What we have found of each other
will **** all of us

These words come from a mouth that never closes
With thumbtacks for teeth
and a sandpaper tongue

The monsters we create are soon to pass
Old blame needs new hosts
Throw the baby out with the bathwater

I live in a room without walls
I share my home with total strangers

We are captives but we are floating in the water
I built a boat out of inconclusive arguments
and slept on the floor of the sea

Finally.

my heart is made of different muscles than yours
the walls of each chamber of my heart are atrophying

burn what's left of me to the ground
upon my death, don't go to my funeral
because there won't be one

if i could change one thing
i would make the sun hot enough
to burn holes into my frontal lobes
and destroy my ******* mind

rush to pleasure
nicotine yellow
my bloated belly is glowing

**** time
dead forever

Dirt
Figment
Breeding flies
Sweet charity
Hot, stagnant breeze
Doves in a stale autumn wind
An entity so dense
Holding such little weight
Topicality
Technicality
Revelation and rendition
Something so malleable
Yet so rigid
Reformed
Thick like honey
but smoldering
Grey paste
Emotions breeding anxiety
Still getting by
Not saying, but just saying

Escapism as a form of affection
Even when I close my eyes I can feel my disfigurements emerging
My head is too heavy for sleep

The oozing, the subtle sting, the infinite burning, the bandages; life pours out of my sutures and gaping incisions
My real self is a part of my past

I cannot feel my face
I cannot save myself from my thoughts
I am as much of a ******* as I am a parasite; flesh is the ultimate interloper and my organs are divided into spheres of influence

My body is colonized and turned into the birthplace of my disease

I say what I must to appease those that speak in tongues only my mind can seem to process

Your message is precious and I value your time

You will never know what victory really is until you lose everything

get that sound out of here and don't ever let me hear it again
you can close your eyes
you can close your fists
you can close your nostrils
you can close your mouth

you can
never
ever
stop
the
sound

If someone loves you
They love you

preaching to a deaf congregation
the same outdated rhetoric
television too loud to hear it

the fingers on my left hand
grasped around someone else's today
but only for a little bit

in all directions falling
in all faculties falling
in all material, extending

tear from my weight in two
I no longer care

management and what YOU do with it
you'll noticed, i emphasized YOU

carve my likeness out of marble
cast it off shore, covered in barbed wire and
with cinderblocks attached by means of
a rope, let it sink weighed down but
unanchored and unsettled and disassociated and disappointed and concerned and confused and most of all but at last mention, alas

the sickness that i can
never seem to rid my orifices of


static usually but
for now frozen in endless motion
dead at first glance

I. These phrases may be used interchangeably.

In the case of this patient, we expected nothing less. As a marginally dissociative fellow, this comes as no surprise, it happens all the time. Everyone from the white coats to the volunteers and cabbies are in on it, or should I say, they were in on it. They snickered. They laughed. They blew cigarette smoke into his eyes. They ashed in his trashcan. With a patient like this, when they see the finish line, they go for it.

II. Not a single person cares.

Business is business and routines are routines. The world keeps turning. The coffee keeps brewing and sitting lukewarm in large paper cups. All the flowers are dead and so is he.

III. You will not be remembered.

Well, at least not kindly. You see, patients like him were an obligation; more of a liability than a person. One of those. Pretty run of the mill, but this guy was different. He carved his name into his forehead with a letter opener. He wanted an open casket for some ******* reason I guess.

I am dead
inside of my head
when I'm the only one left
this is the only thing I think I know

but I can't take it anymore

I came back home today and you weren't there so I opened myself and sprayed my catholic wine on the mirror and bathed in bug spray to clean out my insides, filthy with sin

i like things that make me sleep or dream
although sleeping doesn't always imply dreaming
i'd like to think that i am dreaming a lot of the time

see, and the thing that bothered me the most about it was that
i remember a flashing light i'd stare at out in the distance at my own house
a 4am train or something maybe, i was never sure because sound never accompanied the sight

regardless coming to the staggering realization that i may never experience that small, trivial piece of time ever again in my life is

why i wrote this

i tore into myself i ripped
my arm open and, rearranged my veins
so i can bleed more easily into you

this one makes me feel better but i don't even know what it does

fear is more than something in the air, but in the end, you'll find out that that's all it is
paranoia is good but only if you take calcium pills every morning because
paranoia is a stiffening agent and will shatter bad bones, every single bad one you have in you

why the **** did they have to laugh?
it was from far off but i heard it
what did he have to get from his car? why is he looking at me like that? why is his television always on the same ******* channel every day at this time?
his dog better not come anywhere near me

why can't he turn off that spotlight?

**** yourself for thinking otherwise
******* for what you think because
i don't like it

there are no more empty vials
your blood is spewing out of your trackmarked skin and there's nothing either of us can do about it

life is hard
but this was

my mind liquified overnight
i spat it out this morning
mixed with with black coffee
three sugars

no more
no less
or, not ever usually less

I am disabled, would you fire on me?
do you determine who you're protecting
by who you've done the most damage to?
I am harm free
And I am obsolete
Please don't consider the facts
we have no time for that

What makes me feel
away from safety
is you

This is something
that you'll never hear
It means so much to me
because it means nothing to you

Anti aging
is another form of death
no more wrinkles
and no more flesh

Throw all the old things
in the basement
and let us forget

Carry me down the stairs
I cannot walk
My body deserted me long ago

And in the
small wisps of wind
I whisper
for you'll grow deaf
faster than I can drown

unmoved.

he comes out for a drink
he is cradling the frail expectation of sunrise
he is convulsing and he breaks both legs on the stairs
he cannot stop laughing
he cannot stop shaking

she comes out for something to chew on
glancing at my most private synapse
she is biting her fingernails to brittle fragments
she wants me to remember what happened in the deepest shadow of the monolith
that she was perverted in God's right hand
with the other hand stuffed desperately into his pants

she wants him to remember everything she vowed to forget

I have never seen my own face
Tell me what I should know

Crimson bursts from my sutures
The stitches dotting my spine dissolve and integrate themselves into what's left of the body's nervous system
I lay in pools of my own involuntary spew as I cackle with open eyes trapped in the depths of sleep

The doctors
told me
I'd have
a year
with no teeth

zero teeth
a hero lies in grief
with everything beneath

As it grew
As it were
As it falls

zero teeth
hero obsolete
forget what lies beneath

if only to make it brief
rinse and repeat
chew but don't swallow

smile, smile, smile

Lead but always follow
Making sure is just the burden of my borrow

i exist to walk on eggshells
and to drown in knee-deep water

fruits of labor aren't nearly as tasty
as those that you can pluck from a tree

and, as long as you remember that seeds exist
eating fruit is safe
always safe

Incisions on flesh to indicate
time, that has passed for
it is all that is left
for counting

Dear God
let me die now and take me under your warm wings
Dear God
let me tear down the golden gates of your empire
Dear God
the bed of nails I sleep on is growing dull and my
back aches in yearning for your pain
Dear God
what you have given me to live with is too much and at
the same time
it will never be enough

I try to exfoliate the earth so that I  may be released from her pores

if you've met god then you know satan and I don't know if you or I are the odd ones out

WELL AREN'T YOU THE QUEEN OF SOMETHING OR ARE YOU THE PRINCESS OF CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTIONS

i can't tell
the world makes less sense
through a tinted lens

the hunger feels funny today as if it has been made to
drill several individual holes into my intestines
in which case the hunger has at long last prevailed

we saluted the flag that morning
we sat down that morning
we all partook in class that morning
we all slept a bit too long that morning

tune it out, try to
distort the frequency
forget the consequence

you can't pay for **** like this on tv anymore

it hit me at the door
the one thing that i would not be able to forget were the sounds
because i can close my eyes, stop breathing, stop touching, stop feeling
but there is no way to formally close your ears

so why not let the last five minutes be a waltz?

policemen aren't made of the same things as dogs
that's why they keep them caged

I ain't a friend, I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh

My carriage
is made of wood

My horses are drawn and quartered
I will cater to your fastidious command
I'm not doing anything suspicious
because

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid of a fool;
I am an innovator)

This back
will never carry the weight
I will always lose my place
I'll never be late
Did I mention that is one nice sword?
Can I see it for a second?

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid I'm a foe)

I am sick
after lunchtime wine
If I encounter the divine
I promise to challenge
I would never lie to you
because

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid of a fool;
I am am an innovator)

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh.

panic attack season and
it isn't presumptuous of me to say that i may have been heavily involved

a jaded catalyst
show me this that and the other
i've seen it all before

digestion
what is it?
i can say i really  missed it

well
i can't see much
on the road I'm on
but my high beams
seem to guide me along

digestion
what is it?
i can say i really missed it

a swing of the cane and a
toss of the hat
to seal em in for the night
and force their mouths open
to feed em off our plights

a carcass is as productive here as something with a pulse
you think it will never happen to you
but there's always a margin of error
for everything
always

even Jesus harmed himself

my stomach is in knots
and you're laughing on the floor

nails chip easily in cement
skin doesn't adhere to hot pavement without pain
eyes don't look inwards unless

well
they might
who knows?

donate your organs to me
mine make my **** smell funny

this morning i watched them build a sidewalk
this morning i wanted to take the train downtown
this morning i got hit by a car, twice
this morning i learned the difference between hot black tar and raw concrete

it has always been funny to me
that they call it
sin city

because it follows that
sins are commodified, justified, or monetized

speaking for myself here
if my sins were contained to
a place, or given a context
a simple time and place
they would lose meaning
if there is any in the first place

my sins are old
my sins are new
my sins are whatever

when my home burned down
i can't say i learned much
only that old televisions warp themselves into ashtrays
and that mice love to **** in rolled up carpet

i took a screwdriver out of the toolbox, the closest one to the right
and i stabbed myself in the face with it
the deeper i dug the more i thought about nothing, really just no things
no me
flesh rips more easily than plastic wrap if you plunge your device in correctly

my dog is dead in the backyard we made a grave for him and now a tree grows over his corpse and every time i go over there i call his name and he never comes

forget all that burns for all that soothes
forget all that pulls for all that keeps you in place
pupils as wide as dishpans
like a deer in headlights, but like a deer who forgot what headlights meant

nothing exists too long over here anymore, or at least not too often, we get a good one every once and again

but not terribly often

there are no muses left
they have all creatively been claimed, in the name of creativity, of course
you are not allowed to react anymore

rearrange your realities
alter your mentalities

**** yourself
you are in bloom this season
we can pick you when we want you

dead soldiers swing from the tree branches behind my house
and i can hear crevices of ice being formed on the lakefront
as the ice cracks in the agonizing cackle and slow mournful croon of a dying animal or a small child

romance me around the tables and kiss me between the bars
hide all the ******* in the keyholes and don't let me forget this keycard

i told you, officer
she went to get ice for some drinks and when i woke up she wasn't here

i have to go inside or else i will be shot
do you understand me?
am i getting through?

park benches and back allies were all i knew
and i've hit a switch and now it will never stop

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

Visit my family functions
but vacate the premises
Let it swallow you

Parading around
downtown
and visiting all your favorite stores

I watch you walk
but I have no time to talk
in passing moments
fractured by too much thought
I miss you

I hate you?
eternal scarring friend
We are separated as one

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

my skin had otherwise yellowed
or Jaundice had gotten to the back of my eyes
and as i was made to realize this new yellow
i remembered how much i miss the way things used to be
simple, at least
simple

False alarms
Sirens sounding out of time

I love you
but I am submerged
I am drenched

Tell me what I deserve

the medicine helped for a while but
i can't have it anymore

it's not there
it never was

this isn't the safest move but i wasn't aiming for first place

yesterday was red and today
is blue
fraudulent existence puppet portrayal

split like the spine of an infant

the entire night is red and nobody can notice either of us
this way
that way
in or out
no bother, no problem, all the time

if you've forgotten how to make someone remember you
its for the best that they never will after all
you haunt my dreams to this day
but it is myself i can never forgive
i can never forgive myself for what ive done
i don't give two ***** what happens to you from this point on at all

the night was red but the sky was pink
and the clouds were swirling in a final vortex as the ****** of crows got to what was left of my arm

i ******* hate you
i am responsible
i will end you
this will be the end of you

i will end you.