Am I going blind?
These realities aren't mankind
Something special in the way I feel
It ain't all that different anymore
I seem to be able to move mountains
And be able to journey beyond the sky

You try to bring me down
The words you say are hurtful
What kind of a person are you
When you can't say anything nice?
I don't want to be around you
What's the point anyhow?
The time has come for me to go
And leave behind these hurtful words
Take my things and never look back
It's a life I  don't want to live
Always in constant fear of what might be
I deserve so much better
Thank God today I can see
See you for what you really are
Just someone not worth the time
Who has not a bone of care
It's time for me to escape this trap
And move on from here

Who are people trying to please
Is it themselves
Thinking they know about something
When they really don't
I should know
I know not much about anything
Am not good with my hands
Don't know how to build anything
Not an electrician
Don't know how to wire anything
I'm not a computer genius
Hardly can get into my emails
Not know what's a good remedy for anything
Don't know about any wives tails
Am not a geographical genius
I can get lost walking out my door in a heartbeat
No one should dare ask me for direction
I'll have them end up in the river
I'm really not a poet
Just someone spouts off some words
I can make them sound nasty
Or I can make them sound good
But honestly, what the **** do I know
I can't be famous, that will never happen
I have to look at it realistically
Words I write are simple
Not much poetry in that
They are direct and to the ******* point
Much about my experiences in life
They are not extravagant words
So poetically aligned like the Universe set it up that way
No. Just me in a nutshell and my ****** up life
So, where do I go from here?
Just kind of floating through life
Get blown around this way and that
Cause that's where the wind ******* blows

So many people think they know everything
They'll open their mouths and say I know how to do this
And most of the time they do
They have know humility
And they'll make you feel like ****
They are one of those jack of all trades
They know quite a bit about everything
They're architects
They're craftsmen
They're doctors
And lawyers
And mechanics
And electricians
And writers
And lawmen
And just about much of everything
They know how to do it
And they do it well
Well, I'm not one of those people
I take great pride in not knowing much about nothing

What happened to the day,
it seems so dark and gloomy?
Can't seem to get away-
from the pain inside my head.
So much has been said,
so much has been laid to rest,
wishing all was well,
wishing for the best.
Though nothing goes right,
everything is just a nightmare.
Can't have you by my side,
what does it matter anyhow?
Feeling all the pressure,
it's takes place in my mind.
The day turns cold, dark and lonely.
Oh, how I want things to turn out alright.
Though I'm here in my own hell,
where there is no lights.

There ain't much to ******* see
Just a lot of ******* in me
I can talk a good game
But really I'm ******* scared inside
Not enough ******* pride
Just used to getting stomped on
I feel so ******* torn
How am I suppose to act?
I like to ******* cuss
And is that so ******* bad?
I wasn't always this way
I grew up in a Christian home
But I went a different path
And turned my back on the
Ones who truly mattered
It wasn't an easy road
I chose my destiny
I played the victim
That everyone owed me
What the **** for?
I haven't done much
Worked here and there
I hadn't had enough
Of the ******* I brought
Into my ******* life
I pretty much
Wasted the **** away
Living with no ******* plans
No ******* hope in the day
How must I survive
When I am the one who
Has caused every problem
In my own little world

It felt so good
To rise above the hurt
And all of the *******
The drama in my life
Has been vanquished
There is nothing I let
In without my permission
And hope has always
Been there to lift me up
In times I just wanted to
Give up

I don't know myself
Do I even care?
I hope that I do
Nobody is going to care for me
No one is going to take my hand
And lead me where I need to go
Nobody is going to tell me I'm
Making the wrong choices
And I need to to make better decisions
I try to do the opposite of what
I've always done but that in itself is difficult
My first instinct is to make a mess out of things
Hurt the ones who really mean a lot to me
I don't even know if I appreciate life
That it would better if I just die
But I trudge the road of confusion
Because I don't know how to live right
Would it be better if I gave in
Surrendered to a better source?
I believe it would help my thinking head
Always racing thoughts of past mistakes I've done and said
Not only that, it's delusional most of the time
All I want to do is to be able to feel fine
Someone told me to have self respect
Hell, I don't even know what that is
I have too much contempt for people
Not a good place to be in my mind
Though nobody is going to help me live right
And take my hand during the day and night
And show me a better way to live then what I've been doing
No, I better start caring or I am a dead man
I don't want to die and people say he was an *******

I feel God shows up through people
What happens when there ain't no one showing up
It's all selfish and ego driven
People out there not caring about others
They are out for themselves
And they ******* say one thing and do another
So where is this ******* God I here about
I don't see it anywhere in others
No one is speaking the ******* truth
It's all ******* lies
Little ******* white lies that they think
It's okay to ******* tell me because it's not too bad
No. This ain't going to take me to hell
I'll be alright saying this to James
He ain't that important anyway
He ain't going to ******* mind
Besides, he's a ******* anyway
Where is this ******* God you talk about so much
You cry to me about your ******* problems
Thinking I can fix what so ******* bad with your stupid life
At least I'm trying to find something for real
And I haven't found it ******* yet
Apparently this ******* God doesn't show up through people
Well, anyway, he sure the **** hasn't been in your world
I have watched you and heard the things you've said
Just don't pretend you know something you have no clue about

It's hard to believe I will ever feel happy
Like I was when I was a young boy
Playing tag with my next door neighbor
Or feeling the excitement on Christmas day
It's hard to believe I will ever feel content
Like listening to old records on my stereo
Or writing poetry at the age of nine
Everything back then seemed so innocent
Everything back then seemed so fine

But it wasn't...

It was just trying to hold on to life
And make the best out of it without going crazy
So much dysfuncftionality ( even if that is a word )

Dad going insane
Older brother malesting me
Younger brother a whimp
So much chaos
We all just wanted to quit

Nothing going right
Mom getting hit
We all pretended everything was okay
Come Christmas time when presents were being open
Then you had Easter, waking up to go to church
Sitting at the pew and praising a God we hardly knew
I thought many times to run away
Forget everyone and try something different
It would be better  than all of this
I even tried it once but got scared and ran back home

How the hell did we all survive?
I wish there was a manual to do life
I would of done things differently
Said things differently
It wasn't at all fine
Now we all have scars
And have turned out different this time

Mom is dead
Dad is dead
Older brother a minister
Which I think is ironic
Younger brother a talker
And me trying to find my own way

Hope is the way
It's a brand new day
No tears, no pain
And love is to gain

It hurts to finally realize,
all that I do does not matter.
     You still want more and more,
you want it all from me;
     My pride!
     My dignity!
Everything I hold dear,
     You don't treasure none of it.
I'd rather see you go,
        then to put up with this nonsense.

I have felt the pain from others
Does that mean I whine
I have felt the wringer and sting
Does that mean I've cried
My dreams have sunken in the soil
And it does make my blood boil
Who do I come to trust
To listen to and make a fuss
If all is out for number one
That they really don't care about me
They would rather me burn up in the sun
And cross over in the never regions
Should I waste my time on them
Should I give a ******* ****
I feel I shouldn't care anymore
Start locking my door
Get my shotgun and wait by the window
Because they're going to try to break in
There's no more love out there
Everything is superficial
They're coming
They're coming
They don't want my things
They want my soul
I'm not giving it up so easily

What will I strive for,
when all avenues seem blocked?
I want something more,
a direction of being self-satisfied.
What will it take,
to move upward from this hole?
Having courage seems the way,
to put the desire in my soul.
Can I do this on my own,
or will I fall flat on my face?
There is a will deep inside,
to make things better for my life.
Once done, my family will benefit,
and I will have no regrets.

Nobody is what I feel like
just a nobody
Somebody all alone
all alone inside my head

There's a void inside my gut
no rhyme or reason
My heart is closed shut
and I can feel the changing seasons

Looking for something real
it isn't as easy as I thought
The past lays waste to how I feel
and the hollowness is my cross

I bear it...

I crumble beneath
The sea of sorrow
My tears are shed
On the white pillow
I toss and turn
Trying to fall asleep
But my eyes burn
And there seems no relief

Insonomonia plagues my inner being
Days gone by without any peace
What is peace anyway
When I haven't slept in days?

The world laughs
And I cringe
What a waste
There I sin
A bad wire
Locked away
****** in the head
Burning on fire
What am I suppose to do
When it doesn't make sense?
No one has a clue
It has all been spent
Farther I go
The lesser I feel
Love is hard
Is it even real?
Cast into reflection
The torment of my soul
There is no affection
Just a loneliness I've been told
And I feel strange to say
What a ****** up day
So perplexed I throw a fit
There is just way too much *******
I ponder what it all means
And pray on my knees
That it's all meant to be
Some kind of purpose
****, if I can't see
Then all is hopeless
And this rambling is free
Upon the threshold of a tree
I'll keep my insanity
It's the only thing real
Here, there, to hell is how I feel
And listening to all kinds of tyranny
I find no solice in thee

Excuse me while I try
To wipe back these tears
Lay in bed at night
And wonder why my life
Has turned out the way it has
Karma catches up to the ones
Who are ******* inconsiderate
Death knocks at the door
So close in dying from these tears
So many things I fear
It sounds all good in the making
But it still has to meet the acid test
Can't do what is best
When I'm doing what is wrong
And all will be a horrible dream
Leaving behind a bad taste
In the mouths of others
Lying in the casket
And nothing happens...
Nothing perpetuated

I see a thousand tears you've cried
Worrying yourself over a guy like me
I want to wipe them away from your eyes
And tell you that everything will be okay with me
There's no need to worry, I'm a big boy
If I happen to choose wrong I'll pay for it
And there's nothing you can do to save me

I am such a ****** man
Learned it through growing up
I write particularly about much of nothing
My heart cries out that one day I will succeed in my dream

I know I am stubborn about love
But I have to love myself to give it away
I am prone to write about the ugliness of life
So much tragedy we all see daily

I am not fond of the road I have chosen
It seem like one wrong turn will do me in
If only I could be as strong as others I see
The ones who I admire that look at darkness and only laugh

These are the ones I would like to be like
They fill my heart with joy and they don't even know it
They put pen to paper and write an awesome poem I can only wish to write
I read these words from them and I can only feel better about myself and my day

Not so when you read one of mine
Darkness clouds my mind
I even give it a try
But am lost for words in these darken eyes

I write about death and pain
I talk **** about love and how chaos has ruined my day
If only I could write like my heroes
Then and only then I would be at a place where I would know

Things aren't that way in this perspective of mine
Beauty is all around me but I look at the garbage cans
I stare up at the sky and wish a storm to pass by
Maybe a bolt of lightning would electrocute me

One could only hope for things to go right
But here I sit not doing much of anything with my time
It's difficult to find my sanity with the way I feel
Wondering if it isn't just a dream and not much is real

I'm not one for sentiments
But there is love and possibility
So much hatred in the world
Why not give kindness a shot
If I am going to be free
Free from all kinds of oppressions
I have to give up the selfishness
That I am smarter than life
I have gone insane from theologies
And religion hasn't saved my soul
The past is exactly what it is
Can I ever go back? No.
I've taken hard knocks to know
Only what experience has taught me
There's only one thing I need to know
Life's a *****, no point in it
Can't I just accept there are possibilities
That are beyond my puny mind of mine
Things that can't be seen but are there
I can't see love but I can feel it
It's in the air and the smell is sweet
Why should I let there be peace?
It's because I haven't got the energy
To hate just one more day

Taking short cuts in life
That's not what I want to do
But all seems hopeless tonight
I'm crying, trying to keep it
Together without you

You're the best thing that has happened to me
I don't know why I treat you like ****
There's a lot of meanest you haven' t seen
I hold a lot of it back

I don't know if I want to stay
We have another life together
But what would I say
To the Innocent child of ours
That daddy is selfish
He's not a very good man
How can I get over this
And make the right decision?

What course do I take?
You shouldn't of put me on a pedestal
It's hard to not to stay
I've made all the wrong choices
And there's not one thing I would change
What does that about me?
How ignorant I can be?
And just down right ******* stupid

Worshiping material things, it's not the way it-
Ought to be. I'm enlightened by the right path-
But end up on the wrong side of the road. There-
I see lists of things I want to buy, taking pleasure-
In the hunt, and 98 percent of the time I get it, just-
Because it's what I want. Why is it that I'm so-
Impulsive? I tend to make matters worse, looking-
At the object and drooling, not to mention most of-
The time I can't afford what I'm after. But it-
Must be mine, oh, so very much mine.

Blank...
I need to write better,
Or say something meaningful.
Something, anything.
Or is it just the times?
Everyone is making sense but me,
I think I'm an okay poet but who's to say.
I make too much of a big deal out of everything.
I need to unlearn a few things
And learn more about life.
What I feel it is doesn't matter
Or should it?
I just hope my poems reach one soul that
Would get something out of it and go "oh, yeah"

Wouldn't it be nice if we all were free

no ******* inside of us

So much baggage we all have

The past hasn't been pleasant

If we could only turn back time

and undo the things we have done

It would be so much nicer

and we all would feel connected

There would be no reason for hate

because we would all feel as one

It is a peaceful feeling to be able to just to listen
To the female without wanting to get into her pants
Don't get me wrong the thought crossed my mind
But I didn't act on it by being preverted by feeling her up
It was a beautiful moment

Born in a world of guilt and shame
wondering if it is all worth while
Longing for a better way
but it's been hard to smile

Grieving over lost loves
I wasn't ready to commit
It wasn't by no means what I dreamed of
being so uninvolved and worthless

Sacrificed everything I had
my dignity went down the drain
It's no wonder why I felt so bad
cause I treated you with restraint

Drowning my sorrows with the drink
just an excuse to run away
Not hard for me to sink
to the bottom is where I stayed

Good people losing hope in me
praying for my return to health
They exclaimed this wasn't what they wanted to see
slowly killing myself is what I felt

Open up these wounds
and let the power flow in
I want to break free of this soon
and find purpose in life again

I couldn't help but to say goodbye
It was time for us to part
I went about it the wrong way
I know I left a hate I can't cure

It just made me a ****
To fall for someone else
Thinking I could find happiness
By leaving you behind

I left you out in the cold
Not knowing what would become of you
Karma got me back
Cause my life wasn't the same

It was wrong of me
So very wrong of me
I dreamed about you
Only to wake without your touch

Love lost and love unfound
I wasn't mature enough
An ******* to the extreme
I ended up empty handed

No love for me
Would it of ever happen with us?
I can't answer that question now
Cause I ******* left you out in the cold

Paris, we feel for you

All the lost loved ones
Will be remembered and
Their lives will live on
In Spirit.

Hate is an evil corrode

Why must others condemn
The ones who are good we'll
Never know?

Love, it's hard to understand

So I say **** love and destroy isis!

Let them know they can't **** with us

I need to really listen to others
Watch how they live
And act like them
It would be so ******* easy
To live a life of crime
Hell, I've lived a corrupted  life
Making others want to **** me
Beat the **** out of me
I don't ******* blame them
I thought I knew it all
I thought I could handle the street life
But all that did is harden my heart
And made me ****** at the world
******* world, what the **** did I ever do
To make the **** hit the ******* fan?
Can't you understand
I'm just a ******* phony living a lie
There's no way I could commit a crime
Maybe terrorist threats, talking a lot of ****
It would be better just to ******* fight
And get it done and over with
Come, take a swing at me and see what you get
I'll put my ******* face into your fist
Fall down and bleed all over the ground
Get up and run away from the action
Cause I'm just a ******* *****
And there is no attraction
No applause in what will take place
Someone could get seriously hurt
And that someone would probably be me
So I'll leave and turn away my face
Cause this is such a ******* disgrace

But the morbid thoughts that are in my head
I wish the whole ******* world  dead
I don't want to act out how I truly feel
One wrong word and I could **** you
That why I'm such a *****
I don't want to do a life bit
Maybe it's self-preservation
I don't know but it feels good to be
Outside of the prison system
I have so much freedom
It feels like a party inside my head
I'm in there ******* dancing to a beat
It feels so good I think I'll retreat
And follow after my ******* dreams
All it will take to ruin it all
Would be to act out on my brutality
And all would be a ******* waste
So much to do that I haven't done
Things I haven't seen
I want to make it all ******* real
But one wrong move could end it all
And people will truly see what I'm capable of
So am I truly a ******* *****
Or just trying to protect society
And keep a distance from the rage that's inside

I want to die
The pain is too much
I want to feel better inside
I ******* had enough
I try and I try
But it seems lost in the wind
No one really gives a ****
They're lying if they say they do
I hear the preaching
Ones standing on mountaintops
Looking down at me
Cringing when I speak
When I share my heart and soul
Laughing at what I say
Cause they think they're ******* special
So much better than me
Can they be so annoying?
Lecturing about my life
What I need to do
How I should be

**** them and the horse they rode on
They don't mean a **** to me
They're nothing but a ******* cockroach
I'll squash them into the ******* ground
Make them see
That they ain't much to me
So much pain I have
So much I internalized
Just because of hearing their ****

No more!
It ain't worth it
They need to back the **** up
shut the **** up
They ain't worth a dime
I'll live my life
And care less and less
Of what others say

I'm lonely for you tonight
But you're not out there
You're only in my mind
A thousand miles away
It has been years since I've seen your face
I wonder what you have been doing
All I can imagine is you in my arms
Why is it nothing is the way it seems
All I have is you in a perfect dream

Into the stormy night I go
Lost for words to and fro
Getting a piece of the pie
Longing for someone to bring
Me to life.

How can I stand upright
When all other motives seem
Oblivious to each side?

I walk the path less traveled
Weary of death around each corner
I see the beauty only for a glimpse
Then it's off trudging again and again

Here I awake to blossom aknew
Trying to find myself in the mirror
I long for happiness to come true
Instead of things that aren't clear

I make no sense out of contemplation
It only resorts to a flame igniting
Buried myself in observation
Hurried along with each striving

Easy does it but find my niche
Ask mother nature how I will exist
The latter will always appear
If my motives are perfectly clear

Sink into the mire-
of one's desire,
venture into the void,
dipping into the fire.
Oh, how alone;
feel like playing the role,
finding out there is no key,
no cure for one's mind,
nothing pure in one's soul.
Making darkness a home,
vividly dreaming of the light.
No one can see,
a crown from the start,
it ends so dramatically,
piercing the heart.

My thoughts are fleeting
So much to think about
Why I die again over you

It's beyond me to come up
With an answer to the riddle
And to hope everything
Becomes whole again

To fall backwards
Catching a glimpse
Of a life brand new
Only to come up empty
In the long run
Has plagued my heart

It hurts to think I must
Leave this place and
Find myself without you

I'm not perfect by no means
I don't intend for you to be
I will ask though for decent courtesy
I will show you the same in return
Too many people want their cake
And eat it too
I just hope your not those types
And I'll extend
My hand to help
If any reason you need it
But don't pretend
That you're one way
And then stab me in the back
I will show you the same courtesy
Because I know I'm not one of them