To love myself
I wish I knew
To hate myself
I can't do too

I'll simply live
Without a clue
How to feel anything
If not for you

Today is blue.

The air wet,
My eyes are too,
Today is blue,
Where are you?

you were gods cold hands
and i was the tide,

you pushed me back and forth
until i broke.

forward thinking
peach tea
always the one who hates to leave

hesitant lover
cuffed sleeves
organizes in color schemes

late night worker
christmas eve
lover of all velvet things

advid artist
blushing pink
seems to always be misperceived
-i.w.

I'm stuck in between
fixing myself,
or other people.
One will make me selfish,
and one will leave me empty.
-I.w.

There was a time
where god heard me scream,
And left me to die
So mercilessly.

My flesh is still living,
And places I go,
But my mind left my body
A long time ago.

-I.w.

you promised you'd stay
then you promised you'd go

i put my heart on the line
now you're cold as the snow

Even when I want to die,
I draw careless flowers on blank sheets.

There is beauty in the world,
But not within me.

I remember falling in love and now I'm falling apart,
Cause I lost myself in him,
and then
I lost him.

he was e cord and sunset lover,
and I was vanilla and cold weather.

he spoke of love in different languages,
i gave my boring self in quickened stages.

he was marveled at,
and i was passed by.

he lost touch with my heart,
and I never knew why.
-i.w.

When I was young I used to make little books out of pieces of paper and write stories about talking animals and vampires.
Now I am older and writing actual books. It seems to be the only thing that's stuck with me.

I'm sitting in a room full of people right now, and not hiding my paper because I know no one is paying attention.

I used to love myself, I don't know what happened. I used to be full of love and passion and energy, and now I am ashamed of it.

When I was young I used to play with dolls and make up stories of romance and adventure.
Now I'm older and still haven't been loved. I tend to think my younger self wouldn't be proud of that.

I used to cry a lot when people were mean or I lost my way.
Now I haven't cried in months. I think I may haven't gotten used to pain.

I used to sing into my hairbrush and act out monologues.
Now I am afraid to speak my dreams.

I used to love everyone,
now I see how little they care. I don't know if it's because I've lost touch with reality or fully indulged in it.

I used to be a very different person. I am just trying to make her proud, I should've never let them change me.

Silent lips
and wishful stares,
I wonder if you
see her there.

Only if you
really knew,
just how bad
I wanted you,

Hopeful thoughts
were all amiss,
until your eyes
caught on my lips.

And then a twist,
you look to me,
and then decide there's
more to see.

(I) can't forget how
you made my heart leap
While remaining (still),
Or made me (miss) the voicemail
My phone recently erased.
You were the life in me, and now (you) are the death.

(sometimes), we have to lose to appreciate love, and have to feel to appreciate being numb.

She wears streaks of colors
In her hair,
So even strangers know
how vibrant she really is.

She sets with the sun,
Then rises again with the moon.

She warms your heart
Like the coffee she always sips, and writes colors in black ink.

She sways my heart and kindles my soul.

(And someone anyone would be lucky to hold)

All my friends
Are my friends
Cause I hate to be alone,

So many people that
I foster as I
Try to make a home.

It's the feeling
That hollows out your bones
And makes you feel,
Like the slightest tap tap against your limbs
Will make you shatter.

Your name still lingers at my lips.
Your skin still lingers at my fingers.
You're still present in me.

It's the heaviness in your soul
That makes your heart feel
Like the slightest mishap
Will break you completely.

Your words still linger in my ears.
Your promises still linger in my heart.
You're still present
In me.

When I wanted something,
I always got it.
And then I wanted you.

Too bad change is inevitable,
And now I never get what I want,
Or else my world would be
For two.

I keep my expectations too high
But my exceptions too low,
I need a symmetrical place,
But there's nowhere to go.

Your favorite game is chess,
But I thought the game was mean,
Cause you labeled all your pieces,
But I was never queen.

I hate that when I dial your number,
It says it's calling home.
Cause home is someone who loves you,
And you never pick up the phone.

Maybe the reason
Your mom is so happy to see me,

Is because I'm the best girl
You ever brought home.

And maybe I'm happier

Because you left me alone.

I dreamt last night
That you filled my inbox
With words of regret.

I woke up thankful
That it was all on my head.

Although last month,
I would've cried,
I no longer wish for you
In my life.

I see you sighing at his name,
And turning yellow to blue.

I hope you keep in mind,
The only one you need is you.

How can you fall asleep,
Knowing I'm not okay?
And how can you expect me to move on,
And say to save it for another day?

It was different when it came to him.

He didn't have a cold front that chilled your bones yet intrigued you at the same time.

He didn't have a hard glare that made you weak yet completely captivated you.

He wasn't harsh at first, and then you came to love him.

He was sweet, and kind,
and completely mesmerized by you.

And then he wasn't.

Am I my art or is my art me?

My words and my paintings might have no relation
To my thoughts and my mind and my current location

Am I responding to existing temptations?
Or is this more then built up frustration?

My thoughts have too many translations
Am I really the creator of my destination?

I copy illustrations
Fueled by inspiration
Holding information
That all lack integration

I have countless hesitations
And I'm in need of confirmation
Someone please offer some consolation
Or maybe an explanation?

Until then I'll continue with so called imitations and miscreations
Until I fully know the situation

Or so help me God
Am I my art,
Or is my art
Me?

I panic easily.
I can't stop worrying about whether or not I closed my bedroom door, and I think it's because I have OCD.
I'm sad for no reason,
And I worry I am depressed.

I don't like walking in crowds of people, and I believe I have anxiety.
I lose hours of sleep checking the corners of my room, leaving the lamp on,
Because I think somethings out to get me.

I am easily annoyed by simple things people do,
And I come up with a list of phobias I might have.
I am too scared to sleep in the dark,
Or to shower without checking behind the curtain whenever I can,
And I think it's cause I have paranoia.

Loud sounds freak me out and make me cover my ears, I don't feel safe anywhere,
And I panic easily.

All I can ask is that you love me anyways.

We are products of creation,
And beings of
destruction.

Everytime I say your name,
It's like repeating the same joke for the a hundredth time,
Everyone one is so tired of hearing it,
But they pretend they aren't anyways.

She was constantly shedding flowers,
Falling from locks of hair,

People always stepping on them,
As they didn't see them there.

Winter was our prime,
Now summers not our time,
How much it hurts to know,
That your heart was never mine.

Pier walks and little talks,
A scoop of ice cream in a kiddie cup.
Sunsets and no regrets,
Yet you're still the reason I wake up.

Cold sheets and no sleep,
Clouds the color of your favorite band.
Keyboard fingers and rustled thoughts,
It's safe to think that you are the end.

I changed my hair the moment I saw you,
Then again when you finally saw me.
Purple shades suited me best,
When I was mine to keep.

Is this love or admiration?
I just want to have you without contemplation.

I should've known
When you said your least favorite part of the ocean
were the waves,
That you wouldn't be there for me
When I crashed.

The mason jar I almost gave you
full of your favorite things,
Is now full of change
for my future,
Because you are infinitely in my past.

Yes,
You were my first heartbreak,
But this is not the first time you have
broke my heart.
-i.w.

You are the apple of my eye,
You are the reason that I cry.
-i.w.

You used to care when it was convenient,
Now you don't care at all.
It took me too long to realize,
You were my rise and fall.

In moments you used to look at me,
You now look away.
And in times when my mind used to be free of you,
You're now here to stay.
-i.w.

Your favorite french songs are a lot like you.
The language you speak is foreign to me,
yet I can't help but think I understand.

The irony of deafening silence in school hallways;
We sit parrellel, only staring at our shoes.
I hope to exchange some words, maybe finally tell you how i miss you.
I know that you are chasing other things, so I push the thought away.
Yet no matter how much I try to be okay by myself,
everytime you extend your hand to help me up, I know I'll take it

Making up daydreams
Just so you dont have to think of
The reality you live,

And covering your eyes each day
When he passes
With
Her.

Sometimes holding off on accepting it hurts more then the
unrequited love.

I talk all the time,
But that doesn't mean that I am heard.
Because much like the music you hear on the radio,
Words only have meaning
if there's someone to listen.

-i.w.

walking past with no hellos, there was a time you would've spoke.

I thought I was yours,
I could have sworn you were mine,
But when I looked at the clock
I saw our love was out of time.
-i.w.

You are very much like the moon phases,
Yet you are not very much like the moon.
Like the tides you give yourself in phases,
And you're always back by the afternoon.
You are very much like the fall at prime,
Yet you're not very much like any season.
Cause although your leaves never fall on time,
Unlike years, you never change, despite reason.
You are very much like morning coffee,
Yet not very much like afternoon tea.
Although you can always get me talking,
One thing you are not for me, is healthy.

Like these things, you are just a piece of me.
I do not need you in order to breathe.
-i.w.