Wandering around in the deepening void.
What am i doing? Do i even have a choice?
Everyone leaves as soon as they come.
I wish i could just appreciate the rising sun.
What would i do if i could make it on my own?
Maybe i'd give more love than i've been shown.
Sometimes i find myself bearing my bones.
But it gets me no closer to feeling at home.
My mind is a trap always filled with noise.
If only i could handle this with a little more poise.
But i'm drowning in this sinister sea.
I can't find myself, where is the key?
With nothing but waves, it's hard to stay afloat.
Luckily my eyes are more or less filled with hope.
But when you're used to having someone by your side,
you find it hard not to get tossed out in the tide.
It seems i've lost my soul in this mess.
Do i even have anything left in my chest?
As my heart slowly withers away, i'm finding that i guess i'm still okay.
But **** do i wish things were going another way.

As i'm counting the days, i find myself wondering why i'm still here.
No matter what i try to do, it always ends with me in tears.
If only i could turn a new leaf.
I just want to be able to get rid of all of this grief.
And it's not just me, it's my soul too.
I guess i better keep my head up high and tie my shoes.
Change is around every corner so i might as well try.
No more meaningless conversations and wanting to die.
So as i gather up my hopes, i'll try not to choke.
As i try to find the right road, i'll just hope i don't lose my soul.

How painful is it really?
To feel alone.
To feel broken beyond repair.
To feel nothing at all.
When the numbing sets in it's hard to tell.
Is there really a path that will get me out of this cycle?
It's hard to believe in anything anymore.
And i will never be worth anything.

And it's almost as if you need inebriation to stay sane.
Why do you do it? I thought you were trying to change.
It's hard to get out of these destructive ways.
But it's so easy to do because everything always seems okay.
When you start to realize maybe you're losing yourself.
Maybe now it's time to put the liquor back on the shelf.
I think the tides are settling.
And i know that's what you wanted.
So why can't you still help but feel haunted.
I know the paranoia eats away at you.
I guess that's why you're so detached from everything you do.
Maybe that's why you never feel like you have friends.
I guess the problem was always you and maybe there's no hope to mend.
But don't lose hope, you have to keep trying.
You can't let everything you love start decaying and dying.

Life is eternal ******* suffering.
No one gives a single ******* ******* about anything or anyone other their their own pompous selves.
Everyone's vain.
Everyone's a narcissist.
Everyone's crude.
My mind went too dark to handle.
And every entitled person caused me to be demented in their presence.
There's no value life could ever hold.
Everything went cold.
I'd rather turn to ******* stone than live in these despicably vile bones.
So tell me why my life is in you peoples control?
No life.
No hope.
No home.
Want to rip your flesh to shreds and break all of you're wastes of fleshes bones.
So why the hell can't life be what's it's supposed to be?
It's run by everyone who doesn't care to see.
So until I reach my final breath or melt away into the dust, I'll just wonder why you people are so ******* despicable.
Because none of you will ever have enough.

You opened the door for me back into your life.
I couldn’t be happier, and there’s no more strife.
It felt almost blissful when you held me in your arms.
I promise you this, not to do what’s between us anymore harm.
Your kiss brought me back to life again.
From being cold and alone and just trying to mend.
Something tells me that time might be on our side.
So maybe together we won’t have to hide.
Your smile still shines as bright as before.
So I’ll try to heal your scars and Try to even the score.
You put stars in my sky and I could never ask for more.
So please don’t think that you’re ever a bore.
Maybe you really have the key to my heart.
So I’ll hold you close as I hope that life won’t tear us apart.

Walking down these staggering roads, and nowhere really feels like home.
If only i could put back my pieces better so i could be more whole.
But i guess it won't work this time.
So numb i don't even cry.
Why do i need someone by my side?
**** this, i think i'll just stay inside and hide.
But when you're as hated as me it's hard to see clearly.
For the ones who never came back, i do miss you dearly.
If only i could just run away.
But i don't think i'm strong enough to make a clean escape.
Can't tell if it's getting better or worse by the day.
Things aren't horrible, so i guess i'm okay.

Filled up with hate.
I wish I could escape.
For these horrendous feelings?
I wish I could shake them.
But this is all so deranged,
On the weak they play.
I guess it’ll always be a never ending game.
Cause all anyone does is drive me to going insane.

Belligerence seems like you peoples type of sanity.
Ignorance is never key.
But you people keep others in misery.
It doesn't matter what the truth is, it all just holds up to your greedy and selfish hands.
It doesn't matter where anyone stands.
Because you people only care about power and control and your bigoted and senseless plans.

Maybe sometimes you think you have a chance at love. But then you stop and look around and realize you're not good enough.
Maybe you can feel them slowly walking away.
Don't let him know that you're not okay.
Maybe you know you'll never find love again.
But you've been through hell so don't stop trying to mend.
Maybe it was all just bad timing.
But with him you felt like shining.
Maybe you just need to get away.
You always dreamed of making your great escape.
Maybe you'll never escape the lonely lifestyle.
Just don't let yourself get stuck in the turnstile.

What is there to do when the world seems to sicken you?
Lately i've been finding myself painting everything blue.
There are no friendly faces here.
Some days my life is filled with fear.
What happened to humanity that now people are growing dark.
If only i had it in me to fix my mangled heart.
It seems that all they're interested in is picking me apart.
So how do i crawl out of here and make my final mark?
I'm not sure i even want to survive because everyone's head is so thick.
Of all the almost friends and family, you really thought out this trick.
I guess that's why it's always problem after problem.
You probably knew that i would always try to solve them.
But i'm in too deep in this catastrophic mess.
It's hard to find anything good locked away inside my chest.  
So as i dream of running away and making it on my own,
I'll do what i can to survive and decode this heart of stone.

So why do i think it will ever be different?
They come and go bringing with them false hope.
Or maybe i'm just blind to the fact that i'm just another one to add to their list.
Maybe that's why i find it so hard to fall for their kiss.
I guess that's why my heart is filled with doubt.
If only i could find someone who can help me find my way out.
Out of the cycle.
Out of the meaningless encounters.
Out of feeling worthless.
Even though they say nothing is what it seems.
In these shoes you can only dream.
And i guess i'm still on my own, searching for my missing piece.
As i try not to fall apart at the seams.

When all that's left is belligerent lies and deceit,
It's no wonder all anyone's left with is their slimy disgusting feet.
There's no hope in whatever you people call life.
It's ignorance and narcissism and taking others lives.
So what was superior in what you were all involved in?
It's nothing but bigotry and all of your despicably switched around sins.

Day by day, season by season,
I can't begin to count the reasons.
Why can't I make it on my own?
Why did you destroy me the way you did?
Why am I still left wondering?
It hit me hard.
You were a lesson.
But you showed me how blissful love can be.
And here I am still left searching for a new flame.
Will I ever find a love as deep as ours once was?
Or will I be left wandering alone with a heavy heart and high hopes?
I guess I'll never know.
I just hope you haven't lost your spark as I continue searching for the one that you put out.

Walking down this twisted path with no sunshine up ahead.
I broke my spine when you were mine, but now the dread is such a threat.
If only I could see clearly and live life just for me.
I don’t know what I’ll find but I’m drifting farther from my mind.
So as the sun shines bright to fight away your fears,and the moon illuminates to give you company. I guess even if I get myself back I’ll still be a wilted flower. Trying to be strong. Trying to get things right. And trying to win this fight, only to be the person I wish I could become.

What is it I'm running away from?
It's not like I have anyone to run to anymore.
And maybe that's why everything hurts so much.
Maybe it's my mind.
Always playing tricks on me.
Making me believe there's hope, when I've always just been doomed to rot in this world cold and alone.
And I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm so concerned with finding someone to be my someday.
Yeah I guess I can keep daydreaming about a better life.
But it's not my reality.
And that's why I'm stuck in this pit.
Every time I try to dig myself out, it all comes crashing down.
Baby I'm not good at being alone, I need you here to melt my heart of stone.

All this pent up agony, and it seems I'm growing colder.
Just fighting to keep the warm rays of light that I have saved up for these rainy days.
But it seems I'm losing the fight against my mind, against my heart.
What am I fighting for?
My souls diminishing into a dark cloud of uncertainty.
Is there anything worse I could be?
Well, yeah, maybe.
But when you have so much hope, it makes it hard for the world to turn you into ice.
Some say I'm too nice.
But when you feel sorrow for what it truly is, you want to make others see the light.
Maybe I'm not strong enough to change things.
Maybe I'll continue losing everything.
Maybe I never had anything.
Anything real that is.
It feels as though my last days might be near,
And when my world is so lonesome and cold,
What do I have left to lose?

I feel like a slave.
There’s no peace in whatever this nonsense they play.
If only there were another way.
But I’m a lifetime too late.

So much ridicule and hate.
Why can’t I change my fate?
Is there another way?
I don’t get all of these games.
Will the masquerade ever stop?
I can’t tell by these hands on this clock.
So as I try to fix whatever I can fathom,
I’ll try to escape the shadows.

Here comes the new year,
Does that mean new fears?
I've already lost everything i held so dear.
I just hope that there aren't any coming of tears.
So what am i hoping for?
I guess people see me as more or less of a bore.
Social interactions are sometimes becoming a chore.
I sometimes reminisce in our memories.
But i'm so lost and there is no key.
And you, you're nowhere to be found.
I guess now i'm used to the sound.
Of people waltzing in and out of my life.
I tried my best but i couldn't keep my wrists away from the knife.
Ugh, i wish i could start over my life.
Too often i find myself stumbling around without any direction.
Where i was ever going, i have no recollection.
But with a new year, comes new memories.
But as an outcast i'm finding it hard to make my own history.
What can you do when you struggle to find friends?
I'm more or less okay, but i guess i sometimes still pretend.
But when everything is mediocre, you sometimes want to find someone with whom you can get closer.
I guess i lost before it ever began.
Am i stuck here slowly sinking into quicksand?
But if it were up to me, i'd regain my sanity.
And start climbing the stairs in hopes of finding a key.

And i don't really think about you anymore.
That's what scares me.
How could someone be your whole universe, only to start to disappear from your mind?
Yeah i guess maybe i haven't seen you in a few years.
But when something burns as bright as our love once did, you can't help but want it to last forever.
If only i could rewind to our best moments.
You were my world, and i find myself wanting to relive our time together.
Yeah i guess if i was poetic i would say something like, every time i was in your presence i couldn't help but want more.
Or your smile never failed to brighten my darkest days.
Maybe even that your kiss was the closest i've ever been to paradise.
But i can't help the fact that i'll never gaze into your deep brown eyes, and know that i'm finally home.
No.
That's the problem with heartache.
Or what's left of it.
You find yourself picking the scabs because it was pure ecstasy.
Only to find yourself slowly bleeding out, and wishing things could somehow go back to what i once thought of as my forever.
And now i'm sitting here wondering if you'll escape my mind for good.
Just know, that you will never leave my heart.

The days are dragging on and I’m struggling to find a happy song.
How can I move on when so much is wrong?
I feel like I’m close to death, if that’s true, why won’t they give it a rest?
So as I try to find a way to be okay, I’ll try to find another way to come to terms with the mess of my life.
As I try not to fade into the night.

Is there hope to breathe some fresher air?
Get lost in the moonlight? And gaze at the stars?
And to feel what’s true including my lost heart?
Will the breeze sweep away my fears?
Will I find my someday? Or will it end in tears?
Can the sun guide me to safety when the doom consumes?
Or will I always feel alone in a crowded room?
Maybe I’m not ready but time does fly.
I just want someone to need me before it’s nearing my demise.
So as I try not to get washed away in the tides, I’ll seek only truth because there’s no room for lies.

As i bleed my soul dry, i wonder if i even had one to begin with.
I know all too well that i lost my heart when you tore it out of my chest.
So how can i bring light into my all too dull world?
Since you left, you've never really left my thoughts.
But i know letting you go has been long overdue.
So why can't i let you escape me?
Maybe it's because when our flame went out, it burnt out the spark in my eyes.
Maybe we weren't supposed to be apart.
Maybe we were never supposed to meet.
But if i could get one thing right, it's that you made me feel complete.

In a waking nightmare how do you dream?
How can i make it easier to breathe?
In a life full of hate, how can i change the pace?
I just wanted to try to live a good life, and not get erased.
So how do i stop the never-ending doubt?
I'm stuck in this abyss and no one can hear me shout.
Getting dragged down further as the days go by.
Seldom friendly faces with pretty little lies.
How do i rebuild and find some purpose?
Somehow none of this ever feels worth it.
I just want to find happiness.
I just want it to last.
But it seems my mind is stuck in the past.
I don't know where to turn, all that's left is an empty glass.
So i'll try to pick myself up just one more time.
As i try to fix all of this and not get pulled under the tide.

And I guess it's just comforting.
To slip back into my old ways of feeling nothing.
I guess having someone by my side was never meant to be for me.
And I guess it doesn't really bother me that I'm wandering through life alone.
Yeah sometimes it gets cold.
But smooth seas never made great sailors.
So I guess it's time to see what life has in store for me.
While I try to stay strong as I try to keep my dignity.

The mind games seem to never end,
Now it seems i'm waiting for a godsend.
But who would want to save someone like me?
I guess i'm desperate to find a key.
But is there anything to unlock deep inside my chest?
I think i'm just pathetic so i should forget about the tests.
What if by some miracle i really was enough?
Do you think i could ever find someone to love?
Why does it always have to be about finding another.
I wish i could get back my sense of wonder.
There's nowhere to go except down the clean cut path.
I just want to find meaning, i want it to last.
Where's the rush in doing everything so simplistically?
I guess it's the only thing that could keep my life from ending sadistically.

I guess maybe I’m just selfish.
I don’t really want to end this.
But I’m too ****** up I have to take the risk.
What I would give for just one more kiss.
I need to get away from here, and make new memories.
Maybe if I find some friends there will be better scenery.
But all I am is a product of subliminal thievery.
So what’s next in this mess I call life?
I’m finding myself wanting to feel the sting of the knife.
But I guess I’ll just settle for trying to be alright.

So what do you do when life comes crashing down on you?
What do you say when you're never okay?
What do they mean when they say it's not what it seems?
I guess sometimes life doesn't answer all of your questions.
But i'm sure you can figure it out.
I mean, things won't stay dim forever right?
I hope not, because i can barely make it through these nights.
I've been stumbling around and barely making it through life.
Maybe i just need to feel the sting of the knife.
That's not always the answer, and maybe there never is one.
But if this is life, i want to make a change, i can't be the only one.
So i'll keep my eyes fixated on the sky.
Until one day, maybe i can spread my wings and fly.
Until then i'll just hope that the shadows don't get the better of me.

Maybe one day my fate will change.
But until then I’m stuck waiting for my someday.
Why can’t I regain the love that was once buried beneath these ribs?
It’s not me whose condoning all these sins.
So as I wait for the flowers to bloom I’ll try to be me.
As I hope others stop feeding off of this negativity and find the courage to breathe easily.

Stumbling around trying to make it past these bends.
I can’t roll with the punches and keep wanting everything to end.
The storm pushes past in a few brief moments when I’m in your presence.
What happened to the better days, I’m still left pondering on the essence.
If only I could figure out a way to rid myself of the negativity.
But I feel like I may have lost myself completely.
So as I try to keep every last shred of my sanity,
I’ll try not to get lost in all of life’s vanity.
I guess I could try to make the most out of the time I have left.
Tell me, what’s the point if I don’t feel anything beating in my chest?
My soul feels like it keeps leaving my body.
I try and try, but have no interest in any new hobby.
I’m nothing but a lifeless corpse, dragging what’s left of my being around.
It keeps getting worse and I’m not sure if I can get used to the sound.
So as I try not to give up, I’ll just hope that one day I’ll be enough.

Always fearing my demise.
And now it seems I’ve reached that time.
If only I could live to see the sunshine.
But it seems that is not my fate this time.
I’m sorry.

Being used never made me feel so tortured.
If only my life had some order.
But I’m locked in this nightmare of a life, and my dreams are no different.
At least in my dreams I can wake up and tell myself that it wasn’t real.
But everything in this life got stolen.
If only I had it in me to be golden.
But I’m a mistake.
This life is a never ending charade.
And I’m always too weak to play.
But I don’t want to treat life like a game.
And somehow it just gets worse by the day.
The voices never really leave.
It’s taking its toll and I don’t want to stay.
But it’s clear to me that every interaction towards me is filled with hate.
So as I try to live a life that doesn’t feel like a layer of hell, I’ll try not to dwell too much and be more than just a shell.

I don’t understand this chaotic web.
It’s nothing but lies and sins and I’m left hanging by a thread.
Why am I in the middle of this petty crossfire?
What do you people even do when things get dire?
As I witness the hate it feels like there’s no escape.
All of my life is a petty charade.
What’s the point of feeding on the weak?
All for your selfish wants for your “evil” and greed.
How many peoples lives will you all tear apart at the seams, until any of you realize it’s just a form of slavery?

Searching for a happy start, or is it closer to the end?
Kingdoms crumble.
Here comes the storm.
The one you've been trying to avoid.
But it's not coming in full force.
No.
This time it's lingering.
Waiting for the perfect time to burn everything to the ground.
So keep what makes you smile close to your heart.
In these times you'll need it.
There are no saviors here.
Trust no one.
Can you get out of this pit?
I know you're strong enough, you just don't want to do it alone.
Your morals are withering away.
Maybe that's why you're so far from okay.

When you've lost most hope to go on.
And it's mostly senseless to be strong.
How do you find it in you to grow?
And most people around feel like foes.
What do you have left in your heart?
When all your life has come to is falling apart.
I wish i could move on and find somewhere to have a new start.

These days i've been trying to turn the page.
But everything stays more or less the same.
My life feels like a masquerade.
With friendly faces having alternate meaning.
My mind is so clouded i'm having trouble seeing.
How did everything come to this?
Everything is more or less in remiss.
I know my conscience isn't clean either.
But everything is happening in such a negative demeanour.

So how do i fix the mess of my life?
I guess i'm in too deep cause i can't even turn to the knife.
But i don't want to try anymore i can't take this it's breaking me down.
It's been happening so long and i still can't get used to the sound.
Of all the the chaos that never fails to find it's way back.
Was it ever me that i lost? Do i deserve to gain what i lack?
So as i try to fix the mess of my heart mind and soul.
I'll hope life doesn't take the final toll.
Of ending my already meaningless life.
I wish i could just find my way out and get rid of all of this strife.
As i keep working towards trying to live a better life.

What is your nonsense about being elite?
There’s nothing just or of value about tearing apart someone’s lives at the seams.
You people are filled with superiority complexes and greed.
Will this place ever see peace?
So as you stay blind even after admitting you were wrong, I’ll just hope nothing brutal goes on for too long.
But there’s no more salvation in life or many songs.
But these peoples views on life are contorted because they see everyone else as wrong.
So as I try to come to terms with the life I could never truly live.
I would trade your played out tragedy for my own life that’s never been mine to live.

Living my life with a lack of my true conscience.
Why don’t I have my own life, as soon as it starts I’ve already lost it.
The masquerade is a ****** up army of renegades.
They don’t care unless they want it, there’s no peace in playing these petty games.
I had it as a child, even then they ****** me up, there was never peace in whatever they played.
So I guess I’m living in my own shadow.
But it’s no longer mine, I’m on my own, it was always an unfair battle.
Who puts peoples lives in other people’s hands?
It’s all completely ****** and I always have nothing but a short hand.
So what the **** is their master plan?
If you’re that ******* bored live your own ******* life and don’t leave me on my last stand.
So until I reach the nearing final page.
I’ll try to ignore their ******* because it fills me with rage.
As I try not to feel like I’m trapped in their played out cage.

Am I tiptoeing carefully? Or falling down the stairs?
I still get the feeling that life is never fair.
So should I fashion a dare?
Take a leap of faith with you, or leave with far too many cares?
It seems my life is up in the air.
And all anyone can do is sit and stare.
It seems my hopes are always fleeting.
And my heart and mind can get far too deceiving.
I know I don’t really want to see myself leaving.
Because for you I know I would always be grieving.
At a loss for something that could feel like a breath of fresh air.
But I’m losing the fight, this isn’t fair.

All that’s left are twisted morbid thoughts.
I guess their plan worked, so what’s left of the plot?
If only the good had a chance to rise.
Maybe then there wouldn’t be mostly lies.
I can’t say I turned out fine.
I’m so ******* scattered and I want to die.
So as I keep living until they decide my time is up.
I'm so sick of everyone and all of their bluffs.
so i guess I’ll try to be whatever part of me that’s left.
As I try not to think about whatever is going to happen next.

Why does my mind always deceive me?
It seems I’m always stuck grieving.
Is it from the loss of life or the loss of love?
I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough.
Always set up to fail.
The rain is turning into hail.
And the smoke is turning stale.
I know I shut the door for good this time.
And you’ve probably had it with all of these rhymes.
I just wish we could have had more time.
But my mind kept telling me it was all a lie.
I just hope your days stay sunny and bright.
Even if I couldn’t be your light.
Maybe one day I’ll see you in my dreams.
And it could be everything we wanted it to be.
But until then I’ll try not to drown in my misery.
And maybe try to enjoy the scenery.
As I try to be all the things I always knew I needed to be.

The pieces of me have fallen away.
Every memory or moment in time has changed to someone else’s pace.
So why is everything black and grey?
I’m trapped in their sequence and I’m not sure if there’s another way.
So as I try to think back on the good there once was, I’ll remember that it was enough.
I’m sick of their games and calling their bluffs.
But if I could change things there would be more peace and less scuffs.

Hate around every corner.
And I’m so filled with doubt.
Where am I going now?
It’s hard to figure any of this out.
I’m in a sociopathic state.
But I can’t escape the hate.
I wish I weren’t stuck drowning in my life.
Will there ever be another way?
So in these passing days I’ll try not to take my life.
But my wrists just want to feel the sting of the knife.

Life was never meant to be fair.
It's be grateful for what you have, and not take other things for granted and leave yourself in despair.
You can't take when you don't expect to give.
Life is nothing if you have no good within.
So while the petty belligerent and despicably crude army of renegades wait for my death, I'll come to wonder why it's always all the mostly innocents heads.

Always feeling like I’m stuck at the bottom.
I probably should have realized that I need help solving my problems.
I guess I had a chance at a new kind of start.
But it got the best of me cause now I might be falling apart.
I guess I have too much hope.
But if we must you can cut the rope.
Things can’t stay cloudy forever.
Maybe the haze will fade and I’ll be fine by December.
But what now? I feel like I severed our ties.
The last thing I want is for you to run and hide.
Maybe I’ll never be the one you keep by your side.
But what I do know is that I want to push my hazy, darkened thoughts aside.

When your mind keeps creeping back into the dark, how do you know whether to end or restart.
I guess my minds playing tricks on me.
People make living life look like they do it so easily.
So maybe my heads just up in the clouds.
I'm just trying to get away from here, please let me find my way out.
Not a face I know well I can say I can trust.
If only I could get up and figure out how to adjust.

You keep wondering when the pain will end.
Asking yourself how someone can be saddened so deeply.
There isn't always an answer.
But the fact of the matter is that you were never careful with your heart.
With eyes full of hope, and a heart filled with love, all you ever knew were good intentions.
You never expected to get hurt this bad.
To be so damaged.
But how do you heal?
I've heard the only cure for pain is love.
But who could love such a broken soul.
Some might say I'm desperate, and maybe I am.
But if it isn't real then you can count me out.
It took me a while to learn how to feel with all I have, and now nothing compares.
If you ask me, I'm not desperate.
Just a lonely soul looking for someone who wants to feel how beautiful love can be.

It seems my mind won’t stop until I tear my world apart.
If only I would have known this from the start.
So what’s left?
There’s barely any feeling inside my chest.
It makes me wonder if there will ever be a key.
You were all I wanted, all I thought I would ever need.
But I think I have to leave.
If I want to keep my sanity.
I don’t want to hurt you but holding on is hurting me.
Who knew this would cut so deep?
So I’ll hope you get to where you need to go,
As I try not to tie a noose around my throat.

Stop deleting my ******* ******* poetry. You deserve nothing.

What’s with all the games?
It’s driving me insane.
I’ve never had any desire to play.
Just let me be free, but with you I’m trapped in a cage.
Petty mischief.
It’s no wonder I’m stuck in remiss.
No ones life should turn out like this.
Go to hell and let me live.