Why do I do this...
It seemed like a good idea at first
but now I just sit here in the corner
with only the thoughts in my mind
and the feelings in my body
why do I do this to myself...
we both knew it wouldn't end well
so why did we?
I feel like **** and I know you must too
anxiety and depression eating away
until we are but skin and bone
whispers echoing in the endless void
sending chills up our spine
there's no escape so why do we hide?
the ending is already written
the ink is dry
why do I do this

I'm in love with you.
five words I can't say to you
for my soul is ready
but my heart is not

Do you ever feel the hurricane of emotions just beneath your surface?
yet you deceive yourself into thinking
your fine
for your soul lacks the energy
to cry?

We thought we would never have to grow up
We were young and dumb, like all kids
We played for hours on end
Never a second thought
You were my best friend,
But people grow up

We loved each other like sisters
Fought like a married couple
But never a second thought

You found out about the world and all its secrets
While I stayed in my imagination
You wanted to be older
I wanted to stay young
But never a second thought

Years went by, we were inseparable
Conjoined at the hip
What happened?
You started dating
Spent time with boys
Not me
Not a second thought

You became preoccupied
You didn't have time for me
But I stayed there
As each guy left

Soon it was too much
You got a boyfriend
Only wanted him
Let him say things
Distancing us

You changed,I couldn't be around you
You weren't good for me anymore
I lost myself in the madness
We split apart

It hurt at first, it did  
But in time
I realized that
I'm glad

Knowing you was one of the best things
i've ever known
But losing you
Set me free

So I have this boy that I like
He really likes me too,
He's nice and funny
But yet I feel
Worse than ever
I want to change

I think my brain is going insane
He says he wants to help
But he doesn't understand
My constant pain
Turmoil
Regret

He doesn't see the sadness behind my eyes
Or hear the tremor in my voice
But I don't blame him,
I'm the one who hides it,
The one who Can't explain the hate
The disgust
The disappoint
I have for myself

The **** I keep bottled up because
Regular people will never understand,
I want to scream until no sound escapes
Cry until my eyes dry out,
I have all this emotion and yet
No screams burst
No tears shed

He doesn't deserve this
He should have someone better

I have so much I want to spill on this page
But my mind can't catch up with itself
I'm a jumbled mess
I can't form the words

I wish I could tell you all this, but I can't
So I'll write it here in Hope that it will ease my tired soul

It's not even that I can't anymore,
I simply don't want to.

I'm confused
I feel used and abused
Choose and then lose
Wake up only to hit snooze
But if you snooze you lose, right?
Maybe if I just stop I'll be able to reach the top
But you have to move if you want to run,
Run if you want to fly
If you fly you might as well soar
Open every window and door
Instead of lying on the floor not knowing what to do anymore
For my door is jammed and the windows broke
I'm pretty sure my life is one big joke
But at the end of the day I always lose,
Because I hit
Snooze.

We are getting close...
Maybe too close...
I think it's just me,
I get close and then pull away,
Back to my own world

I'm sorry, in case you don't know
I dont mean to run away, but I feel
myself wanting to run, get away

I'm not sure what it is that forces me to hide,
Twists up my being and hurts me inside

We are friends but I think you have a crush
I'm weighed down, trudging through slush
My feeling are muck and I'm stuck in this rut

I dont know what to do
I cant break my own rules
Disobey my mind
To commit the worst crime

Im confused, and I dont know what to do...

My life is a facade
Who i am at school is a mask
Who i am at home is a mask

People say "be yourself"
I don't know who that is
I don't remember the last time
I wasn't trying to be someone
Others wanted me to be

Confused
Alone
Lost
Me.

I'm sorry that I disappoint you, I really don't mean to
I only want to be here for you, and help you
but I guess you don't need me

I never meant to be the one who fails
the bitter pill you swallow day to day
because you have no other choice

I see the look of unsurprised disappointment in your eyes
The pain seeps into my marrow, I break apart once more
Iv'e done it again, I proved my disgraceful composition

I stand there time after time without a sound
letting your every word chip away at my heart until
it is nothing more than dust piled on the floor

I make my eyes act as barriers for the tears I dare not shed
for only behind closed doors will I take off my smile
and let my self drown in the hole where
my heart used to be

I guess it's just in my DNA to be a disappointment,
when I try to make you proud, I only make it worse
If I don't try at all, it will only confirm what you already knew

Is there no way out? Is this my unavoidable fate?

no girl just wants a boy friend,
                                       they want a best friend

feel
I want to feel warm arms wrapping me up
shielding me from the reality of reality
the arms of a best-friend and a lover

feel
I want to feel love so intense I might explode
a love so sweet it makes cake taste bitter
a love that just pure enough to last forever

feel
I feel nothing but the loneliness that swarms me
the the self-hate that forced me to grow-up too young
the weight of all the people who left me

feel
I feel like a young girl who knows too much too young
a girl who's heart yearns for a love that isn't real
a girl who needs a hug

With every breath I fall a little
further down the rabbit hole

Underwater is where the fish swim with glee, it’s where life is free
   Where colors bloom, where there is no doom
But what if there is, what if Underwater is where
the secrets are buried under The sand,        

Underwater is where the light fades into pitch black
Where life is trapped by the kraken's attack
Underwater is where hope is lost
Where nothing good is crossed,

But not all bad is evil maybe the pitch black is just a place for
More life to be born, where there are secrets there
Is truth, where there is doom there is peace
Where nothing good is crossed, something
great is never lost .

Black spots and blurred lines , cold hands and lonely eyes
These lovely bones grow so alone inside
The demons come , but there is no place to hide
Except inside these lonely eyes

But these lonely eyes are no place to hide
For all the tears kept inside
Behind the smile no one notices
For the while

But the coldness creeps
While she sleeps
Destroying its victim
With the coldness
That seeps

Through the holes that were left after she wept
And in her dreams she would scream
Begging on her knees
For the demons to
Leave

But when she wakes her smile oh so fake
Hides the truth of her
Lonely eyes
As she slowly
Dies inside