In second grade,
I handmade my mom a tea cup
out of clay.
It was glazed in chartreuse and robins egg blue,
Her two favorite colors.
It was a Mother's day present,
because I knew she liked tea.
At the bottom,
while the clay was still wet,
I wrote, "LOVE U MOM",
right where she'd see it
whenever she took a sip.
She never used it.
She used it to put pieces of trash in,
and left it under the counter
in the kitchen.
But now I use it
to burn incense.
She could have used it
for the same thing;
to get rid of the ashes
of the cigarettes she still
desperately tries to hide from us,
but she uses a store bought
coffee mug for that.

i'm anxious
anxious is kind of a funny word
experiencing worry,  unease, or nervousness
sometimes you get anxious for no apparent reason
like me
sometimes you question yourself
why am i like this?
i have nothing to be worried about.
it just kind of happens
and you just have to deal with it

at this moment
i have so many emotions
am i sad?
am i happy?
am i jealous?
am i nervous?
am i insecure?
am i lonely?
am i intimidated?
w
   h
      y
why do i feel like this?
i have a loving family
a good amount of friends
why?
at this moment

11 pm is the sound of you calling on skype,
12 am is the "I love you"s,
1 am is us in bed alone,
2 am is craving for contact,
3 am is wishing you were here,
4 am is red noses and puffy cheeks,
5 am is tossing and turning,
6 am is finally falling asleep,
11 pm, it all starts again.

i have a theory
i think we find happiness in books
movies
music
shows
or poetry
because we can't find it in anyone else
we can't find loyalty
someone to hang out with on a saturday night
so we
f
  i
    l
      l
ourselves with these things
so we don't have to accept the fact
that we're all
t
r
u
l
y

a l o n e