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  Aug 2015 Helen
Tupelo
Today I stopped believing I was a good man
I know about these demons
All of them by name
The vices they have gifted me
Conversing with my addictions
Making plans for the future
And tightening the chains

Today I stopped believing I was a good man
I've identified all the leaks in my hull
Letting the Atlantic rush on in
Duct tape can not fix every hole
That you have left in me

Today I stopped believing I was a good man
I do not care about this body anymore
Wishing to rid myself of it
Liberation will be the song I shall dance to
Once this heart has forgotten it's rhythm
And my blood pumps in tune again
Today is the first of many
  Aug 2015 Helen
PrttyBrd
He loved me once
With exuberance and joy
He loved me once
And saw my flaws as perfection
He loved me once
And helped me to love myself
He loved me once
With all that he is
He loved me once
With an honest soul much like my own
He loved me once
And made me believe in forever
He loved me once
With neither question nor doubt
He loved me once
And in a flash of perception
All I can say is...
He loved me once
82515
Nothing changed
Yet all is altered
I ruin joy
  Aug 2015 Helen
Sally A Bayan
Morning rituals make you rush
But someone gets up earlier than you
You never get the chance to be first
Ah, there's a wet towel on the sofa...again!
The tiny water puddles on the floor leading to the bedroom...

The kettle  is whistling now
You bump onto each other in your haste
And you both stop.....to look at each other
Eyes brighten up....slowly give out beamish smiles.

There's toast and jam on the table
Steaming instant coffee is ready, but first,
You make a cup of fresh brew, hand it to him
His eyes squint, while he sips his hot tea,
You sit, eat, without much talk...just looking,
Like, looking at each other, and what would follow,
Would suffice to complete the hours of the day...
But, you're both dressed up... all set for work...so
You start your day....he starts his...you always leave ahead...

In the office, you remembered:
"What's the matter with me?"
You forgot to charge your cellphone and ipad last night
So you look for the charger
Only to find out, both are fully charged...
Your eyes sparkle...with much longing
Ahh, you wish for time to fly
So you could head for home, fast!

He's usually very hungry when he arrives
You hurry...chicken afritada, it will be...
Wait...the frozen chicken has been thawed...gone!
Hey!
You see a *** of chicken adobo...you salivate!
You surmise, he must've done this after you left this morning,
You look up...thank God for this angel He has given you,
And for microwave ovens, too!...you tell yourself,
"Okay, okay....I'll do the dishes tonight! ...and the coming nights!"

Life is perfect with its mix of the sweet and the bitter
Blockbuster moments and flops...together...apart
Uncontrollable smiles, frowns... tickles, tears
Even the coming....and passing of life
Days don't always end up on a high note...yet, now,
You sit, and recall all that had happened this morning
And the past mornings, evenings, weekends...
All that he did....does for you each day
All that you did...do for him everyday
All the chats you share before bedtime...until he snores,
All these combined efforts are much better ways, better proofs...
He rarely says those three words most often said by lovers,
But, you soar to Heaven, when before falling asleep,
He puts your head on his chest, and whispers to you:
"You mean the world to me."




Sally


Copyright March 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
**...My thoughts right now---why not a feel-good poem today? ...we can always create a perfect scenario in our daily imperfect world....***
Helen Aug 2015
I see the scars upon your wrist
and I know that the visible
is divisible, by the ones you hide more often
the ones on your thighs, on the inside
of lips, where teeth have softened
I know your grief and the need to feel pain
but could you stop, refrain
for just a moment, in the time that remains
It hurts, oh god, how it hurts
the emotions that feed upon your brain
but you don't have to cut so young
you haven't become
an adult that is riddled with just as much pain.
Have you ever buried your own child?
Do you know that pain?
Have you been made redundant from your job?
Are your kids asking for money, while eating leftovers?
Now, there's a reason to feel insane
Have you been in a car accident
and couldn't get a wheelchair or surgery, for another year
or two
Have you had a child out of wedlock?
Apparently rapists are fathers too!

I'm not saying that what you are feeling
is invalid and regardless of age
but harming yourself, when so young
negates your ability to weather the storms
that will inevitably come your way
I am in no way dismissing the idea of self harm and the thought and emotions behind it. I've dealt with it with a child and even my husband, please, all I'm asking is you speak up, talk to someone, Please, just stop hurting yourself.
Helen Aug 2015
If there was an Eternity I would have believed it in your gaze, however, your eyes slid shut again and I'm left dazed, at 3am. A time for slumber, a time to forget, yet at 3.01am I'm silently weeping as you rolled over, still sleeping but whispering words that remain a powerful refrain, that keeps me awake inside my brain because you simply looked me in the eye, then sighed and uttered but one name...
Rhonda
a pretty name
but, all the same
*not my name...
Helen Aug 2015
she shut the pasts door
she shut the future door
she shut the present door
she shut out the voices
she stepped over, on the floor
she shut the bedroom door
she shut the downstairs door
she shut the car door
she shut the garage door
all doors closed
a midnight open road
with a tank full of gas
*it's her time to roam
she may never come back...
Helen Aug 2015
in darkness, a world disintegrates
in hell, hope lenders feed the fire
interestingly, as you lay next to me
I'm burning beneath such desire
a little voice whispered wishes
that fell beneath shallow cracks
next to warmth, cloaking subterfuge
bruises appear on uncovered backs
in silence you sleep with the dead
in awareness you fear familiarity
your own cancerous consciousness
finds no utterable, plausible clarity
I'm stable upon the mountaintop
you created from a demons desire
when I descend to the depth of life
will you follow?
or be swallowed by the fire?
it's been another black week... how many times is it possible to rise from the ashes?
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