my heart aches for things that have not happened,
will not happen,
and will never happen again.

the air smells a little sweet
like lemonade
like home
it reminds me a little of
your sparkling eyes
your gleaming smile
i wish you were here now
tainting the lemonade air
with your glowing presence

whose heart beats the hardest
when you're just as crazy -
as homesick as an astronaut
floating in zero gravity
feeling lost and ungrounded as
you drift around and around?
full of confused energy
in a controlled chaos. just
imagine sitting out on the
front porch in the middle of an
electric storm and getting soaked
to the bone but still feeling as raw
as ever before. there's nothing
you can do to feel the same way again;
about anything. ever.

Reaching my third year in college and still remembering the past easily really means that time spares no one or no memory. We could all grow out of our old skins to realize that our new shells are just as hollow as ever, deeming hopeless in life and its travesty. Nevertheless,  that's what makes us so human, bleeding out our murderous thoughts and spilling it onto paper. The feeling of wanting to empty yourself to be a coreless vessel again, void of any emotions, unreadable to a living soul. Some of us get there faster with a pen, or even a blade, each of us digging deeper to our own little numb world, to ease the pain of conflict within or to put out the flames that are thirsty for oxygen, until the very wicker within us crumbles to dust. Back to where we started off. Fine as the dirt beneath our feet with no sign of life and no capsule of memory.

Tracing your shadow with my shoe
Imagining all of me pressed into you
Staring at your reflection in the glass
Reminding me of a week just past
I was sitting across from you
In a busy café somewhere new
Sipping coffees, conversing simply
Except the discussion was hanging limply
In the air getting stagnant and awkward
Until I moved and leant slightly forward
You got up and ran away from me
I thought you wanted to kiss me, see?
Sparks flew inside like fourth of july
Was everything you said just a disguise
To lead me along, was it all lies?
But just before I say goodbye for good
Ive got to say something, I feel I should
My little, sparkling dragonfly
I've got to say this and I don't know why
''I love you''

walking up a rainy street on a rainy day
umbrellas up, protecting bustling bodies
against the drops falling from the sky.
agonising stumbles down the road.
''i created a life, but you have no idea,''
they whirl on by, lost in their own worlds,
heads bowed, shoulders hunched, stony
silence.  and inside, in the warm, a little one
lying in her mother's arms. sleeping.
breathing. softly. a new life, isabella.