Next best thing to crying...

Telling someone how you feel.

Next best thing to dying...

When they don't believe you're real.

Flash-blind and punch-drunk
Running in place as the universe
Moves us around the board
Staring down the edge of never
Alone with the cosmic cacophony

So many people
diggin in the dirt,
lookin for a rock.
Can you see it from space?
I see one,
it burns so that people can travel speedily.
Chasin their shiny destruction
to the Earth's end
You used to be able to see it from space,
when there was still clean water.

The thrumming of feathered wings reveals a sight,

Shimmering seas of forgotten starlight.

The ocean of sorrow between us two,

Even in dark dreams, it carries me to you.

Yours is the only light in these lonely eyes,

The fiery sun in the expanse of my skies.

Lightning may strike, fire may burn,

Yet no evil will make my heart turn.

No matter how complicated the map to your door,

I know it leads me back to my love, my heart, my core.

I have only my soul as sextant,
Life serves as map and almanac,
Destiny plotted by wave and wind,
Without your star to guide me back.

You passed me
And I thought

Wow, she is beau-
Oops, that's not cool

-You're on a diet, but
-You can look at the menu

Yeah, but
I love what's on my plate.

Circumstance-severed ties
Shine like fugazi
Labor under lies
Instead of being, set free

Smothered in shadow
Beneath that Giving Tree
Struggling to let go
The aftermath of deceit

Falling for the untrue
Failing my destiny
Calling out for proof
Smoke-signaling my sanity

There's an underlying group
Trying to do what's not right
They're pretty ****** good
At hiding in plain sight

Pick yourself a poison
Goin' down town's lucked out
Cry yourself a river
Stroke it back you've swum out
Bust in the driver's window
Metal that pedal you're spun out
Tip back a fat jar-a
Moonshine 'til you're plum out
Hear the siren? Fire drill!
Get your holler on 'n jump out
Let your hair burn
Rip a roarin' scream as you run out
Stop, drop, rock 'n roll
Stomp that beat drum it out
Why waste time
Dyin' in the heat when the sun is out?

I miss your hand in my hand
I want your hand on my shoulder
I need your hand on my...anything

Won't the future be nice?
So many benefits of modern technology.
You don't have to go grocery shopping,
Heck, your fridge can order for you now!
Cameras inside the washer and dryer, 'cause yeah.
You can even order casual companionship with an app.
Won't be long before we'll be able to match genomes online,
Probably interconnected with your social media and dating sites of choice,
No need to talk, or even meet, your phone just beeps and you know:
You've found the perfect mate!
Modern convenience folks, step right u-
Oh wait, no, stay home, get married right from your couch!
What's wrong you have the perfect mate, the perfect job, perfect home(s), 1.312 kids, 2.617 pets-
Love???
There's probably an app for that...

Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Everything must go!
No offer unreasonable! No price too low!

What's that you say? You say you're just not buying it?
You don't like its looks and you're just not trying it?

That is cheap and this is ******,
What is this, plastic? How gaudy!
Everything you have to offer is beneath me,
Is this the legacy you thought to bequeath me?

My apologies, I do not possess the prowess to hold your interest,
I hope you'll forgive my hubris & this foolish idea that I should be honest,
In fumbling, stumbling, pedestrian prose & ****-poor rhymes like those.
I suffer from multiple isms you see, I must've been having a schism, truly.

It's not my custom to put a tag on things so dear,
Nor, had I a choice, would I place the price so near,
To nothing that I shiver at the cold cost, this chilling fear,
That even if I were free I'd be too much to bear.

So my cats are watching Dexter right now...
Yeah, you heard that right.
Two of them are kinda being alpha-y to each other,
They won't hang out in here at the same time,
So I leave a show on in the other room for the odd cat out.
Right now they're watching Dexter.
So I was just thinking,
Maybe that's not such a good idea,
Cats are already a bit murderous,
Maybe I shouldn't give them any ideas...

Several times in my life I have had the strange sensation that I might just fall up into the sky at any given moment.  Like gravity would, for some reason, simply stop affecting me.

It happened once when I was seven, laying on my back in the summer grass, cloud-watching.

It happened again, when I was seventeen, while I was staring at the stars reflected in the water.

And once just now
when I thought about
you loving me.

In Soviet Russia,

Kids raise YOU.

Where's the point in sharing half a truth
Intrinsicly wasting time misspending youth
Why set yourself into the role inanimate
Waiting, willing, indifferent, and passive
Why torch your life in search of a match
A net-wielding dragon with fire to catch

They say one's life is supposed to flash before one's eyes prior to the moment of death.

When I go, I hope I have time to get to the part where we met...

I wanna fall in love with you all over again.

I think I could
Hold together
I think it would
Knowing the truth
The center should hold
One would assume

You were never supposed to be a guest star.

✨

__

When the maelstrom ended, and Earth and Sky grew cool,

The Sky found itself adrift, a wandering fool.


Does the Earth think the Sky vacuous in flight?

Or does she know the wind only flees the cold night?


Does the Earth still remember, the Sky so far?

Does she still have a place for him in her heart?


When she sleeps, does she dream of clouds in blue sky?

When she wakes, is she warmed by the suns caring eye?


Would Earth say to Sky, you don't remember,

When Earth and Sky were young and lived as one ember.


Were you dancing in the trees, dazzled by stars?

Were you lost on the ocean, did you travel so far?


Silent Sky stirs, gathering mist and cloud,

And a light rain falls as the Sky thunders aloud:


Dear Earth, You are the reason I am spurred by the sun,

Your distance the very darkness from which I run.


Dear Earth, please know, it is not you that I flee,

I'm all around you, for you are the heart of me.

Waiting will get you a life of servitude to a master who doesn't know you even exist.

That being said...I still hope. If you love them, you hope.  That's life.

You lose hope sometimes, you wonder why you still hold onto it sometimes.

There's no reason to hope, other than that she's important to me.

It just doesn't matter if it hurts, it's going to hurt no matter what.

You don't have to have expectations to just...hope.

I supercharge every thought, every idea.
I pursue each concept and emotion to their ultimate possible conclusion(s).
I excite every particle to impossible speeds, spinning and colliding, combining and fusing.
Old painful emotions combine with new jarring thoughts and,
WHAM!
A new element is created.  
It is violent and eviscerating evolution at breakneck speeds.
And it never ceases.
Or slows.
It's not all bad though,
As I said, new elements are always being created,
New concepts,
Differing perspectives,
Brand-spanking-new thoughts created from the raging fires of the old.
I am far too logical to discard a thought, however painful.
It must be run through the particle accelerator,
Again and again,
Until it collides with so many other ideas
That it is completely obliterated,
By the formation of a new and superior understanding.

So my therapist asked me, "Would you want her to read your poems?"

I feel like there's a poem in that somehow,

but I'm too heartbroken over it to write it,

because the truth is I don't know the answer...

I mean she doesn't know me and I fear she never really did

but I also would not want her to be hurt by my words,

yet still, if she doesn't understand then she is already being hurt by the unknown, the lack of understanding, by the misunderstanding itself:

it's a paradox.

Maybe I should have written them all down
All of the conversations I had with you in my head
Perhaps then it would be easier to understand me

like a star
our love died
before we ever
saw its light

I just wanted to say to all you awesome HP poets, that I'm sorry I don't comment as much as I should.  

First, I have pretty bad anxiety, so if I try and comment I usually have to write and rewrite it like 50 times, decide not to say anything, feel guilty, and then, ultimately, just say something like, "Awesome."

Second, I feel like I have to conserve my awesomes, cause at some point, they're gonna run low, and I'm gonna have to resort to saying "Rad," or "Radical..."

Aaaand then someone is gonna be like, "***, who's grandpa is this?  ARE YOU OK OLD GUY?  Someone better come get him..."

TL:DR

Once upon a time, there lived a cocky young noble,
Who'd committed no crime yet hid many a foible.

Wherever he rode he'd arrive in the dandiest style,
Charmingly he strode and imagined the ladies beguiled.

He traveled the land in search of high adventure,
Codpiece in hand he was besotted nigh treasure.

Never were any dragons slain nor demons defeated,
Only empty flagons remained where our hero retreated.

He found love unsought, as fools tend to do,
Spellbound by the thought that she loved him too.

Their storied romance grew as the long seasons passed,
However, soon they both knew their song would not last.

Trouble stormed their keep, drawn steel in the night,
And she was stabbed deep by her beloved in his fright.

The princess did strive though she eventually succame,
Spirited away for her life whilst he cried out her name.

Days became months and months became years, yet no word arrived,
Whilst our young hero drowned sour tears and feared that she'd died.

Dour doldrums spurred our knight to stand a little braver,
And so with long-suffering sighs, he sauntered forth to save her.

Briars and bogs he did cross and the dark forest he did pass,
Battling the dread of her loss our desperate knight espied her at last.

With beleaguered head ringing, he'd worried she was mistreated,
Yet he found her laughing and singing, did she not feel as he did?

Crestfallen he reached out to his love in his woe and his fear,
Firmly she gave him a shove and looked away with a sneer.

She claimed her contentment, and bade him leave without quarrel,
So with shame and resentment, he was gone come the morrow.

He sorrowfully still sings and mournfully pines, our hero apparent,
He thanks you for sparing us these wee lines, for one lonely knight-errant.

You just listen to the old Pork Chop Express here now and take his advice on a dark and stormy night when the lightning's crashin' and the thunder's rollin' and the rain's coming down in sheets thick as lead.

Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake.

Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says, 'Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.'

I thought that because she was the love of my life
I would be the love of hers

In Soviet Russia,

God believe in YOU.

I fell in love forever,
She made love for fun,
For me, it was the future,
To her, we had a good run.

You can't steal a Queen

Unless she's playing games

What is this thing buzzing around my ears?
I twist and turn but I don't see what it is!
I hop and swat and growl in frustration,
At this imperceivable persistent pest, this irritation!
It hums in my ear just when I'm drifting to sleep,
Whispering of longing three-thousand miles deep,
It reminds me of days in the sun, laughter, festivals, and fairs,
Music and movies, incense in the air...of days when you were there.
If I manage to rest it's even worse, I'll dream you're scared and lost,
That you're in danger or hurt, my search finding only blankets tossed.
Deceptive day lets me think I'm okay, then sun gives way to rain,
Stifling heat or razor-sharp chill, only strife matters, every breath is pain.
A black hole in my heart, an elephant on my chest, a grim guard dog,
Every face in every crowd might be yours, I seek a drop of water in fog.
I check up once every few years on the book of faces,
You look happy and well, so at least my fears are satiated.
Long and short, every moment is happy and sad, relaxed and stressed,
Darkness and light at once, I guess that's life when one is depressed.

I have been stuck here all this time,
Tortured in heart and chained in mind,
Lost and confused, and unsure of why:
You are my spirit guide, and I yours, likewise.

My love for you was never any great mystery,
No greater than that of the tide returning to the sea,
But I lost faith in love when you lost faith in me,
Because you were my life, my heart, my eternity.

I'm not playing games, I'm getting **** off my chest,
I have no hate for you, no blame, and few regrets,
This growth, this catharsis, has been my life-long quest,
And after twenty-five years in the desert...I'm ready to rest.

I didn't waste my life, but it wasn't what it should have been,
I didn't spend it on gambling, or lechery, or a bottle of gin,
I did my fair share of losing and I had a fair number of wins,
But never did I find again, our level of soul-deep connection.

With your freedom, I can be free once again,
With your transcendence, I can finally transcend,
But without your love, without you as my friend...
It's walking a million miles only for the story to end.

Daaaaamn gurl,

You got a **** brain on you!

Cruisin the interwebs the other day,

And I saw someone call a He a She and call them both gay.

Maybe I picked the wrong week to quit trollin, but I was dyin to say:

Are you too limited on intellect to pronounce Them or They,

Or is your empathetic deficit a debt other People should pay?

But the fact is, We are all actors on the same stage in this play,

And sometimes We all need someone to show Us the way.

I am drawn to this

Shimmering in my sight

Shinning with promise

Pool of aqueous light

Cupped hands reach out

Weary wanderer with relief awash

Dry disappointment fills my mouth

Wait- Sand!? This- This is a mirage?

Worst mistake I ever made,

Was thinking it would be more painful to stay friends.

looks at clock

2:20

phew, nothin

2 minutes before...

wait, ****

looks at clock

2:37

phew, nothin

wait, 1 min before 2:38, but that's nothin, it would have to be 3:38

phew

wait, that's 1:01 before 3:38

****

My voice was soothing to her as a wound is calmed by festering,
I called daily, then weekly, then bi-monthly, she called it pestering.

_

Each heartbreak eroded my confidence, hope, and health.

The hole yawned ever deeper, strip-mined of its wealth.


Like it was left to scream at the sky,

Empty and silent, lost in time.


Megalithic earth-movers encircled, discarded in dust,

The desire for improvement exhausted and left to rust.


Like memories of lovers long-lost,

Distant, faded, and star-crossed.


Mighty metal arms mock this as weakness and point,

Their massive hydraulic muscles fused at the joint.


Like even their strength could have held us together,

Or glued wings to our backs, feather by feather.


Why do I dwell on colossal contraptions of shame?

Each a construct of missed opportunity and lingering pain.


Like remembering too late, forgotten promises,

Or waking alone from dreams of soft kisses.


Queue the architect, compass, ruler, and pen.

So sure of the design he won't look at the plan.


Like he knew exactly what he had to do,

To make sure this would all fall on me, instead of on you.


Please pardon our dust for just a tick more,

We're still picking the pieces up off of the floor.


Like a half-broken robot, program scrambled,

Assembling a semblance of life from fragments in shambles.

It is a painful, strengthening, heart-breaking, uplifting, terrifying, enlightening, emptying, and fulfilling journey through horror and wonder.

Leading one inevitably towards confrontation with oneself.  

It is the path to balance.

squeak

squeak  squeak

Megaphone Clicks

I SAID:  I MISS YOU!

It wasn't feeling your skin against mine,
Or your breath whispering in my ear...

It wasn't feeling the heat of your body,
Or the wild intellect burning in your eyes...

It wasn't your fire lighting up my entire universe,
Or the electric ecstasy in every breath between us...

It was thinking that you felt it too,
And believing we would for eternity.