I don't do it it for attention,
Oh and let me mention,
I was the one that always did the best in school,
Like the middle child,
But I never smiled,
My life was breaking,
My body was aching,
I blame it on anorexia, taking over my life,
I fear myself,
Tears drop down my face,
I'm a special case,
I have nothing left of me to embrace,
I'm like a blank space,
I just need to erase,
I just need to fall,
There's no way i'm getting out of here standing tall.

I wake up I get ready for school, skip breakfast, it's hard but I pretend i'm still full, from the dinner I never ate last night, Ana tells me I will be alright, I don't even know, I put on some baggy clothes so that there's none of me to show, my skin, or my bones, I look in the mirror I don't see myself I see what I used to be, I had friends, I wasn't self-conscious, my smiles were real, but that is not me, now i'm almost skinny, Ana says shes helping me become someone better, more improved, I feel like my whole body is bruised, like i'm dying, always lying, "i'm not hungry", I always feel blue, my head is pounding, surrounding my life with Ana, I can't even enjoy one banana, your pulling me in, I just want to be thin. I get on the bus and pretend I don't hear the voices in my head, there's nothing left to be said, I just want to go home and get to bed.

Counting calories, telling lies
She'll keep this up until she dies.
Empty eyes, empty stomach, empty heart, empty mind;
What I've become is enough to drive myself mad
Empty, empty, empty. I'm nothing but sad.
So here it is girls, the rumors were true
I try so hard to be as skinny as you.
A monster, A *******, empty, empty girl;
I'm killing myself with my poor mental health.
Starving for beauty, beauty is pain
My head hurts so bad, I'm going insane.
Clutching my ribs, my thighs caving in
They were right--
Anorexia wins.

And me i wait down the weight,
of the past
by leaving my plate,
Untouched.
Instead i devour the self hate,
And compensate
for the thoughts in my head.
By pacing along a path,
that'll only lead to my death bed.

But me,
I already died inside,
Many years ago.
And my heart it may slow,
But it does not show my ability to swallow
Mouthfuls of regret at time.

And me,
I combine,
Thought and feelings,
With actions,
I have no sense of attraction,
When i stare at my reflection
That screams rejection,
And i pull out a fraction
of the person i used to be.

Because me
I am 100 pounds too heavy,
80 pounds to heavy,
Every single pound too heavy.
And this weight loss is steady,
And these burdens i carry,
With this thinking that refracts me
Prevents me the ability,
To see any positive trait, or quality,
I drown in a sea,
Of unforgivable mistakes,
I break, crack, smash
Into a thousand pieces.

And you,
You try to iron out the creases,
With therapy and weight gain,
And to you,
I am a piece of paper with a name,
And my tiny frame encompasses
Years of self blame,
Disdain.

And me,
I slip through the cracks in the earth,
As i claw and clasp for an inch of
Self worth.
I try to ride and surf
This tide,
But the feelings inside,
The thoughts in my mind,
Do not allow me to find
Acceptance anywhere.

And me i exhale rotten air,
As i stare at my past,
And i try not to feel,
But this pain is so real,
So me, i skip a meal
And refuse the next,
I filter through the net,
Stomach regret,
And maybe one day yet,
Ill be ready for freedom,
Excited and apprehensive about the person,
I have the potential to become.
But for now,
My meal is undone.

And me,
I run
in fear,
There is no life here,
No beauty near.
And the sheer idea,
That maybe,
Just maybe
A number shouldn't dictate my self worth.
Shouldn't cause me to hurt, myself
That i am worth more,
The idea of closing the door,
Too much to bare.
So in silence I'll stare,
I'll restrict and starve,
And lose my hair,
And don't tell me I don't care,
Because it'd be impossible
For me to care any more,
But can't you see
There's a fire inside of me
And Im burning at the core.

And i guess that makes me a coward, a quitter,
But i can't see anyway fitter,
And it tastes so bitter
Chewing on the past,
And the taste it lingers
And fills up my glass.

But until you've walked in my ever shrinking shoes,
Do not judge me,
Or the choices i chose,
Do not question the freedom i lose,
This body i abuse.

Do not remind me
Of the sanity i could find
For you have no clue
Of the hurricanes
That run wild within my mind.

There's this girl named Ana, she's in my head, I refuse to let her in, but she says she'll help me win. She says all it is is being thin. Don't eat! Your fat! She makes it seem so easy, but it's killing me. One hundred eleven, she says go for one hundred seven, every pound I lose is another round we win, Soon I have learned, every pound I lose is not something I win. There's this girl named Ana. DON'T let her in, No matter how much you lose you'll never be thin.