I feel the tears coming on
I push them away
Shake my head
Lift my chin
I refuse break
Not again.

I am stronger than to let myself
Be bullied around
By my own thoughts
Fingers pointed
In no specific direction
No fault to blame
No one to call out
Just my intense feelings
Overtaking me.

I push
And push
It’s no wonder I am exhausted
Always fighting to keep my head above water
Either drowning
Or falling under.

My well being getting smaller
Words of others get louder and larger
People don’t hesitate to walk all over
The weak or struggling.

Times have changed
Can’t trust my neighbor
If I need to be saved
Risk doing it alone
Or being disappointed
Options aren’t very desirable
Like choosing between
Bad or worse
Each comes with their own surprises
Hurt or be hurt.

Unsure of the girl in the mirror
Her reflection becoming unclear
I stopped checking glances
Because I only see
Things I want to change
It’s not physical pain
It’s the emotional damage
That keeps me ******.

I feel trapped or lost
So I run
But flight always leads back to fighting
Can’t ever fully escape
It needs to be faced.

I am brave
But not a hero
I have courage
But still afraid
I am powerful
But dart my shadow
I am complex
Simple would be nice for change
But I am overtaken.

Simply overtaken.

My sleepy eyes search for hers,
as my arm reaches across the empty bed
and I find the pillow still indented from her pretty head.

A hollowness instantly makes my stomach tight,
afraid she's gone without any goodbye,
without her cuddles, I would die.

In this moment I hate the white of the sheets
no longer stained with shadows of her bodies curve,
the sun even shining displays its nerve.

Footsteps in the hall give my heart a start,
the door swings slowly open and a smile forms
as her lips part.

My arms reach out, my lips don't move,
from her throat soft giggles rise
and I feel her light touch my sleepy eyes.

The crisp air sends goosebumps to cover my body,
as she pulls off the blanket to get back into bed,
I pull her in close and turn blue into red.

I close my door
Reach for my blade
And begin the routine motions
That now feel meaningless
Like my black and white past

I still look for silly reasons
Any excuse
To justify my actions

Just to get a quick feeling
Of anything at all
Even if that means it will hurt
Because if I'm numb for much longer
I might just...

I could stare into your eyes for a thousand years

The only problem with moving on from him,
Is that I've kept one thing a secret the entire time,
I look to how unfortunate it is,
That the past can never be erased.