It's all been said and done,
everything out in the open.
There's nothing I can do now,
nowhere I can hide my emotion.
I've been broken too long,
tried to hold it all in, but it's useless.
All those times I refrained from speaking,
I realize now, it was so foolish.
I'm sorry for all the lies,
for all those times I couldn't say
What I thought, what I felt,
I never meant to lead you astray!

letting loose old chains
you and your wry laughter
defeated by the day old machines
of life and their constant clogging

time's hands tear into spring
nail first, peeling off the light constricting canopy
twisting barbwire off delicate skin
strangling you on a couch from hell

wake up to the smell of bourbon
and dead roses - so pretty
your lashes creating the shadows
on your gaunt cheekbones, and your name is Soul

An uneasy knowing:
Hand on the doorknob,
Intuition hinting at what's
Through the keyhole.

Excuse me, while I
Make my way back to the womb
And coalesce into an egg once more.

I must relearn everything I was ever taught.

I must rethink everything I ever thought.

"My soul shall not be bought,"
Is a declaration not an "Oh, I ought to."
Tangled in some narrative, stuck like glue;
Convention is convention
Regardless of where it's acted out,
Chugging a cheap beer or slinging back a stout.

Let the wild eyed lemurs out!

Femurs shriek ****** ******,
Shin splits from sprinting to get coffee creamer.

Benz,
Bentley,
or
Beamer?

Out of place in small town USA,
But the monster makes itself the new normal.
Wear jeans to the semi-formal, but
The after party is her call.

To make the future or **** it all?
Is life an experiment or a free for all?
Is it neither? Is it nothing at all?

Squeezing the eyes out of a stress ball,
Touch pleasing thighs as the curtains draw...

Ka-caw! Ka-caw!
I am, I am a triumphant toucan!
Flapping wings flowing fluttery alchemy,
Making circles out of straight lines,
Crafting stories out of blank mind.

It comes in time, I guess,
The mess of me cleaning itself up gradually
Only to regress under sea level again
And again, becoming a canyon,
The slow deposition, the bearer of men.

Redheaded and clucking mother hen
Drinking hot water, honey, and lemon,
Patronizing old explorers like Magellan.

Tune into the past, oh sugar sweet one,
Inflicting beatings with flagellum,
Stealing treats and eating them,
Mountain peaks and chewing gum.

Puh-*** puh-***-***!
Our heads make good drums,
And our bleating makes good melodies.

Can you teach me the song of the trees?
Can we at least save the bees?

Nectarine mornings and small, knobby knees..
Mommy, please, put my hair in pig tails!
Pick up the worms off the sidewalk,
Watch out for the snails.

Lay me down into a hay bale;
I'll send you snail mail from
My heavenly little hell.

What's that smell;
My baby blanket or an ex-boyfriend
Lingering underneath my nose hairs?
In smoking scents do memories construct their lairs.

Do I have a care?
Do I have to care?
Is it a curse to be aware?
Is it a curse to think that, to dare?

Something fragile hangs in the air.

Teeth grind, sweaty night mares,
Water and oil, oh! What a pair.

Fingers uncoil from around your neck:
Slender ghostly feelers beckoning,

"Come destroy yourself with me."

Cast my body out to sea,
Playing saccharine melodies, but
Send my soul out separately.

The truth is every time you start to fade from the front of my mind
You say something sweet,
Something unexpected
That just knocks me out.
You can reach into my heart and move things around.
Nobody else can do that.
You're in here with me, right up against every part that never sees the sun.
There aren't words for this, this joy that crawls up my throat and makes tears well along with my smiles.
I can't hold it, I can't handle it,
How much I love you.
Never could.
I used to shake when you would touch me-
When ever.
I've loved since, but never like an earthquake, never like a mountain crumbling into the sea.
Nothing moves me like you do.
I swear, you could unmake me by the atom
Pull every little part of me apart
And I'd love it.
You could stand in front of me and say you loved me
And with your words you could separate every molecule of me
Until I burst like a dying star.
I talk in constellations, of you.
You are too immense to speak of with anything but the stars.
I could laugh or cry, or both, from how much I only want you
To be here and hold me,
To demolish our walls and turn me inside out.
You could smash me like glass
And I could be a thousand beautiful diamonds of razor sharp.
Maybe if you grind me to dust with your gravity
I will be small enough to fit the closest to you
That anything has been.
Maybe I could become a shade, and step forward,
And be in exactly the same place as you.
Maybe our hearts could overlap and sync up,
And maybe then I wouldn't long, with a terror and an ecstasy that melts me inside,
To be closer
Closer
Closer
To you,
No matter how entwined we are.

In my heart,
a violent sea rages
full of tears and emotions
that threatens to consume me.
So fraught
that I will never be able
to reach the surface again
nor see the light of day.

But through the growing darkness,
a small pin of light glimmers
and slowly grows.
Obscured by the ashen rocks
and burnt-out tree stumps,
it slowly sheds light
on this forgotten wasteland of obsidian
that I call my own.

Even in this forsaken place,
there is an essence of serenity
- a ray of undying hope
that fills my thoughts
with the fond memories of you.
My soul is filled with anguish
and my bones crack and grind against each other
for the fear of never being able
to touch your face or hold
your hands in mine again.

I can neither let you go
nor let you fade away
into the mists of time.
So I choose to endure this torture
in hope that you will love me
in the way that I love you.
For that one chance,
I would gladly endure ten times this agony
to know what you feel.
So I wait,
in my darkened world of fading shadows
staring up at the small pin of light.
Waiting…
Waiting for morning
and the day.