tell me "it'll be fine"
cause your words have always been my wine

tell me "it'll be ok"
cause we both know i've seen better a better day

tell me something i know is comfort
give me a reason to fool my self, that i'm not hurt
because i am and i don't like it
and just please just do something about it

being a good student is always one of the reasons

being a good student is one of the reasons why im a really inconsiderate friend, apparently
because i dont share my answers
because i dont break the rules
and because i dont hate going to school
i just dont have the heart to tell them that school is actually my quiet
that school is my rest from life
that school is my escape
that this is how it was

being a good student is one of the reasons why im an unreliable brother, it seems
because i dont tend to their needs when im home
because i dont help them with their homework
and because i dont have any time left for them bec im focusing on my studies
i just dont think they'll want to hear that im not doing any of it for them because no one did those for me
that no one made me dinner at age 13
that no one ever taught me how to answer my homework
that this is how it was

being a good student is one of the reasons why im a irresponsible son, i believe
because i dont ever want go to family outings
because i dont prioritize them over school meetings
and because im barely home from sleeping over my classmates' houses just to finish a ******* output
i just dont think he'd appreciate me telling him i never felt like a part of that family
that i never felt like he'd prioritize me over anything
that i never once felt like coming back to this house was the same as coming back home
that this is how it was

that this is how it is
that im so sick of everyone saying im
an inconsiderate friend
or an unreliable brother
specially an irresponsible son

so if the only thing im good at are quizzes and projects and tests and deadlines

then i sure as hell am gonna keep at it

A library is a foe, a friend, and a fiend
A place one can hide to, a place to be leaned
It's an enigma within a riddle
Where curiosity and wonder meets in the middle
But let me tell you one thing, it's not what it seems
It's not just a place of intellect but a place for one's waking dreams

It's a room filled with hundreds of galaxies
A rendezvous of stories you know not and stories you miss
It's a collection of heartbreaks, and love letters, and nightmares
It's where one can travel hundreds of miles, without moving an inch, without paying any fares.
It's more than just a building, it's almost like one living thing
A living thing that breaks you, makes you, and surely would keep you coming.

But this is just my opinion, so please don't take it to heart
Unless you enjoy company in the form of ink skinned art
Because, let me tell you, books are amazing and I love them so much.
They've always been there when I was starved of people, when I was starved of touch
But to me books and people are all the same, cause, well...
Cause just like people, they all have spines and stories to tell

Breathing bodies won't hear me cry
and so I started singing to the sky;
About you. Your smile and kindness,
how are people blind from this?
The smoothness of your stalk,
the richness of your tone when you talk.
The delicate way of holding your
stick of nicotine between your fingers.
How you seem to fool everyone
that you're pernicious but there's not a bad bone
in your body, my sweet.
I don't see it when we meet.
Cause when you speak I see stars glimmering
and warm waves crashing.
The softness of the breeze
during a 5.45pm sunset, swaying trees
whispering good omens for hidden,
lost souls. You breathe in
life and exhale an aura of wisdom,
masked by lackadaisical freedom
of expression. They don't read between
the lines to unfurl your hidden dreams.
I could go on and on about you
but they don't see the real and raw side of you.

-m.b

The Icarus that I was
fell in love with the sun.
I flew high and fast and didn't waver for even a fraction of a second.

I thought that I had to work like that, tire myself like that to prove my love for the sun.
So I came closer to see if the sun really did love me back.


But I got burnt.

I fell.

I broke my wings so I took them off.

I can't say it changed me for the better, but it hadn't left me the same as well.

Now I roam around with my name but not with my self.
I looked up and saw that the sun hasn't changed.

   'Shouldn't you be affected by this?'
I asked
    'Why aren't you affected by this?! BY ME?!'
I yelled.

I was mad.

I was desperate.

I was in love and I was hurt.


But I was also wrong.

I shouldn't have wished for the sun to feel the way that I did. To fall the way that I did.

I lied down and took a minute to feel everything.

Without my wings, lying down felt different.
I could feel the ground with my shoulder blades and my back felt the way the grass shifted away from me.

I looked up and saw the sun going down.

Because the sun isn't always going to be there.

And in its place were the moon and the stars.

And just like that
I saw that I didn't love the sun because of who it is.
I loved the sun because the sun was also a star.

And who would be stupid enough to not love a star?

I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm scared that you'll end up like everyone who's told me the same things,
I'm scared that you'll leave and pretend that you didn't just shatter my whole world when you ask me to be just friends

But I know you won't do that

I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm afraid you'll get to know me better and it'll drive you away
I'm afraid that maybe if I showed you my true colors you'd want to be with a different hue

But I know you're not like that

I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm ******* terrified that you'll realize what a mess I am, how I'm barely holding myself together, and that'll make you run away

I'm terrified of losing you before I even feel confident enough to have you

I know you're not like that

I know that

I wouldn't have loved you if you were

But that doesn't help
It doesn't make me trust myself
Loving you isn't gonna make me stop doubting myself

I love you
But I still can't say it

It's not because I'm not sure

It's because I'm afraid

Being sad for me is an experience.
I don't know if it's different from how everyone else's
But I if it's just like your sadness then I'm so ******* sorry

Because sadness for me isn't feeling down or being weighed down by this feeling
It's like being on fire
But on the inside

It's like being stabbed by something that doesn't hurt
Then feeling this cold fire spread through my body
Like a wild fire being winded out by my thoughts
Or frostbites all over my body being thawed and frozen again

Being sad feels so heavy and prominent that I'm not even sure if my happiness is real
If it's really there
Or if it's just the a sense of sadness

I feel disgusted by myself whenever I fake a smile or a laugh or even saying "I'm ok"
I wanna cover my mouth with my hands every time someone ask me if I'm ok because I'm hard wired to say that I am

Being sad is already so ******* painful that I've grown up being used to keeping it in instead of telling people about it
Because I don't want to let anyone in
I don't want anyone to see the wildfire through my soul
I don't want them to see me frozen up

Because I'll hate myself either way
If they burn themselves up to thaw me out
I'll hate myself
If I drown them out when I douse this down
I'll hate myself
And if I saw them carry any part of my sadness to help me
I'll hate myself

I'm so hardwired to not let anyone in that I can't let anything out without destroying everything an everyone around me

Being sad for me is an experience.
I don't know if it's different from how everyone else's
But if you feel the same thing as me
What would you do?
What should I do?