When you carry the weight of worlds
Soak up like a sponge
Wring out the pain
Wash over a lie
Smile
There are many forms to the sickness
My mind is fogged up cloud mist
Leaking imagination
Bleeding color
Gray

You're sweet talking misery
And death wants a try
We'll all take turns, spin this wheel
We'll never ask why

Come dear, walk with me
I'll show you a world that will bring you to your knees
The souls are dark the sun is low
A record we spin we spin, oh
We'll take our chances dizzy and scratched
Sometimes your the candle sometimes your the match

And it's one am and my eyes are wide
My heads ******
Thoughts are like car tires
Pulled out of the muck
Mind formed on brain mounds
Matter and debris
Burnt rubber
Whispers in the corner
Soft enough to make you scream  
We live
We love
We succumbed to this wondrous disease

And there used to be an woman behind my door as I slept
Awoken, uneasy at the edge of my bed as  I wept
For days and weeks my eyes would cry
Tossing and turning
All that lives must surely die

The woman spoke in expressions
Her face contorted and her eyes all black
A way out I suppose, a final escape
Her thoughts are armed words... Prepared for attack

The woman in my dreams is unknown
She visits unexpected
She visits briefly, seeming to have no purpose at all
She hasn't a name
She hasn't a face
A simple woman
A blue coat
A hunched back
Uneasy, yet comforted

I thank this woman
I do not know
I thank this woman

The edge of my bed grows further away
Time may mends the wounds
But you just wish the people could stay

Reaching out towards hands cold as ice
The feet he danced in a month ago
The veins blood flourished weeks ago
The heart that loved days ago
Stiffened bodies shattering hearts
His face now reads calm
Our heads are shaking

wake up
*wake up, god ******, wake up

Help me stabilize
Intoxicated roads
Slurred sentences
Sipping away drifting apart

We exist in rain coated streets
Red and blue blaring
The sirens that simply take
There's no comfort in these sheets

A drink to think
A smoke to cope
A lie to hide
A note and rope

A lukewarm December
But my soul grows colder
Scraping my skin, ice, dirt off my shoulder
Chilling my spine
You body bleeds cherry wine

Dreams of a white haired horse
Summer night, quiet
Swinging chairs on the wooden porch

Is it better to be left alone
Time for your mind to freely roam
Or feel like no one is listening
You drown in explanations
You sink under

Staying awake is as hard as falling asleep
Followed by demons
Followed by voices
The sounds they creep into my skull
My thought out thoughts are boring and dull

I fade out in my words
Clinging to each word you haven't heard

....

*This poem will fade out as well
I realized I'm a sad contradiction
If you read this far.... I'm sorry

No more phony saviors.
No more unasked for questions.
No more forced behaviors or unwanted confessions.

No more false prophets.
No more second guesses.
No more burnt synapses or blown out thought processes.

No more ****** mouths.
No more bitten tongues.
It's finally over now.
Finally, it's done.

The End to Ups and Downs -
forget about "c'est la vie."
There'll be nothing more from You now;
all that's left is Me.