colors matched the name of every saint
and i counted at least a baker's dozen as i fell down, at least thirteen

you cannot *** unless you follow the dentist's rules
nicotine and ******* blur the last twenty minutes

discarded and pretty lonely, some ideation of loneliness, you know
like that, and also like this package which you told me to carry all
this way for you and i opened it and all i found inside was
blue bubble wrap, two syringes, and your earrings, the ones i liked

the entire night is red and nobody can notice either of us
this way
that way
in or out
no bother, no problem, all the time

if you've forgotten how to make someone remember you
its for the best that they never will after all
you haunt my dreams to this day
but it is myself i can never forgive
i can never forgive myself for what ive done
i don't give two ***** what happens to you from this point on at all

the night was red but the sky was pink
and the clouds were swirling in a final vortex as the ****** of crows got to what was left of my arm

i ******* hate you
i am responsible
i will end you
this will be the end of you

i will end you.

selfishness in misery
my ribs are breaking
and I can't breathe

my arms are beginning to freeze
my tongue, too numb to speak
my arteries and intestines speared with anxiety

I will keep saying I'll never stop this
Twenty years
I've tried
accounting for all the broken notches of my spine
twenty years
I've cried, or tried to
twenty years
the most important part is the part where you give up
give up
give up

do your work

Pleasure
quantified
Propensity
Profit
Polyamorous

The boardwalk you dragged me on to
The time that we shared outside of the party
The rat poison made you walk funny
The planks that splattered your brain matter on the ferris wheel

Sooner or later you will realize that "the ride is not stopping;
You are going to die"

The hole in the beach
That took you down
Do not worry
Made sure it was deep enough
To muffle any sound
That will be produced
After you are buried

blank stare
balancing on spinal columns
tripwire produced by mitochondria
four million breaks

i have the answers to the world carved into my torso

how much fluid is left in you?
drool
drool
drool, all drool

drivel
supply and demand
quench the incessant assembly line thirst

i keep most of it in my sock drawer
and i carry the other half around with me
everywhere i go

the only thing i have left are planets and
organs attached to each part of the atmosphere
according only to size and weight

i am on life support
and earth is the only
corporeal form of existence i can afford to accept

ascension
and rebuilding
stairs to the sky that i won't need for much longer

you look so pretty when you smile
you look so pretty when you smile

i will steal the resources of the earth to fund my seemingly incessant existence
until i know my time is up

swimming through flesh
monomania exists
only if chance insanity is marginalized
incorrectly

my stomach
aches in yearning
for nothing

Entrapment
Infringement

Produce it like they would in a sweatshop
Cut you knuckles open and rub them in salt

Stand up
and watch it take hold

my mind liquified overnight
i spat it out this morning
mixed with with black coffee
three sugars

no more
no less
or, not ever usually less

raised by wolves
thirty three pints of blood before the final verdict
backwoods altar
the road to the gallows is still dirt
technology doesn't reach places like here

full moon symbolism
muscles tend to prove as abstractions in proper limb dislocation

Dirt
Figment
Breeding flies
Sweet charity
Hot, stagnant breeze
Doves in a stale autumn wind
An entity so dense
Holding such little weight
Topicality
Technicality
Revelation and rendition
Something so malleable
Yet so rigid
Reformed
Thick like honey
but smoldering
Grey paste
Emotions breeding anxiety
Still getting by
Not saying, but just saying

i exist to walk on eggshells
and to drown in knee-deep water

fruits of labor aren't nearly as tasty
as those that you can pluck from a tree

and, as long as you remember that seeds exist
eating fruit is safe
always safe

five milligrams of xanax
straight to the neck

two packs of those awful light cigarettes, a gram of baby powder quality *******, trojans, two syringes

That trendy backwoods stomp
Your snake is spitting
and drowning in the rain

From on top my altar
I am the one you want
Like a peasant
In the city square

That trendy backwoods stomp
That spiteful sideways glare

Your snake is spitting
and drowning in the rain

Give the men treats for labor
Give the women something else
It will never be fair so long as they stare

That trendy backwoods stomp

one for the hallways
dim, dark
at night
with all the windows open but the curtains drawn
a bucket of stagnant rain water
and two gas station cigars

i always wondered
how the ******* lived like this and managed to get yourself home safely every night
but
for all i know, and for whatever that may be worth
you made it home

i saw the hindenburg disaster unfold from my penthouse apartment
a real man doesn't drink before noon but
a fifth and two cigarettes made me see more clearly

i know the truth
i saw it happen

fear is more than something in the air, but in the end, you'll find out that that's all it is
paranoia is good but only if you take calcium pills every morning because
paranoia is a stiffening agent and will shatter bad bones, every single bad one you have in you

why the **** did they have to laugh?
it was from far off but i heard it
what did he have to get from his car? why is he looking at me like that? why is his television always on the same ******* channel every day at this time?
his dog better not come anywhere near me

why can't he turn off that spotlight?

pay attention
pay me in attention

give me some spare attention to chew on
give me alcohol and rusted nails to soak my gems in

the boardwalk you dragged me on to
the time we shared outside of the party
the rat poison made you walk funny
the planks that splattered your brain matter on the ferris wheel
the hole in the beach that took you down
do not worry
made sure it was deep enough
to muffle any sound that might be produced after you are buried

my brain matter coated the ends of each of my hairs on my scalp
and i could feel the needle scraping behind my left eye
i will allow you to sift through me

cacophony in a passing breeze
the smell of burning flesh won't stick around in your nostrils all that long either way

The breadwinner was hot railing at last
We have dismantled the illusion

Persecution according to prosecution
If only to feign partiality

dead soldiers swing from the tree branches behind my house
and i can hear crevices of ice being formed on the lakefront
as the ice cracks in the agonizing cackle and slow mournful croon of a dying animal or a small child

romance me around the tables and kiss me between the bars
hide all the ******* in the keyholes and don't let me forget this keycard

i told you, officer
she went to get ice for some drinks and when i woke up she wasn't here

the only items i acquire at the pharmacy
are those that will inevitably erase me
these are the items i enjoy
and they are the items i hold closest

no need to die but
no fear associated with passing

absolute beauty cannot be grasped within this realm
nothing is beautiful
beauty is dead

i say it to contextualize it as something real
and not just another racing thought in my head

i say it loudly
i say it as loud as i can
without screaming
screaming is frowned upon here

I don't give a **** if you can think
I don't give a **** if you can talk
I don't care what you do
All I care about is that you can suffer

Suffer like I do

weekends don't mean much if you're unemployed

they say stop
don't do it too much
ease up
slow down
are you content, let alone happy, with anything?

they didn't seem to think so
the dry benzo sting stuck in my mouth for an hour or so
a rough jostle into a rushed sobriety

we'll have to reinsert the catheter
so don't squirm too much
we don't have any anesthetic left
good luck

lactating in the shower naturally but lactating from the mouth

your whips and your chains act as inadvertent maps of the sky

my skin had otherwise yellowed
or Jaundice had gotten to the back of my eyes
and as i was made to realize this new yellow
i remembered how much i miss the way things used to be
simple, at least
simple

False alarms
Sirens sounding out of time

I love you
but I am submerged
I am drenched

Tell me what I deserve

to write one about this is difficult because
i think choices require a belief in a quantified time, like you have to make a choice by a certain time right?

so what if time proved to be a dead medium? to exist less than you thought it did? to think that it might be part of a larger social construct?

i don't know, doesn't that lessen the value of a choice though? you had to act a certain way during a fragment of allotted time, once again time being the keyword

soothe the mitochondria back into function
prove your worth
show us what a thousand years worth of natural selection can do

make the animals angry by replacing their medicine with salt
they are animals after all
they should be made to delicately pry it from under your fingernails

we don't do funerals around here
we don't wear black clothes around here
we don't eat three square meals a day around here
we don't get between six to eight hours of sleep every week night around here

pry my ******* teeth out with dental floss and a hammer
remembering only to wash your hands first
because all of your temporary muses have died
and you have nothing better to do

my arachnophobia sure has got the best of me today
the little ones are alive inside of my ear canals
and the mother is carefully placing her brood behind my left eyeball

i didn't ask for ice with this drink
matter of fact, let's pay it even
give me the bottle, give me a seat, and don't ask questions

well ****, the spiders really got me today
anything i put in my body they use in some way or another
all my meals only exist in webbings and eggs full of vermin in my stomach

i am your newest
latest
most adaptable
most conforming
but least controlling
****** god

termites ate half of my attic
as if to prove that
this is not my house

Integrate
Simulate
Postulate
Irritate to imitate

Grind stimulants
into my bones and
teeth after making
sure that they
are okay

Imagine the universe
Constituted by my hatred
Space and time running
backwards and beneath

Stuck at an in-between
Bitten nails and
Bloodshot eyes
Never express your suffering

Your sins are forgiven

bringing my hand to the lowest part of my back where the sensation has yet to return, I curl my fingers and clench my hand into a fist. I ****** it forward, in and out. No matter, nothing at all. I finally did it. I won and I am the one laughing. It ends up this was yet another harrowing joke.

I crawl for none but the sadist.

chest cavities are easier to bathe in if you
crack the ribs in half first
one by one
count them on your fingers

being me is not as easy as you'd think it should be

this will never change

I hope you have a nice day

i couldn't care to remember you even if i wanted to

you lying pathetic *****
you cheap *******
you held me close
and peeled through my intestines like a tapeworm

our relationship was parasitic and
it is over now

management and what YOU do with it
you'll noticed, i emphasized YOU

carve my likeness out of marble
cast it off shore, covered in barbed wire and
with cinderblocks attached by means of
a rope, let it sink weighed down but
unanchored and unsettled and disassociated and disappointed and concerned and confused and most of all but at last mention, alas

the sickness that i can
never seem to rid my orifices of


static usually but
for now frozen in endless motion
dead at first glance

we saluted the flag that morning
we sat down that morning
we all partook in class that morning
we all slept a bit too long that morning

tune it out, try to
distort the frequency
forget the consequence

you can't pay for **** like this on tv anymore

the doctors here gave me no option
they know it will **** me
but aren't able to tell me when
i gouged my eyes out in the hospital cafeteria
to save useless hours

yesterday was red and today
is blue
fraudulent existence puppet portrayal

split like the spine of an infant

I need a new disease
this one has escaped me

I need a new disaster to harness
I need a new cacophony to conquer
I need a new archetype to emulate

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

Visit my family functions
but vacate the premises
Let it swallow you

Parading around
downtown
and visiting all your favorite stores

I watch you walk
but I have no time to talk
in passing moments
fractured by too much thought
I miss you

I hate you?
eternal scarring friend
We are separated as one

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

a person walked down the street they did not have a face
they cut off all their hair in front of me with a pair of kids rubber scissors

all the kids in front of him were built for blood
everyone behind him vomits according to the amount of hair the stranger cuts off

they stand up and take off their sunglasses and hat
they take off their pants
they are naked and they are nothing
otherwise occupied by a worthless punching bag or a warm trap

the stranger ran to my doorstep and they threw their wallet on the ground
they scrambled to grab the identification cards and such
and they proved to me that I was them

i couldn't lie to you
after a two full months of sundays

obligatory religious pilgrimage
offer yourself to the archetype
give in
give up

my favorite
thing to do is pretend
that i don't exist

my hobbies include
waiting
and counting blades of grass

some goals that i have are
to tear the fabric of my flesh apart with a ball of wire
and to get a job