sweet like sugar
passing like time
you drift along
not knowing you're mine

bind my wrists
then throw me overboard
into the ocean
that is overwhelmingly yours
just pin my arms down
and hold me to the floor
don't even give me the option
to look at the door
deny me the right
to leave this room
like my sole purpose
is to be with you
forbid me to go
i want you to do it
your waters are rough
but your movements are so fluid

a little birdy told me
that you cant keep a promise
i guess im not suprised

my gut told met to walk away
but i didnt
and now im paying the price 

anybody could tell
that your pride
will be your demise

you walk too tall
surely you'll fall
before you get too high

i am fat
and that is okay
i'll mind my sandwich
and look the other way

don't care about your drama when i could be enjoying some cake

i am fat
i'm gonna eat what i want
but it's okay
it all goes straight to my ****

aren't big butts the new craze anyways?

i am fat
but the most important part
is that you know food
is the key to my heart

buy me some pizza and it'd make my day

inside jokes
aren't what you laugh at now
think enough time has passed
so you come around
or you got bored
and i'm easy to find
when she finds the exit
from your life
this second choice thing
eats into me
you don't understand
why i'm afraid to speak
thought there was trust here
but you never even tried
if you saw it play out
from my eyes
maybe it would all
make sense
why i choose distance
over being your friend

getting used to
getting used

ain't that ******* sad?

i don't want to be your lie
but i cant live without your love
go before you make things worse
but not without one last touch
it's all just fun and games
till i let myself get hurt
really thought you meant it
thinking just makes it worse

an image laid before us
but we see different things
you say its beautiful
i find it repulsing
but you like that sort of girl
and you are that kind of guy
i spiral because i dont why
i can't be someone's type
one of these is not like the others
and i am that one
visceral reactions to the lies you love
i can't help but feel undone
i am not like them
i hate the way they make me feel
i dont feel pretty or ****
sometimes i don't even feel real

i thought
if i loved you enough
you'd eventually love me back
                                                            ­                                               i thought
                                                         ­                         if i waited long enough
                                                          ­                   it wouldn't hurt me as bad
but what i thought
and what happened
were two different things
                                                          ­                    now i know how you feel
                                                            ­                    is the determining factor
                                                          ­                                     not what i think

i really did think
being apologized to would fix it
but even though it helped
it has done nothing for the hole
the initial act of betrayal
put in my heart
the distance hurt
but being next to you is torture
i can't stand here and be clear minded.

i wonder if you're thinking of
those things you said
or that you're thinking of
someone else instead
i mull it over in my head....
why would you say it if you didnt mean it?
if it was wrong, why repeat it
the movie in my brain is just the trauma repeated
over and over
till i go insane
i thought i could trust you

loneliness breezes in in the morning
             anxiety shuffles in right about noon
                          depression is quite fitting in the dead of night
                                       denial coming up soon

I'm just trying to clean the machine, if you know what I mean.

one plus one
does not equal two
i am not the one
who completes you

i feel the weight settling
and the leadening of my bones
too tired too sad too unmotivated
but if i must i'll leave my home
this morning i woke up at 8
but couldn't move for four hours
don't see the point in life
my body lacks the power
to do stuff unless i'm required
because i don't wanna die
i just hate feeling like if i don't have work
i am just trying to sleep through life

end of disccussion
is this what you wanted
i tell you how it felt
but you swear that it wasn't
the way that i said
or how you remember
falling out of love
in the heart of december
and when push came to shove
you wouldn't care enough
to reach out for me
when i turned away from your touch
i never wanted space
i just wanted you to care
when i walked away
i hoped you'd try to find out where
but you were never gonna look
you were finally free
i cut the chains
and you unwound yourself from me
i knew you were lying when you tried to tell me
i wasn't hard to love or a burden to bear
who did you think you were fooling
what feelings did you really spare

you hate seeing me like this but you knew i was unstable
wish that you could understand but i know that you're unable

and love we can give it a good try
but that doesn't guarantee that we'll fly

you gotta prepare for this to hurt
if things go sour i want you to save yourself first

if and when the time comes that we find ourselves parting
do not worry about me darling

i've grown used to this kind of pain
i want you to run far far away

won't see you swallowed by my demons
ashamed i even allowed you to see them

turned my panic into ours
let my fear make me a coward

showed you things you can't unsee
now you'll always feel attached to me

but i need you to let me go
love you too much to bleed you out so slow

if he's gonna hurt me
he's gonna hurt me
why should i care
why should i be worried

hearts were made to break
eyes to cry
why should i stay awake
wondering if he lies

i'm already invested
it's too late to retract
already said i love you
seems too late to take it back

might as well burn out in peace
and leave knowing i have a heart
if he's gonna hurt me
i shouldn't be forced to fall apart

everywhere i go
nowhere i belong
i know i'll always be alone
but it's hard to carry on

how do i delete myself
i am not pretty like the others
or smart
or ready

keep looking at these pictures
seeing all the ways i've fallen short

can't feel any feelings
because i don't wanna know
if they see me
like i see me

can't imagine
shaking off the clothes
in front of someone else
afraid they'll be repulsed
because i am not perfect

oh
i'm trying
but everytime i feel comfortable
in my skin
with myself
i expose myself
to those things i know will shatter
my safety
my confidence

i know it's not right
but i want to feel loved
and sometimes i think that would fix me

it's not that i hate you
it’s how i hate feeling like
you are never really present

i tell you all these things
but your eyes are all glossy
and i wonder why i even said it

like why waste my breath
or my time
just so you can get the message

you blame me for feeling alone
when you are always on
a mental vacation

choose to invest in the wrong people
leave drained and distraught
beside myself with regret
is there a way to turn the pain off

or will i drown in it forever

i wish i'd listened to my gut
but then i'd never talk again
my heart tells me to seek out love
but my brain doesn't believe in friends

they do not work well together

you forgot to to turn the faucet off last night
you just let it drip drip drip
till it overflowed
and now the floor is wet
and there is nothing we can do about it now
because the floor is all mildewed
we ran out of towels
nothing we can do now
nothing

you were my hero
now you're the sight
at which i flinch

you tossed the match
that charred away
our bridge

ugly stupid fat
digusting pig
lying stealing *****

your words echoed in my mind
till i carved them
into my skin

are you happy now
that i've just decided 
to let you win

because with you
there is no such thing
as an argument 

only you screaming 
and "scaring" me
till i give in

since you had it
"so much worse"
my pain is null by your definition 

i'm just too weak
i'm the bane
of your existence 

sorry i was born
and ruined your life
by not keeping my heart hidden

overwhelmed
clouded mind
left or right?
i can't decide
pulling punches
i don't want to fight
idealization
of suicide
problems gone
problems solved
no more buttons
for them to press
no on, no off
no more mistakes
or being punished
when i am caught
no more thoughts
no more stress
it will all just stop
cause i need a break
for goodness sake
i'm already bound to make a mistake
there's probably another way
but does it look
like i want to wait?

.
                            u
you build me    p

you tell me i'm    
                              b  
                       ­          e
                                   a
                                     u
                                        t
                     ­                     i
                                          ­  f
                                              u
             ­                                    l

i have   e a r n e d   your love

                             m
                          r
                       a
said i'm      w


s  o    y  o  u    h  o  l  d    m  e    close

welcoming like the morning           u
                                                       s          n

but  e v e n  though

i'm all of these    t                 s
                                h          g
                  ­                  i   n

i'm still not  e  n  o  u  g  h

you'll never look at me with   d
                                                        e
      ­                                               s
                                                        i
     ­                                                r
                                                        e

thou­gh i  
                 s    h  i  v e    r

                      your touch
b e n e a t h

just because i anticipated pain
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt
in fact i think the fact i knew it was coming
has only made this worse

i do not nice things
i lie
i break hearts
i play games
i try things just to see
what would happen
even if i know it's not right
i let my feelings get hurt
i pretend i don't know what they've said about me behind my back
i pretend i don't hear the things i say in my mind
i do things to hurt people on purpose
when they've hurt me
i do not nice things
and i hate myself for it

i wonder who you see
the liar
the attention seeker
the cry baby
the failure
or the genius
maybe a beauty
even a kind person

i shouldn't compare myself so much
but i do
thats the sad truth
i feel like i lack so much
but somehow am better than the rest of you at once
this cognitive dissonance
it's like a nonstop battle
between self-loathing and self-indulgence

i just wish i could be happy
i get what i want
but its not what i wanted
i pray that i'll be happy

i'm sorry for being a bad friend

i'll stop being mopey
i don't mean to just blow up
i just think and i think and i think
and i still don't think enough

i'm sorry i got so angry
i didn't mean to take things so far
i just hurt so much
that i forget to do my part

i really don't wanna hurt you
that is never my intention
but i still do it don't i
so am i apologizing for attention

i really don't know
but i really hope not
i genuinely don't like myself right now
and i do want to stop

i was never a jealous person
i swear that’s the truth
but now it has overwhelmed me
out of the blue

i never was a jealous person
i always wanted what was best for the group
i always sacrificed my desires
to have some place to belong to

i never was a jealous person
that is until i met you
you were something i wanted more
than the belonging i unsuccessfully pursued

i was never a jealous person
those were feelings i thought i outgrew
never thought i would feel this way
but i could never imagine the things i’d be put through

i was never a jealous person
so you must understand why i’m confused
i was so, so careful
never biting off more than i could chew

i was never a jealous person
i always had such a positive attitude
but now that has disappeared
peekaboo

now i am drowning in jealousy
and i'm not sure what to do
holding the loaded gun in my hand
praying i'll never try to shoot

the sound of joy crashes
into silence as they notice me
ashamed and afraid
to see the undead king

kingdom was all that i could see
from my beloved castle
overthrown by the ones
i rode beside in battle

life is awfully cutthroat
atop the throne
sure enough they slit my neck
soon as they got me alone

brutus et tu
yes even you
every ally
drives in a knife
stomped into the ground
heavy lies the crown
murdered for the power
in my most vulnerable hour

lead a people
with a heavy hand
was never taught how
to rule a land

did i fail miserably enough
to be usurped
even then was this
the kind of death i deserved

your crimes bleed through me
like wine on the carpet
was traumatizing me
your only target
had so many walls up
that'd have crumbled for a gentle soul
you don't care about my pain
just carve yourself a glory hole
and **** me over
ruin my self perception
i am wilted and spoiled
gagging at my own reflection
my lips are not my lips
they're where your lips touched mine
my hips were just grips
your fingerprints stain my thighs
you tarnished my being
and want me to think it's my fault
but all of this devastation is yours
i'm just stuck with the rot

i wish someone would listen
without the intention of ******* me
i wish someone would care
if i wasn't always perfect
i wish someone wouldn't expect it all
when i obviously have nothing left
i wish somebody that i trust
actually deserved it

it's red never green
but its black when i can't see
when it pools in my eyes
and slides down my cheeks
the feeling so indescribably large
yet nothing but a point in the void
the only thing helping me navigate
is the faint sound of your voice
because i'm lost in nowhere
looking for a way to get somewhere that doesn't exist
at least not yet
but i still wanna look for it

heaven could be closer than i'd like to think
but i'll have to crawl through hell just to have that peace
and i don't think i have it in me
i can't afford to gamble with my last good thing

just skip me until i'm ready

https://www.flipsnack.com/SierraVincent/mdma-book.html

i want to say sorry
but how do i apologize
for not doing a **** thing wrong

the way i feel
makes me feel so rotten
inside me the stench is strong

you say you didn’t mean it
that i’m twisting your words
flipping the conversation on its head

i want to believe that
i’m just making this up and worrying too much
but i’ll stop worrying when i’m dead

i want you to be happy
but i’m underwhelmed with
the choices you make

supportive enough
to be called a friend
but even then you ask for space

my hands begin to shake when
i see you pushing her
against the wall

my vision is hazy
from the tears and sudden rush of anger
why do i even care at all

you said you see me as a sister
a friend
you laugh at the possibility of anything else

i watch you two
hurt each other
all by myself

you said she’s mad
what should you do?
definitely not ask me

i want to be helpful but look at my fake smile
my face is a lie
but you can’t see past it

you’re hurting me
why do you hurt me?
do you even know what you’ve done?

stuck watching the transition between
who you said you would be
and who you’ve become

i love you
and i’m sorry
i’m normally so nice and sweet

something has a hold of me
so familiar but unwanted
Jealousy

struggling to read the room
any empty seat should do
as long as it's not next to you

take my seat and hold my breath
being noticed is certain death
i'll calm down when you've left

otherwise i'll be here waiting
hiding the shaking
hyperventilating

dying inside but appearing fine
you undermine
my fragile mind

pain peeling like old paint
shedding onto the ground
the little chips make a mess
but i don't have the patience for them now
i walk around the falling pieces
trying to focus on whats underneath
but learning to be a new color
is harder than you'd think

ugly ugly secrets
you keep
asking everyone else
but me
i'm hurt to hear
you hate me so
***** that you just jump to conclusions
when you really don't know
what's going on
but there's nothing i can say
judge jury executioner
you've already assigned the blame

a little too tired
to make it through the day

a little too sad
to seem like i'm okay

a little too crazy
to accept you walked away

a little too everything right now
to deal with this pain

i get it
i am only sixteen
i know
i have so much more to experience
how many times
do you have to tell me my age
trust that i understand
the concept of time
and how i've passed through it
to get to this wonderful number
sixteen

so now that we have covered that...
explain how that makes me any less than you
how it makes my opinions invalid
in your eyes
my experiences just exaggerations
my feelings just a side effect of hormones
just because i am sixteen

i'm tired of being
passed on
pushed away
looked past
walked over
put down
locked up
cut off
just because i am sixteen

i am sixteen
for now
but that doesn't mean my thoughts don't matter
actually never mind
me trying to explain my "complicated emotions"
is fulfilling your preconceptions of me
just because i am sixteen