awareness bleeding through the vibe
it's what i get for ignoring signs
silent the whole drive
that's why you asked someone else for a ride
home and you didn't text me that night
to make sure i'm alright
but that's expected
and i won't take it
to heart but i'll remember it next time
so don't reach out
i'm over it now

fix one and two more break
quickly running out of tape
temporary arrangements can't undo mistakes
half *** apologies just cause more pain
would i wanna go out you ask
know what i should say
sure let's make a plan
but i'm too fed up to lie today
not tomorrow no time soon
not until everything is okay
if that hurts your feelings
i'm sorry you feel that way
it's 'all about you' until it actually is
and when it is i'll at least explain
because i'm not a *******
who wants to lie to your face
i'm just trying keep a ship
headed towards disaster at bay
i need to worry about my own problems
before i try to be the change
you're so comfortable depending on me
you don't understand the concept of space
feel like you know the ins and outs better than me
of my own ******* brain
if you don't leave me the **** alone
i can't promise your ego will be safe
just stop trying to uncover things
you dont really wanna face
you just wanna be right
but you're so far off of base
this isn't about making life hard
or trying to pin you with blame
but if you can't give me time
or respect the boundaries i've placed
i find it harder and harder
to displace my hate
to finally be in the grasp
of my unrestrained rage
sometimes it's just too late
for things to stay the same

armor rusted through
but i trusted you
to not stab me when i was weak

but you went for blood
just my luck
laughing as i bleed

and just like good people get hurt
mistreated in ways they don't deserve
innocents cut down for show
for a pound of flesh they didn't owe
i know the world will never be fair
when we need somebody they're never there
but i pray you never forget that i'd love you through hell
when i can't break the distance in time to
tell you myself

don't like it when
you are someone you're not
when you behave differently
than your mannequin in my thoughts

so careless with those words
made me feel safe
forgot about me
and i began to fade
now you tell me it's fine
ask how i've been
but i will never feel safe
to fall again

stimulated
by the manipulation
wasted my patience
my feelings vegetative
don't think no more
than i have to
when i can
i avoid you
cause you make my brain hurt
and my heart feels punished
for too long i believed
this was something it wasn't
no i don't wanna talk
or confide about my pain
can't trust you with anything
you've made me afraid
to be vulnerable
to release what's in my mind
scared to let you in again
and find myself locked outside

things can never be fine
times manage to turn bad
i miss you so much
but i could never say that
want you to respect me
but i'm afraid to watch you leave
either i care and scare you away
or i'm indifferent and you lose interest in me

you don't wanna hear
not even emotionally equipped
to understand the explanation
or possibly give a ****
even if you tried
which i'm fairly sure you won't
even if you cared
which i'm positive you don't
if i poured it all out on the table
spilling just so you could see
it'd go right over you're head
and i'd have a mess to clean

burning the last of the papers
the wisps turn from orange to ash
as they fly somewhere to be left alone
having served their purpose
are we done yet?

drudging my efforts from the depths of my purpose
sometimes i feel like this life is worthless
if i can't have you

i'd burn all the pictures
but i never had any with you
i've never been a picture person
but now i wish i had been
so i could remember it all before i throw it away

the wind burns my eyes
i count all my fingers and look at the sky
the smoke is blowing towards home
or what used to be home
i oughta go inside

before i freeze
that's not how i want to be found
it'd be too dramatic
to give up and give in now

close the door

lost connections
bad impressions
i want friends
but i'm bad at textin
i'm bad at interaction
but ache for compassion
would faint at a crumb
flatline for a fraction

like **** how bad do you have to **** up
to where your mom avoids your call
when nobody will meet your eyes
it starts to feel like its all your fault
cant control my emotions
endless crying and holes in walls
feels pointless to share
thats why i dont talk

at least when i cried everyday
i was sure of how i felt
i'm somewhere between drained and unsure
but can't really tell
if it's the environment around me
or if i constructed my own hell

**** the blood off my teeth
i let myself get this weak
slithered through the gapes
bit down as soon as it was safe
waited till i was comfortable
at my most vulnerable
you knew i wouldn't survive
but if it makes you feel alive
there is nothing you wouldn't do