These days life never seems worth it.
I’m still wandering around searching for my sense of purpose.
I don’t want to but I think I have to rid you of my life.
Either way it’s getting me no further away from the knife.
If only I could get out of this negative spiral.
But I’m still living with all of this self doubt and denial.
Will I ever find someone who will stay?
Something tells me I won’t and that’s why I’m never okay.
So I’ll still wish the best for you in whatever you decide to do.
As I break in these shoes hoping I can find the strength to find something new.

As the days go by, it becomes more clear that you had me in a trance.
Recreating every memory disguised as romance.
Did you really set a fire in my eyes?
Or was it all just a beautiful lie?
I know you have your own life now, and you don't want me by your side.
But your absence taught me how to be strong, so maybe i can survive.
What really happened is unclear.
And something tells me i'll be fine without you here.
I just can't stop wondering if you were the only one.
I have faded memories of your rivalry and all of the questionable things i've done.
I can't keep trying to catch your eye when all i now do is hide.
I've lost all of my dignity and any sense of pride.
But i know that it's my fault too, so in leaving me i guess you were right.
I'll hold our past close so i can make it through the night.
And i'll keep hoping that we both end up living a better life.

The storm is here and I’m stuck enduring it.
I want to disappear, but I’m stuck in a pit.
Will I be able to overcome?
At least I’m no longer numb.
But how am I supposed to live with this?
It’s only a matter of time before my palm splits.

Spring is in the air.
And my heart is aching for love.
No more weeping sounds like the mourning dove.
My bones are growing weak, and I know I’m not enough.
Who could love a soul as damaged as the one I carry?
But everything is more or less arbitrary.
Most of the time I find myself feeling numb.
No longer to the knife I will succumb.
I have my eyes set on leaving this place.
Maybe then you’ll find me with a smile on my face.
So as I search for someone to help me pass the time.
I’ll try my best to brush the dust from my clothes as I do my best to shine.

It’s clear that all hold for the mass is hate.
Stop dictating my life and let me escape.
I hope to hell that you reach the final stake.
Because i can’t get off this god forsaken page.
So as I try not to let my being fill up with rage, ill hope you people stop treating life as your petty ******* stage.

I’m running up a winding staircase.
I can’t see where I’m going, what’s left of this demented race?
I just need to find a new place, or maybe my own saving grace.
But I feel so scattered, how will I escape the latter?
Everything seems muffled and so unclear.
I still can’t figure out what I’m still doing here.
So as I keep running towards any beam of light, I’ll try to keep my dreams in sight.
As I hope I don’t fade away into the night.
And maybe hold someone near to help rid the fright.

Growing pains.
Let me dance in the rain,
Before i go insane.
Because no one ever stays.
And i'm stuck on this never ending page.
It's like i'm locked in a cage.
Why can't i break free?
Is the problem me?
I don't know if i can see.
Is it my turn to leave?
It's something i can't conceive.
So in time i guess i'll grow.
Get rid of the woe.
Because so many days bring sorrow.
And i can't let myself succumb to the rope.

I want to tear open my chest and see if my hearts still beating.
Split open my limbs and see if I can keep breathing.
But I can’t see any of this me conceiving.
The end is nigh and I’ll probably be left broken and bleeding.
So as I drag this corpse of whoever I am now through the final stakes.
I’ll say one last ******* because all there ever is is hate.

Where do I go where my shadow won’t follow me?
I can’t find myself and I’m scared of what’s next it seems.
I just wish I could find a better direction.
In hopes it could help with my scattered reflection.
But what’s going on in the world around me?
I notice things and hope I’m not the only one who sees.
So why do things have to get so out of hand?
I just wish I could make people see that there are other ways to stand.

You opened the door for me back into your life.
I couldn’t be happier, and there’s no more strife.
It felt almost blissful when you held me in your arms.
I promise you this, not to do what’s between us anymore harm.
Your kiss brought me back to life again.
From being cold and alone and just trying to mend.
Something tells me that time might be on our side.
So maybe together we won’t have to hide.
Your smile still shines as bright as before.
So I’ll try to heal your scars and Try to even the score.
You put stars in my sky and I could never ask for more.
So please don’t think that you’re ever a bore.
Maybe you really have the key to my heart.
So I’ll hold you close as I hope that life won’t tear us apart.

It seems i've been smiling more in these passing days.
But i can't help but hoping that i can escape.
At least i'm beginning to remember to dream.
It makes reality a little easier on my feet.
Even if i do have mostly nightmares,
And life doesn't always seem fair.
Sometimes i'll find someone who gives me hope.
And keeps my from wanting to jump with the rope.
If only i could find someone who felt the same way.
But feelings are fleeting and always seem to find a way to escape.
Maybe i have trouble getting close.
So why do i muster up so much hope?
I don't know where i'm going or who i'll find along the way.
But i really hope i find someone who wants to stay.
Maybe then i'll finally be free.
And try to live life the way it's meant to be.

Maybe sometimes your obstacles are bigger than just a puddle.
Maybe sometimes it really is a greater struggle.
I think it's time to get up.
But that's not always my luck.
Yeah maybe i've been drowning for far too long.
But believe me when i say i've tried to be strong.
God i'm so lonely that i can barely breathe.
I guess it's just my fate for everyone to leave.
Maybe i should stop thinking about the past.
That could give other things a chance to last.
But when you're stuck with permanent heartache.
Every time you get up, it's only a matter of time till you break.

Can't get away from those who planted seeds in my head.
There is no good, only dread.
Life is too tiring when it's you against the mass.
I don't care anymore which breath is my last.
So as i hope you all burn from robbing me and others of our lives,
I'll try to stay calm as i hope you all leave me alone and stay completely out of sound and sight.

Somehow i'm still breathing and i don't know why.
I feel as though i'm running out of time.
Just hoping maybe someday i can call someone mine.
But something deep inside me wants me to die.
So as i sit here wishing for the storm to end,
I'll just focus on being me and trying to mend.
I don't know if i can do this, everything feels pretend.
But heaven knows it won't get better unless i'm graced with a godsend.

Life is a catastrophic hoax and it makes no sense.
Life should mean something and not make you wish for death.
If only the parasites infecting my life would give it a rest, maybe there would be a way out instead of filling up my days with their orchestrated petty mess.
So as I hope that one day I’ll be able to actually breathe, maybe one day the people who need will be able to see.
Life isn’t supposed to be a catastrophe.
But there is nothing good left so let me bleed.

Why do I always get cast out on my own?Everything of value got ****** away, maybe that’s why I can’t find my way home. I just wish I didn’t have to spend so much time alone. But now all I’m left with is an empty heart made of stone.

Will I keep walking down this path alone? I can’t tell if what’s coming back to life is my heart of stone. My bones can’t withstand the cold. And I don’t know if I’ll ever find my way home.

What is there to do when the world seems to sicken you?
Lately i've been finding myself painting everything blue.
There are no friendly faces here.
Some days my life is filled with fear.
What happened to humanity that now people are growing dark.
If only i had it in me to fix my mangled heart.
It seems that all they're interested in is picking me apart.
So how do i crawl out of here and make my final mark?
I'm not sure i even want to survive because everyone's head is so thick.
Of all the almost friends and family, you really thought out this trick.
I guess that's why it's always problem after problem.
You probably knew that i would always try to solve them.
But i'm in too deep in this catastrophic mess.
It's hard to find anything good locked away inside my chest.  
So as i dream of running away and making it on my own,
I'll do what i can to survive and decode this heart of stone.

**** everyones belligerence.
I'll never be sane.
I'm sick of your ignorance and your petty senseless games.
You people make life hard when you were always all yo blame.
Leave people alone.
Don't keep then on your pompous page.
I know this will never end because you're entitled.
Just leave me the hell alone because you peoples always find a way to be one sided.

Life was never meant to be fair.
It's be grateful for what you have, and not take other things for granted and leave yourself in despair.
You can't take when you don't expect to give.
Life is nothing if you have no good within.
So while the petty belligerent and despicably crude army of renegades wait for my death, I'll come to wonder why it's always all the mostly innocents heads.

Trapped in this vessel of pure and vile hate.
It's something that I'll never be able to escape.
You people take, with no intentions to give.
I want nothing that any of you have ever had, because you stole what was mine from the beginning.
So what lies within?
You all took any feelings I could have to give.
You desecrate lives and bodies, because none of you have any good will or purity within.
So why the hell are you people living in vain?
You all turned a broken soul into everything they hate.
And now you all ******* complain because you don't like how you all drive people insane.
Life isn't a ******* ******* game.
And I'd rather get slain than go another day, hearing any of the daft ******* you ******* brain dead imbeciles say.

Been running away for most of my life,
Always turning back to feeling the blade of the knife.
Getting older is making me grow colder.
No one to turn to but my own lonely shoulder.
But somehow none of it seems that bad.
Maybe it is and that's why nothing ever lasts.
I don't know where i'm going but i hope i get there soon.
Maybe if i'm lucky i'll find a hand to hold onto.
But i can never hold onto the same shoes.
And maybe that's why i'm always searching for clues.
But i'm finding that i'm running out of hope to continue.
And lately i've been mostly numb.
To death will i succumb?
I always feel like it follows me around.
Maybe that's why i feel safer in a crowd.
But what is life if you have no real connections?
I guess i need to figure out a way to change the direction.
Maybe it's all about the perception.
But until i find a way to feel better about my disarranged life.
I'll try my best to have hope and get rid of this strife.

Coming closer to the end once again.
I guess i shouldn't have bothered with trying to have friends.
When everything around you seems so dark.
It's hard to not want to share your heart.
But as i continue to fall apart.
I'll try my best to make these days a little less dark.
Are these problems all in my head?
Who's to tell what's really ahead?
**** this hurts, i wish this weren't my fate.
But my naivete has closed the gate.

As the world keeps turning i can feel it's cold embrace.
I would have never expected it to be such a cruel place.
As the faces come and go, it's yours i can't rid from my mind.
The seasons change and i still can't get myself to have a good time.
So as i stumble around with my mediocre mind.
I'll try to find something worthwhile to help pass the time.
But with little hope for a better start,
I can't help but feel that i might soon fall apart.
But what if this time it really is different?
Knowing my luck i'll still be feeling indifferent.
I guess all i can do is gather my thoughts and run.
Trying my best to keep up with the sun.

Trapped in this petty sequence.
Is there hope to get out of remiss?
No one should have to succumb to living like this.
But hell knows I’ll never feel bliss.
So as I stumble in the shadows of the life I used to call mine, I’ll try to think less about my lack of time leading to my demise.
As I hope that these sadists burn, but with the way they map everything out, there’s no hope that they’ll ever learn.

It’s all lies, people changing their disguise.
Bigot disgrace, where’s your true face?
What’s the sense in making everything untrue, you’re ruining the quality of life this is nothing but misconstrued.
So stroke your egos and keep getting farther from false power.
There’s nowhere to turn unless you people all burn.
You drag down the good, and make corruption seem just.
There’s no point in these games, I wish your bodies would combust.
So while you ruin the good to get to where you think you should be, I’ll hope people stop getting involved cause for you people manipulation is key.
So as I hope the lying will cease, I’ll hope there will be peace.
But with **** like you, no one will ever be free.

Being hated my whole life.
So why do I care?
I don’t care if I succumb to the knife.
Life is too unfair.
I’m done.

Sick of you peoples petty charade.
Life isn’t a series of senseless games.
You people are too self absorbed I can’t stay sane, from your pointless ultimatums and bringing petty pain.
There’s never been much of a way out.
All you people do is fill my days with ******* and doubt.
If there were a way to escape I would have already turned the page.
This life is unbearable I hope you all suffer the same.

This petty tragedy is such a hoax.
Will I succumb to the rope?
I can’t even tell if I have hope.
They’re breaking my bones with the masquerade of lies.
And everyone always seems to be wearing a disguise.
But all I can think about is my lack of time leading to my demise.
So I guess I’ll just continue to hide.
I’m so ******* lost and I don’t know if I want to be found.
I just wish there were another sound.
Instead of the eerie energy that follows me around.
Why can’t I get out of this mess and turn my life around?
I guess I’ll just have to try to make it until the last sundown.

Where do I go to watch the flowers bloom?
Or not feel alone in a crowded room?
Can I reach the stars?
Or is it too far?
Am I getting back some of my lost heart?
I want to find a better piece of mind,
But it always feels like I’m running out of time.
I wish I didn’t spend so much time fearing my demise.
But I can never feel alive unless there’s sunlight.
So why do I spend my time alone with the moon?
It only gives way for more gloom to consume.
I guess I just need to figure out what to do.
Until I can travel among the sunrise into a brighter hue.

Maybe I’ve done my fair share of sins.
But it doesn’t compare to what they did.
Turning a soft heart cold.
I knew I needed to melt my heart of stone.
But I didn’t know their fuckery would have taken that toll.
At least I’m healing my broken bones.
And I don’t mind so much about being alone.
I just wish I could travel along the city line.
Get lost at the waters edge not keeping track of time.
So I’ll try not to think about the arrival of my demise.
At least I’ll still get to witness the beauty of the sunshine.

Try to appreciate the sun like the little joys in life.
You never know if the day will come when you’re filled up with too much strife.
Just let the beach waves dissolve all your fears.
Because no one knows when your time will come so don’t waste your time with tears.
I know it sounds cliche but it’s the little things in life that make it count, so try to make happiness your ideal sound.

When all you feel is pain, how do you get up?
I've always contradicted myself between feeling pain and feeling nothing at all.
But now I realize both are equally as horrible.
I can't seem to find anything worth living for anymore, and it feels like I'm cast out on my own.
So how do I rise from the wreckage of my past? Of my present?
Nothing is getting easier, only more lonely.
Will I ever find a place of my own?
Will I ever find what I'm looking for?
In a life where nothing is constant how do you find anything that lasts?
I guess I'll have to keep trying to pick myself up in a world that wants me to fall.
And hope that things start looking up.
Because I've grown so tired of trying to find my place, only to find that I've lost so much that I don't think I can survive.

Let the tears run down.
Try not to drown.
I wanted to be there for you.
But I’m a mess, what else could I do?
You make everything look so easy.
And the thought of being without you makes me feel somewhat queezy.
Life just keeps kicking me down.
I hope you’re doing better without me around.
You were just like my favourite sweater.
Always comforting, no matter the weather.
But you’re gone and all I can do is cry.
I can’t say that I don’t want to die.
So just promise me that in our silence, you’ll do more than me and that is just survive.

They turned me into a monster.
Nothing is fimiliar about my bones.
My heart is far past turning to stone.
Why is there so much woe?
So as I try to dodge their bullets that they never cease to fire,
I’ll keep trying to pick myself up, before my life gets too dire.

How do I fix my tainted heart?
I’m wandering in the abyss somehow not falling apart.
How do I get back my lost and lonely soul?
It’s not in my fate to have someone to hold.
So as I hope life won’t take its final toll, I’ll try to enjoy what could unfold.
I know this suffering is getting old.
But it seems my fate in someone else’s hands is what’s been sold.

When your mind is against you where do you go?
What if the only thing keeping you going is hope?
What if every ounce of happiness gets washed away by the toxic patterns of your mind?
I don’t know about you but I think we’re running out of time.
Why did destiny cross our paths?
I know I have it in me to make this last.
But I’m damaging our ties.
Forcing you to hide.
If only I could tame my mind.

Life seems bitter and cold.
Why is everything tarnished?
There is no meaning to this chaotic web.
It makes me wonder why no one sees or gives it a rest.
So what’s with the wreckage that everyone keeps feeding?
I know I can’t stay but I have nothing so how do I focus on leaving?
My time is coming and I know I won’t be grieving.
People are too deceiving, life has lost its meaning.
And the truth is something that no one cares about seeing.
So what’s the problem?
Corruption is their game and they make it uneasily unsolvable.
Life is valueless if this is where people stand.
Leave me the **** alone and stop dealing me unlivable hands.

Maybe i was never cut out for this life.
I keep finding myself wanting to feel the blade of the knife.
I guess for me it was just all about love.
But now i know i never was and never will be enough.
Yeah i know i just want everyone to be happy.
But i can't help but feel that it will never happen unless they do it without me.
Spent all this time trying to be a better me.
Only to find that i'm losing my sanity.
Now i'm left wondering if there's any hope?
Or should i make a noose and let myself hang from the rope.
Letting all my dreams wither away.
The ones who touched my heart, i'll hope to see them again someday.
So as i try my best to win the war with my mind,
I'll just wish that i'm not running out of time.

The mind games seem to never end,
Now it seems i'm waiting for a godsend.
But who would want to save someone like me?
I guess i'm desperate to find a key.
But is there anything to unlock deep inside my chest?
I think i'm just pathetic so i should forget about the tests.
What if by some miracle i really was enough?
Do you think i could ever find someone to love?
Why does it always have to be about finding another.
I wish i could get back my sense of wonder.
There's nowhere to go except down the clean cut path.
I just want to find meaning, i want it to last.
Where's the rush in doing everything so simplistically?
I guess it's the only thing that could keep my life from ending sadistically.

Trying to escape being "that girl."
I guess after the numbing stops, you begin to feel how empty and alone you are.
How do you let yourself get used time after time?
How do you signify your value, after being devalued for so ******* long?
I guess I've tainted my heart and soul.
But that doesn't stop me from wanting to try it all again.
I know I'm not anyone's first choice.
**** I'm probably nowhere to be found in their thoughts, but being "that girl" can do that to you.
So why do you let them walk all over you?
Stop letting them give you false hope.
Stop feeding into the ******* of one night stands that you know are to come and go.
You may not believe in yourself, but every living soul on this earth has a purpose.
Maybe you'll never find anyone you have a strong connection with.
Maybe your friends will continue to come and go.
But you're worth more than you think.
So get out into the world and make something of yourself, whether it be far or near, you have to try.

Living my life as a slave.
This is all so petty, what’s with all the games?
I just wish I could get out of this mess.
It’s more intricate than it seems so I guess that’s why everyone leaves.
It’s something I can’t even conceive.
So why does it seem like it never ends?
My life is falling apart and I can’t make amends.
I just hope none of this ever happens again.
There’s no hope for me because everything always feels pretend.
So I guess this is it because there are too many deadly bends.

And I'm slipping back into thinking about you again.
It kills me that I can't get you out of my head.
You were a paradise I never thought I'd get a taste of.
Why did it end?
I know you got busy.
Maybe it was all in the timing.
Maybe I was never really good enough for you.
I was lost in you.
And maybe you were just stringing me along.
But I can't get over how perfect we were.
How perfect you were.
Your brown eyes devoured my innocence.
Allowing me to dance in the fire of our burning desire.
How naive I was to think I could have stayed with you longer.
Long nights of love and laughter was the epitome of our essence.
Yeah I guess you ****** me up.
But I'll never forgive myself for staying here without you.
I know you never meant to hurt me, or maybe you did.
But my heart and soul has never craved anything more.
And if I were to cross your path again, I'd simply smile because you were the best of me.

Stumbling around trying to get past this bend.
Problem after problem, when will the subliminal fuckery end?
I sometimes keep finding myself wanting to leave everything behind.
But something in me forces me to hide.
Deceivingly friendly faces almost everywhere I go.
Tell me now, is there any hope?
I got through the last bend, took the noose from my throat.
But something tells me i'm still gunna choke.

Somehow I’m finding that I’m still kind of okay.
But how can life get so dreadful day after day?
Looking back at my life it feels like a well thought out trick.
I need a new foundation but where are the bricks?
If only I could start over or find more stable ground.
Am I falling down further?
They’re all trying to make me drown.

So as I tread these trepid waters I’ll try to get to shore.
Trying my hardest to fix these problems at the core.
Maybe one day the dread will get washed away.
And maybe I’ll have the courage to find someone who stays.
But until I find a way to save myself,
I’ll try to make my life feel less like a personal hell.

It seems all the good is being consumed, only to be spat out in my face in a darker hue.
Take me back to the good times.
Now it doesn't even feel like the sun shines.
No I don't wanna die, but it feels like I'm running out of time.
So why do I even try?
The ones closest to me are filled with hate.
I just want to find a way to escape.
To brighter days, and get out of this haze.
This is no way to live.
I feel worthless and like I have nothing left to give.
You showed me the way it's supposed to be.
And now I'm doomed, or so it seems.
If I had someone there maybe this would hurt less.
But I'm destroying all that's left inside my chest.
With thoughtless attempts to end my own life.
This is no better than avoiding the knife.
Longing for a second chance in the world of love.
But I'm losing hope in what I thought was below and above.
So what am I hoping for anymore?
It seems there's nothing but endless closed doors.
Maybe if I knock, one of them will open.
It might be worth a try because I feel a little less broken.
They say to love yourself so no one else has to.
And honestly being alone is easier because they're masked too.
Faces hidden behind societies ideals.
If this is the way it is I hope there isn't a sequel.
When did families become so unlovable and judgemental?
The sound of your yelling is driving me mental.
I guess I'll just keep hoping for the best.
For you, for them, and all the rest.
Yeah, I'm a little ****** up but I'm hoping I make it.
For these ****** feelings, I hope I can shake them.

Trying to shake this feeling,
but it just won't go away.
It's like demonic butterflies
breaking down every inch of my soul.

I still think of you.
Of all the good we brought into each others lives.
How you would never fail to put a smile on my face.
A time where i still carried that darkness,
the darkness you never failed to chase away.

I miss it.
Your sweet smile, that warm gaze, your tender touch.
But your gone now. And i want to break down.
I know i need to be strong.
So darling, even in our silence, for you i'll do my best to carry on.

Where do I go where I won’t be watched?
The serpents watch my every breath why won’t it stop?
Get the **** out of my head.
Everyone involved just wants me dead.
It goes both ways so stop acting like this.
Why let me win to throw my life into remiss?
Just because I lost everything doesn’t mean I want back what you gave.
My feelings were always mine, so stop playing these games.
I’m only one person so how the **** can I get away?
This torment is demented and I just wish there were another way.
I guess life can be chaotic, but it’s never one against the world.
Why do you need an army to tear apart my being?
There’s nothing of mine left and all you people are is deceiving.
So as I try not to sink further I’ll hope it’s the truth you start conceiving.
If I had it my way I’d gather my things and never look back cause nothing will ever be okay if I don’t focus on leaving.

When your whole existence is some sick charade, you get so ******* tired of the games they play.
Sometimes it gets better, but they never let you be okay.
Why does my life have to be a masquerade?
It seems everyone ends up being a renegade.

So how do I get up and try to feel something that’s mine?
I never knew it was so easy to run out of time.
So why am I always fearing my demise?
I guess it’s because for most of my life I’ve been mostly blind.

Friendly faces all around with ulterior motives.
All of this feels more or less erosive.
And I’m so far gone that I could care less about closeness.
The mess of my existence feels like a deep depth of the ocean.

So as I continue moving closer to the end.
I’ll stop hoping for a godsend.
Even though this mess was never truly only mine,
I’ll keep trying to make better use of my time.
While I keep trying to just feel.
Because there’s no way in hell I have it in me to fully heal.

Finding hope in improbable places.
I guess I should start doing up my laces.
Get ready to run, hopefully the destination is near.
Because what's coming and going is mostly fear.
Have I really stumbled upon some true friends?
I don't know for sure but I'm starting to mend.
Not as focused on all of what's shattered me.
I just hope I don't fade away completely.
And now it seems I have more hope than before.
While I'm hoping that they won't close the door.
It's thanks to them that I'm not dead on the floor.
How could I ever ask for more?

And maybe I’m nearing the end, but i guess I was to hopeful waiting for a godsend.
Maybe I went off the rails trying to mend, but it hurts to find out my life was always pretend.
With deception around every corner it’s hard to find a friend to pass the time.
But at least there have been moments when I’ve got to witness the sun shine.
So as I wish I had a little more time, I’ll hope for my new precious soul, things will be more than just fine.