Sometimes I think the Universe is out to get me
Sometimes I think
Most days it's okay
I feel a connection with God
Now I know I cuss way too much
Say things that aren't very politically correct
Really, my words are totally ****** up
But I believe God doesn't judge
And if I feel His love then I'm doing pretty **** good
Even if the Universe throws me some curve *****

Hello there
Am I going crazy
Or are we all just animals
Prey or predator
Depending on our mood
I know for myself I can be prey
To words and actions of others
I also can be the predator
Out to get you and yours
Everything you hold dear
I shall be waiting over there
You might not make out what is clear
And soon you shall have a lot of fear
Driving you crazy until the very end
Lost in a field of your own tears
Bloodstained by the hatchet in your head
All because of what you ******* said

The more you nag
The more I want to leave
Our relatonship has a snag
It's been that way for weeks
You want more of me
I want to break free
And not be like you
Rather be more like me
I want to scream
You have me do everything
I'm not a slave to your needs
But you'll have me sink to you disease
I don't want to go that way
I'd rather be over there today
In a place where I'm wanted
And can be myself
Not what you'll have me to be
If only you could see
How much you're pushing me away
And all I want to do is be myself today

I've been baptized twice, and God himself couldn't save me when I wasn’t ready.

The more I think I know, the more I don't.

The more I don't know, the more humble I am.

The more humble I am, the more Godlike I become.

The more Godlike I am, the more attuned I become.

The more attuned I am, the more love I have.

The more love I have, the more human I am.

The more human I am, the more I need God.

I have come to realize that suffering and pain go hand in hand
The struggle is to make life as comfortable as can be
There is truth in finding a passage to honesty
And connect to hope that life really isn't a veil of tears

These are the tears I've cried,
The temptation to lie,
Awake at night and trying to sleep,
it's hard to find the courage,
To recognize the hurt inside,
I've caused others and myself.

I feel so alone
No where to call my home
Lost in the wind
I can't explain where I've been

I look up at the stars
Sometimes I wish afar
Oh, how my heart bleeds
Nothing is the way it seems

I come to the threshold a broken man
Trying to find someone who understands
No refuge from this tornado of life
Crying for redemption to take away this strife

What are you talking about
I know I don't make much sense
Going along like everything is okay
But in truth it's not okay, I want to scream
Stomp my feet and throw a fit like a child
Is there anything worth while
Or are we doomed to a shooting spree?
I kiss you goodbye and walk away
Not knowing for sure if I'll ever return
I can't understand ******* people
Why they do the things they do
So many things that don't make much sense
That's why I try to live my life one hour at a time
Don't know who's going to come around the corner
They could be wearing trench coats
Or they could be wearing suits
Nowadays it doesn't ******* matter
Who's going to come after me?
I peek around the corner and can't see
The truth is blind to who are my enemies
I seriously don't know anymore
I shut the door and try to fall asleep
Without waking up in a ******* nightmare
Can we ever find ******* peace?
I think we're over stepping our bounds
There ain't much out there in this world
That is obsolete and in reach
So much hatred I feel it too
I hate everybody equally
There isn't anything anyone can do
I'll try to break through this hour glass
And find the courage to kick some ***
There's a lot of people that needs their *** kicked
I put myself in harms way and felt the full force
Experience has taught me that I don't have to take the risk
That there is beauty out there in this god-forsaken world
I just have to try to find it and make it apart of my life
Sounds silly, doesn't it? But I'm a silly kind of man
And the choices I make today reflect who I am

Running from the start
don't know what to do
looking deep within the heart
happiness seems to elude
finding the courage to stand
moments clash with one another
lending out a helping hand
finding hope like no other

Demons have my lot
How wrong can it be?
My tortured soul casted out
Down into the pit of hell
Will you find my heart
Blackest as blackest can be
Death I summon with a voice
The howling of the cold winds
Marks a pathway into the abyss
And there I shall reign forever

Poor little old me
Can't anyone see
That I am unique
And differently
If I only had a glass
Filled it up with wine
I would be a winey ***
****** up in my own mind
It ain't politically correct
To think more of one self
But I do it all the time
Not very humble
I say ***** being humble
I'm just trying to live life
If that means I'm not asking
You for help then don't get mad
I've taken hard knocks to
Learn that I'm just bad
I've buried my emotions
Deep down in my soul
Not to let you see all the commotion
And to think you know me
Is hard to believe
I'm just ******* human
Can't anyone see
...that...
Human
Not unique
To think beyond that point
Is beyond me
I bleed
Smoked a joint or two
Drank to oblivion
On more than one occasion
And now you want to control
My life
I don't ******* think so
I've made many mistakes
I'll make many more
But the one mistake I won't make
Is to give you reign over me

Journey into the deph of the hollow
Craving to be released by the sorrow
The torment comes at the morrow
When it's perfectly clear not to follow

All that will ever be
Has passed away through time
No sense making things worse
And hurting the ones we love
The night passes away
Soon comes the dawn
How can we ever get along
If we hold grudges in our hearts?
We try to make a good
Situation out of a bad one
We have a different attitude
We make our dreams come alive
And we look forward to the rising sun
We çrawl after our possessions
Wanting to take them with us when we die
We sit alone at the bar with thoughts
Of suicide crossing our minds
How can we ever find peace
If we are so busy all the time?
We waste our energy trying to look prettier
But it ain't going to matter much in the end
We need to give things up, try to release our grip
And make love the focal point in life

The times are very hard
I try to press onward but
Don't get very far
The days are long and weary
So many anvenues blocked
And my eyes are very teary
I cry because of the pain
It seems like it won't go away
I search out for an answer
Like it ever had the key
So lonely inside and
Heartbroken that I wish
Someone would come
And rescue me

Take this anger
Take this rage
It's been pent up
Like a ******* tidal wave
Let it all ******* go
This world of chaos that's mine
For i have been insane
Lost in a world of ****
No course of happiness
Nothing remotely like it
Only stuck in my own grime
Let it all ******* go
And let the joy finally shine
Use everything negative
Turn it around for the better
Make a new ******* course
One of peace and kindness
Looking toward a new future
One that will enlightened others
And set others on a new footing
While I myself learn the right direction

There was a sound
It pounded my heart
I looked around
And I fell apart

I felt such a pain
It vibrated in my mind
The darkness became light of day
As the sun turned into moon's light

I crossed the threshold of my existence
Looking backwards into the past
There was a days where I was tense
A lot of time to wander at last

What do I say
When the chips are down?
Trying to run away
My smiles became frowns

There was no hope
There was no dreams
There was no life
Just a shell of a man
Trying hard not to go insane

Rumors,
How do they get started?
They cause a lot of pain.
The truth gets blurred,
And gossip devolops.
These people aren't happy
Unless they lie about what
You have said and done.
They can't said it that you're happy
It makes their lives
miserable
Because you're not.

You asked me why
And I told you why
We've ran our course
Now it's time to move on
Being in love is exciting
But I know I wasn't there
I understand you were
And that's more than okay
But I was so distant
Not happy where I was
So many times I let you know
That this wasn't going to work out
But you wanted to hold on for dear life
Not letting the situation run it's course
I feel for you, hoping you can understand
That being in a relationship should mean something
But it didn't mean all that much to me
Now you're angry and I don't blame you
I practically have wasted your time
In which it could of been spent else where
Now you want to start trouble
And that's where I draw the line
I can't help the way I didn't feel for you
We were both infatuated with each other
Lust was a big issue for the most part
After getting to know you I really
Didn't like what I was seeing
There was too many things that weren't right
I'll be honest and say I felt sorry for you
But even pity had a way of biting me in the ***
You had no place to go at the time
Just moved your things into my home
And you over stayed your welcome
What is it with women moving their things
In a man's home without asking?
It doesn't serve no purpose
Especially when we are just getting
To know each other, yes, the ***
Is good but even that doesn't hold
A relationship together. Or whatever
You want to call it. I call it plain insanity

I grind my teeth
Your words left a sour taste
In my mouth
What am I suppose to do
When you're yelling at me?
So much belittling
So much I feel small
I can't take it anymore
I want to disappear
I unlock the door
And walk out into the night
So cold and I am scared
I keep walking
I have no clue where I am going
But any place is better where I'm at
I can't see in front of my face
I hear the sound of a dog barking
So I turn around and walk back home
Thoughts of getting my *** beat
Came across my mind
But at this point I didn't care
If only I had a place to go
I wouldn't have to run back home
With my tail between my legs
All because of being scared
And not knowing where I was going

See you on the other side,
What's the meaning of life?
Been down a hard road,
Felt indifferent like a toad.

There hasn't been any peace,
No time for love, it's a disease.
So much heartbreak for God's sake,
What the **** is at stake?

I want to float away into the blue sky,
I'm not sure if I want to live or die.
Seeing society the way it truly is,
So much hatred right around the bin.

Everything to me is scary,
Life is nuts and harry.
So many things that are ****** up,
Oh God, I think I've had enough.

Please rescue me from this hell,
Walls are built up from this shell.
I don't want to live in misery no more,
Save me as I walk out of this door.

Save my ******* life please!
Does it need to be brought to attention,
Or am I so right to be in the dark?
Can I just move forward from here,
Or am I always going to pull the structure down?
That's been my ******* story for a lifetime
Not a clue why I do what I ******* do
Crazy and insidious thoughts run rapid in my ******* mind
And I drift away, lost forever out to ******* sea
Why doesn't someone ******* save me?

Freedom isn't the way it should be,
So many mother ******* breaking
Their necks for society.

For what,  Just to be drones?
Shut the system down, I'll rather
Be alone.

But I know I can't live up to my potentional,
So many ******* things to do that ain't optional.

It's scary to have a family,
What the hell will it be like
Years down the ******* road?

It's hard not to be mean
To the mother ******* who
Think they're always right.
What is it going to take to
Shovel the **** I ***?

It soothes me to know I'm not
The only one who feels this way.
So much to ******* do in a day,
Don't know if I'll get it all done,
And sometimes the rain is
Welcomed rather seeing the sun.

Trudging onward like a soldier,
So many ******* pain I'd rather
Give in to it then continue fighting.
But I ******* can't, too many people
Depend on me, so I pick myself up
And say goodbye to the ******* rain.

There goes my sanity
Watch it go down the drain
No reason to beat a dead horse
Or maybe that's the answer for today
My will to preserve gets in the way
These instincts are running rampid
I try to find hope, exerting myself
But nothing seems like it's working
Maybe I need to do God's will

Here I am a cursing like it's going out of style
Like I can't write without using a curse word
It feels so good using bad language
Maybe I can get my point across better
I wonder if God condemns for fowl language
I really don't believe he finds it offensive
If he does then I'm going to hell
Cause I can't stop saying how I feel

At least there is truth to what I write
It may not be the best but it's my thoughts
And nobody can tell me how I should think
No one has a right to say how I should feel
Too many people trying to poison me
Trying to tell me what I should believe
What gives them the right to take away my hope?
What gives them the right to take away my faith?

It's all driving me crazy...

There I lie, broken inside, a shell of a man with tear-
Stained eyes. All hope was just a flicker of light, gone-
As quickly as I cried. Finding out the truth wasn't a-
Relief, I think more of myself than I want to please. It-
Isn't hard to believe, that I curse myself not knowing-
What to believe. What right do I have to sit randomly
By, watching the world in full steam reaching out to-
Me, and all I want to do is scream.

Most days I don't want to be an adult
I find it difficult to act the role
Wouldn't it be nice to be a child again
Innocent, not confined to anything
Playful, always wrapped around mother's arms
Feeling protected and secure of everything
But as a grown up it's not easy to be mindful
So many people try to push your buttons
How do you really act when others are being inconsiderate
When they don't even care about it either?
They think it's funny to be *******
They can care less about their actions
It's like life is one big party to them
Oh, well. They're going to do what they're going to do
And there is nothing I can say or do to make them stop
So I'm *******. I might as well come to grips with that

I crumble beneath
The sea of sorrow
My tears are shed
On the white fluffy pillow
I toss and turn
Trying to fall asleep
But my eyes burn
And there seems like there's no relief

I try to get you out of my mind
But our love we had together seemed right
We made it through thick and thin
Only to come up empty handed in the end
For years we only pretended to like things we did together
I think it was cute how we were trying to be friends

Now we're both wallowing in a sea of sorrow
Things change and we can't seem to get it together
You want it all and I want to move forward
We can't seem like we can agree on anything
How the **** can we ever get on track?
So now it's time to take these tears and hold them back

Can't seem to get back the joy,
It seems like only a dream,
A walk into the unknown,
A boat lost out to sea.

Can't seem to get back the happiness,
It seems like only a dream,
A struggle for the truth-
Like a leaf caught in a breeze.

If only I could see the light,
A heart felt distress call going out.
Can't seem to find the foundation,
Don't know what it's all about.

Finding out there are no answer in my mind,
It's more easy to feel contempt,
A road I've traveled to survive,
A journey brought about by emptiness.

I'm searching for the key,
To open up my heart,
To find out where the beauty lies,
And make it a part of my life.

There is a constant yearning
I feel it in my heart
A tug pulling me in a direction
Of light and love
I have searched for the truth
Again and again I have failed
Looking through the hourglass
I see my life fading away slowly
Like pebbles in the sand
I walk ever so gently to understand
Where I must go
Where I must be
Where I find my destiny
It's not so much clear
But I have the peace it will all appear
And the hope that abundance will find
It's way to me

****** up in my head
Waiting for death instead
Too much burden
Too much pressure
Nothing to wake up to
Nothing in this world to do
All alone with these crazy thoughts
Loneliness seem like a virtue

This world is not kind by no means
It is full of stupid people
Everywhere I go I seem like I
Have to bend over and take it up
The ******* ***.
Boy I must like to get ****** that way
People are not nice not kind
They are all full of ****
I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots
But I guess that's the way it goes
I try to be kind but people think
That's just a way to weakness
Where I'm at, you have to play the badass
And that's seems like the story of my life
I don't want no ******* pity nor feelings is sorrow
I just would like to know why the universe
Seems like it's not aligned with me
That it wants me to experience these things
Well, I don't want to
I want peace of mind
But karma wants to **** with me
Well, **** karma!
I'm tired of dooshbags that want to **** with me
Is that all the world is made up of- troublemakers
Well **** that!
I'm on the verge of going beserk
And take all these ******* out of here
I feel a lot of people don't even need to be breathing
I feel the world would be a better place if they were dead
Thank the Heavenly Stars I'm not God
There would be a select few

It ain't so much I don't like you
I once had feelings for you
I know you felt the same way
So why are we at a stand still
At a crossroads in life?
We had our fill
Now it's about ******* time
That we go our own way

It has been days
Since we've said two words to each other
We're not made of stone
Our feelings have changed
Now it's time to go our separate ways
And go down this road alone

I can't set you free
That's not how it works
I am only one among many
So much to do it hurts

I can't capture a moment
And filter it out for you
So many people can be spent
So much anger it's true

The days are long and unimpressive
Sick of all of the short cuts in life
I try to be one who is decisive
But it can't change the picture in your mind

Here comes a long list of things to undo
Unravel the past and make the future right
If only my faith wasn't stuck like glue
I would be able to set matters right

I would be able to set you free...

What is the truth?
The answer is in the heavens
It wants to be heard
It wants to share it's abundance

The loving energy searches the earth
Hoping to find people with heart
Kindness goes a long way
It pours out it's kindness like the rivers
It flows exactly where it is needed

Finding this power isn't easy
A lot find only negativity and live in it
They wallow from day to day
Bringing the people who are at heaven's door down
They stab their negative mouths into others affairs
Trying so hard to make these people give up
And return to old behaviors

Is it going to happen to you?
It's already has happened to me
And it keeps happening
But I trudge along
Keeping heaven in my mind
And trying to share my kindness
The Universe has done so much for me
It's the least I can do
Without such
I would have no kindness to give away
Nothing.

It was nothing I ******* said really
Just an excuse for you to *****
I hear what you're saying but don't mind
It's all ******* most of the time

I feel like punching you in the worse way
I can't believe you and what you say
There's no reason why you can't stop
The way down is a huge drop

I'll take you out to the shed
Show you what's inside this head
It will get ugly because I've had enough
Why can't you ever shut the **** up!

Down and out
Feelings of loneliness
Flying high on the wings of despair
Can't seem to live a peaceful life
Everyone wants to **** with me
Who knows what tomorrow will bring
Maybe I'll burn the whole ******* down
Cause what comes around goes around
I'm ******* sick of it all
Want a better way of doing things
But you got me tied against the wall
And there isn't a point in smiling
Nothing to smile about here
I just have a no energy left anymore
Nothing to be sincere
I'll just close this ******* door
And find a way to disappear