Torn between getting up, and giving up.
These memories are crippling.
The lack of closure is unbearable.
Trapped.
Thinking about the "what if's".
Lost.
Just hoping that you might come back, even just for a moment.
Stunned.
By the fact that all of this happened, and i never really knew what was going on.
Just hoping that one day, maybe we'll meet again.
You carry my heart in your pocket whether you know it or not.
It took me putting together the pieces of the past to figure out who had it myself.
But we live in different worlds.
You're nowhere to be found.
And the only way i know how to get my heart back is to make myself hate you.
But i can't.
Despite the lack of time we had together, and even though i couldn't see it at the time, you were the best thing that's ever happened to me.
You opened my eyes, and let my true colours shine.
If only we had more time.

Sometimes the sting is worse than the wound.
But that doesn't make it any less painful.
I don't know what i'm doing and i don't know why.
But it feels as though i'm running out of time.
Who's to say what each soul is here for.
But i feel like i've overstayed my welcome.
So i guess it's true that every living creature lives and dies alone.

Sometimes i'm left pondering the afterlife. Is death a sentence? or a new beginning? Some say your beliefs play a pretty big role. But how will you know when you're about to pay the toll? It feels like i'm already dead. I know i shouldn't give up, but my mind won't give it a rest. **** it's such a mess. For my friends i really did only want the best. Maybe some souls just get lost on their paths, by beggars, liars and thieves making others plea. Plea for the things that should be a natural manifestation. I'm falling apart at the seams, so i guess i'll just stare at the constellations. In a place so full of beauty and wonder, how could i have let them dull me so? I guess i'll never know. So as i try to think of a way to get the twinkle back in my eyes, i'll try to cheer up and stop thinking of ways to die.

It seems like everyone hates me.
What am I to do?
When it feels like the ones closest to you are out to get you, there's not always hope for a new start.
I keep telling myself that everything will be okay.
But it seems to get worse with each passing day.
It seems people have lost all compassion.
Why did this have to happen?
Always lonely.
Never feeling at home it seems.
Drifting through life without a clue of what to do.
And still caught up with the idea of you.
It seems as though my time is running out.
And I'm slowly filling up with doubt.
If only I could find a way out.

I guess it’s time to let the blade take away the torment.
Because there’s no hope for any of this to lie dormant.
People take things way too far, and I’m left with a permanent scar.
Nothing will fix my tainted being and heart.
So I guess it’s time for me to depart.

The storm is here and I’m stuck enduring it.
I want to disappear, but I’m stuck in a pit.
Will I be able to overcome?
At least I’m no longer numb.
But how am I supposed to live with this?
It’s only a matter of time before my palm splits.

Who am I?
Yes, it's true that you taught me how to love myself.
But it's now just a distant memory.
Did you show me who I truly was?
Or did you guide me to the path of the person you wanted me to be?
Did I really love myself?
Or did the chase just make me feel like I was worth something for a change?
I'm left pondering the way things used to be.
The way you used to be.
Oh how I miss how we used to be.

It seems i have a distorted way of thinking.
No matter how badly i want to be worthy of love,
I just feel so ******* worthless.
I probably am, since you broke me.
I've been trying to be who i was before you tore my heart out of my chest.
But i'm too far gone, past the point of just a mess.
Am i even a person anymore?
I guess biologically speaking, but the depth of my mind is withering away.
No longer caring about the fabric of my own existence.
Instead of my former seemingly carefree days,
I've been going through periods of pure nothingness, wanting to wish myself out of existence.
Periods of pure agony, and crushing grief.
Moments of immense regret.
And times of unspeakable anger.
All the good is being ****** out of me.
Maybe i never had any of my own.
Maybe i was just borrowing theirs.
I know i need a savior.
But it's probably not part of my fate.
I know, i'm always too late.
I just wish i could change the pace.
Or even just have a happy couple of days.
Why does it always have to be about love?
I guess i should have learned to love myself, back when i was almost enough.

You told me to meet you wearing my best outfit.
But i didn't have much, so my nicest jeans and blouse had to do.
You came wearing a suit.
That's how i knew you were special.
Our night on the town was far from dull.
Driving through cities formerly untraveled.
How our minds slowly unraveled.
I was lost in your eyes, your soul consumed me.
I felt nothing but pure bliss.
When you held me i knew i was all you wanted.
How i craved you.
But it had to wait.
Our excursion was a pleasant one.
I never wanted it to end.
We spent the whole night talking, laughing, driving, and loving.
But like all things, it had to come to an end.
And i'll never forgive myself for not staying by your side.

Last night you were in my dreams.
It was a sweet reminder of your touch.
But it went dark, and chaos arose from this gift of you.
Our sunny adventure turned to a stormy one.
How it hurts for even my dreams to taunt me.
In a perfect world, you would be in my life one way or another.
But this world is full of destruction and hate.
When will people see that we need no enemies.
Just love spread through the ages.
I think then we would all know peace.
But until I find you again either dreaming or awake, I'm still going to be searching for my light and hoping I can help light the way for not only myself, but for anyone else who hurts like me.

Isolated in this cold barren house.
Just trying to find my way out.
Faces are growing colder and colder,
Is it because I'm growing older?
I'm so sick of this place I want to run away.
But if I do I wonder if it will be safe.
Knocked down time and time again.
Doing nothing, no hope, no friends.
In the past there was always the hope to mend.
But I'm more empty, and the loneliness is creeping back in.
I keep finding myself dreaming about death.
What's there to lose? There's nothing left beating in my chest.
If I could find a way to go away peacefully, I doubt I'd miss the scenery.

You came into my life and I never gave it a second thought.
Little did I know you were everything I sought.
Unraveling the void that was swallowing my heart.
I never wanted to tear us apart.
But now it seems like fate brought us a second chance.
I almost forgot how it felt when you made my heart dance.
But something dark continues to corrupt my being.
It’s not something I can imagine anyone else seeing.
So as we continue to walk together down this staggering road,
I’ll just hope my heart doesn’t turn back into stone.

Lately i've been eating my problems away.
I hate when i do this, it's far from okay.
But when nothing feels good, you start to do things you shouldn't.
I stopped taking my meds, and it's ******* with my head.
Am i sanely insane? Or insanely sane?
No one can ever be sure, i just wish there was a cure.
But i'm straying so far from my goals,
Why can't i just be me, and be whole?

Coming closer to the end once again.
I guess i shouldn't have bothered with trying to have friends.
When everything around you seems so dark.
It's hard to not want to share your heart.
But as i continue to fall apart.
I'll try my best to make these days a little less dark.
Are these problems all in my head?
Who's to tell what's really ahead?
**** this hurts, i wish this weren't my fate.
But my naivete has closed the gate.

With each passing day i come to find, that i'm dying even more on the inside.
I try to go out, but my instincts tell me to hide.
I'm so far gone that i can't even cry.
I keep trying to convince myself that this isn't the answer.
But this venomous disease is spreading like cancer.
Stuck living this life with a family of enemies.
But still, i keep fighting to unravel my destiny.
Alone, i wander into the abyss.
Trying hard to hold on, in case i'm missed.
But there's nothing here to keep me going, only the fear of the unknown that keeps on growing.
Always asking myself if i have any real friends.
Barely making it past all of these bends.
I carry with me mostly agony.
Just hoping i can trade in this pathetic tragedy.

Trying to find my sense of direction.
What am I doing? I guess I just crave that connection.
We became more distant than before so I thought you closed the door.
I feel I don't deserve anything anymore.
Only feeling wanted in the minds of the intoxicated.
I guess everything just got lost in translation.
Maybe lonely hearts just need more reassurance.
And in the back of my mind I don't feel like I'm worth it.
But I know for me the embers are still there.
I know I'm a mess so I don't blame you if you don't care.
If only I could just get things right.
And not take the risk of ruining anyone's night.

As i'm searching through the storm. I can't seem to find my way.
It seems everyone's deceiving me, but i just want to feel okay.
What am I looking for?
I'm not sure I know.
Just searching for some answers, or the right path, but nothing can guide me home.
It seems I've been doomed from the start.
Or have I?
I just want to mend my broken heart.
Maybe find someone to love me as i try not to fall apart.

What happened to my heart beating in my chest?
I just wanted to be myself and do away with all the rest.
But then you found me hiding in that trance.
I never thought I’d see the day where my heart would dance.
Through the ups and downs my heart was becoming uncovered.
I didn’t want to drag you down with me but I don’t wanna find another.
So what went wrong that I now feel so lost?
I would do anything I can to get my heart back at all costs.
So where on earth does that leave our fate?
I just hope we can go on without locking the gate.

Just when you thought things were looking up, the feelings you thought you've forgotten come creeping back in.
Were they really gone?
No.
They were just lingering.
Waiting till you were vulnerable again to make an appearance.
But vulnerable or not, this time you're stronger.
Yeah, you're world still feels like its crumbling.
But you can make it through.
The storm won't last forever, and the clouds will come and go, but keep your head up.
Live the life of your dreams.
Do what you said you were gunna do when he left you with bullet wounds in your chest.
You're healing.
Whether or not you know it, you're getting better.
Tame your demons.
Take control.
This is your life.
What are you waiting for?
Now is your time.
Don't waste the best years of your life dwelling on those who take you for granted.
This may not be the chance you've been waiting for, but you should take it and shine on anyway.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
Would I see the world differently?
Would things be dim?
Or would I see things for what they truly are.
Yeah sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
I'm sure his smile would still shine bright.
But with different hues of gray, would I be happy? Or still searching for a change of pace.
We take things of seemingly little value for granted, but we should realize that they're really the big things.
If I were colour blind I would say to not let the world dim your shine.
Even with dimmer hues instead of vibrant colours, you can find the extraordinary in the ordinary. The light in the dark, and a soul worth staying around for.
No, I'm not colour blind. But if I were, I'd find a way to colour my world.

Cold and alone, when will i find my home?
I guess maybe i've got more love than i've ever really shown.
But that's not the case anymore.
All i see are closed doors.
When fate creeps in i'll most likely see the end.
No one is here, how can i possibly mend?
And maybe mending isn't the problem.
God knows i'm broken beyond repair, and i've already lost them.
So i guess i'll have to pick myself up.
But the way things are going i might have already had enough.
So as i write these words, longing to be heard, i'll continue to roam the earth.
Searching for a soul like mine, who will allow the beauty of this world to shine.
But i fear i'm running out of time, how could i possibly find someone to stay by my side?
So as i continue to mostly hide from the world, i'll try to work up the courage to let something beautiful unfurl.

And it feels like i'm drowning.
Sometimes the light shines through to brighten these dark days.
But it's mostly overcast.
I don't think i'll ever find anything that will last.
No one ever stays so i guess this might pass.
Oh, what i would give to breathe easily again and rid this burden from my shoulders and chest.
I guess i should bury the memories and not worry about the rest.
Maybe the problem is me.
Maybe that's why i'm always left in the dark, trying my best not to lose my sanity.
But what's really breaking is my heart.
I'm still hoping not to completely fall apart.
Yeah i guess sometimes it seems like there's hope for me.
But you gave me that first taste of what i need.
And i'm starting to become weary searching for something real.
I'm at a loss and i just want my internal wounds to heal.
So i'll try to swim so i don't go under.
As i continue to search for my thunder.

Deception is starting to feel normal.
What kind of world do we live in where everyone wears a mask, hides their true colours, and has a hidden agenda?
What happened to finding any sort of meaning?
Why is life so crude?
I’m left opposed to the general population.
What’s left?
No hope.
No soul.
I’m finding that I’d rather be alone.
Seldom friends, mostly foes.
What’s next is left to the unknown.
So as I try to find a change I’ll hope that life gets better someday.

It feels like this is all a game.
But i can't do it alone.
Every time i seem to catch up, i get cast out all on my own.
Would you be there if i called?
I know i'd try my best to help if you ever fell down.
Am i at the bottom again?
This time is worse than before.
I can't tell if it's an even score.
Something tells me i was born to lose.
Can't tell if i should find love, or the truth.

Sometimes you know that nothing will ever be the same.
And in times like this you just need to brace yourself, or get up.
It's hard to say what life will throw at you, but it's best to try to stay strong.
Maybe you'll find your way out of the mess you call your life.
But sometimes it's hard to see the light.
Being a pessimist makes times like these rocky.
But if you're ever gunna find your way through the tide, you need to picture the life you want to live and work for it.
Things might not be dark forever.
Maybe you'll rid yourself of the loneliness and uncertainty.
But it's hard to do when you can't find yourself.
Did you ever know who you were?
Or were you just stumbling through a haze day by day?
Well the truth is, you might not figure it out. Or maybe you will.
In the meantime all you can do is try to be you.
Get up.
Get out.
Make your life happen.

Trapped in this vessel.
Am I just a shell?
I can’t even tell.
I’m drowning in these disorders.
How long have I even been cornered?
I can’t take the sting of the blade.
So I guess here’s to trying to live the rest of my life before I go completely insane.

They're ******* the life right out of me.
Devil's disguised as family and friends.
How will i ever mend?
When no one's on your side,
You have no choice other than to get out or hide.
Where am i going?
I just want to get away from here, and out of this mess.
I'm so ******* broken i want to tear my heart right out of my chest.
So enraged that i can't make it through the haze.
And it seems my life is a game, and i'm all on my own.
What happened to love?
What happened to peace?
What happened to kindness?
All these memories that i recollect,
Make me realize that i deserve some ******* respect.

The walls i built around me have been slowly crashing down.
I have nowhere left to hide, i guess i just want to be found.
By someone who really cares, a soul with kaleidoscopic eyes.
I promise to stay by your side, even through the tides.
But wandering on my own is becoming all i know.
So i'll keep stumbling through the haze, and try my best to grow.
But these brittle bones are growing tired in this cold.
I guess i'm just not good enough to fit into your ideal mold.
So i'll keep my hopeful eyes fixated on finding inner peace.
While i struggle to find my sanity hoping these new friends won't leave.
They say that brighter days are always ahead.
I just hope they're right.
Because lately it's been hard to make it through the night.

I used to mask the misery with anything i could get my hands on.
Molly, *****, whiskey. But i guess it never really worked out for me.
Don't get my brand wrong, i don't fit into any crowd anyway.
Forever an outcast, dwelling on the past.
Trying to find my worth.
Undeserving of this earth.
But my legs are broken and my soul is bruised.
I don't know who i am, or what i should do.
All i've ever wanted was stability.
It seems it's out of my ability.
The only consistent pattern in my life, is crumbling into pieces and pretending everything's alright.
If only i could find a light, i could make my way through all of these long nights.
It was always love that kept me going.
Been alone for so long and this emptiness won't stop growing.
How can i fill the void?
I feel like an old toy.
Always being passed along or misplaced.
Just hoping to stumble onto a new lover's face.
I guess it's no use when you feel mostly dead inside, so maybe it's better if i continue to hide.

I'm bellowing in the depths of my mind again.
It's times like this that i wish i weren't so numb.
Constantly slipping into numbing depression isn't always the greatest thing when you're tip toeing into the real world.
But all you can do is put on a smile and try your best to believe that everything will be okay.
Well, what if there is that off chance that you can't?
What if you're stuck falling into a pit of despair, only to be dragged out for a few brief moments?
Living this way makes me wish i could change things.
But the reality of it is that most people are so consumed in things that don't matter that it makes it hard to find the good in this harsh reality.
But i'm trying.
Oh god i'm trying.
If only i could just feel.
If only i could find something real.
Yeah sometimes things seem like they're looking up, and that maybe there is hope for finding a real connection with a kind soul.
But it never lasts long.
Maybe it's in my negative mindset.
Never allowing me to bloom the way most do.
Or maybe it's the fact that i let people walk all over me.
So until i find my solace, i'll try my best to grow.

Maybe someday I’ll meet someone with galaxies behind their eyes.
Maybe we’ll get lost gazing at the stars.
Maybe their soul will feel effervescent.
But until then I’ll stare at the moon, waiting to find some meaning in this universe.
Maybe someday I’ll feel the sun shine it’s warm rays and I won’t be so alone.
Maybe someday the constellations will make sense and I’ll finally find my way home.
But until someday comes I’ll just keep wondering.

Growing pains.
Let me dance in the rain,
Before i go insane.
Because no one ever stays.
And i'm stuck on this never ending page.
It's like i'm locked in a cage.
Why can't i break free?
Is the problem me?
I don't know if i can see.
Is it my turn to leave?
It's something i can't conceive.
So in time i guess i'll grow.
Get rid of the woe.
Because so many days bring sorrow.
And i can't let myself succumb to the rope.

When the ones closest to you are working against you,
And you're nothing but nice, but they're just trying to wreck you.
Haunted by the past, but nobody listens.
Surrounded by fake people, and you just wish you were with him.
Drowning in false hope, trying not to choke.
I just wish my life wasn't such a ******* joke.

I want to get out,
But how do I run from this?
From my mind?
From those who are consuming my thoughts?
I wish this would just go away.
But it seems it's a part of me.
And I have nowhere left to hide.

As the minutes turn to hours, the hours turn to days I'm struggling to find why I can't be okay.
Everything's alright and I mean, I guess I'm safe.
But that doesn't want to make me forget your taste.
And I guess it's true that every living creature on this earth dies alone.
So why am I left sitting here wrung up with all of this hope?
But I guess for now I'm still living, and I shouldn't be consumed by the thought of death.
So why can't my mind just switch gears and give it all a rest?
I guess maybe I've been conditioned to need another's touch.
But it's not time for me, or so it seems, so I'm left feeling pretty rough.
Well, I guess time will tell what's in the cards for my happily never after.
And maybe I can learn to stop being so pessimistic so I can make room for a little laughter.

When the eyes of everyone around you are filled with hate, how do you ever make your escape?
And i guess i'm at fault too, but i know it's not all my fault.
This feels like subliminal assault.
Well i guess all i can do now is try to make an escape.
But i can't help but wonder what's left of my fate.
I just wish i could find friends who can see me for who i am.
Maybe then i wouldn't be stuck in this nightmare, dreaming of other plans.

Always dealing with the voices in my head, wondering when they'll give it a rest.
They took all the good locked away in my chest.
And make me think things that i should digress.
So what's going to get unveiled in this mess i call life?
It seems i've been feeling more or less strife.
I just want to leave with my eyes set on the stars.
But i don't have as much heart so i don't know if i'll get very far.
I guess i should try harder as i hope for a happier ending.
I tried but things got worse, so what was the use in attempting mending?
So as i try to hold onto the hope i have left,
I'll try my best not to end up recessed.

And I know I push people away.
But something tells me they never wanted to stay.
So I’ll try to pass the time and find some meaning in this life.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt the blade of the knife.
Maybe the days of self harm are gone.
But I’m still left searching for a happy song.
But will I ever find someone to bring me home?
I think what’s melting is my heart of stone.
But something tells me I might have to stay alone.
Everything’s a mess and I can’t crack the code.
So as I try to find someone to help me pass the time, I’ll keep on fighting this losing battle until maybe I can call someone mine.

Maybe there's no such thing as fate.
Maybe people are horrible to each other because it's more accepted.
More accepted to have an opinion- to judge.
More accepted to spread hate rather than love.
But that's not the way I like to look at things.
If it were up to me, I would say we should choose love.
Maybe then we wouldn't always hear horror stories in the news about our world falling apart.
Instead of choosing love and peace, we are choosing at the very least dislikes and hatred.
And that's not sustainable for the greater population.
Yeah I guess there's a circle of life, but it shouldn't be dominated by how you're feeling at the time.

It seems i've lost most feeling.
Oh how i used to feel so deeply.
But still, every now and then i'll shed a few tears for you.
For how incredible you made my life.
For how happy you made me.
For how we could just be ourselves together.
I hate myself for forgetting.
But that's what happens when you go insane.
They try to rearrange your mind.
And sometimes it works.
And even though i know the truth,
It's still you who has my heart.
For the good, and the bad haven't fully broken me.
I'm broken just enough to still feel for you.
Maybe you didn't have the best intentions for me.
But you made me happy.
You cared.
You loved me.
And that's all i could ever ask for.

And maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe everything does happen for a reason.
Maybe I've been so oblivious that I keep failing to see what's really going on.
I guess I've always been blinded with false hope for finding love.
But God knows I'll never be enough.
Stumbling through the darkness isn't always easy.
Especially when you don't know which path to take.
Maybe it's hard to tell who's really there for you.
And maybe you feel like no one really is.
But you keep finding light in the darkest places.
Maybe there is a savior on your side.
But when you're this lost and hopeless, it's hard to say if you'll really make it through.
But my advice to you is to just try.
Try to make it.
Try to find the light.
Don't just try.
Don't just survive.
Live.

Too many places colliding with faults.
It’s best to take everything with a grain of salt.
Why won’t the masquerade stop at any cost?
It’s not you or me, but nothing should get lost.

When all you feel is pain, how do you get up?
I've always contradicted myself between feeling pain and feeling nothing at all.
But now I realize both are equally as horrible.
I can't seem to find anything worth living for anymore, and it feels like I'm cast out on my own.
So how do I rise from the wreckage of my past? Of my present?
Nothing is getting easier, only more lonely.
Will I ever find a place of my own?
Will I ever find what I'm looking for?
In a life where nothing is constant how do you find anything that lasts?
I guess I'll have to keep trying to pick myself up in a world that wants me to fall.
And hope that things start looking up.
Because I've grown so tired of trying to find my place, only to find that I've lost so much that I don't think I can survive.

Maybe I was never worth it.
Maybe I always knew you deserved better.
Maybe that’s why I couldn’t keep up with the weather.
Break my bones because there’s nothing left.
Find a new place to deconstruct your bones.
Because I knew your heart could never be my home.
And maybe that’s why I’m always left alone.

They say life is unfair. It’s like I have some deathwish love affair. Why can’t I breathe some fresher air? I don’t know why but I’m becoming more and less scared. But I have nowhere left to go, I can’t even be myself. So let me drown in this bottle of doubt.

How painful is it really?
To feel alone.
To feel broken beyond repair.
To feel nothing at all.
When the numbing sets in it's hard to tell.
Is there really a path that will get me out of this cycle?
It's hard to believe in anything anymore.
And i will never be worth anything.

Walking down these staggering roads, and nowhere really feels like home.
If only i could put back my pieces better so i could be more whole.
But i guess it won't work this time.
So numb i don't even cry.
Why do i need someone by my side?
**** this, i think i'll just stay inside and hide.
But when you're as hated as me it's hard to see clearly.
For the ones who never came back, i do miss you dearly.
If only i could just run away.
But i don't think i'm strong enough to make a clean escape.
Can't tell if it's getting better or worse by the day.
Things aren't horrible, so i guess i'm okay.

You opened the door for me back into your life.
I couldn’t be happier, and there’s no more strife.
It felt almost blissful when you held me in your arms.
I promise you this, not to do what’s between us anymore harm.
Your kiss brought me back to life again.
From being cold and alone and just trying to mend.
Something tells me that time might be on our side.
So maybe together we won’t have to hide.
Your smile still shines as bright as before.
So I’ll try to heal your scars and Try to even the score.
You put stars in my sky and I could never ask for more.
So please don’t think that you’re ever a bore.
Maybe you really have the key to my heart.
So I’ll hold you close as I hope that life won’t tear us apart.

Wandering around in the deepening void.
What am i doing? Do i even have a choice?
Everyone leaves as soon as they come.
I wish i could just appreciate the rising sun.
What would i do if i could make it on my own?
Maybe i'd give more love than i've been shown.
Sometimes i find myself bearing my bones.
But it gets me no closer to feeling at home.
My mind is a trap always filled with noise.
If only i could handle this with a little more poise.
But i'm drowning in this sinister sea.
I can't find myself, where is the key?
With nothing but waves, it's hard to stay afloat.
Luckily my eyes are more or less filled with hope.
But when you're used to having someone by your side,
you find it hard not to get tossed out in the tide.
It seems i've lost my soul in this mess.
Do i even have anything left in my chest?
As my heart slowly withers away, i'm finding that i guess i'm still okay.
But **** do i wish things were going another way.

As the years go by i can feel my heart getting colder.
Sometimes they pass through and take the time to warm it up, but it never lasts long.
I always hoped to find love, but i'm just growing older.
And feeling like everything i do and say is wrong.
Maybe consistency wasn't always for me, but wandering down staggered roads isn't easy either.
Yeah i guess my mind changes like the weather.
But what's there to change if you feel those embers?
I know i'm nothing special, so i guess that's why it's so easy for them to walk away.
So i'll keep my heart filled with hope and wait for my 'someday.'