When you find yourself
in the inkwell of life
navy dark blue
drowning the light
be glad
you are  but a few
drowning in the liquid
that brings words
to life

it feels like it was yesterday
but a yesterday a long time ago
away, sealed up in a dream
i can only faintly remember parts of it
while the rest is a blur

i can’t escape this strange dream
floating by
not truly feeling anything,
just existing

my heart hurts
a hurt that aches endlessly, eating away

it’s the bell jar
the same sour air i breathe

always had an inkling
an inkling to end the thoughts
end the aching

it's the maddening hunger
that runs down my spine,
my nerves, they are loose,
glowing like fireflies
I cut myself open for this glory pain,
like the sky opens itself
for the pouring rain
a reddish coat covers my pale skin
and I feel great
  I am sane, sane, sane

your glassy eyes
tirelessly staring at mine
   we both keep our lives
out of each other’s sight
still, we sleep in the same bed,
but our hearts do not beat
in the same rhythm, and
when we touch we cannot feel
    each other’s warmth

oh our tired bodies,
fighting against these constant
urges to run,
   far, far away from ourselves
and rain is pouring down our backs,
even when the sun
shines
  
but darling,
our love has ended many times
once in September, once in July
    we will find back to
    each other again,
when we’ll have crossed oceans
in search of our light
     maybe in June, maybe in May
our love will revive

[ I promise ]

the wind pulls at me
and I am surrounded
by whispering voices
something digs its claws
into my heart, churlishly
oh within it lurks
the mighty power of death,
and I too burn for its desire

how I crave for
this kind of destruction
call me the fire of the wind
for I will give it all my light