A rabid ******

with a fix from hell

tumbled into sleep

then death she fell



In her head it was hopeless

her heart a broken harp

arm an open wound

her life tragic art



Poisonous mush was relieving

better than so called love

pin ****** kept her breathing

the past weighed too much



On such a day I feel sorry

she never stood a chance

addiction was the corollary

of the waltz she had to dance

Sunlight
Dappled
Wood
Floor

Old rocking chair

And
A
Breeze
That
Smells
Of
Summer

Tall
Grass
Dances

Birds
Expand
And
Contract

Accordion
Style

Their
Flight
A
Music
Unto
Itself

Such
Rare
Beauty

Far as the eye can see

In this moment

Everything
Is
Alive

Especially

Me

I closed my heart off as soon as
you made me feel like
there was a zoo in my head
the way I thought I would never feel again:

Madly
Truly
Insanely in love

But you wanted to wait. So I zipped up
and I waited.
You fell deeper, harder, crazier
I slipped further, colder, soberer

You took your time to make me feel it
The promises delivered, the kisses raw
But I was fading, I stopped craving
I started frowning at your flaws

So by the time you fall at your knees
with a ring.  I would smile and say no.
Not. at. all.
My insecurities took over way too strong
for time to prove me wrong

Allow me to be naked around you,
Adjust to the sudden change in atmosphere,
If you will.

Grasp at fleeting understanding,
Until it leaves your consciousness forever.

The chase, that chase for understanding.
That urge, the traces of that hurt.
Turned me into a *****.

Don’t misconceive my nakedness for desperation.
I am this,
Transparent, clear-minded.
Take me as you will.
Or leave me as you may.
I am still right here.

I still feel your presence
It lingers all over me,
The warmth of your body
Is now a part of me.

I can’t think of anything more sweet
Than the moments when our lips would meet,
I remember that night…
You held me as your own while standing in the rain
You pressed your lips to mine and took away the pain.

Your heat spread to me and warmed me in the cold
At that moment, I surrendered and was yours to hold.
Deep in my heart, I always knew
But never wanted to admit,
that I was in love with you.

I felt we drifted away together in a storm,
But now we’re torn.
Even though you’re gone
Your heat lives on.

I reminisce to that night
When I get too lonely,
And wish every time
To live in that moment only.

The heat we had will always remain
In my heart, you left that stain,
It’ll never be removed
And It’ll never fade in the rain.
Now I stand alone,
hoping you’d come join me again.

It was nice meeting you.

I bet you didn’t know you’re the first guy I ever tried to hit on. I bet you didn’t know I prepped for this conversation for a week. I bet you didn’t know how deep my heart sunk when I saw you go upstairs with another girl.

Thank you for being the first guy who’s ever flirted with me. Thank you for the pink gin. Thank you for the hand you placed on my back when you hugged me goodbye.

It was nice talking to you.

I know you falling on me was a move, even though you said it wasn’t. I know sitting and listening to the story of how I met J was a move. I know you like L. I know deep down she probably likes you too, I did.

It was nice that you didn’t message me after the party.

But I bet you didn’t know that I would of loved you with my whole heart. That I would of wrote you love letters and made you mixtapes of songs that reminded me of you. Thank you for making me realise that the right guy will come along, but that guy isn’t you. I know I’ll always be that girl at the party who’s name you can’t remember, or face you can’t place but I don’t lie.

It was nice meeting you.

I hope one day we’ll meet again.

— p.d.e