There's been a ringing
In my ears
A pain in my throat
Bottle these words inside an eloquent note
Wash upon the sea
These bones, these hands, these knees
Crawling
But never back to you
February 29, 2016 3:47 am

Every night I feel the gun reload
Expload inside this old head of mine
Unlocking this virtual mountain
I'll eventually  have to climb
Rain seeps in the soles of my shoes
A train creeps in my rear view
Depressed something manic
Stressed and I overthink I panic
Night turns to day
My mind decays
My body lay still
Cars passing out the windowsill
and with an evanescent glance
spilt dirt over a hideously fleeting romance
And with a kiss of a razor
My vessel collided, a glacier
You took me by my swollen wrist
Pain stricken by a twisted kiss
Tongue tied and mechanic
Young love sank the titanic

Your blue eyes are ice cold
Frost bitten veins
Numbing the thought of your resting head on my pillowcases
I don't feel a thing

And maybe we're all a little burnt out
Pinched nerves voices shout
Inside my head this
Roller coaster is only going up
Anticipation
And
Regret
Swim inside my plastic cup

No words of wisdom can cure
a feeling felt
by the victim so poor.
A killer coming out
before the clock strikes three
stabbing you from the inside
Oh, anxiety

Now you start to feel shaky
And you know
it's another night without sleep
The feeling so nostalgic
Oh, anxiety

Those days were over
Finally
I knew my soul is free
From my body hanging
on the ceiling
Oh, anxiety

12:13 it's time to revive a mind
Been so long it seems the place has died
Crawled so far, Dug so deep
The brain cells muddled and weak

Into the back wall of my skull
Every bit lip every hair pull
Thriving in conditions humid and moist
Blank stares and numb hands were never my first choice

The ceiling inches towards
And the walls cave in
Motionless finally still
My bed is a sea of swarming ant hills
Fire red and a thirst for chaos
The world spins, a petty life lost

Abandoned Unkempt
Letters sealed but never stamped
Petty crimes and petty lives
Blood stained newly wed wives
Lilac scented angelic ****
We are flowers taking form

2:03 am 1/07/16*
Stream of consciousness
My head is exploding and voices are screaming in my head
I lay here in a frozen bed amongst frozen sheets and icy skin and my frozen mind begins to gnaw at my insides and claw and claw and claw*


My nose is cold and hands are shaking... Breathe in breath out
Moments of clarity and disparity
You took my hand when you should have let me drown
My room is the same temperature as the stars outside and I'm here staring out my window watching my hot breath fog the cars and I'm screaming at the hidden sun asking why
it always sets behind the tall trees and I wonder
Because if I was a sunset id cast along the sea... I cast my rays until I made sure everyone could see but then I realized.... And I made myself sick
A humble sun never
wanted to lure
A humble sun was there when you needed something to hope for
But is dark
The sky is cold
My skin burns
The pain has once awakened me
but the wind has seeped
into my veins
numb
Lifeless
To hell they said
But what for....
Darling,
it seems I'm already dead