The first night you were gone I drunk my weight in cheap drinks, swayed my hips to music that did not understand me, with lonely boys' elusive hands around my waist.
As the beat changed and got quite enough for me to feel that you were missing, I moved harder and closer to the things that numbed me.
By the 11th day,my mother did not know what to do with me, I wanted to tell her id become as much a stranger to myself as I seemed to her.But words failed, I shrunk within myself, maybe I wasnt a person anymore
On the 24th day I remembered that I was still 24 and should be dancing, should feel more alive,so I took to the persciptions that numbed me enough to feel I had the world ahead of me or atleast in that moment?
I watched a documentary on force
Fed women in Mauritius, by day 30 I wanted nothing to touch my lips and fill my belly, and you tried.
Day 58 found me cleaning the house, I took a shower that did not consist of standing under running water, I combed my hair and oiled my scalp. I called friends back. I also folded at my stomach once more and i was back at 1.
On day 89 I tried, I felt alone, what lingered below the balcony no longer scared me, I woke up to wine, I smoked too much, stumbled in my family home at 5 in the morning. I stopped drinking in the mornings.
Its a game of hide and seek