Alive in a state of quiet observation
with sinks full of insects
and a body of christ

A document written in a dead language
The pledge is recited backwards
They embed themselves in the flesh

Spores used for growth or salts used for sniffing or songs used for sleeping

I don't give a **** if you can think
I don't give a **** if you can talk
I don't care what you do
All I care about is that you can suffer

Suffer like I do

nothing is meant by this pause
this encounter is an error

been trying to live it down for seven years and some days now

even if I could trace your outline, I never knew your name

I turn off the lights at orphanages
just to hear the sound of them cry

because trust me, trust me, even a ******* stray deserves to die

i timed all my synapses so evenly that now they are quantized in perfect 4/4 time with my heartbeat
you couldn't ask for much more, or so i hope
i have
nothing left to offer any of
you

why do you police the gender politics of a dead horse

how do you decide what a war film is or what it isn't

discarded and pretty lonely, some ideation of loneliness, you know
like that, and also like this package which you told me to carry all
this way for you and i opened it and all i found inside was
blue bubble wrap, two syringes, and your earrings, the ones i liked

as far as i'm concerned
i've been in an assisted living community my entire life
they lock the doors at night, we all do as a community of course but

the security guard seems to have forgotten his hourly rounds
because it smells like gunpowder and gasoline in here

as far as i'm concerned, i've been in the same place for most of my life

i saw the hindenburg disaster unfold from my penthouse apartment
a real man doesn't drink before noon but
a fifth and two cigarettes made me see more clearly

i know the truth
i saw it happen

You have too many words on your geographic tongue
My heart is dancing in the rain with a
strange man with no ****** features

My umbilical cord was involuntarily cut

I never told them I wanted this body

I cannot move so instead I imitate who I think I am over and over again until the door opens

I live in the inevitable fear of my body as my existence continues and I am unable to stop it

trees are not good for hiding from me
because i can cut them down
i will burn this entire ******* forest to get you back

i will string myself between the tree trunks
i will replace the bark with my skin
so you can rip me off more easily

please come back to me
but never do
please

I thought I could do one thing that matterd
mincing flesh and chewing animal fat

ripping the spine out of the catch of the day
only to find that the creature you thought you dominated has stolen your fragile spine of thorns, metastasizing itself as you and spitting venom in all of your *****

the sirens won't stop going off in threes
the bird is still calling as if the night means nothing at all

and I come home to drown in the same water bed every night because I love the way it feels

i don't know enough of gun powder and pressure points to stand here
there is no fabric to cover my burns any longer
i am starting to decay, like a fox in the woods

you let me inside you on your birthday
but you wouldn't let me blow out the candles afterwards
and that's fine because i knew that, if i had any semblance of a wish, quantified somewhere in my mind
that night it was fulfilled
in full

Entrapment
Infringement

Produce it like they would in a sweatshop
Cut you knuckles open and rub them in salt

Stand up
and watch it take hold

Puncture wound, when pressure was applied to the chest cavity, it collapsed; the streets were blistering with heat and buckling with weight, his head was full of an unidentified substance, the noose was tied and  the body supplied the weight, their job was done; the silt of a lifetime of nightmares coated the frontal lobes of the body's brain, the cave was opened indefinitely.

And it's pathetic
And you're incessant

Cleanse the wound but disregard the preference

You're anesthetic
I'm apathetic
Clears the drain, but clogs up the septic

I wish you hadn't done that
(I wish I didn't do it)

There's no place like home

Imagine yourself knee deep in floodwaters. Imagine yourself rescuing an old lady and her cat from a burning building. Imagine yourself actually living in a gutter.

Imagine a plane with no pilots. Imagine the moon, both sides. Imagine everything had changed; realize all of it has stayed the same. Imagine being drafted. Imagine war. Imagine the warmth of a room after coming in from the snow.

Imagine a grave, a shallow one, for me, or you, or no one. Imagine health. Imagine longevity. Imagine vanity.

With a knife to my throat, you ask my to say the alphabet from Z to A
With a gun to the head, you ask me to count the productive conversations between the two of us
Being that this hole belongs to me, imagine me lowered. Imagine dirt. On me. Worms, in my skin. Out of empty sockets and back in again through my ears. Forming a circle. Imagine me pounding, screaming to escape. Imagine red, blood. Imagine the end of the world.

Sweet Mother Mary
Please throw me away
Heaven takes a toll
and I cannot pay

Sweet Mother Mary
Take me to your sky
Fill me with goodness
Then leave me to die

And what is this red
that stains my hands?
Will you cleanse me
and then leave me be?

Sweet Mother Mary
Keep me outside your heart
Reduce you to nothing
and pass away vicariously through me

I wear this mask
to see the world
Take in what I want
and then nothing more

Sweet Mother Mary
Knees covered in swollen stings
Please pray for them
Please

Oh, Mother we are not holy when we are here

Am I a part of this?
Tell me where to go

You have birthed the world
and you must end your creation
or give me a gun to stop myself

My skin peels back
Sooner forgetting later

how are you preaching?
with your teeth broken

i can draw lines all day, where i please and when i please
and the lines mean nothing

lit a cigarette
i tried to send you roses but
they wilted as i touched them

many ******* exist outside of your body but only if you let yourself experience them
for how much i enjoy cutting the wings off of butterflies, i never want to be an entomologist

Whatever is behind me
is before you

Condemned to heights
suffocating their lights


Biting
and tearing
in hindsight
out of me



What
binds me
to you?

Why do I
always think of it?

It can't ever
escape me


They're here

What
binds me
to you?

Why do I
always think of it?

It can't ever
escape me

a fully functioning novocaine addict
i need to be
made to feel like i need to rip the wiring out of my mouth
at all times

silence hasn't existed and never will
silence is something you can't create
silence isn't something
silence is nothing

pay attention
pay me in attention

give me some spare attention to chew on
give me alcohol and rusted nails to soak my gems in

i wrote you a love letter
on the back of this napkin
that you gave me for my coffee and eggs
while i lit my first cigarette

i don't ask for much, nor do i ever intend to
all i can say is that maybe, somewhere in me, ive wanted you back
here with me

bleeding in time with you was difficult but we managed
we clotted our wounds with debris from the hurricane because we had no skin left to speak of

raised by wolves
thirty three pints of blood before the final verdict
backwoods altar
the road to the gallows is still dirt
technology doesn't reach places like here

full moon symbolism
muscles tend to prove as abstractions in proper limb dislocation

it is funny until it makes the headlines
it is funny, to you
I bet, or at least I hope or else
why did I write this?

Well, I don't know and
that's the most I can say

how much fluid is left in you?
drool
drool
drool, all drool

drivel
supply and demand
quench the incessant assembly line thirst

i keep most of it in my sock drawer
and i carry the other half around with me
everywhere i go

I decided today that it would make it easier if I just ******* castrated myself and then cut off any limp remains of anything

it would be easier if ***-parts mattered less to you, for a forced congruency is to be established as fine, and the fact that you **** me you **** me you **** me it makes no difference

I have been ***** of my being by my being, and I will be ready shortly, once I figure out who I am for today.

forgotten winter clothes thrown to the side
a suitcase i was thinking you wouldn't be needing for much longer
you cooked dinner that night but it was tough for me to indulge in the idea of  you in my house

you know, my house
it took a while to get that way

it's hard to tell sometimes what place i'm in with you so
i figure second is the safest bet

I hate my body more than the events that define it
I don't want to be ******, as long as you don't touch me it's okay
the sky is dark and I plead for the rain after an infinite drought that causes my stomach to rupture and turns my tears into phosphorous drops only to be ignited by the rampant heavenly downpour

Oh my god is this it I ask openly as I inhale and exhale, slowly enveloping myself in fumes from my ruptured appendix and my crooked spine, growing like a plant that needs guidance to maintain rigidity

How long will it take for them to realize we are just
animals

i thought you might question the blood on my white collar shirt but you never said anything about it
we paraded around for a few hours
went home at a decent time
left for Mexico in the morning

my life got too bitter
so i yelled at trains passing by

my life got too sweet
so now my sister is a ******

my life got too sour
all of my aspirations are coated in xanax

lactating in the shower naturally but lactating from the mouth

your whips and your chains act as inadvertent maps of the sky

the entrance is an exit

all i want is a place to rest
and all i know is that i need to rest

i have been running on empty for a long time now
there's not much of a point in any of it; besides sleep, sleep must happen

sleep at all costs, but not really

Push me off of that
roof as I
finish writing this

the entire left side of my body has atrophied to a critical point where my muscles will no longer support my bones and i have broken inside okay i have fallen apart inside entirely by my own doing and it isn't even a matter of fault for me at this point  so much as oh my god i ******* loved you how i loved you

to write one about this is difficult because
i think choices require a belief in a quantified time, like you have to make a choice by a certain time right?

so what if time proved to be a dead medium? to exist less than you thought it did? to think that it might be part of a larger social construct?

i don't know, doesn't that lessen the value of a choice though? you had to act a certain way during a fragment of allotted time, once again time being the keyword

the only thing i have left are planets and
organs attached to each part of the atmosphere
according only to size and weight

i am on life support
and earth is the only
corporeal form of existence i can afford to accept

ascension
and rebuilding
stairs to the sky that i won't need for much longer

you look so pretty when you smile
you look so pretty when you smile

i will steal the resources of the earth to fund my seemingly incessant existence
until i know my time is up

most of it is green or pink
and swirling or falling
as two colors would if you let them go on a canvas or something but
they never mixed

dentist clean
that is the cleanest you can ever get

cowards
stomach made of tar
acidic and empty

offering an end where there was no beginning

everything I touch
will
turn
to
ashes

my favorite
thing to do is pretend
that i don't exist

my hobbies include
waiting
and counting blades of grass

some goals that i have are
to tear the fabric of my flesh apart with a ball of wire
and to get a job

they say stop
don't do it too much
ease up
slow down
are you content, let alone happy, with anything?

they didn't seem to think so
the dry benzo sting stuck in my mouth for an hour or so
a rough jostle into a rushed sobriety

we'll have to reinsert the catheter
so don't squirm too much
we don't have any anesthetic left
good luck

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
comin' down the chimney

Look next to you
See whose on
The evening train
With you

A message
for the faint of heart
or weak stomachs
that go
on and on and on forever
on and on and on forever

Goodnight my friends
Goodnight my friends
Be well
I bid you a grand ol' farewell
and condemn you all to hell
condemn you all
to hell
condemn you all
to hell

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
Look at the boy
comin' down the chimney

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
Look at the boy
coming down the
chimney

you weren't even a good egg watcher
you couldn't cook, clean, you couldn't even bend over the right way
if you know what i mean

there was a garden snake in the gutter this morning
slithering and writhing through damp crumpled up newspaper and days-old cigarette/rain water
in any allowed capacity my only intent from that point on was to charm all the snakes in my neighborhood

decomposition
after tapping a dead nerve for far too long
only ever with substance

third parties weren't invited but it looks like they're here anyway

How can they tell when they've drawn blood?
of holy remains
and forked tongues

Let this be a lesson to you
All we can hope for
is the surface
Invisible and crafted into place

stupid puppet controlling everything
strings are tied to its spine
it writhes, gesticulates, and vomits

there is nothing for them on this planet
they are getting tired
so tired

Maybe one day they will hold me accountable