1
Sorry I'm not enough
2
Sorry I'm not tough
3
Sorry I'm not pretty
4
Sorry I have no pity
5
Sorry I can't cry
6
Sorry I can't try
...
274
Sorry we clash
275
Sorry my eye is black
276
Sorry for my smile
277
Sorry for a while
...
423
Sorry I looked up
424
Sorry I looked down
425
Sorry I looked around
426
Sorry I looked at the ground
...
789
Sorry for the heartache
790
Sorry for the pleasure
791
Sorry for the misconception
792
Sorry for the false treasure
...
997
Sorry we connected
998
Sorry we felt at ease
999
Sorry you wasted so many years
1000
Apologies

Haunting memories

10 dozen different creatures
that stalk the night
119 of them
just looking for a fight

One of them sits
perched like a peacock
upon my laborious chest
and in jest
asks me
through colours of
blue, red, gold and green
tell us of things
that should be unseen

Ahhh, no
I think I'd rather stick
to the Back and White
and undream
all the things
that would haunt me
at night

10W
did you feel them?
those words that are mine?

Haiku
did they kiss your lips?
or simply drift behind eyes
that missed fingertips

Acrostic
Ten thousand emotions
Held in my heart
And yet, they depart
Never to just sit all alone
Kindness will repay

Yawning is the cavity
Of  split open feelings
Under fragile skin
*Please stay..,

Freestyle
Nobody knows where they are going, they just pretend as they look forward that they have a destination in mind, only to find, they've come full circle, back to where they began and then, they just start again
They cry for what's lost on the path, it fell out of their pocket, somewhere along the way but, the wonder of the Circle is,  it has no end, they can pick it up again, someday....

so much that separates us
from beginning to end
We woke in the morning
several hours apart
There was no kiss
Good Morning
no day to start

Voices over the phone
pretend they hold hands
only hanging up your voice
could my breath expand

Dinner over the table
is an empty treat
clashing gazes meet
Laying down,
so close to you
beneath the sheets
we are separated
by inches,
and close the gap
for heat

Days are lived by ourselves
Nights we become someone else

As I lay me down to sleep
I hope you wake
and my soul you claim
with lips that ask
my heart to keep

Nothing comes between us
beneath the sheets

7 hours of torrential rain
driving slowly while insane
420 minutes of Country Music
which you know I hate
interspersed with idiosyncratic ads
that make a mockery of others fate
84 cigarettes flow out of the ashtray
one lit by the other as the miles
faded away. The glaring orange tip
as it burnt down to ash and died
is the only reason I lit another
thinking of you and my hope
to keep you alive
for just one more mile.
Please be ok...
Less than 1/3 of a day ago
I picked up my phone only to hear
several tears, and a small hiccup
and heard a heart trying to be brave
and I literally dropped my life
to get into my car, which is now
my home because I breathe the same breath
as the life that is now mine to save
All I said was
I'm coming, now behave
So after 7 hours of listening to
how His and/or Her heart did someone wrong
because I can't change the station
because the radio is broken and, well
I actually do like a heartbreaking song
I'm almost there but thinking of you
my heart lurched and my whole body ******
and the Cops where there, and I'm caught
I would have been there sooner but apparently
it takes longer to write a simple ticket
when they want to be long winded
about the horrors of speeding.
I want to scream at them
Look at my bleeding eyes
Have you seen my ashtray?
Can't you hear the garbage spewing
from my radio? Don't you think
all that adds up to I need to be on my way?
So after 7 hours of torrential rain
overflowing ashtrays and a $540 fine
I'm next to you, in your bed
as we lay under linen sheets and whisper
to each other, about how heartbreaking
Love can be and I'm relived to be here
even as you repeat you are fine
Sleep deprivation and a small stipend
to the Law and Order that protects us
is a small dividend to pay.
And the Country Music still ringing in my ears?
is pure torture but everything
is a small price to pay
when summoned by a friend
in need
All the horrors above
are suffered gladly
You call me, I heed
You cry, I bleed
Your champion in rusty armor?
Indeed!

it's chilly tonight
the kids are sleeping
I came home late from work
you questioned the hours
I'm keeping
so I sit alone
outside, where I like to hide
you went to bed hours ago
alone in the space
where we divide
I'm going to come to you
after just one more drink
and a little pep talk to myself
I hope, I think,
you'll be asleep
and the awkward conversation
that's rotting on the beach
with each low tide
Is something we can
look forward to
tomorrow
when I've borrowed
some more pride

Ambivalence sat in a corner staring off into space
as Antipathy tried so very hard to keep up with the pace
Cruelty crept up behind
to pinch them one by one
while Greed badgered them all
to be a part of the fun
Lust writhed upon its chair
and licked its lips upon a grin
Timidity cringed against the wall
bombarded by thoughts
of touching unholy sin
Narcissism saw no one else
while Awareness saw them all
When Love walked in
to join the group
the walls began to fall....

I was standing naked in the bathroom
when my Husband walked in
he only noticed that the mirror was
misted as his daily ritual began
He brushed his teeth slowly, methodically
while his eyes squinted at tiny lines
that branched from each of his eyes
but the golden glow from my skin
beaded with lightly fragrant droplets
of water paled in comparison to the
grey hair he reluctantly noticed as
he skimmed his razor across his chin
The sun didn't shine much that day
but that night when I accidentally
dropped my towel as we passed in
the hallway he lifted his foot to walk
past but then let it fall as he stopped
and slowly bent to pick up the towel
but didn't hand it to me, just kind of
gazed at me with eyes that backed me
back into the bathroom to stand naked
once again, I knew the moment he
smiled, the rain fell to mist and there
was a break in the clouds

Are you okay?

No

Oh,
well,
have a nice day...

It's a matter of choice
as I pick through the basket
Alluring, ****, Servicable
Barely there, You Asked For It

My choice

As my fingers pluck at Silk
and Satin and Lace
I can imagine your face

In the shower scents arise
Chosen gels floral a surprise
I've picked an outcome
as scented by my skin
I'm hoping to be outdone
by the choice of fabric

One small scrap of fabric
stands between
Begin
and
End

Standing at the crossroads
of a busy city byway
Is a man who yells at anyone
even if they avoid his eye
'cause he's got something to say
Jesus is here to stay!
He lives in your heart
and rides the subway
He is coming back for you
... Someday! but Hallelujah!
there is just a distant echo
and remnants of his passion
as you step into the intersection
upon a You May Walk sign
all that's left behind
is the ringing in your ears
and an adrenaline rush
as you sped up, before
and after the crossroad
of Fire and Eternal Damnation
not being a believer

At the mouth of the Alley
that guards a revolving Hells door
sits a single example
of humanity unwashed
that silently gazes upon a new day
He's also got something to say
but is rendered mute by condemnation
a single black mark
against a nation, his nation
The one he fought for, and died for
his soul never made it back
His body, empty of compassion
turned to the streets
looking for something, anything
he will never get back

Yes, he's got something to say
even if he will never
spill his horror
That is where, today, went
what sat alone in my pocket
There went my last dollar

I've got your kids
I've got your wife
in a stranglehold
I've got your life

I've got your joy
I've got your smile
I'll take it all
in a small while

I'll take it all
in a measure of time
through the splits
in your heart
and the cracks
of your mind

I'll mask all your grief
with a tiny white pill
I'll set your loved ones
free
once you lay still

I've got your family
I've got your friends
they were easier to
persuade
the feelings should end

I've got your hopes
your wishes, your dreams
locked inside a prison
crafted by you, it seems

I've got your mentality,
your morality,
your questionable
standing within society
so, don't dally
What's it to be?

Signed

**Your Anxiety

In this autumn wind
whatever will Summer bring?
perhaps, a new skin?

I'm not really who I pretend to be
I'm not really angry at other people
I'm more angry at me.
It's just easier to reflect on them
as they are defenceless,
though it seems senseless
for them to be the object of my ire
while they sit patiently, waiting
to be object of my desire
It's simply easier for me to paint them
in water colours
that drip upon a canvas
that can't absorb it
than it is to mar the canvas of my life
with Oils, that appear more solid.

Chapter 1
No one is ever going to look at you
like you're insane, only the mirror,
as you poke faces at it, while it stares at you, projecting blame, simply declaring you insane as you stare at the back of your head, in the mirror, because even your reflection could not look you in the face, it's not disgrace, it's just an automatic response to the pain.

Chapter 2
When in a grocery store, it's clearly not sane to ask the cereal box to prove their claim of bringing joy to the day, in a Special K way, nor appropriate to argue with said box as you tightly grip it's cardboard bits and demand it kiss you on the lips with its Special K brand.
It's just not okay.

Chapter 3
When tossing pennies in the fountain with a special wish, just let said penny float to the bottom. When wanting to take back said wish, it's clearly not acceptable to strip to your tighty whiteys and yell Never *****!!! will I spend one cent on you and a useless wish then execute a perfect swan dive into three feet of water then pretend to drown while trying to rescue your wish... Insanity does not work like this! (reference the criminally insane handbook titled I Stalk You For MY Pleasure)

Chapter 4**
Love is a bottomless pit of Insanity. It's like a honey jar that attracts nothing more then a colony of ants, one or two bees, (wondering where their honey went) and a rabid badger that can't ***** off the lid. Aforementioned badger will proceed to pound said honey *** against a rock, perhaps killing an ant or two an maybe a bee, but not gaining access to the honey in a jar that looks like glass but is actually clear titanium, the best protection against Love... see?
It's easy!

stupid Smart phone
just deleted
one of my poems

ahhh ****

Did I have back up?

Nup

Just remember it titled

ahhh ****!

a popular wording
of how I was feeling
unable reproduce it
word for word

how absurd!
I wanted to read it
Hit delete
It said are you sure?
I said ok

and it went away :(

*ahhh ****!

No one told me
I could not breathe
without you
No one told me
you could turn
so blue
Nobody told me
I could be robbed
is this the strangled whisper
so fondly spoken of
No one has ever uttered
about how you
could be held
Almost every living person
rejoiced daily
as you expelled
You can't be held
by the hand
only kisses on skin
is a ghostly touch
You can't be captured
except by an open mouth
sharing a passion
and loving rough
I almost had you once
I breathed you in
with Love
except
as elusive as you are
you ghosted in
and out of me
and left me breathless
to the last

sitting in the darkness
the moonlight danced along
the tears upon my face
I licked my own wounds
waiting to exhale my thoughts
Can you say nothing to me?
I would be ok with the silence
at the other end of the line
If you'd just call me to see...
Caught inside a land mine
that shreds souls with fear
are tiny little pieces of hope
that a voice will appear
and not say anything...
but will listen to a heart shredding
to a body hurt, a soul bleeding,
that will mouth nothing remarkable
uncaring where the wreck is heading
Unbroken thoughts are justified
when Silence lays down, by the side
of a battered body needing warmth
Two arms wrapping around
someone who is cold inside
is the remedy to a shattered mind
I thought?...
Ok, so it's hard to talk
Our inside voice decided
to take a walk, no softly, softly
gentle as she goes
No I'm ok but you're not
let's talk how the wind blows
How the stars align
I've got your back
Your sadness is well of Grief
but I don't want my penny back
I understand, really, who wants to listen
to a faceless voice just crying
making no sense whatsoever
Who wants to talk about Death?
said no one...Ever
If it were my choice?
I'd want your silent voice

there is my friend
from outer space
on my Facebook page
dancing with elegant grace

and there is my friend
that screams ***** ****
tagging friends in Stripper bars
without a hint of scorn ;)

there is my friend
who walks besides angels
she lives a life of hope
and the universe,
God help!
She just rearranges...

There is my word buddy
who's own personal nightmare
became a story of hope
beyond what most of us Bear ;)

There is my Hope
There is my Dream
There is my Future
There is my Scream

There is my source of comfort
and the spine of my Pride
Complete Me ... You are my family
and I'm so happy you're on my side

fly, be free

                                 A
                            B        C
             ­           D                E
                            F      ­  G
                                 H
                                    I
                 ­                     Just
                                       Kid
                                          L ove
                                           Me!
                                          No
    ­                                     One (ever did)
                                         Perhaps
                                        Questions
                                      Reveal
                                    Secrets
  ­                                  Time
                    ­                Unknown
                                   ­ Vows
                                     Whimsical
                                       X haling a breath
                                       You land in my
                                      Zone

someone layed a blank book
in front of me, asking
What would the title be?

I looked as blank as those pages
I don't know the answer
I'm not a blank book
I have history, behind a story
but what are the chances
my story has already been told
in another's voice
What if there is another out there
that has made the same choice?
Stories are not unique
there is a chance we are already written
I'd take that blank book
and scribbled my name only
because I've read the stories
of my own life in the sound bites
of snatches of beleaguered songs
I'm not a blank book, looking
for a title
I'm where my blank pages
belong

because it may be sure that...

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
~ George Carlin

and as true as that may be
they underestimate, greatly
that intelligence is a weapon
that will surely defeat them

and while they drag you down
remember, they are beneath your feet
planted firmly upon their crown
ensures you can step up
and the pit they dug for themselves
is where they have to sleep

Always argue with an idiot
for if they drag you down
you can crawl back from their vitriol
and look down upon them
from higher ground

I won't forget the day we met
when you bring me dandelions
His words to me as we held hands
set upon me as I'm crying
I don't remember the exact moment
except a gal bought flowers to her man
dandelions from a distant field
meant you were at least trying, and I understand

then he slept for a while

On a summers afternoon
when we went for soda
you took hold of my hand
when we passed her
and you whispered to me
that you and her were over...

He sighed and said

I remember, it was the day
you showed up, dandelions
clutched in hand
Instantly my soul fell
into your embrace
but I understand...

and he slept for a while

she came back another time
four times, six, ten, a lifetime
forever just to remind him
without him she was nothing

Remember our babies born
raised with the essence of you
Remember how we made them
she blushed
Lucidity, for her, made the memory true

He lay with a beating heart
a blank slate, and a woman
who held his hand
He stared at unfamiliar walls
struggling to understand
how realities became memories
how the beautiful woman
touching his face
could make him feel so blue
as he reaches for a bouquet of
dandelions
that weren't even there, he asks
Who are you?

Dinner is ready my love!
Is it? Well get me another beer *****!
Stalking to the refrigerator
past the knife block and the empty
bottle of wine, both are mine
except then you say
Hey! This ***** cold
and the argument grows old
because I called dinner 45 minutes ago
then
in bed
you rolled over
and said
*I love you

sigh

I wish I wasn't writing this
I had something else to say, but
Yesterday turned into Tomorrow
and I'm reluctant to come and play

I don't usually explain my Poetry
but I no longer have 'the gift'
No longer have I the emotions
Eternal despair has caused a rift

so I'll whisper my meanings to you
all my words mean nothing to me
just what I gathered from the universe
I'm an Empath, you see

I can no longer hold
all your feelings
in my heart
I can no longer
cry for you
laugh with you
or sit silently
as you fill me
with emotions
I can't cope with
I never wanted this
from the start

but I never denied you

So this is *Goodbye
let go of my hand
unwrap your arms
from beneath my soul

Don't cry for me
or laugh at me
or catch your breath
or try to see
Where I'm going,
you can't follow me

My journey is ended

The price....

                    *Untold

I don't own many dresses
or pairs of shoes
Just a few special dresses
that make me look pretty
and a pair or two, of shoes
sandals for summer
sneakers in Winter
ten times the amount
I could have spent
was spent on you

I troll around a second hand store
because I think I'm unique
because extra funds bring you hope
denying things are bleak

Food on the table
a roof over your head
the latest Xbox game
cable Internet
my birthday laptop
you're insulting me on
Foxtel
112 Channels
While you sit
under a feather blanket
as others in the world
have yet to be fed
Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner

What's that you said?

You don't care what I think?
I don't know what it's like?
I'm destroying  your sense
of adventure?

Why don't you twist the knife?

Disrespected for my opinion
when you're green as new grass
Freedom most certainly is a right
but as all rights, it is earned
don't take what is not asked

I lost a most precious gift
because I could not comprehend
the lessons I was trying to teach
were so hard to defend

I'm not asking you to obey me
because I absolute rule your domain
I'm begging you to heed my wisdom

I have a right to remain

The absolute authority
on Life, an expert on how it unfolds
My body agrees by the strecthmarks
it holds,
My heart agrees in its tightness
to the breath it exhales
My soul exalts in its freedom
to breath trueness to its tales

I'm not just wanting to be a parent
I'm wanting to be a voice
a monument to mistakes made
a whisper of choice
A landmark in uncertain territory
a safe haven in a storm

If you defy Wisdom
from absolute tragedy
I become a useless memory

and I'm nothing but a receptacle
for you teenage angst

I'm am nothing

I am the norm

It’s nineteen years old now
but as clear as the day it was captured
thanks to the wonder of modern day technology
it is frozen, as a memory on my computer screen
and it reminds me, in a blaze, of our total devotion
as it displays, to this day, our rapture

Your sitting there, a handsome devil
a beguiling smile upon your face
looking up at me like I was the one
that marked your world and you didn’t
ever want to be anywhere other than in that one place

I’m smiling down at you, in my eyes you can
see just the one single thing that was true
There was nowhere else I wanted to be, that day
but to be smiling down at you

Between us both, with each of our arms wrapped around
a small child that was happy to be, just part of us
As we gaze into each others eyes
he was happy to sit and smile, looking away
but knowing he was surrounded by trust

It is our wedding photograph that I stare at
on my computer screen and I’m still in awe
so much I can not look away
I look at us there, from a lifetime ago
and I thank the forces that be that we
still look at each other that way today

I'm sorry

I'm not a very good communicationist

I'm not even a a good writer of rhyme

I seem to exist

most of the time

in my own mind

It's an ugly place

But thank you for your messages

Thank you for the poems

I'm sorry

I can't express myself better

but your words will always be

Home

(to me)

I'm sorry

I'm just a falling down shack

No

I won't take anything back

Sorry

enough of your foolish folly
return to your oyster shell
re~polish your dull exterior
relive the moment before
being wrenched from your
existence. Be glad. Acknowledge
the close confines of which you dwell
Take nourishment from inside
the cage that keeps you warm
Hardened arms that shelter you
from the storm. A closed mouth
that speaks not of freedom
remaining  tight lipped
leaving you guarded but unwarned
Oh, yea pearl uncultured,
unappreciating of the body
that bred, unyielding
such opalescent perfection
once ripped from the flesh
dull will you wink in indescretion
tied to a string alongside other
conquests. Just a trophy
of your latest obsession