Sweet Mother Mary
Please throw me away
Heaven takes a toll
and I cannot pay

Sweet Mother Mary
Take me to your sky
Fill me with goodness
Then leave me to die

And what is this red
that stains my hands?
Will you cleanse me
and then leave me be?

Sweet Mother Mary
Keep me outside your heart
Reduce you to nothing
and pass away vicariously through me

I wear this mask
to see the world
Take in what I want
and then nothing more

Sweet Mother Mary
Knees covered in swollen stings
Please pray for them
Please

Oh, Mother we are not holy when we are here

Am I a part of this?
Tell me where to go

You have birthed the world
and you must end your creation
or give me a gun to stop myself

My skin peels back
Sooner forgetting later

Escapism as a form of affection
Even when I close my eyes I can feel my disfigurements emerging
My head is too heavy for sleep

The oozing, the subtle sting, the infinite burning, the bandages; life pours out of my sutures and gaping incisions
My real self is a part of my past

I cannot feel my face
I cannot save myself from my thoughts
I am as much of a ******* as I am a parasite; flesh is the ultimate interloper and my organs are divided into spheres of influence

My body is colonized and turned into the birthplace of my disease

We need to talk
We need to talk
We need  to be quiet

I hear the chalkboard-nail-scrape
I hear them laughing in unison
Like a personal orchestra of pathetic, pointless humiliation

They pelt me with beer cans
They push me too far and too fast

I wish I could get back at them
with every passing moment the hatred accumulates

But they're already dead
Open caskets set to be closed and lowered
Faces with no features

They left without leaving
They left me
"Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha"

I am a coward
afraid of my disposition

You only need to say it so many times before it becomes true
The question answers itself if you already know whose correct

Drown me in chemical baths
Lock the condition in place
Let time run, unravel, and damage

This is here
This is now
The subject presupposes the predicate

I have only a month to heal
It reaches for you
It grabs you by the throat

Burn my eyes, shut
Use hot tongs to demolish my ****
Brand me like your livestock but this time you'll decide

The planet is in your ******* palm
It just took too long to know for sure

Pour that salt into my mouth
Hang me by my ankles off a bridge

Pour some salt into my mouth
Feed me lies and insects

Pour your salts into my mouth
Don't ask why and continue on

Fill my mouth full of salt
Clean my teeth with alcohol
Make me realize what I've done

Drag your nails across my skin
Dig your thumbs into my eyes
Puncture my ear drums with your best knife
Stimulate yourself
Dress me up and
pour
your
salt
into
my
mouth

Make me feel that I'll never escape
Mechanize me with stabilization
and wash these salts from my throat

Imagine yourself knee deep in floodwaters. Imagine yourself rescuing an old lady and her cat from a burning building. Imagine yourself actually living in a gutter.

Imagine a plane with no pilots. Imagine the moon, both sides. Imagine everything had changed; realize all of it has stayed the same. Imagine being drafted. Imagine war. Imagine the warmth of a room after coming in from the snow.

Imagine a grave, a shallow one, for me, or you, or no one. Imagine health. Imagine longevity. Imagine vanity.

With a knife to my throat, you ask my to say the alphabet from Z to A
With a gun to the head, you ask me to count the productive conversations between the two of us
Being that this hole belongs to me, imagine me lowered. Imagine dirt. On me. Worms, in my skin. Out of empty sockets and back in again through my ears. Forming a circle. Imagine me pounding, screaming to escape. Imagine red, blood. Imagine the end of the world.

I. These phrases may be used interchangeably.

In the case of this patient, we expected nothing less. As a marginally dissociative fellow, this comes as no surprise, it happens all the time. Everyone from the white coats to the volunteers and cabbies are in on it, or should I say, they were in on it. They snickered. They laughed. They blew cigarette smoke into his eyes. They ashed in his trashcan. With a patient like this, when they see the finish line, they go for it.

II. Not a single person cares.

Business is business and routines are routines. The world keeps turning. The coffee keeps brewing and sitting lukewarm in large paper cups. All the flowers are dead and so is he.

III. You will not be remembered.

Well, at least not kindly. You see, patients like him were an obligation; more of a liability than a person. One of those. Pretty run of the mill, but this guy was different. He carved his name into his forehead with a letter opener. He wanted an open casket for some ******* reason I guess.

You won't see me on the
crisp autumn mornings or
the evenings, the sky filled with
smoke from the paper company's smokestacks

I am not a pedestrian
I am a civil servant
I am the voice of the wrong people who worship dismantled Gods

I am not a janitor
But I will clean up the mess you've made
My commitment may stand; I may be a low-life for the rest of it
but initially my heart, about to burst, was in the right place
Originally, I did this for the right reasons

I am not a flight attendant
Those who operate the vessel will soon find that I've left
Unfortunately they will find me hard to replace
But, I think, that's how this **** goes, sometimes at least

I noticed it first on my shoulder
I woke up and spat it out
Vaguely, it tasted like you; like "it", but more like you

New haunts from old nightmares
Violent, ****** hallucinations govern the past
If history is to repeat itself one more time

Parts of my body can be harvested to fix what has been missing all along
The same parts of my body that plot against me, even when I close my eyes
Are the ones they'll use to "fix me"

"Don't you want to be normal?"

Normality is more foreign than the word could even suggest
If "normal" fits into your story world then I suppose I'll tag along

My genes are sequenced against me, upside down and in reverse
I experience love through methadone filled mouth syringes
And a poisonous aftertaste that will not go away

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

Visit my family functions
but vacate the premises
Let it swallow you

Parading around
downtown
and visiting all your favorite stores

I watch you walk
but I have no time to talk
in passing moments
fractured by too much thought
I miss you

I hate you?
eternal scarring friend
We are separated as one

Stoop to my level
Come on down
See it unfold

Taking
but not
talking

Waking
without
walking

Refuse the abuse
and return it to sender

Gearhead
Gearhead
Gearhead
Gearhead
Oh my little
Gearhead
What you've grown
to be
Gearhead
here for all to see
Gearhead
judge accordingly
Gearhead
Gearhead

Look at my inside
are they good enough
for you?
The city
is painted
and named
after you
You don't need a disguise
the way you look will do just fine

Gearhead
Gearhead
Gearhead
Gearhead
Oh my little
Gearhead
Gearhead
what you've grown to be
Gearhead
here for all to see
Gearhead
judge accordingly
Gearhead

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
comin' down the chimney

Look next to you
See whose on
The evening train
With you

A message
for the faint of heart
or weak stomachs
that go
on and on and on forever
on and on and on forever

Goodnight my friends
Goodnight my friends
Be well
I bid you a grand ol' farewell
and condemn you all to hell
condemn you all
to hell
condemn you all
to hell

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
Look at the boy
comin' down the chimney

Look at the boy
Look at the boy
Look at the boy
coming down the
chimney

The one who ate the lights
Always in the way
The floorboards creak and sway
and the windowpanes shatter

The one who ate the lights
The one that got away
Tucking your children in at night

The one who ate the lights
Look whose telling you your rights
Melodrama is the middle ground
Can this life truly be found?

The one who ate the lights
Wasn't their fault at all
They'll never know the pain
or what it is to fall

The one who ate the lights
Laughing at our plight
but it might just work

The one who ate the lights
not yet accountable for actions

We'll all have to pay for it in the end

That trendy backwoods stomp
Your snake is spitting
and drowning in the rain

From on top my altar
I am the one you want
Like a peasant
In the city square

That trendy backwoods stomp
That spiteful sideways glare

Your snake is spitting
and drowning in the rain

Give the men treats for labor
Give the women something else
It will never be fair so long as they stare

That trendy backwoods stomp

Pleasure
quantified
Propensity
Profit
Polyamorous

The boardwalk you dragged me on to
The time that we shared outside of the party
The rat poison made you walk funny
The planks that splattered your brain matter on the ferris wheel

Sooner or later you will realize that "the ride is not stopping;
You are going to die"

The hole in the beach
That took you down
Do not worry
Made sure it was deep enough
To muffle any sound
That will be produced
After you are buried

I ain't a friend, I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh

My carriage
is made of wood

My horses are drawn and quartered
I will cater to your fastidious command
I'm not doing anything suspicious
because

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid of a fool;
I am an innovator)

This back
will never carry the weight
I will always lose my place
I'll never be late
Did I mention that is one nice sword?
Can I see it for a second?

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid I'm a foe)

I am sick
after lunchtime wine
If I encounter the divine
I promise to challenge
I would never lie to you
because

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh
(I ain't afraid of a fool;
I am am an innovator)

I ain't a friend I'm a foe;
I am an enemy, oh.

And it's pathetic
And you're incessant

Cleanse the wound but disregard the preference

You're anesthetic
I'm apathetic
Clears the drain, but clogs up the septic

I wish you hadn't done that
(I wish I didn't do it)

There's no place like home

There's
so
much
more

Don't
doubt
me

There
will be
no
more

He's not dead
He doesn't come up for air anymore

He's not dead
He couldn't figure it out in time

He's not dead
He's right where you left him, and he can't move on his own

He's not dead
He is pulling the skin off his fingers like string

He's not dead
He is drunk and he is laughing

He's not dead
He's coughing up feathers

He's not dead
He's pulled out all of his teeth

He's not dead
He's not dead

I am not just a *******
At least I have some sort of control
I am ****, in a bag
I am contained
Throw me out after you finish walking the dog

the men in the walls are laughing
the faucet is dripping with the blood of our mothers
the names of all of the saints are alive in our mouths
and we want to spit them out

the earth is cold

May the river run red with my offering
I watch as the river bed overflows
The wind blows cold and strong

Seasons change
People change, sometimes

I can feel the cold
like liquid steel through my veins
popping out of my neck
as if to escape

I see the red and I let it take me over

Incisions on flesh to indicate
time, that has passed for
it is all that is left
for counting

Dear God
let me die now and take me under your warm wings
Dear God
let me tear down the golden gates of your empire
Dear God
the bed of nails I sleep on is growing dull and my
back aches in yearning for your pain
Dear God
what you have given me to live with is too much and at
the same time
it will never be enough

am so worthless
I see you in my dreams and I
want you out of them

Coiling and hissing
Pounding and screaming
"We've all been there before"

I've been scratching at my
wrists in my sleep lately as if
to let something
out

Writhing on a cold white floor. contracted into proper condition. placed on the earth above.

If you talk to me, I'll transfer the burden of my life onto you.

There is a reason for the fifth of gin in the coffee
There was a reason, but I've forgotten

A wish for heat to meld parts back together
I can hear you talking through the floors
to all your friends
and ex lovers

I can hear you singing along to nothing in the shower
The problem lies not within you
but in me

There is no currency for this
You cannot hide, if only from yourself
You are the most difficult to outrun

I am held captive by myself and on my own terms
Please glue my pieces back together
Light the garage on fire and start over

with every knock I get closer between the floorboards is where you'll find me

I blow smoke in your face you ******* liar your lips sting with *****

This morning I woke up to
painted crucifixions on my door
and I think I know who they were for

Take control of my limbs
Guide my useless appendages
I'll look at myself
only if you make me

I have a simple wish
I have one desire
To never be a part

the landscapers can hear it
the construction workers cat call it
even if they don't see

the laughing orator is drinking gasoline
the curtains have been drawn
I put on my hospital gown
and I do it

False alarms
Sirens sounding out of time

I love you
but I am submerged
I am drenched

Tell me what I deserve

Taking but not talking
Waking without walking
Refuse the abuse
and return it to
sender

My captain lived by the parkway
and he couldn't stand the sound of cars crashing at night
the roar and thunder triggered him
but he always loved having a front seat view

My parole officer is lost somewhere in Arkansas
They say Camel is the devil's brand
That's what my neighbor said
two days later
he was dead

I am disabled, would you fire on me?
do you determine who you're protecting
by who you've done the most damage to?
I am harm free
And I am obsolete
Please don't consider the facts
we have no time for that

What makes me feel
away from safety
is you

This is something
that you'll never hear
It means so much to me
because it means nothing to you

Anti aging
is another form of death
no more wrinkles
and no more flesh

Throw all the old things
in the basement
and let us forget

Carry me down the stairs
I cannot walk
My body deserted me long ago

And in the
small wisps of wind
I whisper
for you'll grow deaf
faster than I can drown

Whatever is behind me
is before you

Condemned to heights
suffocating their lights


Biting
and tearing
in hindsight
out of me



What
binds me
to you?

Why do I
always think of it?

It can't ever
escape me


They're here

What
binds me
to you?

Why do I
always think of it?

It can't ever
escape me

Integrate
Simulate
Postulate
Irritate to imitate

Grind stimulants
into my bones and
teeth after making
sure that they
are okay

Imagine the universe
Constituted by my hatred
Space and time running
backwards and beneath

Stuck at an in-between
Bitten nails and
Bloodshot eyes
Never express your suffering

Your sins are forgiven

Writing ****** screenplays and drinking tea with all of your chain smoking friends never got you anywhere
I make films with all of your friends
and I make their friends jealous

I want to eat your heart out of your body
I want to reconstruct you out of wicker and shards of pottery
The only time I'm free of it is when I'm not with myself

My shadow engulfs me
I am what I am
and it reminds me

Dirt under my fingernails
Grind my teeth to dust
My stomach is surely made of glass

All of my evils
A raw nerve

How can they tell when they've drawn blood?
of holy remains
and forked tongues

Let this be a lesson to you
All we can hope for
is the surface
Invisible and crafted into place

My owners taught me some new words today
Ones that won't allow me to kneel and pray
or take my medicine and pray

They let me out today
but not too far

Dirt
Figment
Breeding flies
Sweet charity
Hot, stagnant breeze
Doves in a stale autumn wind
An entity so dense
Holding such little weight
Topicality
Technicality
Revelation and rendition
Something so malleable
Yet so rigid
Reformed
Thick like honey
but smoldering
Grey paste
Emotions breeding anxiety
Still getting by
Not saying, but just saying

I am going to die
I don't know
I think I am going to die
I think I need to die

Brass buttons
To fasten a cape made of everything false
To cloak me in feigned serenity through the night
To sing me to sleep
and turn me into someone like you

I can never stop crying although I want to rebuild my body

Drink more
Think less
We're conditioned into doing our best

Make money but never profit

I'd make myself into a mannequin if I could
I would remove my flesh
I would cut my arms off
I would tear into my thighs
I would rip myself apart

for the sake of entertainment,
not art.

He dosed himself accordingly
and there he stayed
no choice of his own
voids of safety and fragments of past

Why would I bow, for the sake of sadness?
What do you think this is?
Who do you really think I am?

When you've been in enough hospitals
You realize how important it is to abuse the catalyst

Time for an attraction
Time for a spectacle
Watch me cut myself open
to drown the sorrows out

My angel
It comes to me on broken wings
And it says to me
"They're here"