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lavande Nov 2018
take a picture of me, in this light
by dainobu, red tones against this shiny street, warm light bleeding through a restaurant window
remember me now, looking at you, smile in my eyes
in this moment
crux of summer
our stories intertwine again, again

sake and dinner bento on a tuesday
i don’t apologize anymore, only raise my cup to toast you,
we talk of our plans to take over the world
when nobody else understood when nobody else could see
just like we left off
in m thai when it was still there and waiting for us, in candlelit pad see ew dinners, small moments between classes
in our walks on 8th Avenue in Chelsea
on our rooftop we weren’t supposed to be in, where my heart was still hurting from a past, but was alright for a moment there with you
in the fog, like tonight
where street lights are only colors and traffic chatter is muted, where only our breathing mattered and the mist blanketed our eyes, thoughts elsewhere
dreams in the distance, dreams where we kept all of this too

the shutter goes-
soon the night will end, soon we will separate into our homes
you in the east village, mine just over the street

my head replays this in different ways
we stutter to find a place to go, a way to keep talking like this
you look at me, maybe
once we would have been closer
and it wouldn’t hurt in ways like this, in what ifs and infinite wishes

playing with your hands, they look like someone i know
you weren’t a forever, you weren’t mine to keep
but maybe, i found my forever a little quick
and i stopped our story where it could have began
there is nothing left to do but make one more toast to you and me, across the room,
hearts mended and broken, just as it began
lavande Mar 2018
be so naive, you tell me

i should laugh as
light escapes between my fingers,

on our noses, a soliloquy of dancing rays,
percolating sun disappearing through cracks -

you smile,
don't you know?
it is only golden for an hour
lavande Mar 2017
butterfly kisses,
cracked peppercorn and earl grey
tea, never mind
your shaky fingers,
blue velvet touch in golden
mornings, you colour my
heart, you colour my little
lavande Mar 2017
who claims love has never captured you so
recklessly, so blindly that you fear it-
you, who dreams of me in slumber
inking you in your sleep-
i fear too.
i pray for these fireworks to last more than
tonight, more than this sliver of spring
but just as it has barely found it's beginning
i fear it's glowing embers have burnt into
itself. out, into complete darkness,
as if it hardly ever touched the sky,
barely existing even as dreams-
like those that remain fuzzy after a tumulus night of sleep
darling, don't let us be a faded dream;
don't let us fall like dust.
remember what it was to light this earth, to tilt
in blues and violets and gold-
remember the heat and it's electricity, please,
remember it the first time you knew
it was love
lavande Jan 2017
i don't know
to speak with clarity or perfect
to ask questions when a space
unfolds, awaiting
to ask with my wrists and fingertips
i wish i learned how to dance
without my own placed restrictions, stumbling to say yes, when i mean yes to that drink,
pulling in closer to you when you asked if i was cold, only to cry no
i'm alright, thanks
i'm alright, thanks
i'm alright-
no i'm not all right
thanks for dinner and for walking me home, though
i just wish we'd found it together last night
just wished i knew my own footing before collapsing into anyone's
lavande Jan 2017
Thinking in sparked lighters that
sting your thumb and cut your
Glints in your eyes and burns in
that 0.2 of a second
Scarlet grapefruit that puckers your inner cheeks
Breakfast you've only seen on
Latenight  Television, behind the couch, in secret
it's been years since they've
promised your order so where is it
you scream
You scratch, scathing, panting
promising to yourself
of sweetness
bitter sugar
lavande Dec 2016
The night is cool, languid, heavy
ultramarine honey drowns this little
car, this floating vessel between
knots of concrete highway
Bony fingers illuminate violets, reds
Reflections and hallucinations
Though this time I'm not so sure
I only know you are always leaking gold,
From this corner of my universe I
only wish you'd see it too
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