So here i am, deconstructing my bones in this alcohol fueled haze.
Looking for a chance to feel wanted.
Only to be thrown aside like a wilted flower.
Longing to be something more than just the woman to get you through the night.
I was never about these blurry nights.
But i do what i can to try to get you out of my head.
Your among almost every one of my thoughts.
And i can't get the taste of you out of my mouth.
Fixed on the idea that maybe one day you'll change your mind and come back for me.
And we can live like lust ridden lovers.
But until then i'll continue to keep the bottle close to unravel the mess of my mind.
And use their warm embrace to feel like there's still hope for me.

I’m at war with myself, living in my own personal hell.
I’m so far gone that all I can do is dwell.
You were the only thing that could brighten my days.
But I’m left wondering if you really wanted me to stay.
Either way I’m sorry for leaving.
At least we’re both still breathing.
So as I try to piece myself back together,
I’ll hope my brittle bones can withstand the weather.
I’ll keep you in mind from time to time, when it seems like the sun won’t shine.
But as the time keeps ticking away,
I’ll hope we both end up okay.

What happened to my heart beating in my chest?
I just wanted to be myself and do away with all the rest.
But then you found me hiding in that trance.
I never thought I’d see the day where my heart would dance.
Through the ups and downs my heart was becoming uncovered.
I didn’t want to drag you down with me but I don’t wanna find another.
So what went wrong that I now feel so lost?
I would do anything I can to get my heart back at all costs.
So where on earth does that leave our fate?
I just hope we can go on without locking the gate.

It seems I'm destined to be an outcast.
Why can't anything ever last?
I'm probably just too focused on the past.
I feel like I'm ready to make this breathe my last.
But the reality of it is that I don't wanna die.
I'm just so ******* sick of fake friends and lies.
I know that giving up is pathetic.
But lately I've been feeling the opposite of copacetic.
But when you're always left wandering alone,
You start losing hope for ever finding home.
I wanna get up and live the life of my dreams.
I don't need much just use your key.
Searching for someone to unlock my heart.
But it seems again I'm falling apart.
What makes this time different is I'm a little bit stronger.
So I'll get up again and try a little bit longer.

Why the hell do they form all these alliances?
The loop probably created all of these disguises.
But they were the ones who gave life no meaning.
So now hate evil and greed are roaming freely.
I guess I know who started this mess.
But who was it before them? Will they ever give it a rest?
I guess this is why there are terrorist bombings.
But look they’re intertwined with isis. Don’t worry I saw it coming.
People say they’re lending a helping hand.
But what if they stop caring, it was probably part of their plan.
I hope my time comes before the world goes to ****.
Because I never wanted to be a part of any of the *******.

So why do i think it will ever be different?
They come and go bringing with them false hope.
Or maybe i'm just blind to the fact that i'm just another one to add to their list.
Maybe that's why i find it so hard to fall for their kiss.
I guess that's why my heart is filled with doubt.
If only i could find someone who can help me find my way out.
Out of the cycle.
Out of the meaningless encounters.
Out of feeling worthless.
Even though they say nothing is what it seems.
In these shoes you can only dream.
And i guess i'm still on my own, searching for my missing piece.
As i try not to fall apart at the seams.

The days go by and I can't rid you people from my life.
My wrists so desperately need the sting of the knife.
Before you people think about engulfing someone's being, why don't you think about the life they may be leading.
The only person for whom I'll ever be grieving is my precious daughter ava who you people won't keep breathing.
It's one burden after another.
It leaves me so ******* smothered.
You people never give it a rest.
So I guess this was the final test.
It should be off with all of your heads.
But this time just let me carry out my death.

When the eyes of everyone around you are filled with hate, how do you ever make your escape?
And i guess i'm at fault too, but i know it's not all my fault.
This feels like subliminal assault.
Well i guess all i can do now is try to make an escape.
But i can't help but wonder what's left of my fate.
I just wish i could find friends who can see me for who i am.
Maybe then i wouldn't be stuck in this nightmare, dreaming of other plans.

Deep in the cracks of my mind, where my demons are at play.
They twist my harmless thoughts in a senseless and vicious way.
Devouring my innocence, turning everything to grey.
I wish they weren't here to stay.
So i'll try to drown them out, just for one more minute, maybe another day.
But you see that never works.
If only there were another way.

Life feels like a paradox, or at least like a tormented haunting.
There's no point in chasing happiness because it was probably just an illusion to begin with.
So what's left in this petty life of demented misery?
It seems that there is no value anywhere I look.
I guess I'm an open book.
But I'm stuck pondering on what would have been life if it wasn't so blatantly took.
So I guess this is it.
Petty suffering until they decide who wins.

Wandering around in the deepening void.
What am i doing? Do i even have a choice?
Everyone leaves as soon as they come.
I wish i could just appreciate the rising sun.
What would i do if i could make it on my own?
Maybe i'd give more love than i've been shown.
Sometimes i find myself bearing my bones.
But it gets me no closer to feeling at home.
My mind is a trap always filled with noise.
If only i could handle this with a little more poise.
But i'm drowning in this sinister sea.
I can't find myself, where is the key?
With nothing but waves, it's hard to stay afloat.
Luckily my eyes are more or less filled with hope.
But when you're used to having someone by your side,
you find it hard not to get tossed out in the tide.
It seems i've lost my soul in this mess.
Do i even have anything left in my chest?
As my heart slowly withers away, i'm finding that i guess i'm still okay.
But **** do i wish things were going another way.

When hope comes flooding in, you can never help yourself but to drown in it.
Maybe that's what sets you up for failure.
But what is there, if not hope?
Are you just an empty vessel waiting for someone to breathe some life into your soul?
Or are you still stuck looking for all the pieces you so eagerly gave away?
My dear, if it's yourself you seek you must look within.
But what if that doesn't work?
I know you know who you are, the hard part is winning your life back.
Maybe nothing will ever seem carefree again, but you can't calm a storm if you never get wet.
I know your eyes are fixated on the stars, and with a little heart you could go far.
So keep searching for the truest version of you.
Things won't stay cloudy forever, and you deserve a clear view.

Trapped in a lifeless corpse.
With nowhere to go because I'm caged and chained.
Can't get out of you peoples selfishly ignorant and belligerent plans.
There's no hope to go on because you all forced me onto my last stand.
I'd rather rot in front of you all and make you eat the mess.
There's nothing left except for wanting to get revenge .
But no revenge would ever suffice.
Too many times I've been led to the knife.
I have no control and it's supposed to be my ******* ******* life.
I'm a slave of a puppet and all you people do is steal, cheat and lie.
So as I wait for mine and you peoples demise, I'll hope you all run out of time.
Because there was never any beauty in this horrendous tide.
You all stole away every amount of the sun that had any potential to shine.
So in these darker shades, I'll know I won't be able to turn the page.
I know I can't rearrange my fate.
But I hope it's the end of all of you peoples days.🖕

So much confusion, I hope it’s all a delusion.
Can’t even get lost in thought, I know it’s the truth that I always sought.
But now things are getting hazy. And life can seem a little crazy.
But I guess my whole life I’ve been stuck in a day dream.

Why is life a demented race?
People blinded hiding their face.
What happened to anything with meaning?
This is a ****** up orchestra that’s only deceiving.
So why is everyone’s eyes filled with hate?
Bigots lying and destroying everything in place.
Maybe there does have to be a change.
But it doesn’t have to start with these petty lies and games.
So as I hope you’ll all rot, I’ll try not to be distraught.
It’s ignorance that’s been bought.
And you were all the ones who taught.
If I could get revenge I wouldn’t hesitate, to make you all suffer for all of this and not ever get anything other than erased.

There’s no room for anything good.
The purity in life is non existent, and if anything exists it’s hate.
None of you people let anyone escape.
So as I hope I can shut everyone out and lock the gate.
I’ll wonder why and how this could be anyone’s fate.
So as I ponder on my less than half lived life, I’ll wonder why you all provoked this and think about how to end my ******* life.

I guess you can’t be poetic when they keep your bad moments never ending with no hope unless it’s someone else’s. And life becomes meaningless because you see no good around you.

Orchestrated lies.
Who isn’t wearing a disguise?
It feels like I’m in one too.
Because the truth is never anything but misconstrued.
So how do I find my own shoes.
I’m lost and can’t see any reason to continue.
Everyone so self absorbed.
With all these petty alliances, and I’m nothing but a boring *****.
So how do I find a new place to go.
My feelings are basically dead.
What’s left but this nonsense that brings only dread?
Doesn’t anyone think of what will happen next?
Or anything that could go wrong and what could be left?
None of what these people do makes any sense.
So I guess I should leave and be done with this ******* stress.

Dragging me through your constructed torment.
**** yourselves I was never for it.
You’re all ******* despicable so here’s to being ****** into your petty charade.
What’s left of the plot? It’s clear I’m nothing but your lifeless puppet.
Want all the credit?
Why don’t you stop being **** people and stop dictating my life.
Yeah I guess I can’t write poetry when you fill me with nothing but spite.
So here’s to you, you ******* belligerent serpents.
Here’s to finding out that life was never worth it.

Losing hope, I need to find my way home.
But what’s left without my soul?
Life can seem like I’m crawling out of a hellhole.
But I keep sinking down, into the pit.
Why should anyone live like this?
The masquerade never ceases to cause a storm.
My whole life is completely torn.
And my being is becoming so worn.
And I can’t seem to get rid of the thorn that’s stuck in my head forcing them to never give it a rest.
What’s left of the heart beating in my chest?
I don’t really feel like the real me, so why won’t they give it a rest?
So in these passing days, I’ll try not to get stuck in the rain.
As I keep trying not to lose this never ending game.
The fight is unfair and I’m slowly going insane.

Maybe sometimes life fills you with hope.
But i always feel like i'm going to choke.
It's like i'm walking on a tightrope.
And no place really feels like home unless i'm alone.
So how do i find some meaning to last?
I'm not ready to make this breath my last.
Maybe one day the stars will align and i won't feel like i'm running out of time.
But thoughts of my demise come creeping back in, and i feel like there's no way in hell i can ever win.
So what is it like to breathe easy and have something worthwhile?
I've been lost for so long that i can't tell if i'm in denial.
So as i try to find something that makes me feel alive.
I'll try to feel something so maybe one day i'll have it in me to thrive.

And it feels like i'm drowning.
Sometimes the light shines through to brighten these dark days.
But it's mostly overcast.
I don't think i'll ever find anything that will last.
No one ever stays so i guess this might pass.
Oh, what i would give to breathe easily again and rid this burden from my shoulders and chest.
I guess i should bury the memories and not worry about the rest.
Maybe the problem is me.
Maybe that's why i'm always left in the dark, trying my best not to lose my sanity.
But what's really breaking is my heart.
I'm still hoping not to completely fall apart.
Yeah i guess sometimes it seems like there's hope for me.
But you gave me that first taste of what i need.
And i'm starting to become weary searching for something real.
I'm at a loss and i just want my internal wounds to heal.
So i'll try to swim so i don't go under.
As i continue to search for my thunder.

I know I don’t always make things easy.
But my ******* mind is so ******* deceiving.
I know you know that I don’t want to leave your side.
But my heart and mind are being flooded by the waves of the tide.
I wish things could just be easy so we could appreciate the stars.
If we both have a bit of heart I think we could get far.
I just want to get lost in your soft green eyes.
While I sit here and hope that we don’t run out of time.

With my eyes set on the shoreline, will I have to be worried about getting washed away in the tides?
I want to find meaning, and not have to hide.
But what I’ve been escaping is my untimely demise.
So as I wait to watch the flowers bloom, and escape the torment that took my life too soon.
I’ll hope I can find out what to do.
Until I can travel along the skyline into a brighter hue.

The days are getting longer as I’m dragging my lifeless corpse around.
What’s left in this chaos? Will there ever be a change in the sound?
I guess it’s not as bad as I think, but this petty tragedy is getting old.
**** what I would give to get back all of my soul.
The pit keeps getting deeper with illusions of getting out.
I’ve had it with this **** but I’m starting to have less doubt.
So where do I go to try to find some relief?
I’m filling up with hate and not to mention grief.
What’s the point in moving forward when I’m always being pushed back?
They’re ******* everything out of me, how do I gain what I lack?
Will I ever get it back?
So as I try to muster up any will to live I have left.
I’ll try to appreciate more the heart beating in my chest.

And I know I push people away.
But something tells me they never wanted to stay.
So I’ll try to pass the time and find some meaning in this life.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt the blade of the knife.
Maybe the days of self harm are gone.
But I’m still left searching for a happy song.
But will I ever find someone to bring me home?
I think what’s melting is my heart of stone.
But something tells me I might have to stay alone.
Everything’s a mess and I can’t crack the code.
So as I try to find someone to help me pass the time, I’ll keep on fighting this losing battle until maybe I can call someone mine.

Is there hope to breathe some fresher air?
Get lost in the moonlight? And gaze at the stars?
And to feel what’s true including my lost heart?
Will the breeze sweep away my fears?
Will I find my someday? Or will it end in tears?
Can the sun guide me to safety when the doom consumes?
Or will I always feel alone in a crowded room?
Maybe I’m not ready but time does fly.
I just want someone to need me before it’s nearing my demise.
So as I try not to get washed away in the tides, I’ll seek only truth because there’s no room for lies.

As time runs out, I guess there’s less doubt.
If I could I’d stay. But it seems there’s no other way.
So as I reminisce of the better days with faces who ended up growing cold. I won’t take to heart that I didn’t have another to hold.
So as I drift through the blurring days, I’ll try to be happy and not think about the end of my days.

I want to be set free.
Is there hope to find a key?
I guess I don’t have to worry about losing my sanity.
But I’ve been trying for so long, why can’t I be me?
So as I wait to witness the beauty of the world shine, I’ll hope I don’t run out of time.
And maybe I’ll be lucky enough to call someone mine.
But until I can melt my heart of stone I guess I’m stuck frozen in time.

When you lose the ability to feel,
You wonder if you're losing yourself.
Will you survive the drought?
I know you're sitting here filled with doubt,
But do you have the strength to overcome?
I think i'm mostly numb.
And most times i come off as dumb.
But when it's hard to decipher your thoughts,
It's hard to leave everything you've fought.
So how do you find the truest version of you?
I know you don't want to continue,
Because they keep changing your shoes.
So how do you get yourself back?
It's everything that you lack.
How can you survive based on all of the lies?
Where do you go where you don't need a noose around your throat?
Just try not to choke on all of the lies along with their disguise.
And try to find yourself while you hope you won't run out of time.

I'm sorry I couldn't give you the best I could muster up.
I tried to give you what you needed but I didn't have enough love.
I want the best for you and I know that might be hard.
But this life is deceiving, and more than just hard.
I hope you will always learn to smile even when you feel life is too much.
But I wish I could do more because everyone will probably make it tough.
I wanted to give you the entire world.
But there's nothing left to give, and It's my death that's going to unfurl.
So I can keep hoping that you'll live your best life.
But with peoples ugly characters they might try to lead your wrists to the knife.
I know this isn't what you want to hear.
But this is what my life is and I'm sorry for bringing you my dear.
But there's always hope to get out and live.
I hope you make it, because it's the best I couldn't give.

And to be honest, i don't even know what i'd say if we crossed paths.
But your smile is etched into my mind.
Your words are still guiding me to safety.
And i'm still left searching for a soul as lovely as yours,
While i'm stuck drowning cold and alone.
And to be honest, i don't think i'll ever find anyone like you.
That's why i'm left clinging to our memories.
No, i don't regret what we had.
And even though my fate was sealed with you, i do regret not leaving this life behind for you.
And to be honest, i feel pathetic for wanting you after all of this time.
But you were the best i had the pleasure of almost calling mine.
A small glimpse of heaven, in a miserable wasteland i call life.
You showed me how love is supposed to be, and to be honest, that's why you're stuck in my mind.

Fragments of my being keep rearranging.
Why is it always me whose changing?
If i could shake the negativity i'd feel more free.
I don't even know what it is to be truly me.
So i guess i'll try to hide in my dreams.
Because my life already fell apart at the seams.
And i'm struggling to breathe.
So as i try to regain what makes me feel whole.
I'll try not to think about my lack of soul.
As i hope i don't pay the final toll.

I guess I tried. All there ever is are lies. They keep my life at the bottom, so I can’t solve all these problems. I guess I’m turning bitter and cold. But now I’m just waiting on death to take its toll.

The scenery seems dull no matter how i try to see.
I don't know what to do because life is petty slavery.
So what's left in time?
All i can see is my demise.
And the lack of time that never fails to show.
And my lack of mercy and will to grow.
So as i come to terms with petty sorrow.
I'll try to keep an open mind, but there isn't much good left in tomorrow.

I feel like a slave.
There’s no peace in whatever this nonsense they play.
If only there were another way.
But I’m a lifetime too late.

Thanks for dragging me into your petty ******* games.
Torturing me as a child and driving me insane.
Why **** someone when they can’t fathom what you’re doing?
Why am I in the middle of this chaotic web, and my time too soon always expires?
I don’t get why you did this and there was never a reason.
Just because you want to put life in the palms of your hands, **** your lies and all of your plans.
How many people will suffer before people realize that you should all burn?
I’d get a sledgehammer and start with your heads.
Saw your chest open and rip out your heart because you leave me crippled in your ****** up mess.
But none of this would ever suffice.
You all deserve to rot and burn, for playing karma and never changing the tides.
But look at that, you all end up fine every single time.
**** your alliance and get grinded to shreds.
This has gone on for too long and the only thing that makes sense is sawing off your heads.

What happened to innocence and happiness in life?
It's just greed filled narcissists leading you to the knife.
There is no beauty in this entitled life.
There's no hope to unfold as long as this web of lies rules the tides.

I guess it’s better to hate and be hated, than try to make amends because no one would let me change this.
Why the **** would I crawl back to the ones who did this to me?
It’s all such a twisted cycle ran by fear and greed.
So I guess all the seeds of hate that you planted worked.
I hope everyone rots and I want it to hurt.
I used to think all of this was something never deserved.
But the majority of my existence seems like some people deserve the worst.
And I’m not golden either because I turned out this way.
But believe me when I say I will never again pray for another way.
This was the pettiest torment I’ve ever experienced.
I’d rather burn in hell or get tortured in notre dame.
I guess I was right because everyone’s the same.
******* people over until they have it their way.
Just rot in ******* hell or get tortured all the same.

Fear is around every corner.
And maybe it always was.
Maybe that's why I made myself forget.
Maybe that's why I was so easily convinced of everything.
Well there's no one I can turn to anymore.
And I just want to give up.
I just need to love and be loved.
But in the back of my mind I'm still not sure if it'll be enough.
There's no saving me.
But I wish I could have been smarter.
And not allowed anyone to dictate my life.
When all I ever needed was a lover.

This is more than a petty mess.
I want to leave and be done with all the rest.
No one to trust, this life is so cold.
I’m blinded by hate but this is getting so ******* old.
I feel like I’m crippled on this lonely path.
Not focusing on what breath will be my last.
I guess I’ll just end up a thing of the past.
But my life is so meaningless no matter the track.

Borrowed senses, altered time, what is left? Is it my demise?
It seems that nothing will work out in my lifetime.
So will I ever get to see the beauty in this world shine?
Everyone always acts like everything’s fine.
But I can’t even keep up with the shoreline.
So will I ever see this life refined?
I guess what happens next is left in time.

My mind is a dark place.
Always leading me to the unthinkable.
So why can’t I feel?
I guess I need to heal.
But none of this feels real.
And I can’t get out of the trap that the masquerade set.
It feels like a horrendous bet.
I didn’t think things could go this wrong.
I can’t even find comfort in songs.
So as I try to fix whatever I can fathom.
I’ll try to stay out of the shadows.
As I try to create my own rainbow.

This isn't right.
I shouldn't be here..
What they're doing here can't be legal.
Confined in this room, walls of white,
I just pray i can sleep through the night.
But they're guarding the door, making sure i can't leave.
Is it really as bad as perceived?
I feel as though i'm on my death bed.. Will anyone grieve?

Denied any phone calls, not given proper rights.
When i open the door it's far from alright.
I'm in their clutches, trying to break free.
Why on earth is this happening to me?

Mentally broken and physically bruised.
On the verge of tears, what am i to do?
Forced to take medication but what is it for?
They're trying to **** me. Please open the door.

And it's all the same.
Year after year, just barely getting by.
Why does it have to be this way?
I just wish everything was okay.
Maybe i'm too caught up in the fantasy,
That people can truly be happy.
Is it too late for me?
What's left for me?
All i see are menacing faces and lost friends.
Why the **** can't i just be okay and make amends.
This is tearing me apart.
I can't feel one mood for longer than a few minutes.
Why won't my mind stop racing?
Oh dear god i need a change of scenery.

There’s no hope or beauty in this mess.
Just dishonesty and corruption and people trying to be “their best”.
So what’s left in this petty torment?
My existence is covered up but everyone’s for it.
I wish I could rise up and break out of this cage, I’m sick of being trapped and having to look at life their way.
But if this is life, then everyone’s doomed.
You can’t live a life tearing others down, there’s no room to live through a truth so misconstrued.
So as I try to figure out a way to break free, I’ll hope the ones who plan this petty slavery learn that this isn’t me, it’s what they bring with their blinded army.

It’s like they planned my life in hell.
That’s probably why all I can do is dwell.
I’m nothing more than a ****** up shell.
Trapped somewhere in this vessel with no way out.
So why is this still going on?
Every single life I’ve ever lived was never even me.
Who the **** am I? I honestly can’t see.
It’s no wonder my life is almost always falling get apart at the seams.
Just let me sit by the ocean for better scenery.
Because all of this is so hard to conceive.
But it’s my life and I’m left strapped down with no way to break free.
I still can’t understand why life is so ******.
I can’t see it any other way, **** everyone who did this to me I’ve had way more than enough.
What’s the point of covering up the truth?
I guess that’s why I can’t find my shoes.

Suffocating in the turmoil that surrounds me.
Always stuck in the crossfire.
But when did the war start?
It’s gotten the best of my being and my heart.
Everything has already falling apart.
My almost lifeless corpse is being dragged through the dark.
But why is life such a storm?
It gets sunny for a minute only to start to come crashing down again.
I don’t know why there’s no way out of this chaotic web.
But if life ever had any meaning this mess would start to make sense.

Maybe some people look into the sides wrong.
Life isn’t something to string people along.
Why put the blame on others when something goes wrong.
And when things don’t work out in your favour why is causing harm the tune you sing along?
I may not have all the answers but I try to help.
Even when my karma causes me to dwell.
I’m not sure if I’m just a shell, but you can’t put peoples lives in the palms of your hands just to put them through a constant hell.

When you've lost most hope to go on.
And it's mostly senseless to be strong.
How do you find it in you to grow?
And most people around feel like foes.
What do you have left in your heart?
When all your life has come to is falling apart.
I wish i could move on and find somewhere to have a new start.

These days i've been trying to turn the page.
But everything stays more or less the same.
My life feels like a masquerade.
With friendly faces having alternate meaning.
My mind is so clouded i'm having trouble seeing.
How did everything come to this?
Everything is more or less in remiss.
I know my conscience isn't clean either.
But everything is happening in such a negative demeanour.

So how do i fix the mess of my life?
I guess i'm in too deep cause i can't even turn to the knife.
But i don't want to try anymore i can't take this it's breaking me down.
It's been happening so long and i still can't get used to the sound.
Of all the the chaos that never fails to find it's way back.
Was it ever me that i lost? Do i deserve to gain what i lack?
So as i try to fix the mess of my heart mind and soul.
I'll hope life doesn't take the final toll.
Of ending my already meaningless life.
I wish i could just find my way out and get rid of all of this strife.
As i keep working towards trying to live a better life.