I want to feel the breaking of my own skin. the resist of the blade on my upper thigh.
god, I am worthless.
the only thing that makes me feel as good as you do is the trickle of blood down my legs.
how quirky.
I can't even describe myself.
I am becoming my father. addiction will always be a top priority.

"I promise, I promise"
and to think, I would never break one.

I am everything I am trying to run away from.

You are everything I've ever wanted
You make me so numb
I should just let things die out
It'd be the happiest ending for us.

If I knew
That I'd see you when I die
I wouldn't **** myself
I'd stay here
Live out my life
See what the world has to offer
Before I joined you in the grand above

I hope you wouldn't mind
If I made you wait for a while
You could watch me on my adventures
I hope clinical psychology
Or big firm accounting
Sound interesting to you
I'll travel all across the states
Thinking of you as an angel on my shoulder

I like how I operate
Thinking that you're dead
You might still be out there
Living your own life
Completely apart from mine
What would you think
If someone told you you'd see me when you die
Would you be disappointed
Would you wish it was someone else
Or would you smile again
Like you smiled on my last full day
When I asked you to support me
I think you'd say yes
Like you did then

I wouldn't be scared of death
If I knew I'd spend it with you
There's no one I'd rather be with
And I mean it
I'll spend my life with everyone else
Might as well spend my death with you

I think I think about you dead because it's easier to cope
Than knowing you're probably out there
And you never called
I still want you sometimes
I still perk up when the phone rings
But I know it's not you
Because now you're dead
Or you stopped searching
Maybe you never searched at all
Honestly, the thought that I wasn't special to you
Is the worst thing I can imagine
I don't believe it though
I saw something in your eyes
That knots up my throat every time I think about you
You cloud over my eyes
You make me cry
Because you're one of my favourite people in the world
And you mean so much to me

You remind me of what it's like to fall in love
The rush
And the eventual disappointment
It's been so long for me that I don't even feel human anymore
Everyone I know is a million miles away
And I don't even mind

I don't know
Maybe this is just more proof
That I'm better off alone
Because there's nothing quite like
The numbness crashing in
It's not something I can share with someone
I wouldn't if I could

I'm listening to old love songs
And they just make me realize
How I'm never romantically nostalgic anymore
I don't care about my old crushes
They've all turned to dust on me
The only boy I've ever loved might as well be dead
And I've resigned myself to the fact that he's the only love I'll ever have
He's the only one I still cry for
He's the one I'd die for
If it meant I could see him in heaven

I don't know
Maybe I'm over young love
Maybe I'm just preaching and goth
Not old for my time
But I feel no connection
To any of these people

I flirt with my ex girlfriend because I'm bored
She doesn't deserve it
She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen
And I was so in love with her before
But now that's gone too and I'm stuck rambling all because my friend is in love and talked to me about it on pinterest
I don't know
I never thought I would be so emotionally unavailable
That even romance wasn't my thing anymore

tried to make plans
but there's no time to meet anytime soon

searched for ways to pronounce love
still can't say it right

we've sat in different laundromats
side by side

this time you didn't have any coins
all I could do was laugh