Lisani

Lisani Dec 2018

i am a mess
i dont even know how to handle things without lying
to myself and everyone else

i messed up, million times
always told the world that i'm broken
so maybe i'll find someone who can fix it

i lied, i'm pretending to be a beutiful mess just like you
so maybe you'll stay
or maybe i just love to seeing you
and i just want to be the same

here, i admire you
i want to have your mind
i want to have your soul
i want to have a control over your body

you always said that you are a monster
to me, you are a magnificent beast
i want you, i want you

it doesnt make sense at all
it doesnt even have a rhyme

so what's the point on writing this?
maybe this is just the way that i told you,
that i lied, million times
but i want you
you're my beautiful mess

but what's the point?
but what's the truth?
i dont even know how to be honest, i dont even trust myself

Sep 2018

Fayre

Solitude

Her mind became
the antagonist
of her own being,
pursuing the sadness
that followed her treachery.

My mind empowers the person I am.

#sadness #empty #loneliness #sad #dark #grunge #alone #solitude

Sep 2018

Jane Austen

Of A Ministry Pitiful, Angry, Mean

Of a Ministry pitiful, angry, mean,
A gallant commander the victim is seen.
For promptitude, vigour, success, does he stand
Condemn'd to receive a severe reprimand!
To his foes I could wish a resemblance in fate:
That they, too, may suffer themselves, soon or late,
The injustice they warrent. But vain is my spite
They cannot so suffer who never do right.

Lisani Sep 2018

Hidup

Memakan penilaian orang
meminum kegelisahan
tertidur dialasi rasa bersalah

lapar akan cinta
haus akan kasih
beraktivitas untuk mati.

Hidup.

Lisani May 2018

Home is Far Away

I have a long way to go, but have no ride to take me there
Rain is coming and the weight of the day rests on my shoulders.
I want to let it go for just a moment, home is far away.

Since that day in the playgorund, when i was alone tackling the highest monkey bar, i've been on my toes my entire life.
The things that are required of me are always a bit higher than my hand can reach.
The world's expectations stand before me like the Everest. The higher i aim, the higher this mountain of stress grows. I know i can never rest.
The Pills won't extinguish my discontent, so i just bite my tongue and battle the night.
Now i understand why standing in line is the first thing they teach you as a child.
'Human interaction' has become an oxymoron.
The world is brimming with interactions, but there is no place for anything human within them.
I once dreamed because i was afraid of becoming ordinary, now it's all i want.
As i stand all alone in the rain, i realize that if you don't grow, even growing pains are nothing but pain.

The older i get, the more afraid i become. I'm running but my feet and my heart have forgotten why.
Dreams have become baggage. My only option is to leave them and keep running.
They tell me to just take one more step, i raise my head and see that i'm in front of a cliff.
Behind me, expectations are lined up, pretending that they're keeping me standing when really they are busy pushing.
The commas i needed in my life have become entangled with numbers.
The world lends a calculated hand. I don't want to reach for it, but i'm more afraid of being left empty handed.
Time isn't the only thing that goes even when you hold it back.
I look to the cloudy skies, i once could dream but tonight it's hard to even close an eye.

Could you, for a moment, stop and give me a lift?
i can't walk any longer, the wind is blowing and even still

Is there no place for me in this big world?
am I the only one on this road?
Is there not one seat for me?
Home is so far away.

Things i have to do, the money i have to make...
there was something more than that.
I used to have a path, i used to have something that was like a dream.
i had a dream.

It was a lyrics from the song called "home is a far away" by Epik High feat Oh Hyuk. Tablo (the leader of Epik High) Personally translated the lyrics to english (it was on korean before). He made this song, it's all about life's heartache, and i believe everyone can relate to it. You're not alone, buddy, you are not alone.

Lisani Nov 2017

Only A Fool

There's always a lot of things that make me captivated by humans
The way they talk,
the way they laugh,
the way they make someone so happy

And i know there's a lot of them that aren't trustable too
they can hurt you in a way you cannot imagine

But that's the beauty of them
how can they still amaze you when they've done something so evil

And that is the thing that makes me look like a fool
Only a fool who willing to get hurt just to see that beautifulness
over and over again

Lisani Sep 2017

It comes to and End

My sleepless nights because of thinkin' about "what if"
My countless pray wishing for us to be together again
My adventure, my "oh i'm feelin so alive" thought, my feeling about "whoa life is never been this fun"
has finally comes to an end.

when we ended this thing, we thought this is for the best for both of us. But, c'mon....a better life or a better fresh start is a numbness i feel in my whole heart? really?