I can hold my breath for
1 minute and 15 seconds.
I still practice sometimes
in case you come to hold me again.
You held me a lot back then-
up against walls and doors and even as we lay in bed.
Your fingers left ever-present bruises on my neck.
You convinced yourself you left them with your mouth
but your hands were my enemy.
*****. Wuss.
They are still curses to me.
Pet-names
You called me when I clumsily ran into your fists.
Or maybe it was the other way around.
I can’t remember anymore.

I wonder if you
ever wore your
heart on the
sleeve
of the shirt
I stole.

Regardless,
I'm sure
that there's space
for mine.

My love
for you
has me tying
my own
**noose.

I believed.
I was deceived.
I cared.
It was not shared.
I fell.
You could tell.
To you, I was drawn.
You led me on.
I said I love you.
You lied and said you did too.
Then I said Don't leave me
You said We'll see
I should have walked away.
Made you ask me to stay.
But now I'm left alone.
Parts of me, left in your soul.
My heart aches beneath these bones.
But without me,
*You feel whole.

On the night that I thought I could stop missing you
I went to that party that I said I wouldn't go to
and I drank more drink than I knew I had
I kissed those girls with the empty eyes and mouths that tasted like smoke
questioning why it felt wrong
until I realised that taste was yours
and ******* did I feel alone

They come in waves.
Kamikaze planes or
lovely flowers and sweet lullabies.
Blood boils,
slapping against my skin,
Sometimes.
My love is seasonal,
It won't stay.
Don't expect anything from me.
You will be bitterly disappointed.