Overdue words escaped my mouth that night -
I knew it was time.
Hopeless confession,
of a romantic obsession
I thought you could not hear me.
thought you wouldn't remember my hesitance,
my embrace.
God I wanted to kiss you,
I should've realized how precious those moments were.
So much regret for not regretting enough. Do you understand?

The worst part, I think, is that I still care. IT wells up like a quick forming tsunami. IT drowned me faster than I ever realized, until it was all too late. I've sunken to the sea floor. Now I feel like sinking even more. Deeper. Deeper into brittle sands.
I'm sorry I couldn't face you today. I am still very emotional and I'm scared I'll say too much again. I don't want to scare you off. At the same time I don't want things to stay this way. I miss you. Still. I said I needed closure but I never went through it all. I should've kissed you, I should've kissed you, I wish I kissed you.

Tired of this ****
**** this *****

see chrysanthemums blossom in your pupils,
crystal clear and buzzing
with drafted prose and composition.
You are
sweet almond in your cheeks,
sweet music in your rhythm.
take me, take me there -
I want to listen.
Let me drown again,
let me melt in your soft palms.

When I think of you, I lose my breathing,
my sight of gravity -
no rhyme no reason, no sense no rhythm

A love unfit, though
my captured petals refuse to wilt

Hey Vivian.
Vivian, Vivian.
Your name echoes in my veins
Vibrating through my body
Inhale exhale
There you are again
My nitrogen, crystal oxygen -
I crave too much.
In the dark of the theatre
We gaze into the screen as it plays Wes Anderson silent films
But half my mind is melted into the thought of our shoulders touching
Warm warm warm
I want to feel warm with you
Closer, touch you, look into you.
You whisper in my ears
Closer closer then you drift
All I can think of is your lips
Soft, subtle, grazing lips
Oh when will you introduce me?
When I touched your hands
I left it there
And it felt so nice.
Your piano hand, my violin fingers
Don't you see the fit?

Let's drive. If I could call you up right now at 1:55 AM and take you out *******, I would
I want to drive into the night with you
I want to rush into the city and find a hiding place
Way up high.
Where we can see the lights of our homes so far below.
In the dark

Maybe we could sit and lay next to each other for a while.
Sigh into each other's rhythms
Still and warm
We'll find honesty, trust and symmetry
You and I will completely forget the world and the people that judge,
forgive me for being cliché.
Maybe then I will finally tell you the truth.
Truths.
Truth!
What is the truth.
How do I even start with this?
Your eyes will listen to my slow forming words
Expectant
But

Oh ****
In hale ex hale I cannot do this
Nothing can stay the same
You are too dear to me
And I can't afford to loose you so
Please will somebody tell me
Tell me tell me
What to do
Because I'm dealing with moral imperatives and both feels like suicide to me.
Perhaps you can uncode
Me without any passing words

Could we ever go back the same route then?

Infatuation obsession  isolation
You are my idol.
I run across the river in flames but
Can it be too late to save me?

In too deep;

Only I don't mind it one bit.

My eyes are blood shot and it
is 2:30 in the morning.
But here my mind wanders at the thought
of you (again)
and all our interesting
conversations; Our winded talks on
travel and architecture,
politics and adventure;
I can't help it.
I've never felt so hungry for more
knowledge and with you
it sweeps me away, all that you know, all that you do.
I don't know what this is but, no matter
Your eyes are so lovely and your turtle neck
is ****
You see it doesn't matter that you are
who you are
My heart is blind and it swoons for you
anyway.

When I said it to her yesterday
The words slipped like
faulty marbles through my pocket
Little rambling thoughts that I took from the back of my mind;
quietly exposed in daylight train rides.
As we sat,
the gravity of my story melted into our palms -
Casual, yet
clearly true.
My tongue is raw
And my voice box still heavy in my throat..
(what have you done ??)  it cries.
At least
I know now
a little bit more
of the girl I hid from
day one.

Muffles of my scream
Prying in my winter coat;
It sings in false chords.