the faces of everyone
who has ever loved you and hoped for you.
You don't have to win
but you have to fight.
You don't have to sin
but you've got to have
might.
You have
the right.
You have
your sight.
So just
fight.
And you
will
go
on.

ive been inspired to be uninspired
and all the things happening right now
seem like some sick and elaborate plan
i will take myself out of this and live forever
its time i take responsibility for all of this cruelty
everything ive ever inflicted upon you and them
was unintentional even when i meant to do it
i am out of my mind and ill be the first to admit it
but that doesn't make up for the ramblings of a dull man
and when i was just a boy i didn't realize the repercussions
all that i saw i took in with open arms and soaked it up like a sponge
now they live deep inside me crying out to be exorcised
but even exercise cant take me away from where im at right now
every breath burns my lungs like all of these cigarettes
i inhale with a vigor like nothing else ive ever done in my life
fixated on the thought of you under the streetlight that night
so pretty and pure and you ran away because i liked to fight
its all my fault and the guilt i feel cant purge me of that
so now i just sit here and wonder what you think of me
always thinking of myself and disregarding the rest
that's the curse that's been brought down like a sledgehammer
onto my deformed and ***-backwards ******* smile
for no reason am i entitled to feel like i was owed something
i just wanted to see you but there i go with the me-me-me's again
so this is for you, wherever you are i don't even know
nor do i even care that much because you'll always live within me
i just hope you find someone to bring you everything you seek
i was weak before and you were too strong to be with something this meek

Don't forget
To check in
On yourself
When things
Disintegrate

old men feed on young blood

with the guidance of the wind

the dollar looks down over the mud

on the strength of all their sins


the almost happy look down in disappointment

as their dreams are popped like bubbles

at the parade of the newly appointed

we trust that he'll take care of all our troubles

pop our troubles like you did our dreams,

please

Creeping anxiety
takes a hold of me.
Drips through the cracks,
then off my broken back
like the rain off the roof
(with more than a few screws loose).

Walking slowly...
if only, if only
I could get this square
peg in that round hole where
I used to run and play as a kid
(before I hit the skids).

my heart's on fire
with burning desire
ignite the funeral pyre

it's time to go
and you should know
i am aglow

you think i'm sad
but i'm glad
i've mastered the art of deceiving you
or have you perfected the way you're deceived?

you're ******* guys on camera now
but i knew you before it was now
can't even stand to think of you now
but now i want you more somehow

never knew you like i thought i did
dreamt of you when i was a kid
didn't think it would blow up like it did
an atom bomb detonated in the cockpit
and now you're acting like you never gave a ****

you said that you'd love me for forever, babe
but we're just photographs left in the sun to fade
when we got together i was just looking for some shade
some relief from the pain, god obviously forbade
now i'm just kind of glad that you never stayed
feeling like i was robbed straight from the cradle

lying down, face up
enclosed in darkness
tried to move, no luck
to me, the black harkens

thinking back, i can't see
the memory is there but I can't grasp it
what is there in front of me?
the rabbit's just a bit too quick to trap it

locked in on all sides
my breathing quickens
the hard floor overrides
everything as the air thickens

i was floating above it all
i always got up after i'd fall
staring down at you in your bedroom
had a vision of us, bride and groom
but you were there just bawling your eyes out
and now i'm here whispering what i should shout

it was never really meant to be
i had eyes but i just couldn't see
but looking back it was for the best
at least our collective heart is still beating in our chest

i never realized what a **** i was
always ****** up searching for a "because"
so many fights on the phone at night
could never get the words out so i'd make light
of the simple fact that we were so far down
and this whole time you were in love with a clown

From a spark
Smoke
Comes a fire
Through a crack
Holes
Light shines through

Son of a gun
Bullets
Fill the gap
Comes a man
Young
With his mind made up

blood on my fingertips.
caught the brunt
and couldn't hack it.
blood on your lips.
you whisper in my ear
and it drips,
drips.

fire on the mountain.
from the valley below
i was counting.
alarms were sounding.
but i stayed
and in the smoke i was lounging,
counting.

i don't trust anyone
because i know no one's perfect
for a while, it was fun
but it wouldn't, it didn't stick

love will wear us out
love will tear us apart
love will make us doubt
love inside an upside-down shopping cart

The howls of wolves rang through the night
Warm air and regret hung o'er my brain
Never was a peacemaker, jus' lookin' for a fight
Always knew a silver lining traced the pain
But then I stumbled on a mangled animal
Breathing heavy, my body just stalled

But this wasn't your usual wild dead
The legs moved and it turned its head
I stepped back as it scrambled, bleeding
Never had such a dreaded feeling

Woke up at the bottom of Old Green Hill
Looked around to find nothing but confusion
Teeth marks riddled arms and then I felt ill
As I stumbled back to my cabin, I felt the protrusion
Of teeth, but no not on my arm this time
My mouth was suddenly the home to primal
                                                                                                          pearly whites

you were looking at me
with that glint in your eye
the glint that caused me to cry
so many times
before

you were saying things
that i couldn't make out
i looked up and looked down
at your broken crown
on the floor

i tried so hard to compose myself
but my knees kept buckling
under the weight of your suffering
i know you were dying
to tell me that

sometimes all i can think of
are the words i couldn't hear
that ring so loud in my ears
after what seems like years
you're so broken

all i know is i love you
and i'm here for whatever you need
for you, i would bleed
let you take the lead
i will follow you

devil on my shoulder
angel on the other side
life is pushing a boulder

the older i get
the bolder i become
just a little dumber & i'm set

oh devil where are you?
i know you've seen what i've seen
my life is dripping like hot glue

if the struggle is so real
then why don't you pick up & leave?
with the empathy you love to steal

so where does it end?
and how will i know when i'm there?
my love, to you, i send
wrapped in an old blanket with care
like the christmas presents you got me
and the kisses you generously spread
i was blind but now i can see
it's time to dine on this old bread
it's time to open my head
it's time to burn the skin i've shed
it's time to crash down like lead

I'm the thick of the night
When you can barely see
And the darkness
Encloses me
When you most afraid
And things seem too tight
I am there
In the thick of the night
So wrap your arms
All around me
And forget what
You're trying to be
Just remember
I'll always be
Right there
Up in a tree
In a corner
Of your mind

oh, blessed composer of words
with tact and skill you sweep us
off the edge of the wicked world

time doesn't slip by
when we consume your prose
it gets us, and keeps us, high

the holy and the god-fearing
have nothing on your heart
no one's love compares to yours

You don't get it
The depth of emotion
Deep, vast valleys
Of joy and wonder
Deep, dark holes
Of **** and anxiety
The flux can't be held
In your hand
Or in a tightly capped bottle
It's endless and boundless
Timeless and zoneless
You can't describe it
Although I've been trying
My whole life

His beard is sharp
Styled and clean
She played the harp
In his mind, I mean
They went out
And up in flames
They weren't allowed
To love a love, the same

Down the road
And up the river
Kicking rocks
You feel a shiver
But I'll be around, oh I be there
Just tell me where you're to be found

down and out
on the fringe
clinging to life
fingers like powder
just looking up
but tripping back
shoelaces too tight
they untie themselves
scrambling too quickly
I glimpse darkness
an unknown hole
demands its dinner
I keep tripping
legs like rubber
and its over
I let go

you don't know if its up or down or up
head in the clouds like its where its supposed to ******' be
used to drink every day, got so ****** up
stumblin' down the hall with the lights off, couldn't see a ******' thing
strap me down, wrap me in that sweet straightjacket
if i scream, if i screech remind me to shut my ******' mouth
thought i could walk, i could talk like 'em but i could never hack it
so i grew these broken wings and made my way ******' south